If you don’t love me, then I’ll finally allow myself to end

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@brokenchapter
If you don’t love me, then I’ll finally allow myself to end
I let you go so I could be okay enough to let myself go
Let me write.
Let me be okay.
I gave up my voice when life was great. I stopped writing, reading, or having anything worthwhile to say. Now that I’m sad again all I want is to know what words I need to say. Hopefully it’ll come back to me
I love how my phone seems to know which songs I need to hear.
Everything's fine until I'm confined- then things go from bad to worse
Him and I were facing the same dilemma but in opposite ways. He wouldn't cry because society told him not to. I wouldn't cry because society expected it of me.
I'm still so fucking sad
I feel like I'm laying on a hammock in the middle of a thunderstorm
I'm stuck sobbing and wishing to tell you why, but I already know your reaction isn't what I need right now.
I've been craving a taste of the future.
I feel like I'm going to snap and nobody can know about it.
I'm scared to sleep because I know I'll wake up in the morning
There are more days in the year that I wish I was dead compared to the days I feel grateful to be alive
My friends are saying you're old news, my head is saying you're no good, and my heart is torn between loving you and all the pain you cause.
You worked so hard to spoil me with the latest gadgets and toys, but all I ever wanted was to be spoiled with your time and love