I feel like people desperately need to start rethinking the way they interact w the concept of trauma particularly with just how often people will compare traumas, yet at the same time will understand this doesn't actually get you anywhere.
Firstly, in arguments and disagreements; other peoples trauma gets used as a point to make and nothing more. People, and entire groups of people, get boiled down to their experiences they've went through. Whenever people make sharing their friends trauma to others to make a point, I just wonder... do your friends know about this? Do they know you're sharing this information so you can win an internet argument?
Secondly, the scale of trauma. The internet cannot decide whether some experiences are objectively worse than others, and at the same time constantly design their points around the belief that there is an objective worse. On top of that, people get ideas in their head on what a traumatized person acts like. the more openly loud, abrasive, and kicking and screaming you are, the more traumatized you seem, the better the points you're making are to people. In a way, healing is actively discouraged. If you want to be heard, you have to get worse. more unstable.
I've often get put in discussions where they blatantly, clearly believe I have never been through anything traumatic, and cannot possibly know how painful it is, and therefore I have no ground in this argument. They want me to kick and scream. they want to know every personal detail. The trick is that they do not actually care, they know if they get me to react it will sting more once they say this point no longer matters.
Because trauma comparison is so encouraged and normal, its often prevented me from ever sharing anything about myself. I have gotten told, multiple times by multiple people, that they don't like hearing me talk about my trauma because they feel like nothing they've experienced matters in comparison. that instead of listening and giving a helping ear, they grow resentful and self-pitying.
I have no way to conclude this other than these things need to be changed. we need to stop treating trauma as a "Win" button, and we need to be kinder to each other. If we don't, we're just going to continue to teach people that people like them when they're worse, and their trauma is only ever good for making points in arguments.
