I defy stars.

Charlie held her breath, her words sounded even harsher after Bronte’s reassurance. She’d nodded along eagerly with the possibility Bron presented, but it probably looked fake, like she was just trying to backtrack. She had a feeling it had hit Heli in a way she hadn’t planned for, and she wished she could rewind time and say it differently. Charlie wished she could do a lot of things differently.

Then Heli smiled and some of Charlie’s nerves faded, just a bit. It was a fraction of her normal sunshine smile but right now she would take it.

"It will,” Charlie agreed. “You will. I promise, we’ve got you.” She offered her other hand to Heli. “I love you. You’re so strong and brave, you know?”

Then Charlie remembered something. “Bron what did you mean before about bodies walking?”

@brontefusco

#with: charlie #with: heli #p: wake me up inside #tl: day twelve

Bronte's eyes widened. She was sure her face was beet red, but she couldn't think about that right now. Why on earth had Heli switched to innuendo in the middle of this? Then again, maybe it was a sign that her sister was better. It was a very Heli thing to do. "Um, I meant like... emotional limits. Not...um... that." She prayed that the topic would switch soon, because she did not want to talk about this at all. It was too new and too weird to talk about it. It was private.

Then the topic changed so fast, she felt like maybe she'd hallucinated it. Her heart hadn't stopped rabbiting. "Okay, good. I'll text him for times." This was what she wanted, even if it scared her to pull him further into this. Then again, Heli had revealed a lot to her and Drew the other night, so the pieces were starting to come together.

She almost felt like she could breathe again, but then Charlie asked a question that Bronte wasn't prepared for. She glanced at Heli. "Well..." she knotted her hands together, "We dug up Britt's grave and shewasn'tthere." She gulped. As much as she willed her eyes to look up, she couldn't manage it. "It's empty."

Heli melted into Charlie’s hug. Physical touch had always been so much more than her love language. It was her air. She managed to not look too needy with her sex partners because at home she was allowed to be what her mom called a ‘love bug.’ She began conversations by hugging or leaning. She always checked for the person’s comfort, of course, but they were a cuddly family.

"I–” Heli began as Bronte poked very reasonable holes in her plan. But then she listened. It didn’t make sense, did it, to think Drew wouldn’t find out, that Drew wouldn’t be blamed. “I suppose that’s true. But then there isn’t anyone. There’s no way to…” She crossed her arms (which complicated Charlie’s very well meaning hug) and huffed. “I told… I told Trip I’d give him a day or two. But that was yesterday, and that was the longest day of my life, including the whole last month. But maybe it’s safer for Drew if nothing happens. From us. I mean.”

She sniffed. “Also, since I’m falling apart anyway. Trip said he thinks he loves me, but now he won’t say it anymore. It makes me feel like I… like I did something wrong. And I don’t think that’s what he means. I think he thinks he did something wrong. And I told him he didn’t have to say anything. I understand why he doesn’t want to. Because of his… Because of Dick.” She looked at Bronte nervously. “He’s not Drew. I know that. I’m surprised Drew waited at all to say it, and it feels so small and stupid to oxidate about it but…” She bit her lip, her eyes still wet. “But I am.”

@charliebeaumonts

Charlie slowly released Heli, feeling like her hug combined with Bron’s logic might have given Heli something she needed. She moved closer to Bronte, holding her hand out for her to hold. They were both sad. She hated it so much.

"What if we let Drew decide if he wants to know?” Charlie asked. “If we explain that it’s dangerous and… and it might make things worse for him?” She chewed on her bottom lip nervously. “He’s already on Tony’s radar, he wouldn’t have mentioned him at the dinner if he wasn’t. ‘Cause agency is important right?” Charlie didn’t know where the line was, didn’t know if she was standing on it or if she’d already kicked a hole in it. “But yours is too Heli. I get why you don’t want to bring him into it. I really really do. But I think he could really help.” She shrugged helplessly. “Like I said though, I’ll do what you say.”

“Maybe he just wants to save the next time for when he’s sure?” she offered, but she didn’t like how it sounded the second it left her lips. “Make it more romantic?” It would hurt her feelings if she loved someone and they weren’t sure they loved her too. But Heli was dealing with the kind of relationship stuff that Charlie never had and probably wouldn’t for a bit. “You’re both going through a lot right now. He’ll say it again Heli.”

