Occasionally Awkward

Personal blog II 18/♀️ II Struggling with mental health II Feel free to talk to me at any time

[breeveless]

If I can get through this, overcoming depression will be the bravest thing I have ever done.

[positive-mh-recovery]

[breeveless]

Very Rambly (TW Suicide mentioning)

Therapy was really weird yesterday. I couldn’t really get myself to say out loud that I have been feeling a little suicidal again. However she already knew that I’ve been having some thoughts here and there before. So I gave a few hints but couldn’t be really open about it. I don’t know why but I have trouble saying those words out loud to her. They feel nasty on my tongue. She wanted me to think of things I could change about my situation to make myself feel better. But I really only have the option of staying in school or dropping out, there isn’t much in between for various reasons. I think maybe she got a little frustrated that I have been getting worse lately but she was less relaxed than usual and confronting me about my attitude regarding school (she usually is more the gentle and patient kind of therapist). But I didn’t talk openly about it and she didn’t brought it up either. At the end however she said she wanted to see me next week at least 3 times, to which I replied (I was pretty surprised given the fact nothing really was brought up) that I think she got something wrong along the lines. She only said that she thinks she is getting things exactly right and stressed the point that she would really like me to show up at our next appointment. I don’t know I guess she thinks I’m in a crisis right now. The vibes really weren’t that good. I got frustrated/mad at some point because of what she said. Our sessions usually are really calm and nice even when I am talking about stressful things. I can only remember her like that 3 or 4 times. I guess I will try to get things straight even if it means I have to speak up detailed about those shitty things. But talking past each other like last session won’t get me anywhere.

[xowondererxo]

Make peace with your body don’t start a war with it ❤️

[heart-of-a-wildflower-deactivat]

Mental health tips

- say no; if something feels wrong or you feel obliged to do it but don’t want to then just say no, you’ll feel better for it

- keep the space you’re in tidy; being in a messy environment can often make you feel worse whereas a clean area can make you feel fresh and ready

- go outside; leaving the house for even a few minutes will make you feel better, whether it’s raining or sunny, a change of scenery and fresh air can do wonders

- focus on yourself; if the people around you are affecting you with their problems, it’s not selfish to set boundaries and let them know your limits

- recognise how you’re feeling; every emotion is valid, realising and accepting how you feel helps to stop you from bottling up emotions and deal with them

- set goals; this can be anything from getting out of bed and dressed to writing a 2000 word essay, write down what you plan to do and congratulate yourself when you achieve it

- take a break; being always busy, stressed and tired is damaging to your health so make sure you take time out to nap or just relax

- eat well; no I don’t mean organic vegetables and 0g fat and sugar, but make sure you’re eating regularly, enough as well as things you enjoy and crave

[rarazsho]

love and support

[samthekoalabear]

This is sooooo cute!!! Look at how happy they are :3

[positivedoodles]

[Drawing of a pumpkin jellyfish next to a caption that says “Just because your mental state makes it hard to enjoy things right now doesn’t mean you’ll never enjoy anything again. You will enjoy things again. You will be okay again.” in yellow text against a teal background.]

[breeveless]

I‘m thinking more and more about just leaving school. My first day back wasn’t great and I’m already having so much stress again and for some reason can’t force myself as well to do things that need to get done as I used to. But what am I without my academics?

[blueberryymacadamia]

inktober day 9 - precious

since world mental health day is on the tenth, i thought i’d make this. 

~don’t repost, reblogs are neat though~

[breeveless]

Wow I haven‘t posted in such a long time. Honestly to sum it up I did pretty well in school. I didn‘t miss more classes than I absolutely needed to, did my homework, participated in every class I have the best I could and on the two exams I had until now (actually three but I don‘t have the result for it yet because it was a practical project in psychology) I got an A (one of them I even got 100% percent which never happened to me before because it‘s almost impossible). So one could say everything is going fine. But it isn’t. I’m starting to get more depressed once again. I started having suicidal thoughts a while ago. Nothing serious but my past has shown me that I’m not the most reliable person when it comes down to judging how much I can take. Right now we have fall holidays but on Monday I have to return to school. I’m dreading it so much. I don’t want to sacrifice everything else just to be able to keep up with school. I don’t want to live with my parents anymore. I hate having to ignore my own boundaries all the time just to be able to do what everyone else is able to do. Sorry for my negativity but I needed to get this out.

[idioticteen]

trying to avoid old classmates in public like leonadro dicaprio avoiding the paps 

[breeveless]

I have to leave for school in a few minutes and I’m nauseous. I’m really insecure about wearing a skirt to school but it’s still pretty warm. I don’t know I would rather change into something more covering but I don’t have time for that anymore.

[breeveless]

School starts tommorrow and I’m beyond worried. Just thinking about it makes me super anxious. Luckily I invited a friend over a week ago so I would be distracted the rest of the day. Honestly I don’t feel like meeting with anyone but I know it will make my day better and give me less space to worry about things I can’t change anyways.

[cwote]

[breeveless]

I’m DYING from the heat. I usually like warmth and summer but never ever in my entire life was it hot like that. Oh and did I mention apartments usually don’t have AC here?

[dhshjkhfiksjdasfska-deactivated]

me playing a choice based game: LET ME BE GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thesadghostclub]

‘Doing your best’ looks different for everyone, it’s important not to compare yourself to those around you, especially if you’re struggling. Be kind to yourself, and be proud of what you achieve today <3

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