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One piece is the main lifeline that I have right now. I'm thankful for watching this masterpiece because it teaches me how to fight for my dreams no matter how wavy the currents are, or how many beasts may appear on my way. I just love this show. I can't believe I have only watched it recently, but I am glad I did because I can't imagine the torture of waiting for more episodes that it brought to those who fell in love with this show early on.

What would you do if you felt like you were stuck in the moment? Like you knew you were in this situation, but you have no courage or motivation to get out of it. You just want to survive day by day without being bothered about what you want to achieve in life. It's like you are just there, at that very second in your life, where you feel like not moving at all. Where you feel like this is exactly where you should be, but at the same time you feel lost in it. How would you get yourself back up?

I thought I was okay already. I have been making myself busy and convincing myself that healing is not always linear. I haven't fully healed, but I thought I would at least be functional most of the time. I was wrong. I haven't moved a muscle for three days already, and I'm afraid this would go on and on if I didn't do anything to stop it.

The only problem is I don't have the energy to stop it. I don't know.

Lately, I have been watching One Piece and I got hooked right away. I am nearing the 350th episode, and I don't know how to stop.

I understand now why a lot of people like this anime. It isn't about the story of strength and strong determination to achieve your goal, it's more about the process and the people you surround yourself with in the process.

I failed the 2023 bar exams. It's so hard to get up in the morning and convince myself that I can go through this in time without bursting into tears. I feel like trash.

#Hernandont #BarNiJLo2024 #MostValuableLaban

What now

It was like I am living in two different worlds.

And I don't know how to sustain it.

I just want to preserve this dream I had, and there is nowhere else I could do that but here.

Just a little background, I have a huge crush on this Thai actor named Vachirawit, or famously known as "Bright." I first saw him back in 2020 on a TV show, and since then I have become his follower. He was the one who saved me when I was in my darkest days, and he brought a smile to my face every time I see him on tv. I once dreamed to see him in person after I graduate as I plan to visit Thailand, but I didn't think that dream would turn into reality sooner when they visited my country for a fan meet event.

Anyway, last night, I dreamt that he was having a concert here in my country. A friend of mine tagged me along to see that concert, although I was having a hard time because I couldn't dare to face him. I heard rumors that he was about to get married to one of his female assistants, and it definitely broke my heart, like I have every right to feel that way. I thought it was just my fangirling heart, but I knew something deeper is going on (in that dream).

But I went to the concert with my friend anyway. I thought I'd have to see him at least. While at the concert, I was looking for the woman they were referring to be his fiance. I wanted to see if she could support him like I would if I were to be in her place and if she would cheer and be his number one supporter even in a place like this.

But I couldn't find her.

I knew her face, I knew who she is. And I cannot find her anywhere near him, or at least in the front seat. That was when I started wondering if the rumors were true in the first place.

Moments before the concert had ended, I told my friend that I would go for a walk. It was an open concert, the venue being on a beach and by the seashore. My friend had asked me if I really wanted to leave before finishing the concert, but I was determined to get Bright out of my head and take a breath of fresh air.

I saw a lot of people enjoying each other's company, playing volleyball on the shore, or just dipping on the beach. Seeing all this made me feel a bit better.

I came back to the stage, only to find out my friend looking through his phone, and beside him was none other than... Bright himself.

I was so surprised to see them together, so I walked up behind them and asked what was going on.

My friend, who saw me in pure shock, told me that she had been calling me nonstop right after the concert. But I couldn't care more about what she was telling me because my eyes were fixated on Bright.

And he was staring at me too. Those beautiful almond eyes were staring at me. I must have done something good in my previous life to be the receiving end of those intense but soft stares. I then realized that it was not a look of curiosity, but something else.

It was a stare of longing, with a hint of sadness. The familiarity of that gaze was made known to me when I remembered how I look in the mirror whenever I think about him. His eyes flicker when he saw me walking towards him, his lips shaking as if he was trying to find the right words to say. I noticed how he held his arms behind him, as if he was restraining himself from doing something he could later regret.

"What's going on?" I asked my friend even if she was still in the middle of explaining to me what had happened. I didn't understand a word she said, and I want her to start all over again.

