Break the Clock

take me to the place i know, take me all the way

[breaktheclock]

"Life" longingly looks into the sky http://9gag.com/gag/aeYDO7O?ref=ios.s.others

[breaktheclock]

Harper eats babies, there’s still time to stop him! Vote today.

Edit: Harper eats cats, there’s still time to stop him! 

(Thought this^ might work better for the internets)

[breaktheclock]

He says he wants to make me feel like a woman

I’d just like to feel like a human, thanks.

He says he wants to make me feel like a woman.

If that means, reminding me of your physical strength over me, no thanks. 

He says he wants to make me feel like a woman. 

But I like to take care of you, do you feel like woman?

[breaktheclock]

Multiple times a day I catch myself smiling. Sometimes I know why sometimes I don’t.  After over a year of dragging my feet through life, from social engagements to simple conversations with family members I welcome this wonderful change with open arms. I am grateful, I am happy. Things are not perfect, as they never are. Accepting your past, appreciating it, loving it and moving forward with no regrets can be one of the most freeing things in this life.

[breaktheclock]

I’m a quitter.

I think I was nineteen when I first popped open a bottle of Advil and wondered what would happen if I took them all. I was a pharmacology course then so I knew that there was probably a threshold and that maybe ten wouldn’t do much to my body. I didn’t want to die, but I wanted relief, some way out. Maybe a way to make my father lose his anger and stop saying mean things to us. Maybe to realize that life is fickle and that what he says has consequences.

When I was twenty I fantasized about tumbling down the slushy slippery subway stairs. I was also incredibly scared so I was extra careful. And yet the thought of breaking a few bones to forget about my life just for a few days was enough. Then there were the days I deliberately walked onto busy streets with my headphones blaring but somehow I was always just careful enough.

As I got older my desire to live has wavered many times. There have been days when I have cried on my tub floor, in my bed, felt numb and hoped that my soul would just leave me.

Last week my tongue felt tingly. Nerve damage can be caused by brain tumour. I was disappointed when it wasn’t.

I am ashamed to say that I’m weak. I get hurt easily. I take things to heart. It is hard for me recover from anything. It is possible that if I was observing my own behaviour, I would say that this woman over reacts way too much. But I can’t help it. Despite my hard shell and no bull shit exterior I am mush inside.

Quitting or even imagining quitting for a short time is the only solution I have been able to come up for myself. I don’t have the courage to hurt myself, and I would never, the hope is always for it to happen naturally so no one knows I wanted it to end. So that no one knows I’m broken.

[breaktheclock]

When we don’t see our fathers treat our mothers well. We settle for the first guy that treats us like a person.

[breaktheclock]

Fighting with everything in me to not do anything stupid to not make thy call

[breaktheclock]

Just thinking about someone can lead to involuntary tears. Didn't know that could happen.

[breaktheclock]

Dragging my feet today. It's funny how no matter how many times one person hurts you never get used to it. It always hurts the same maybe more each time because you hoped that this time it would be different. And now you also have to deal with losing trust in your own instincts, your gut.

[breaktheclock]

Should I feel better? Relieved , have closure? Somehow I feel worse.

[hplyrikz]

You can tell how dangerous a person is by the way they hold their anger inside themselves quietly.

Unknown (via hplyrikz)

[breaktheclock]

I can’t believe it will be a year in two days. I cant believe it has been that long since I last saw you. How can it have been that long but feel like just yesterday when I got on the bus in a strange city with welled up eyes and you looked through the glass standing on the side walk, as the bus doors closed and we moved away from you. I still remember it all. I still miss you. I don’t understand it still.

[breaktheclock]

There has never been a time in my life when I've Wanted to switch off my brain as much as I do right now

[sosuperawesome]

[cheryllynneaton]

"Soppy" by Philippa Rice

[cardboardlife]

re-tumbling this because of all the notes! How many will it have next time I see it?

[breaktheclock]

I miss my copy so much

[reality-escape-artist]

It’s easy to love someone when they’re happy. What’s hard is loving someone when they’re crying on the bathroom floor at 2am because everything came crashing down at once.

Midnight thoughts (sometimes I’m a mess)

[breaktheclock]

I keep having this reoccurring vision

That one day we mill meet again

That you will come running to see me

Not because of your love

but because there has been an accident

Or because I am no more

I am not sure why this image comes to me over and over

Maybe it’s a foreshadowing of what is to come

Or just my hope that you would come

That you would care

That I was significant

You must think I’m mad to want this level of validation fromyou and not want you in my life at the same time

To want you, to want me, and not want you, all at the same time

It’s foolish. Yes I realize. Then why does this image of your face in front of mine keep revealing itself 

Why do these series of events always end the same

I don’t know

All I know is that can’t stop wondering if I’ll ever see you again.

[breaktheclock]

I've only recently noticed that I've become incredibly jumpy. The most insignificant of sounds can sometimes make me jump out of my skin. I know this is a result of what is currently going on in my life. I know how unrealistic any physical threat is but I am afraid. Everyday.