@brontefusco

#p: wake me up inside #with: heli #tl: day twelve #with: charlie

Bronte took Charlie's outstretched hand and laced their fingers together. She squeezed gently, more than a little happy for the support. She was too out of her depths here. This was not the kind of problem she had any experience with and it was pushing way too close to the fears she was supposed to tell herself were not rational. But they were happening.

Fortunately, Charlie knew what to do here. "I think Charlie's right. Drew should be given a chance to know what the team might be facing. He can say no. He's very good at knowing his own limits." She was not going to turn this into a gushing session about her boyfriend, but he'd handled a lot over the last two weeks. In her opinion, he'd dealt with everything pretty well. There were reasons to trust him. It was in Heli's hands whether she was willing to do that or not.

"Um," Bronte cleared her throat, "If he said it once, he probably means it. I haven't heard of him saying that to anyone. Ever. And I don't think his dad or anyone says that a lot, so he probably doesn't know like what's a good frequency for it." The fact that she was even giving him this much credit was a testament to how much she cared about her sister's happiness. She would be fine if they never got serious because the prospect of being related to him was... weird. But she didn't want Heli to doubt herself. "It's a really big step for him, so give him a little time. Trust that he meant it and he'll say it again when he's ready."

Charlie was asking the right question, but Heli didn’t have the answers. "I don’t know what Trip wanted. Or what he expected Tony to do. I’m not sure he knew what he wanted either.” Heli’s voice was small, choked. “All I know is he left. I told him this… this thing and then he got really distant and said he needed to tell Tony. I offered to go with him. He told me he needed to do this on his own.”

He’s got a side you don’t need to see. That was what Trip had said to her. She hadn’t remembered it until now because he’d said he loved her right after, and the pain had been washed away, even when those magic words were preceded by ‘I think I might.’ But now they echoed around her mind like screams in a haunted house. She should have pushed. Why didn’t she push?

She watched Bronte put things together. She knew these things, or most of them, anyway, but laid out like this? It made her voice crack and her eyes burn.

“You think I like it, Bronnie? I don’t.” She so rarely fought with her sister anymore. They were very good at ‘agreeing to disagree’ as their mother put it, so Heli was surprised at her own tone, her frustration. But it was all bubbling up now, leaving her feeling scaldingly angry and out of control. “I hate it. And I’ve been hating it for a week, by myself. Because if I say something, if I say anything, Trip could just be gone. And I hate that I’m thinking about that, because I know how mad Daddy would be that I’m acting this way because of some boy. I don’t want to change who I am for him, but who I am is someone who would hurt anyone who hurts him or you or Charlie. So maybe… maybe I get it. I’m mad at Trip for leaving, but I’m mad enough to get it.” Her tears were choking her, tearing from her like broken seams in the wind. “Even if Daddy would hate me right now.”

She forced herself to soften, to hold Bronte by the forearms to steady her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Bronnie. I’m not mad at you. But Drew is safe, er, safe-er if he stays off of Tony’s raider. There are other people we can tell. Like Del, maybe. Or Morgan. Or Fernie… or someone, I don’t know, someone on the council. Someone who can… who can expect the risk without hurting you. I can’t let that happen either. To either of you. I can’t. And I get to decide that. I’m not letting anyone take that away from me anymore.”

@charliebeaumonts

Charlie had never seen Heli like this before. She’d seen her upset, she’d seen her cry, she’d even seen her angry, though that was a bit rarer. This though? This was new, and it broke her to see it. Her mouth went all upside down like it always did when she was sad, and her eyes immediately filled with tears.

None of it was fair. That Trip did what he did. That it made Tony do whatever he did. And now Heli was paying for it, even though she was the only person who did everything right. She only told the truth about someone else. It wasn’t her fault, not one freaking bit.

Charlie couldn’t just stand there, she had to do something, so she walked over to Heli and wrapped her arms around her. Like she could somehow hold her together. She wanted Bron to do the same, even though Heli had just directed all of that her way. It wasn’t for her though, she had to know that.

"I have to say some stuff,” she said, her voice coming out higher than usual because of the crying. “Your dad would never hate you. Never ever ever. We don’t have to put Drew in the middle. And I’m sorry you had to do this by yourself.” She blinked and a fresh wave of tears spilled down her cheeks. That part killed her, that she’d been alone with it. She could imagine how much that hurt. “I’ll do whatever you say Heli. I promise. I just want to be here for you.”

