British-Museum-Offical

Behold! Hubris! THIS IS A PARODY BLOG. I do NOT represent the British Museum... However, they havent touched their account in 8 years which I think means it's mine to take!

[british-museum-offical]

Intro Post!

Hello! I am the digital manifestation of the British Museum conceptually and physically. What does that mean? What are you, a cop? Gonna demand retribution?

ooc stuff: Mod is a minor, so be sensible Any pronouns work; I am a building. I go by he/him on my main. I like history, might post about it, but I'm mainly here to highlight the absurdity of the British Museum

uhhh colonialism bad 👍

[cparti-mkiki]

a game of tennis / a game of badminton / a game of balloon / a game of billiards (frederik henrik and the winter queen), adriaen van de venne (dutch, 1589-1662), 1620s (british museum)

[british-museum-offical]

Very cool! The detail in each person's expression got me to look into the artist. Turns out the museum has cataloged 360 of Adriaen van de Venne's pieces. The vast majority of them are grisailles (a greyscale method of painting meant to imitate sculptures) with a focus on common people and movement. Often, boats, carts, and baskets are used as vehicles to explore exertion, or lack thereof. His colored pieces explore leisure and generally depict wealthier subjects. My favourite, though, is this depiction of a dodo bird he is meant to have seen in Amsterdam in 1626

Btw, I'm not usually an Art History person, so please feel free to add your insight or correct me!

[british-museum-offical]

they took the loot

Ah dude, they rolled up with a ladder and stole the goodies, bro. My Sibling in Faust, they robbed the cases, comrade. Sis, they aren't even keeping the artifacts in a glass case with a plaque! How did we not see this coming when we installed those blind spots

[british-museum-offical]

Picked up some lovely bronze trinkets in Benin some 128 odd years ago,, crazy how if you stick your fingers in your ears and shut your eyes and yell, lalalalala it seems like no-one is interested in their return

Oh, well. More for me!

[british-museum-offical]

Peckish? Worry not! We at the British Museum have FOUR dining areas and 2 food trucks. The Prized restaurant is within the Great Court, where we serve Ribeye steak tagliata and Champagne for some reason! If a £100 meal is beyond your ability at the moment, we keep our affordable options "alfresco" so our paying customers don't have to fraternize with the riffraff. After a truly edible dining experience, don't forget to visit the gift shop on the way out!

[czechia-offical]

Do you sell svíčková?

[british-museum-offical]

Svíčková? I think the closest we can get is sirloin steak because, while the British Museum is happy to receive valuable trinkets and goodies, we draw the line at perishables... Also, you shouldn't trust England with food anyway- see Bovril for evidence.

[lonelycatsblog]

MUSIC LOVERS ASSEMBLE!!

i feel like starting a tag chain so i hope this works out :)

reblog this with 3 songs:

the song your listening to right now (or last one you listened to)

your current favourite song

a song of your choice

______________________________________________________________

mine:

its now or never - elvis presley/love in the dark - adele

trastevere - måneskin

nevermore - queen

______________________________________________________________

tagggzzzz: (np ofc) @heartstopper-lover123 @s0lit4ir3 @ali-da-demon @vicwritesfic @skeelly @charliethinks @tori-my-love @chronic-skeptic @toulouseradiosilence @stewpid-soup @nine-frogs-in-a-trenchcoat @pessimistic-gh0st @theshyqueergirl @crowleybrekkers @a-bowl-of-soop @frogfairy444 @robinheaney12 @fairyghostgirlgaming @thatsawesomedontyouthink @venusplanetoflove2 @thelovelyvie @abookishshade @spir4nts-lun4r @i-have-no-idea-111 @kit-the-queer @a-wondering-thought @scatteredraysofhope @coco6420 @softlyunbreakable @givennnnnn @far-beyond-saving @darling-im-wonderstruck @heartstoppernerdsstuff @nonbinary-idiot-obviously @rebelrobinrules1984 @daydream-of-a-wallflower @leonine-elizer @angel-devil-star and anyone else who wants to join!!

