@breadantics - Tumblr Blog

its crazy how feeling your feelings and having someone say "it makes sense that you are feeling that way" actually works. smh. I was having some Big Feelings about a thing that is objectively not that big a deal, due to my tragic backstory, (many such cases) and I told ship all about why this thing was bringing up all of those feelings and cried and they held me and now I'm like. Regular. now I'm like. ok I felt those feelings I didn't shove them away for being "unreasonable" OR act on them as though the amount of hurt I felt dictated the degree of Misstep on the part of the other people involved. I just felt them and we both went "it makes sense that this feels that bad" and then I was able to eat some almond butter and now I'm like ok! that hurt a lot, but that doesn't mean it sucked of them a lot. it only sucked of them a very small amount. it just hurt a lot for other reasons. and that's for me to handle. and now I can approach the situation as it is in reality, which is to say, as a situation that is Not That Big A Deal, but without feeling like I'm bottling up my reaction or betraying myself by ignoring how briefly unsafe it made me feel

anyway did y'all know about this. it rules. highly recommended

creekfiend

this is why like. bc all trauma is relational, healing that has to also be relational. bc when we are hurt we have a strong need to have that pain recognized and acknowledged and not dismissed. if we have a safe person to express how we are feeling hurt to, who can see and validate that, then that meets that need.

if we DON'T have that, we still have the need. and most often we seek to meet that need by SHOWING people just how hurt we are with our behavior or words. which often looks like lashing out! which like. doesn't help anyone! it just compounds relational harm.

sooooo many kinds of conflict and bad behavior are just like.... (looks under the mask) its old man Unmet Relational Needs Again!!!!