Writing Characters: Depression
I’ve had an ask from an anon that’s been sitting around in my box for a few weeks now. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to answer it, it’s just every time I’ve read it, I’ve been unsure exactly how to go about it. I’ve even had doubts that I could answer it, even though I’m wholly qualified to do so.
The question was this: I have a character who had a tragic event happen and he’s fallen into a horrible depression. I’m not really sure how to write depression without coming off as being just sad all of the time. Is there more to it? Do you have any suggestions?
I’ve finally decided to answer. So, yes dear anon, I do.
Disclaimer: The following article is based on personal experience with depression (your experience may differ if you’ve had it or have it) and some past research. When I make generalizations, I’m correlating my experiences with my research. It is not an all inclusive guide nor is all of the information exclusive to depression. Some can pertain to other disorders as well.
You seem to have this figured out, but you need to understand that a single tragic event isn’t the only cause of depression. It can be, sure. The death of a loved one or another kind of loss can certainly cause it, but sometimes it’s not nearly that simple. Depression can be the result of a single large event, a barrage of large events (domino effect) or a lot of small ones over an extended period. What causes the initial sink is going to vary from person to person. And of course, what causes depression in one person is overcome by another.
Depression can happen to anyone. Even those who appear to have it all in life can be depressed.
Loss – This is broad. It can be the death of a loved one, a pet, the loss of a job, having either you or someone you love become permanently injured, the onset of a disease, the break up of a long-term relationship or divorce, childbirth (some women view it as a loss of freedom), losing a custody battle, loss of a parent’s love in legitimate cases of abuse and neglect, etc. Anything you can think of that would constitute a serious loss in a person’s life fits here and could easily be a trigger for depression.
When it Rains, it Pours – Sometimes shit happens in life. We all deal with things that go wrong. Unfortunately, sometimes major loss events happen in close succession. What some call a spot of bad luck is really disaster for others. I would refer to this as a loss of control; when a situation gets completely out of hand and you can do nothing but let it spiral.
They Add Up Fast –Now the definition of “little things” is going to vary between people. For some it can be as simple as a parent or family member forgetting their birthday, not picking them up at school, or missing their dance recital. Seemingly little mistakes can turn into an overall feeling of neglect if they keep happening. For others, it can be a case of favoritism. Perhaps your best friend seems to be favored by the coach of your sports team? Maybe your little brother seems to be the favorite of your parents and could probably get away with murder if he wanted to? Or maybe it’s that overwhelming feeling that no matter what you do, the universe is conspiring against you? Whatever it is, that “little thing” isn’t so insignificant to the person experiencing it. And sometimes, it compounds.
A lot of people would define depression as a constant, overwhelming feeling of sadness, but really, it’s so much more than that. There’s a reason it’s so common and so hard to overcome.
The first thing to know is that depression is cyclic. Everyone has their day to day ups and downs but for people who are depressed, those downs may be more significant to them, and more frequent, than their ups. As an example, the feelings of depression can last for several years, and then something really good might happen to lift your character out, and he may be happy again for a while, years even, but eventually depression comes creeping back again. The cycles are different for everyone of course. Some may only last a few days while others last for weeks or months.
So, what does depression feel like? Well, there’s not a single word that can really sum it up because depression is a bombardment of many different feelings, symptoms and attitudes at once. When you’re depressed, you may experience some or all of these.
Sadness – Yes, you feel sad when you’re depressed. But it’s not the kind of sad you can get over easily. It’s not one that someone can try to cheer you out of. It’s deep rooted, and there may be a genuine reason for it that others can understand, or there may not. It may be a sadness that you’ve convinced yourself is real when there’s no logical reason to be sad.
Negativity –When you’re depressed you may view the world from a negative standpoint. Every little thing that happens to you (like not getting that toy you really wanted for your birthday, or missing that concert you had been excited for because of car trouble) is seen as a slight against you. A lot of people would shrug it off, and have an “oh well, maybe next time” attitude but when you’re depressed, that event seems like another item on the list of things preventing you from being happy. People who care about you may start to notice this negative outlook, but you don’t see it as a problem. To you, it’s normal.
Uselessness – Sometimes when you see the world as a half-empty glass, you start to feel like there’s nothing you can do to change your circumstance. When you’re depressed you tend to feel like you’re useless because, through your perspective, you’re constantly the victim. Everything bad happens to you and no matter what you do, you can’t fix it. You don’t even see a point in trying because it’s just not going to work. This is often reinforced by actually trying and constantly failing. Instead of learning from that failure, it’s just another shovel full of dirt to add to the hole. Even if you see a glimmer of success, it’s nothing compared to the amount of failure you’ve experienced.