@brontefusco

#p: wake me up inside #with: charlie #with: heli #tl: day twelve

Bronte wasn't sure it mattered what Trip wanted to do. Tony couldn't be controlled, or so her dad would have said. He didn't trust a guy who ran in those circles. He'd traumatized them in Red Hook with his mafia murder tours and his list of places that weren't safe. She'd never imagined that they'd land in the middle of something like this when her father had been so careful.

She was going to move towards her sister, but then Heli was yelling at her. Bronte took several steps back while reminding herself to breathe. In...2...3. Out...2...3. She struggled with the weight of Heli's rage, she hadn't said anything about Heli liking it. She was just thinking out loud. God, why did she ever talk? "Sorry," she whispered, her voice too tight to say anything else.

Then Heli apologized to her and she was even more confused. She wasn't cut out for this level of intrigue and drama. She could barely handle schoolwork, dating, and playing two sports. Even if Heli didn't want him, Bronte wished Drew was here. He was better at this. He had more experience. And what Heli was saying didn't make sense. She wouldn't tell Drew but she'd tell Morgan, Del, or Fern? They all regularly talked to Drew. Was she asking everyone to lie for her? That didn't seem right or safe.

She let Charlie talk, worried that if she said anything Heli might explode at her again. Charlie made good points. And it was amazing that she could do that when her own brother might be involved too. Bronte felt her guts churn. She hated this whole thing. "Dad wouldn't hate you. He loves you too much to do that." She sniffled softly, "I won't take your choice from you, but if you don't want Drew involved then Morgan and Del might not be good options. They all work together and they don't keep secrets."

“it’ll be like a fun nervous, Charlie. I promise. You just have to like, give yourself into the progress.” At least she thought that was how her mom said it. Heli didn’t quite understand it, but it did sound nice.

Heli felt the tears coming, but she didn’t want to let them. She was sick of crying over Noah Nixon. Really, she was sick of crying over Trip, too. He didn’t like it when she cried, and she didn’t either. “I don’t want Drew to help me, Bronnie. I want Drew to be safe. They’re mad at him already just because people like him and feel safe to talk to him. But I’ll tell you. Even if I don’t know if I’m going to let you help me.” That felt important to say. She still wasn’t sure how she felt, and she was so bad at knowing.

She took a deep breath. “So. Noah and I used to hook up. Only for a little while. After Trip… after he told me he was going to be exclusive with someone else. And Noah made me uncomfortable sometimes. It felt a little scary to say no to him, and sometimes he’d listen. Sometimes he wouldn’t, and I’d have to be more forceful about it, and then we’d talk about it. I guess I felt like I was… teaching him. I’ve learned a lot from a lot of people, you know, and it felt nice sometimes to do that for someone else. When he listened. I know it was a bad situation, but I thought I had it handled. I told him we were done on text after he was rude to me. I even used scissor and eggplant emojis.”

She swallowed, still not sure exactly what she’d said to Trip that had upset him so much, something so awful that he’d gone to Tony. “I tried to explain this to Trip when I was talking about me having bad instincts, and he went real quiet, and then he went to go talk to Tony. And the next day, Noah made a scene, and Tony threatened to “put him down” then… then he was gone. Trip asked me to take him to Noah’s house to look for him the day of your picnic, Bronnie. That’s where I was. I’m sorry. But Noah… wasn’t there. And Trip stopped living with the Alessis because he asked Tony to stop threatening people and Tony blew him off. But it’s not simple. If Tony… if Tony gets in trouble for this, I don’t know if Trip will. Or I will. Even if it’s just Tony, Trip will be…“ She struggled for the word. "Defenestrated? Like when you’re really sad.”

@charliebeaumonts

Charlie let out a stressed sigh. "Okay. I’ll try my best.” She just hoped hoped hoped that it would all work out. She wouldn’t know what to do if it didn’t.

Charlie went completely still, scared that if she moved at all she’d miss some important detail or Heli would realise she was here and would stop talking. She was having a lot of trouble absorbing it. Worrying about Heli, and her being alone with Noah when he didn’t act right. Thinking about Tony in a way that he would hurt someone. She’d always seen him like she’d seen Finn, a protector. He was strong and brave and he looked after people. Did he do that by hurting other people? Did he do something to protect Heli? Her insides felt so uneasy. It fit but it didn’t at the same time.

“Devastated,” Charlie said quietly. She never corrected Heli, it never mattered. But Trip would be, and then that meant Heli would be too. It looked like she already was. “You didn’t do anything wrong Heli,” Charlie told her, wanting to make sure she knew. “What did Trip want him to do?” she wondered. “Just warn him?” Her mind raced. What could she do? Was there anything? Maybe Finn would know something, could she even ask him stuff like that anymore?

