Running out of Reasons

So after a lot of thinking, and a lot of hair pulling, I’m putting Lucy on hiatus from the dash. Inbox is still there, and so is AIM. There’s only so much you can go through with a muse before it really affects your own health, and Lucy has reached that point. It’s the second time something happened to him without him understanding that pushed him over. Whether other typists knew it or not, that’s what happened and as a result, I really need to step away for a while. I’m not starting anything new with him, and you can unfollow if you like. I’m doing this for both the sake of Lucy and myself, because I adore Lucy so much, but if I keep pushing him along with shit like that happening, it’s going to ultimately lead to deactivation which I really don’t want to do.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I’m done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that’s it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So, I'm done here. If you still want contact with Lucy, send a message. Otherwise, that's it.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

...

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So after a lot of thinking, and a lot of hair pulling, I’m putting Lucy on hiatus from the dash. Inbox is still there, and so is AIM. A blank theme will possibly be put in place just to block my own temptations to get on here.

There’s only so much you can go through with a muse before it really affects your own health, and Lucy has reached that point. It’s the second time something happened to him without him understanding that pushed him over. Whether other typists knew it or not, that’s what happened and as a result, I really need to step away for a while.

I’m not starting anything new with him, and you can unfollow if you like. I’m doing this for both the sake of Lucy and myself, because I adore Lucy so much, but if I keep pushing him along with shit like that happening, it’s going to ultimately lead to deactivation which I really don’t want to do.

So, this is my hiatus notice. Take it as whatever. Spout bullshit if you wanna spout it, whatever.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

So after a lot of thinking, and a lot of hair pulling, I'm putting Lucy on hiatus from the dash. Inbox is still there, and so is AIM. A blank theme will possibly be put in place just to block my own temptations to get on here.

There's only so much you can go through with a muse before it really affects your own health, and Lucy has reached that point. It's the second time something happened to him without him understanding that pushed him over. Whether other typists knew it or not, that's what happened and as a result, I really need to step away for a while.

I'm not starting anything new with him, and you can unfollow if you like. I'm doing this for both the sake of Lucy and myself, because I adore Lucy so much, but if I keep pushing him along with shit like that happening, it's going to ultimately lead to deactivation which I really don't want to do.

So, this is my hiatus notice. Take it as whatever. Spout bullshit if you wanna spout it, whatever.

[jrp-confessions]

I called you family for so long. I always spoke of you as if you really were a part of my life. I looked up to you, and admired you. I actually feared you…But now I see that you really didn’t care. I do my best, but you’re just another person it wasn’t enough for, yet you let me believe you cared. Maybe it finally is good by to my Big Brother. I just wish I knew what I really did to you. What I really did to deserve the poison you shoot at me that’s so carefully aimed. It hurts, and I’ll spend several days crying. But I’ll stand back up, it’s the expectation.

[brokenxchinaxdoll]

Even laying beside him, I feel like the world's crumbling again. If I hold onto him tighter, maybe that will make him stay longer. Maybe he can pull me out of this again. Maybe he can save me all over again, and I can pick the pieces back up...

Or maybe that many pieces have fallen into the cracks in the floor that it won't happen. That it can't happen. Smiling doesn't even feel genuine today. It feels like I'm forcing my muscles to create that comforting facial expression that people say looks good on me. That he uses for comfort.

I don't know what happened to what I used to be. I used to feel so sure of myself and solid and stable. I didn't question things, and I just wanted to run forward. Now, I hesitate over everything I do. I'm scared that I'll take the wrong step and break something else that I never meant to break.

I'm sorry. I don't have a single fucking clue what I'm sorry for, but the guilt that's suffocating me tells me I did something. Maybe I spoke the wrong words again, or moved my hand wrong. Maybe I broke something treasured, and didn't notice...

Whatever the fuck it was, I'm sorry. I'm just...so fucking sorry.