Envy – You may be incredibly perceptive to the things others have that you do not. You may long for change in your life, want it with every fiber of your being and despise those who have it even if they’re perfectly deserving. You deserve it more. You know you do, because whatever it is will make you happy again, so why shouldn’t you have it?
Irritability – Sometimes, you may feel irritable towards other people, even if there’s no rational reason for it.
Burden – You may feel like you’re a burden to your friends and family. You know that you’re depressed and negative, and you feel like you’re annoying the people close to you whenever you try to talk about your problems, even if you really aren’t. You may also feel that the people around you are angry at you even if there’s no reason for you to think that.
Disinterest – The things that once made you happy, being around loved ones, drawing, writing, playing sports, etc, no longer do. You may still want to do that once beloved activity, but just can’t bring yourself to because you don’t see the point. Sometimes you can still do these things, but it takes a great deal of internal struggle to be able to. The future goal’s you’ve set for yourself may become meaningless. You may also just stop caring about basic things like cleanliness. You’ve been wearing that same shirt for a week? Whatever.
Loss of Appetite – You just may not be hungry for anything or you feel that cooking is a waste of effort. Foods you once loved, you may not care for anymore. You may stop eating on a regular schedule, and in some cases, stop eating all together.
Comfort Food – On the opposite end of the spectrum, you may take comfort in food and binge eat. This may result in weight gain which could further your depression because of the negative feelings associated with extra weight.
Low Self Esteem – This may be a cause or a symptom. Sometimes when you’re depressed you develop or already have a poor self image. There’s something you hate about yourself, whether it be a physical trait or a psychological one, and the inability to change it is frustrating to the point of sadness, even if in the eyes of others there’s nothing wrong.
Insomnia – People who are depressed often try to find distractions. You want to stop thinking about how terrible you feel. You go to great lengths to do this, often forgetting about your own health and throwing your sleep schedule out of whack on a constant basis as a result. You may also be prone to all-nighters if you find the right distraction.
Sleep Life Away – On the other hand, if you’re depressed you may just want to sleep all day to stop thinking. You feel like your life isn’t worth dedicating time to, so instead you sleep, hoping that your dreams will be better.
Needy – People with depression just want to feel better. You may crave attention from the important people in your life. Or anyone else who will give it. You want praise, positive attention. You want to hear, to see, to feel something good in hopes of being able to pick yourself up. It doesn’t always work, often resulting in an insatiable craving for attention.
Depression occurs in varying degrees. Sometimes people turn to less than favorable sources to make themselves feel better. Some turn to drugs, alcohol, cutting or sex, all of which may develop into addictions. Now I’m not saying that all people with depression are addicts, nor are all addicts depressed. But depression sometimes leads to addiction and when it does, needs to be taken seriously.
Suicide is a touchy topic for me, having known someone to have done so, but sometimes depression gets so bad, that it goes there too. Suicidal thoughts are serious, yes, but there’s a difference between thinking about it and actually making attempts to accomplish it. Suicide shouldn’t be romanticized in writing, nor should it to be glorified. It’s horrible and it’s desperate. Those who do it truly believe that they have no better option in life, that everything around them is caving in and there’s no possible way to get out, no matter how much love and support they may have.
The two major ways to handle it are therapy and medication.
Medication is a mixed bag. There are a lot of depression medications on the market. Sometimes they’re a real help and sometimes the side effects outweigh the benefits. I’m a creative person. I write and I draw. When I was on medication, I didn’t want to do either of those things and felt like the pills were killing my creativity. My mind felt numb, completely disconnected from the person I was before the pills. So I stopped taking them.
Medication isn’t always the right choice and should be discussed with a doctor. In my case, my depression was manageable, so I tried the pills to see if they would help. There are people who are far worse off and may actually need the medication to function in the real world.
Here are some common side effects of the depression pill Zoloft (sertraline, which may make symptoms of depression worse before anything gets better) that your character may experience:
People with depression may also be embarrassed by their diagnosis. They may outwardly act like everything is fine around their peers and go to great lengths to hide their pill bottles. For your character, it’s going to depend on how he feels about his depression. Is it something he’s come to terms with or is it something he wants to hide?
Most people with depression realize they’re depressed, and probably realize they need some help but getting that help is an uphill battle. For years and years I always told myself I’d go chat with someone. I never did and ended up working out my problems with the help of some friends who were good ears. People with depression are really good at making excuses for not doing things. Because some of us are stricken with that feeling of uselessness, we tend to tell ourselves that maybe we’ll have the courage to do something tomorrow instead of today. We rarely do.
For your character, he doesn’t necessarily have to go see a therapist (they are kind of expensive, which can be a factor). But if he’s accepted the fact he has a problem, and is open about it, then I would expect him to at least have one close person that he’d be willing to confide in.
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