She took a deep breath. Beside her, Bright smiled at me.

And from that moment, I already understood what was happening before my friend could even speak. The memories came flooding into my head like a strong current of waves, pulling me deeper and deeper into the vastness of it all.

"He was looking for you!!!" My friend said. She couldn't contain her excitement. She was wondering what was going on too, but she was just too happy for me that she didn't even dare to ask any questions.

"Do you... want to go for a walk?" Bright asked.

I smiled. "Yeah, I'd love that."

We started walking by the seashore. He was smiling at himself, and I couldn't help but smile too. "How have you been?" I asked.

His eyes widened when I popped that question, but his smile got even bigger. He reached for my hand and locked his fingers in between mine. I didn't protest. I finally know why I had been longing and dreaming for this day to happen.

"It's been a while. I've never been any better. God, I missed this," he said before he lifted my hand and pressed it to his lips.

I took a deep breath. I have been walking in this place just moments ago, but I didn't realize how beautiful the view has been. The sun was perfectly shining upon the sea, and the waters were a perfect reflection of the blue sky. The people around us kept throwing glances as we walk by, mainly to look at this beautiful man walking beside me as he glowed graciously like an angel. He has always been like this, even before. I remember all of it now.

We sat on the sand and stared out at the sea. We were so close to each other, skin-to-skin, and I knew this is where we both belonged. We didn't lose sight of how we used to be like before, and we both waited for this day to come.

He covered me in his arms, while his hand reached for mine. He was taking it all in, trying to absorb the moment as much as he could. I did the same. I wanted to just freeze time and stay with him here, forever.

"What happened to us?" he asked. His tone was melancholic, his breathing getting heavier each time.

"We transcended time," I answered. I rested my forehead on his.

He chuckled. "We did, right?"

I softly laughed. "Yeah. But you gotta admit that I found you first," I said, a bit boastful of that little achievement.

He kissed my cheek as he cackled. "I silently wished you wouldn't bring that up."

I held his cheek and pulled him closer to me as if this intimacy wasn't enough. In fact, it isn't. And it would never be. We have to make up for the lost time that we should've stayed like this. But I don't know if could do that. And I'm afraid to ask.

"But I have to give you credit. How did you know it was me?" I asked.

He brushed his nose on my cheek and gave it a slight peck. It sent shivers down my spine. "I always knew. I did not forget. I was just searching for the wrong country, that's all." He took a deep breath and pulled me closer to him by the waist. "You were the one who forgot."

I was ashamed, but I admitted it anyway. "My mind did. But my heart didn't. When I first saw you on tv two years ago, I longed for you since then. I thought it was just a major crush on some tv actor, but I was so wrong. I've always thought you would make a good singer, I didn't think you would be one in this lifetime."

"I guess you made that happen. You kept telling me to become a singer, so I did, for you. I thought it would be easier to search for you when you hear my voice. I thought you would come to me instead since you've always got a knack for finding me whenever I'm lost. And you did, once again," he answered. And that made me smile.

"Only a little too late?" I asked.

He closed his eyes as he rested his head on the side of my neck. We let the sound of the ocean hitting the shore take over the silence between us. The thing I feared the most since earlier was slowly creeping into this invisible distance between us. I wanted to stop it from coming and destroying this magical moment I have with the love of my life.

"I'm so sorry," he said. I started feeling his tears flowing through my skin.

I held him in my arms. "Shh... It's okay. You don't have to say anything. This is where we were supposed to be now," I said, every word coming out of my mouth feels like a knife stabbing me.

"But I don't want to. I don't want to. I want here with you. I don't want to go back. Please, don't make me. I don't love her. It was just a front by the management to boost her career. I love you, it's always been you."

I didn't speak. I kissed his forehead instead. I could hear his frustrations and fear of being trapped in a situation he never wanted to. I feel sorry for him, for the both of us, but at the same time, my heart skipped a beat when he said the last line. Oh, how I missed hearing those words.

He continued his silent cry on my shoulder, but I just stared at the sky. It was so beautiful especially with him beside me. I hope someone up there in the clouds is looking down at us, painting a perfect picture of us at this moment.

