The signs as etymology and mythology
Aries: a ram. alternately a battering ram. youre a literal siege weapon you piece of shit. i dont know why latin and english both use the same word for a siege weapon and an animal. maybe the english one is a calque of the latin one. idk man.
Taurus: it's a bull. think of like "minotaur", which is minos + taurus, and minos was the dude who ruled crete when the his wife suddenly birthed a monster bull thing, so the minotaur is a bull of minos. anyway, youre a fucking cow thing and youre half a minotaur. congrats.
Cancer: youre a fucking crab but at least youre not a deadly disease
Gemini: one person is multiple twins?? whatever. well at least in ancient rome you wouldve gotten two names that go well together, like steve and anti-steve.
Leo: it's a lion. youre a lion. leonine is a word that comes from it. if your name is leon or leonardo then youre like a double lion.
Virgo: literally just the latin word for virgin. according to my teacher the reason they spelled vergil as virgil traditionally in english is so it looks more like virgin. but apparently some people say it's because of a pun about magic wands so i dont know if your sign is even relevant here. but yeah youre a virgin now. even if youve fucked people youre a virgin.
Libra: balance. its a good word. part of my favorite punning latin motto ever, "facio liberos ex liberis libris libraque", which means "i make free men out of children with books and a balance". libra can also mean "hurl it!"
Scorpio: take a wild guess bro. fun fact –io to –ion going from latin to english is really common. if it ends in –tion in english, it was probably a latin noun ending in –tio. spanish equivalent is –ción btw.
Capricorn: i hate to break it to you but youre not a goat, youre the horn of a goat. just one single horn of a goat. capri- is goat and cornus is horn, like a cornucopia and stuff. fucking cornucopia goat for the win.
Sagittarius: yeah so it says youre an archer but apparently that archers not even a human archer. it was either a centaur or a satyr. both were creepy-ass woodland dudes who kidnapped hot women and got turnt all the time.
Aquarius: means water-bearer. alternatively, an adjective meaning watery. thats hella fitting. did you know that if youre a human then your body is 60 percent water?!
Pisces: pisces doesnt mean one fish. it means fishes. how many fishes are you? maybe 2, maybe a whole skule of them. we will never know.
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