K im over dirt

I'm way to positive all the time

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I pee when I pee

I pee who I pee

I pee what I pee

I pee where I pee

I pee why i pee

I pee how I pee

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I want to be friends with everyone, not so I can coerce them into going to parties and stuff, but so I can go random places like Paris and Chicago and be able to party with them then and there. Live in the moment.

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I love my dirt

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I’d like to thank Google for refusing to sell out my private edgy freshman year emails to my school district, unlike some programs we may use  (Microsoft) 

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Yes Hello Tyler, me again, Yeah same old I want to die.. again... 

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Coldplay

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Imagine for a moment you are a misogynist in a high school. It is the first day. A nice girl who feels bad for you comes up to you. She asks you who you have second. Nothing about you has changed over the summer. You spit “your mom” in her face. She gives you a quizzical looks and walks back to her friends. “Crap,” you realize. That was Devin Carrigan. You do have her mom second. Your life flashes before your eyes. Your corrupt, puny soul flees out the window. Your misogyny has been your undoing.

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Hey Blake,

can we get married?

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I noticed a thing

So, this guy I like is literally the worst person for  me ever.

I’m kind, he’s mean spirited.

I’m introverted, he’s loud as fuck.

But now that I’m sitting here, thinking, “Oh shit, what do I say that we’re different…” I’m seeing all of our similarities.

We’re both kinda living on our own island.

We both love music.

We both have met “the one” and were heartbroken by them.

We both hate ourselves.

But then there’s the one difference I can’t get around.

I like him, but he doesn’t like me. 

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oh wat a chance of that

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My dog and I both like dirt.

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I have 2 little sisters. If you can imagine, princess bebe wants to do whatever the heck queen elementary is doing. This means that our house is full of “no I’m Moana!”’s “my favorite color is teal” “no that’s my favorite color” and “MOM SHE STOLE MY FAVORITE DRESS!” I still love them to death and don’t know where I’d be without them. 

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I have 2 little brothers. The older one likes pokemon cards. The younger one likes super smash bros brawl. The little one once bet the older one his life savings on some dumb pokemon question. Lo and Behold, senior bumbaloo was right and tunker mcduffy lost his life savings... until mom intervened.

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Mom has one of those $20 dumb phones from the Wal-Mart checkout lane. It’s not even cool enough to be a flip phone. Normally she can only text y or n in answer to very specific questions you ask her, then tells you to call her. I just opened up my phone to find the message “check on the banana bread please” thanks for the banana bread mom, it was delicious. 

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Once I was playing Agar.io. Later, my dad gets this really goofy grin on his face and told me that he had been playing agar.io too in his room but he didn’t know my name. My dad is adorable and I love him.

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Meme Collision 2017

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Backstory

When I was 10, I found joy in baking food. At 14, my pretzel recipe was so good that people would line up around the block to taste them. By the time I was 15, I had learned some simple marketing and began to set up what would be this empire you live in today. See, at 15, I had learned that I could be making money off my humble pretzels. Sell them at school for a dollar apiece- they only cost 4 cents to make at the time- and reap my high and hard earned rewards. 

On my 17th birthday, I was done dealing under the table. I had been raised right and I felt like I was stealing from my community and my country. With the help of my parents, I bought a little corner shop down in Dayton and started my real business. 

I would wake up at 3 and start work at 4; filling orders from the previous night, making sure I had breakfast ready for the rushed businessman who didn’t even have time for a granola bar, and altogether making sure the atmosphere of my little shop was pleasant and comfortable. The next year, I moved into the little flat above my shop. 

It took about 2 years for the profit of my little shop to pay off. I bought more ovens, more chairs, a piano, and hired some young teenagers, but there’s only so much you can fit in one petite bakery. I briefly thought about expanding my business, but money wasn’t my goal. I already had all the comforts in life and needed nothing more, as did my shop. My main goal was a destination in the middle of a refurbished city. Not another Dunkin’ Donuts. 

At 21 I opened my second business. A barn in Alexandria.

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thanks i needed this