"I guess time still beats us," I sadly answered.

"Let me stay with you, please."

It hurts so much that he has to beg to stay with me. I would've said yes, there's no other answer for that of course, but it would be wrong. This is no longer the time and place where we belonged. This moment right here is just a glitch in the matrix. Just a frozen point in the universe where the impossible was made possible for a very short period of time before everything goes back to where it should be. This is that short and thin gap between dusk and dawn, where the world revolves unusually changing its mechanism, giving time for the bizarre stuff to pop into existence only to be washed away once everything goes back to normal.

We were never meant to meet. It's just our hearts' most powerful desire, and the universe' kind consideration to grant it for a while.

And we both knew it.

"We used to watch sunsets like this, do you remember?" I said. I don't want this to be a time for tears. I want this memory to last at least in my mind and heart permanently, enough to give me deja-vus for the next lifetime.

"How can I forget. I love watching sunsets with you," he answered. He sniffs his nose to allow more airways as he recovers from his tantrums.

I looked at him and smiled. "I'm so sorry for realizing it a little too late. I could've saved all this from happening." I said without giving any more effort to keep my tears from flowing.

He brushed his thumb on my cheek. "This is so much better than living the rest of my days not meeting you in this life at all."

I nodded as I rest my head on the palm of his hands. "I promise, I'll be the one to look for you in the next. I promise that I will find you in time, so you wouldn't cry again as you did now. I'll be the one you'll marry, and we'll be together at last."

He chuckled sadly and kissed me on the side of my lips. "Okay then. You better realized by now how impatient I am. Don't take too long to find me, or you'll hear me cry across the world."

I laughed. "Okay, crybaby," I said.

"And if I get tired of waiting, I'll be the one to find you. And I'll make sure to look everywhere now, even outside of the country I'll be in. I'll make sure to find you, and you better be ready to marry me right away," he said. His lips were so close to mine that I could feel his breaths in between his words.

"I do. I do. I'll say it now so it would create the red strings that would connect us in every lifetime."

"Then, I do too. I take you as my wife. My one and only wife, the love of my life. All we got to do is to put each other's rings in the next lifetime. Don't you dare forget about me ever again."

"I won't. Never again."

Then we kissed. We waited for the sunset before heading back to the venue and gave each other one last sad smile. No goodbyes, that's the mistake we did in our previous lifetime, and look at where it brought us now.

I watched him as he got inside the van, and saw the woman I have been searching for earlier. There was a look of worry in her eyes as she saw another woman with him, but she didn't say anything. She continued to watch us give each other an embrace, and after a while, she turned away without giving a fight.

It was hard to let him go, but we have to do what we have to in this lifetime so we could be rewarded in the next. And we both knew what we have to do.

That's when I woke up with immense sadness in my heart.

x x x x

Aside from Bright, I am also a huge fan of alternate universe theories. In fact, I love the series "The OA" on Netflix (you should watch it, it's so good) and other theories about possible life in another universe. They say "sky is the limit", and I guess it could be taken literally as well since, beyond the sky, there is a massive space we haven't reached yet. There could be another world out there where we also live as ourselves, and our dreams are a connection of what has been happening there and in the world we live in.

I didn't know what this dream means, but it gives me comfort that in another universe, maybe Bright and I are connected or that we personally knew each other. Maybe in this universe, I was just meant to be his number-one fangirl. I just wanted to keep this dream alive.

P.S. My close friends knew about me remembering every detail in my dreams. I thought it was a normal thing to happen, but they told me they usually forget their dreams the moment they open their eyes. That rarely happens to me, because I always remember the details in my dreams. I sometimes use them as fuel to make good plots in my stories, and the results benefitted me almost all the time.

#dreamchronicles #alternate universe

This is the only place where I can fully express how I feel about InuYasha.

I am kinda disappointed that Kagome didn't have the chance to feel that she wasn't just second to Kikyo in InuYasha's heart, right before Kikyo died. Perhaps the writers wanted to put more light into InuYasha and Kikyo's love story, but it was all unfair for Kagome. They should've put scenes where InuYasha was certain in his heart that he loved Kagome because that is how he really feels, not just because Kikyo wasn't around anymore.