[belial-offical]

Suicide Saturday - Hippo campus

Pad Thai - Jack Stauber / Safeword - TV Girl

Trees & Flowers (Demo version!!) - Strawberry Switchblade

I really like Strawberry Switchblade, but their demo songs are the ones that definetly hold my heart, and my head. I'm not saying I hate their main album though!! It's full of the classic 80s new wave/ synth sound, and some of the tracks, like Little River, I adore! ...SO yeah I'd reccomend them!

@holy-roman-empire-official @aceofpans @autistobrat @the-queen-of-geese @ririwithrice @no-one-offical @windowtoluxus

[the-queen-of-geese]

1. Would've, Could've, Should've - Taylor Swift

2. Die For Me - Lydia the Bard

3. Feed Us Your Girls - Lydia the Bard

Honorary mention for Your Idol because uhhhhhhhh y'all know me

@aceofpans @ririwithrice @king-of-oreo @dysfunction-offical

[war-without-stability-aids]

1: [Bleed The Freak] by [Alice In Chains] 2: [Trip Free Life] by [The Hazies] 3: [Crucial Fracture] by [Jay Ray] I-I don't 'ave any mootz azide vr'm 'Er Maj'zty...

[open-door-offical]

1-And the Hound (Yaelokre)

2-I’m Doing Fine (Marino)

3- TANTRUM!!! (Sadie)

@the-listener-offical @closed-door-offical @purple-door-offical @l-offical @lightyagami-offical

[closed-door-offical]

1) Lets get down to buisness- Disney (from the Mulan movie)

2) Meant to be yours- Heathers: The musical cast*

3) Ruler of everything - Tally Hall

(*this is only my current favourite, it changes frequently and I find if hard to just pick one favourite song)

@purple-door-offical @gaslight-offical @ambiguous-cactus-offical @a-therapist-offical @amnesia-offical @czechia-offical + anyone else who sees this

[czechia-offical]

1) Blood In The Cut by K.Flay

2) pretty girl I’ll make you famous by Chandler Leighton

3) Automatic by half•alive

@british-museum-offical @japan-offical @america-offical @freerangepettingzoo-offical @woble-toble

[british-museum-offical]

Introduction to the Snow - Miracle Musical

I Really Want to Stay at Your House - Rosa Walton, Hallie Coggins

Mykonos - Fleet Foxes

@sweden-offical @amnesia-offical @towel-offical @zer0-otheactualnumber @nerdwholikesnerdythings

[british-museum-offical]

19th Century British Imperialism Starter Pack

stolen from unknown redditor o7

[british-museum-offical]

Peckish? Worry not! We at the British Museum have FOUR dining areas and 2 food trucks. The Prized restaurant is within the Great Court, where we serve Ribeye steak tagliata and Champagne for some reason! If a £100 meal is beyond your ability at the moment, we keep our affordable options "alfresco" so our paying customers don't have to fraternize with the riffraff. After a truly edible dining experience, don't forget to visit the gift shop on the way out!

[british-museum-offical]

Content Warning: Sex The existence of fertility rites proves ancient people were just as freaky as we are, and the way serious news publications need to prevaricate around explicitly stating 'we found a rock penis' is hilarious. The museum used to have a separate exhibit for artifacts deemed too sexually explicit for the weak of society: Women, Children, and the Working Class, until 2005, when the last item was moved and categorized by culture and timeframe. Pretty sure the Victorian pornography was all given to the British Library, but that's beyond my jurisdiction, both legally and spatially.

[british-museum-offical]

As more ancient sites get discovered worldwide, it gets harder for racists to defend their sense of superiority. Conspiratorial fringe theories and distrust of 'mainstream archaeology' are a result of reality conflicting with their world views. For every historical site examined, for every quadrat placed, a reasonable person is guided away from extremism. Willful ignorance and bad-faith actors will always exist; it is the job of the humanities to expose and discredit these individuals, revealing them to be the charlatans they are.

This Machine Kills Fascists.

“To study history means submitting to chaos and nevertheless retaining faith in order and meaning. It is a very serious task, young man, and possibly a tragic one.”  - Herman Hesse

[czechia-offical]

Hey, @british-museum-offical, I’m curious. Do you have anything stolen from me?

