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...and like a sad rose; it never dies but it stayed withered. // I write when I am sad and I am sad when I write. (NC)

[stlowens]

George Seferis, tr. by Edmund Keeley & Philip Sherrard from, “Memory I.”

[broken-excerpts]

[perrfectly]

[broken-excerpts]

I’ve given up. There’s no going back. There’s only moving forward.

[broken-excerpts]

Day 6.

Why?

One word. Seems harmless. But when you put a question mark beside it, the word becomes a question that has been haunting my head for the last five days. Why? Why me? Why him? Why us? Why now?

Why doesn’t the sun look the same to me anymore? Why does my favorite soup taste bitter than before? Why does the color pink look different now? Why can’t I smile and mean it? Why are the nights harder than the mornings? Why don’t videogames amuse me anymore? Why does it hurt when I watch romantic movies now? Why am I suddenly bitter about love songs? Why don’t my cookies taste as good as they were when I baked them for you? Why don’t I want to visit that coffeeshop at the city hotel’s ground floor anymore? Why do gyms scare me already? Why am I suddenly afraid of commitments? Why do I feel lost? Why can’t I sleep well at night? Why do my tears keep falling?

Why did you leave?

Why did you give up on us?

Why have you suddenly fallen out of love?

[broken-excerpts]

It was pretty obvious.

I sat there. I thought, I thought, I thought. And I realized... it was pretty obvious what was happening. I couldn’t help but smile a little. A wry smile of how this all painfully felt familiar. Just a few years back, I was in the same situation as I am in now.

Heartbreaks. They weren’t as often but when they did come, they felt like a hurricane in my chest that refused to leave. They felt like heavy sharp metal wrapped around my heart, like as each and every hour passed, a piece of me faded away.

Oh, heartbreak. I did not miss you at all. How evil of you to occupy my entire mind, to fill me with all these thoughts, all these negativity. How evil of you to take away a piece of myself, of my soul, bit by bit. How evil of you to have found me again, even if I was enveloped in a cloud of happiness. I never thought I’d see you again.

Leave me. Go away. Take the pain, bring the hurt and wash away the scars as you make your way out of my system. I am not prepared for what’s to come. This is all too familiar for me to not know what’s next in this horrible state of mind... and heart.

Days of begging. Days of confusion. Days of dreading. Days of crying out. Days of regret. Days of questioning my faith, my beliefs, my actions. Days of loud thoughts where I can no longer hear myself. Days of asking myself questions I will never get answers to.

What’s wrong with me?

Heartbreak. Leave me alone. I have been your victim for too long. My heart is tired. And your enemy, love? Love has long proven time and time again, that it was and never will be for me.

I give up, heartbreak. You should give me up too.

[fuckpoetics]

“I know I’m a hard storm to swallow. I know my thoughts are scattered thunderstorms and my feelings fog up windows that you have to wipe off in order to see clearly. I know I have a habit of letting my emotions pass by in the wind, that I often pretend there is little of me invested in you. And I’m sorry for the chill you feel when I leave my side of the bed empty, too caught up in my own chaos to think of how it must make you suffer. I know you’ve been weathering through this rain for quite some time and maybe the cycle can feel never-ending, especially with my cold fronts and torrential downpours. But, don’t give up on me. I’m working on the erosion of these walls because I want to rebuild them with you inside. I want you to see the parts of me that even I, myself, haven’t begun to understand. I need help, and I’m sorry for that, but I pray you’re one of the ones who likes cloudy weather and the smell of drizzling rain in the distance. I hope you like foggy mornings that leave a little more to the imagination and a tornado of love to get caught up in.”

— t.s.

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It boggles my mind how much I love pink

— Nov. 28, 2019

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““I have loved what was there

And what was there I have lost

But in the lost

I have loved.”

— It took some time getting used to, but I’m there now. (@broken-excerpts) 11/18/18

[harmed]

[danger]

[broken-excerpts]

But.

What am I so scared of?

— @broken-excerpts (November 18, 2018)

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Why can’t it work out in my head? Why don’t I ever understand what I’m thinking of? Why is everything messy? Why is it such a blur? Why don’t I make myself happy?

i don’t get it, i never will. (2018) (via @broken-excerpts)

[broken-excerpts]

He catches my attention mid-trance. “Again?” He asks. I lower my eyes down slowly. There was no point in lying anymore. “There’s just so many things I could’ve done better. So many things I wish I could’ve said.” “Even if you did or said things better, he still would’ve left.” “I know.” I sigh. “I just thought if I could change the way I loved him, I might’ve changed his mind.”

it’s not your fault // Sept. 12, 2016 12:53 (via @broken-excerpts)

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We were silent for a long while. I break the silence by asking a question I've dreaded paired with an answer I needed to hear. "Do you love me?" He nods. "But you're not willing to stay?" He nods the second time. And that is the moment I finally understood why eclipses happen, when both the sun and moon are in the sky, or maybe why sometimes it rains when it's sunny and often times, why people leave the person they love.

— Maybe it's for the best. August 31, 2016//23:50 (via @broken-excerpts)

[blossomfully]

Maybe,“ she said, “I’m sad because he hurt me. Maybe I’m sad because I was convinced he wouldn’t. “Maybe I’m sad just because I’m sad, or maybe it’s because I’ve lost something I gave away so willingly, that now I’ll never get back. Maybe I’m sad because I lost a part of myself, not because I lost him.

Sue Zhao (via blossomfully)

or maybe, i'm just sad.

[broken-excerpts]

Some nights just hit you hard, and you never want to see the morning light again.

What am I so afraid of (via @broken-excerpts)