Kagome had always proved her love for InuYasha was strong and faithful. She had always been there for him and was ready to settle for less just to stay by InuYasha's side. But I just found out that all seven seasons did not show any scene of Kagome and InuYasha kissing. It was unfair... and sad.

I think everyone agrees with me that Kagome's love for InuYasha was more genuine and pure than Kikyo's. Kagome never doubted InuYasha. She accepted him as a half-demon, and never wished for him to become 100% human. She was only afraid that InuYasha would lose himself once the demon in him takes over, but she was never afraid of InuYasha as a demon. She embraces him, never doubted his power and capabilities, and keeps taking him back no matter how many times InuYasha fled to find Kikyo.

I haven't even finished the rest of the episodes in Season 7, but I already feel sad about it. Kagome does not deserve any of this, yet she was being portrayed to be a very considerate and loving woman, perhaps to show the viewers that she is purer than Kikyo's soul.

But that is their big difference. Kikyo's love for InuYasha was her weakness. Kagome's love for him was her strength.

INUYASHA ENTHUSIASTS!!! HEAR ME OUT!

I knew I'd always been obsessed with InuYasha since I was a kid, but I didn't understand the plot that much given that I was still young. So I started watching it recently, and now I am starting to see and understand it completely.

I have this one question that's been bugging me since I watched that episode. It was in S4 Ep 17, when both Kagome and Kikyo were trapped in a cave meant to trap priestesses.

Remember that one very brief scene when while in the search for Kagome, InuYasha stopped for a second because he seemed to have felt or smelled something (knowing he has a very keen sense of smell)?

Then when Kagome left Kikyo when they got out of the cave after fighting the demon, InuYasha was already at a distance, waiting patiently for Kagome as if he already knew where to wait for her and that she was already coming back from wherever she has been?

And that time they were walking back to the village, Kagome was trying to find a way (or the right words) to tell InuYasha about what had happened, especially the fact that she has been with Kikyo all this time? She almost started by calling out his name, but InuYasha didn't respond. He instead looked up at the sky and seemed to be thinking about something (or someone) deep?

Kagome just smiled and held InuYasha in his arm as they walked down the path together as if she already knew what was InuYasha thinking about?

Okay, so my question is: PERHAPS, DID INUYASHA SEE EVERYTHING? I mean, did he somehow sense where Kagome and Kikyo were trapped, but when he got there, they were already out of the cave and just talking?

Did he just stand by, did not interrupt the talk between the two most important women in his life, and for the first time in all of the episodes including depicting their love triangle, he actually chose to go home with and stay by Kagome's side??? Did he choose Kagome in that episode, and just listened to whatever the two have been talking about, and decided it best not to reveal himself or make his presence known because he knew it would do no good to all of them??

I NEED ANSWERS Y'ALL.

#inuyasha x kagome #inuyasha #kagome #kikyo #kagome higurashi

The OA

Has anybody here watched "The OA" series and has fucked up your mind since then? Coz I did, and I don't think I can stop.

So this series on Netflix has really fucked up my life. I mean that in a good way but also in the opposite because it had me relentlessly thinking about the possibility of another dimension. I know, there are studies going on about the different dimensions, but this series has made me believe that we could actually be living in it and we could just be traveling from one dimension to another without knowing it?

Like in instances when we think we are asleep so we couldn't be awakened up by any sort of sound or movement around us and everybody thinks we're just deep sleepers, but we could actually be traveling from different dimensions and we have no recollection of it once we regain consciousness in our own dimension, but we have dreams to prove it really happened?

And what if the same people around us are just the same people in our lives in every dimension, but they have different roles to play or we meet them in different timeframes? Like my boyfriend now could be my brother in another dimension, or my father in the next?

There is just a lot to explore in this world that we couldn't even comprehend with our limited brain function because we use a different set of brains in other dimensions. Like I could be a freaking genius in dimension x but incredibly stupid in dimension y.

I don't know if I am making sense, but please tell me I am not the only one thinking about this. Tell me I am not the only one believing that those unknown faces we see in our dreams are not just those people we meet in this dimension but have forgotten because we cannot register every human face in our brain, but they are actually people we know from the other dimensions or who has been part of those other dimensions.