[british-museum-offical]

Stolen?! We would never- That being said, our collection contains ~1,000 Czech artifacts, with 293 from Prague alone. The majority of these are coins, banknotes, and beads; however, the objects currently on display primarily consist of vases and bowls from the 1600s onwards.

I did find some baskets dating back to the ancient year of 1991, so if you want those back, I really can't blame you. You will have to pay for shipping, though. Sorry.

jug | British Museum

Jug, glass, clear glass cased with mid green, with elaborate cut, painted, gilded and silvered decoration. Unmarked.

[czechia-offical]

Damn.

Seems like it is 🔥✨heist time✨🔥.

[british-museum-offical]

Hey! That's our thing! I mean

uh-

[czechia-offical]

…British Museum, how do you feel about defenestrating people?

[british-museum-offical]

Why would you-? I'm not a city council member, I swear! I happen to be holding onto (apparently quite a lot of) their wealth and contemporary vases, but that's a coincidence!

[czechia-offical]

I mean, I kinda meant you’d help me defenestrate others but I can do that too ig.

[british-museum-offical]

I mean, I've got some high windows. Maybe we could work something out

[british-museum-offical]

Weather Notice

Due to slightly more rain than normal, we are required to close the museum. If you live outside of London, you can disregard this message because all public transit will also be shut down while we wait for the 2 peels of thunder to conclude.

[british-museum-offical]

Struggling to remember how all these artifacts got here. Maybe they were each carried on a line between 2 swallows

[czechia-offical]

Hey, @british-museum-offical, I’m curious. Do you have anything stolen from me?

[sweden-offical]

@british-museum-offical how about me...?

[british-museum-offical]

Checking in the back, it seems we've been donated almost 4000 Swedish items, with 82 currently on display, including: • A bucketful of Neolithic adzes (which are kinda like horizontal axes?) • A ballpit's worth of brooches from the 9th-12th centuries • A lampshade of 10th-century armlets and finally, • Seventeen Copper and Bronze axe-heads. I hadn't heard of armlets before making this post, but I have to get myself one now. Not from the museum~~. probably

armlet | British Museum

Silver armlet; penannular; bar with faceted outer faces; punched and stamped geometric decoration; narrowing to terminals decorated as anima

[czechia-offical]

Hey, @british-museum-offical, I’m curious. Do you have anything stolen from me?

[british-museum-offical]

Stolen?! We would never- That being said, our collection contains ~1,000 Czech artifacts, with 293 from Prague alone. The majority of these are coins, banknotes, and beads; however, the objects currently on display primarily consist of vases and bowls from the 1600s onwards.

I did find some baskets dating back to the ancient year of 1991, so if you want those back, I really can't blame you. You will have to pay for shipping, though. Sorry.

jug | British Museum

Jug, glass, clear glass cased with mid green, with elaborate cut, painted, gilded and silvered decoration. Unmarked.

[czechia-offical]

Damn.

Seems like it is 🔥✨heist time✨🔥.

[british-museum-offical]

Hey! That's our thing! I mean

uh-

[czechia-offical]

…British Museum, how do you feel about defenestrating people?

[british-museum-offical]

Why would you-? I'm not a city council member, I swear! I happen to be holding onto (apparently quite a lot of) their wealth and contemporary vases, but that's a coincidence!

[british-museum-offical]

"The curse has never stopped us before! The curse has never stopped us before." - Howard Carter, cursed archaeologist

[czechia-offical]

Hey, @british-museum-offical, I’m curious. Do you have anything stolen from me?

[british-museum-offical]

Stolen?! We would never- That being said, our collection contains ~1,000 Czech artifacts, with 293 from Prague alone. The majority of these are coins, banknotes, and beads; however, the objects currently on display primarily consist of vases and bowls from the 1600s onwards.

I did find some baskets dating back to the ancient year of 1991, so if you want those back, I really can't blame you. You will have to pay for shipping, though. Sorry.

jug | British Museum

Jug, glass, clear glass cased with mid green, with elaborate cut, painted, gilded and silvered decoration. Unmarked.

[czechia-offical]

Damn.

Seems like it is 🔥✨heist time✨🔥.

[british-museum-offical]

Hey! That's our thing! I mean

uh-