you made me cold

[qvotext]

Jack Kerouac; On the Road

[brokenheartsneedmending]

i used to think it was a bad thing that nobody else would ever make me feel the same way you did. but now i’m realizing that’s a good thing because what we had was toxic attachment and i want healthy love.

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“i know about all the girls you’ve been with now. i know about every single time you lied to me when i would ask if there was more i should know. there’s something about hearing from other people that’s so unbelievably painful to hear. so painful it doesn’t seem real. maybe because i have to act like i don’t care anymore, like you’re lost so far in my past, i hardly remember your name. we both know that’s not the case. i am trying to fight back tears welling in my eyes, i hold myself together with a small smile. the last time we spoke, i told you how i felt, you said you would respond later when you had time. i am still waiting for that text, i haven’t heard from you since.”

— how can you ignore someone for so long and not care?

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“I remember him walking away from me that musky July morning. The sky was gray with hues of crystal blues poking through the clouds. I had told myself, “You’re gonna remember this exact moment forever. You’ll remember it when you don’t want to think of him at all. It’ll keep haunting you because it was the day you finally drove the boy you loved away.””

— S.C.

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“Forgive him for being too young to realize what he had.”

— unknown

[lovelustquotes]

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“i want to be done with him. i want to rid myself of him forever. i want to scrub every inch of my body until my soul is washed clean of him. but it doesn’t work like that. i could numb myself like he did, and bury my feelings until i forget the language of love. until i forget what it’s like to feel full. until i refuse love from everyone around me. but i long to be as happy as i was with him, maybe that’s why i find myself returning to the very ocean that drowned me.”

— S.C.

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“you tell me you love me, but i am not even a fifth choice. to you i am at best, your favorite pastime. for you leave and come back, but only when you are bored and lonely. this is not love. you tell me you love me, but i cannot remember how many times i have laid awake at night, waiting to hear from you, only to be ignored. this is not love. you tell me you love me, but say you don’t have time to give me attention. yet is it really that you don’t have time, or is it that you’re spending it on somebody else? this is not love. you tell me you love me, and that i am more than a friend, but less than a lover. you blur the line i walk on and i have fallen too many times. this is not love. you tell me you love me, but only to keep me close. knowing i will never walk away from someone i love so deeply. someone that claims to love me just the same. this is not love. you tell me you love me, just so no one else can ever have me. and that is not love at all.”

— S.C.

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“I’ll always secretly wish that the honor of being my first love went to someone more noble, honest, and deserving. I would never want to relive the 6 years of my life with you, especially if it would’ve ended in the same pain and destruction. But even though my heart sometimes fills itself with regret at allowing myself to become so misguided by my blinding love for you, I understand it was all necessary. It was necessary to surrender myself to the suffering you caused me to grasp the importance of knowing my own worth. To understand that I must put myself before anybody else. For the rest of my life the scars you left on my heart will shake when I think of my first love. But they will guide me in making decisions that will fulfill me. I have taken a lot of lessons away from loving you, like following my intuition and respecting myself enough to remove myself from toxic situations. And understanding that the way you treated me is the stark opposite of what I deserve. Most of all, loving you taught me that you cannot have bliss without suffering, simply because you do not know what true happiness is without feeling the deepest sadness.”

— s.c. { i will be happier than i’ve ever been and i owe it all to the way you destroyed me }

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“I keep wishing I could take it all back, turn back the tides, and do things so much differently. I keep thinking that maybe if I hadn’t been so stubborn we would’ve been alright. The thing is, when it’s all over, all you ever wish for is to go back. And you swore if you got a second chance, you’d change the little things. Because the little things build up to much bigger things and when you let that change you, everything crumbles. The thing is, you regret it all when its 6 months later and the pain isn’t fading and your still up every night at 2 am wishing with all your heart to go back in time to change the little things. Instead you acquire a throat sore from screaming about how much you hate the world, but really all you hate is yourself because you were too selfish to see what you had before it left you out in the cold. The only thing they leave you with is yourself and the unchanging ache in your chest, and if you’re lucky they leave you the stars. They leave you with the stars to wish on night after night because at least in this life it’s some sort of solidarity.”

— S.C.

[brokenheartsneedmending]

Maybe we didn’t always get along. Maybe we had rough moments and we weren’t always happy together. But, I know I was happier than what I’ve been feeling all these months you’ve been gone.

At least with you, I had a sense of direction and I enjoyed life a lot more. I’m not saying that I need you to be happy but I miss the way life felt with you in it.

– s.c.

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“I keep waiting by the phone, volume all the way up. Even before I sleep at night, I keep it on if you happen to want to talk. I feel sick and in love and sad because I know things have changed, but I can’t seem to quit wishing you’ll come back. It’s a bad habit and maybe I’m crazy or maybe I just miss you.

All I know is that you do not love me, and it is wrong of you to keep convincing me otherwise. Because every night I find myself feeling anxious and having hardly any self-control to keep from bothering you. It’s unfortunate that you could never be honest with me, but it’s even worse that you are no longer honest with yourself. You do not love me, so why are you still trying to convince the both of us that you do?”

— S.C. {it’s driving me insane}

[brokenheartsneedmending]

do you live in vancouver?

no

[mingdliu-deactivated20210422]

Follow me on Instagram @travelingstoryteller for more ✨

[brokenheartsneedmending]

““Why aren’t you together anymore?” There’s so many ways I could’ve answered that because there were so many reasons. But it had been months since I had heard from him and even longer since I had seen him. I had to condense 5 years of happiness, sadness, anger, and a town full of memories into: “Well things just weren’t working out for us.” There was much more to it than just that and I had a lifetime full of pain to remember him by. And I’m so sure that years from now that pain will still be as prominent when he crosses my mind. It’ll be the most random moments that I’ll think of him and wish to be in his arms. I’ll be standing in an old gas station and our favorite song will come on and it’ll nearly bring me to my knees. My heart will break for the millionth time like it did the first day he left. But I’ll act like it doesn’t matter to me anymore and I’ll pretend like I haven’t thought about him since he has gone. And all the people around him will continue to think they know him through and through. And when they ask him why things ended, he’ll look away, shrug, and say, “Well things just weren’t working out for us.” The world will never know what we know. They’ll never be connected to him the way I was. He’ll continue to feel the same emptiness I feel when people ask our story. And when we see each other again, our hearts will feel full and our eyes will show pain and say all the things our mouths would never dare to. Because even though there were 100 reasons to our end, one thing still stands true. There’s an undying and unconditional love between first loves who began as best friends.”

— eternal love

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“i want to be done with him. i want to rid myself of him forever. i want to scrub every inch of my body until my soul is washed clean of him. but it doesn’t work like that. i could numb myself like he did, and bury my feelings until i forget the language of love. until i forget what it’s like to feel full. until i refuse love from everyone around me. but i long to be as happy as i was with him, maybe that’s why i find myself returning to the very ocean that drowned me.”

— S.C.

[brokenheartsneedmending]

“i know about all the girls you’ve been with now. i know about every single time you lied to me when i would ask if there was more i should know. there’s something about hearing from other people that’s so unbelievably painful to hear. so painful it doesn’t seem real. maybe because i have to act like i don’t care anymore, like you’re lost so far in my past, i hardly remember your name. we both know that’s not the case. i am trying to fight back tears welling in my eyes, i hold myself together with a small smile. the last time we spoke, i told you how i felt, you said you would respond later when you had time. i am still waiting for that text, i haven’t heard from you since.”

— how can you ignore someone for so long and not care?