I used to be afraid to open up about this one because some people may not understand the love for theories like this, and honestly I am scared my fellow folks in my religion would judge me and my beliefs.

But I don't know. What is your take?

#the oa netflix #the oa

I am terrible at managing my emotions for those I hold dear to me. Some give me so much anxiety and trauma, but I cannot let them go because we all live under the same roof. I have no means to stand on my own feet yet, and I don't want to leave them because they are getting old.

Yes, I'm talking about family members who have gone toxic for various reasons. Sure, there are brighter times when they are nice and all, but they often give me the most anxiety and trauma because of the words and the things they do.

I seriously don't know what to do. I've been locking myself up in my room, but I also want a better relationship with them because they're getting old, and time is precious.

I don't even want to put tags in here. I'm uncertain if I want others to see this post because I am so scared of being called ungrateful and selfish. But I have no one else to turn to, and I seriously need help.

And if I die in this administration, let my death be a symbol of love for this nation.

Dream Chronicles: The Twins

Another dream that I wanted to keep in my archive. This is not that long, but there's something in the depth of it that lingers in my mind. Here it goes.

In my dream, I have a twin sister. She is an identical twin, but you could clearly see some features that are not entirely the same. She's a bit of an introvert, a creative mind in the dark. She is fascinated by the deep dark theories about the existence of the otherworldly. She also has this weird admiration of black crows. She always hides in the darkest corner of her room and would light up her face whenever she sees me.

I knew I love my sister. I was always excited to go home because it means I would see her. She would run up to me the moment I open her bedroom door, and a fragment of light from the outside would peek through her walls. I would always find her seated in front of her wall, drawing some abstracts on a piece of paper that I can never ever make out of.

I differ from my sister in every way. I don't like being in the dark, and that showed in the instances that I opened her door where slight fear would always creep into my skin. I could remember how my wrist would shake the moment I got on her doorknob. I always wished I didn't have to, but I have no choice because my twin was there. And I know I was the only light in her life.

It all changed when one day, all people our age were required by the government to climb up the castle. It was for a particular selfish ambition by the government, a duty they supposedly carried but they burdened upon the shoulders of these young people because of their lack of responsibility.

That was also the time my sister was forced to go out of her room. I was the one who fetched her and promised her I would never leave her behind. I promised her we will go through this together and we will definitely reach the top.

Everything was going smoothly for both of us. Until we were already in what we thought was the middle of the castle when we realized the castle has been growing taller and taller like skyscrapers. The worst part is that no one ever warned us about this, and when some of us looked down to quit the course, the castle has been burned from the ground.

I look at my sister who has no clue of what's been happening because her only focus is to reach the sky. I didn't think she knew exactly what was going on, but I used it to my advantage so she won't panic about the possible event that might happen next.

Around us, people were shouting for help. Some said the real help is on the top of the castle, that there was some sort of a plane waiting for us to board. It sounds ridiculous considering to think that they put us in this dangerous task only for the purpose of saving us from it, unless they were only doing it for fun.

I didn't want to show the raging panic and fear in my chest to my sister. I don't want her to get scared, I don't want her to lose hope. I don't want to break my promise that we'll get through this together. I thought I would find a way to continue to climb up until the top. No matter what awaits us there, at least I was able to keep my promise to her.

I was looking for ways to climb easily to the top that I didn't realize my twin sister was no longer beside me. The stairs were attached to the exterior of the castle with very steep and narrow pathways. Inside the castle were empty and abandoned rooms, which is exactly what my sister finds comfort in. And it wasn't that hard to realize she must have succumbed to one of these rooms to look for the darkest corner.

And that's what I did. I looked for her. There are also people hiding in these rooms, but one person was deploying information that there were only limited slots for the plane seats waiting for us above, so it has become a matter of time and survival. It's still a long way to go.

Finally, in the corner of my eye, I saw the darkest room of them all. The one where no kind of light would see-through. And I was right when I found my sister there.

I walk closer to her, but then she craked right in front of my eyes!! Like eggshells breaking into pieces! I was surprised as I took some steps back, but she continues to crack open until nothing had left.

Except for a black crow.

My sister had become a black crow.

Then, everything came in this sudden realization. She wasn't a fan of dark theories of the otherworldly. She didn't just admire the black crows. SHE IS TRYING TO BECOME ONE. SHE IS THE OTHERWORLDLY, and I was just the one who didn't know. She has been living in the right world all this time.

She must have heard the gasp and heavy breathing behind her, so she looked at me with her glowing red eyes. Then, she flapped her wings and started floating on the top of my head as she positioned herself to clip her beaks on the collar of my shirt.

She then flew up and carried me to the top of the castle. Everyone stopped in their tracks to watch us get our way there. And then finally, when the final portion of the facade was seen as we arrived at the top, we found the most horrible and heinous truth waiting for us there.

Nothing but a hole straight back to the fire.

#dreamchronicles #blackcrow #castle #badgovernance

Dream Chronicles: The Twins

Another dream that I wanted to keep in my archive. This is not that long, but there's something in the depth of it that lingers in my mind. Here it goes.

Finally, in the corner of my eye, I saw the darkest room of them all. The one where no kind of light would see-through. And I was right when I found my sister there.

Except for a black crow.

My sister had become a black crow.

Nothing but a hole straight back to the fire.

Today I weep for the Philippines.

Today, I weep for the Philippines.

While the sun is gone and nowhere to be found

And the subtle moonlight is the only one around

I keep this small lamp on the top of my shelf

As the only witness aside from myself.

Today, I weep for the Philippines.

While the sound of strong silence is piercing my flesh

And the echoes of laughter are nothing but a mess

They could burn us alive with their heinous stares

But the wind gets stronger against anyone who dares.

Today, I weep for the Philippines

They can put all their efforts to modify the past

They can grab all their knives for a number of casts

But they can never quench the rose-colored flame

All the heroes of tomorrow they can never again tame.

Today, I weep for the Philippines.

They could all take their time in calling us weak

They could all blow their horns to prevent us to speak

I will watch them with grace as I wait and fantasize

The dread in their faces the moment they realize.

Today, I weep for the Philippines

And tomorrow, they will too.

Where do broken hearts from a broken friendship go?

They say it was more painful to have your heart broken by a friend than by a lover. I didn't think much of it before until it happened to me. The worse part is, I am kind of the reason why.

She said I have been toxic for the last months, that all we could ever talk about is me. If that's the case, then I should've been really toxic to our friendship. I just hope she had told me that my attitude was going a little too problematic and hard to handle. I would've done something to change such an attitude because I wouldn't want anything to damage our friendship, especially if it was because of me. I would've done something to repair the damage my attitude has caused. But she told me all of it only when she couldn't handle it anymore, and what am I supposed to do with that? How can I still fix things in that kind of situation?

She said I was too self-centered, that we talked about more about the stuff I wanted to do or the stuff that has been going on in my life. I didn't know it was the case because there are times that she would avoid talking about her current whereabouts because she's scared of them getting jinxed, or that it would be too hard for her to talk about it. I was just waiting for her to tell me the things she can share with me, I don't want to put pressure on her to say stuff that she isn't ready to say yet, so I don't really force her to have talks with me regarding her own life. It has always been like that so I thought we were still okay with that kind of setup.

I don't blame her, I just hope it had happened differently. I understand the concept that if one person is toxic in your life, you have all the right to take them out of your life too, whenever and wherever.

But we were good friends. We were bestfriends at some point. I should've at least some sort of leverage from all other people in her life. I just wanted a chance to know where did I go wrong, and to somehow try to fix it right.

But she decided not to talk to me anymore. She even got mad when I try to reach out to her so many times. I just don't know what to do. She wouldn't talk to me so what else is there for me to do? I don't know anymore.

This has been bothering me for months now. We stopped talking months before, I also stopped sending her random messages. She ignores me on all social media too. It's like I do not exist. I'm happy that she's removing all the negativities in her life, even if it includes me, I just can't help but wonder if what I had done was so terrible that I deserved to be treated this way.

Just one last escape.

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