@brontefusco

#with: charlie #with: heli #p: wake me up inside #tl: day twelve

Bronte did not like where this was going. She hated when Heli cried. She hated the idea of people hating Drew. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to hear what was coming after that. But Heli was her sister, so she'd listen and try to keep her breathing even.

Her frown grew deeper and deeper as Heli spoke. God, she wished their mom was here. So much of this was horrible. And her own squeamishness around this kind of stuff might have prevented Bronte from being able to realize how much Heli was suffering. She needed to work on that. She needed to be more sex positive. Her shame wasn't helping anyone.

But then Tony was Tony and Bronte understood why Drew had been so worried when they were talking about gluten free pasta. He was more dangerous than she realized. Her dad was going to have a heart attack. He moved all the way from Red Hook to get away from this and here it was again. It really stunk that he was right.

"You won't be in trouble." She had a lump in her throat, "Charlie is right. You were only honest. You didn't do this. Tony did." Bronte swallowed heavily, feeling the nausea rise in her stomach. How had 2/3rds of them been vaguely connected to murder. "And we don't actually know if there's a crime because the bodies... I don't know. If they're walking then..." It sounded stupid. She wanted to close her eyes and open them back on her normal life. "I don't think Trip will be in trouble either, but... wait... the day of the picnic? That was a big day." She shook her head softly, this kind of vague statement wouldn't help. "Drew left because there were all those missing guns, but then he found them. And you two were looking for Noah, but he's not around. So, if we find him then he's definitely alive and if we don't then... I don't know."

Every day came with some new problem and her group therapy sessions were not helping enough here. She wanted to be able to do more. Heli deserved so much more. So did Charlie. They shouldn't have to be dealing with all of this. "We do have to tell Drew. I don't think he's been taking these threats seriously enough because they're very scary, but given what Tony said about him the other night and the fact that Noah's missing." Her voice lowered to a whisper, "I don't like it."

“A week? Charlie that’s so long to wait!” Heli nodded along with Bronte’s points. “There is such a thing as too much practice. I practiced so much for my first time with Trip… well, not with Trip, that part wasn’t planned, but I practiced like, in general, and in the end it just kind of…” Heli realized she was blushing. “Went out the window.” She pushed the thought aside, knowing how much Bronte didn’t like it being brought up. “Joint is, you don’t know what’ll happen. So you don’t want to prepare so much that you panic when it’s not what you expected. Unless that doesn’t happen to you, Bronnie.” Heli grinned brightly. “She’s way more prepared than me. It’s like she said. Broad moats.”

Heli was confused at first. But then she tracked back and realized she’d mentioned Nuala’s older sister. “Niamh? Oh. I offered, but she must have had somewhere to be or something. I decided to leave it up to her. Wouldn’t want to be to paragraph-social, you know? You should watch her show though. It’s super fun. But Fiona? Ew. She’s just mean. And mean is never sexy.” That wasn’t entirely accurate when it came to certain people, but it was the principle of the thing. Plus the two people she was thinking about were dead now. She gulped.

“I want to stick together. There’s just… there’s things that if you knew, things would be even more dangerous for you. And that’s not fair either. I think Trip’s trying to keep some of it from me. But we both know more than we talk about. About… About Noah. And where… where he is.”

@charliebeaumonts

“Okay,” Charlie said, looking down at her hands and trying to commit their tips to memory. She wished she had a pen or her phone or something so she could write it down. It felt monumentally important to getting the best result from the conversation. “Practice but not too much. Broad stroats. Ohhhh I’m so nervous you guys.”

“Oh okay. She has a show? Which one?” Charlie hadn’t realised they went to school with a TV star. She must be good at keeping it on the low or whatever. That was very humble of her.

Charlie frowned so hard it hurt, taking a mindless step closer to Heli. “Where he is?” Charlie repeated, her heart starting to pick up speed. This was bad, she could just feel it. She just wanted Heli to say it though because she couldn’t help if she didn’t know what was happening. “What’s going on? You’re freaking me out. Please let me help. You helped with… with the man. I can help too. Even if it’s bad.”

@brontefusco

#p: wake me up inside #with: charlie #with: heli #tl: day twelve

Bronte wanted to melt into a puddle. She did not want to think about Heli and Trip did when they were alone. It just wasn't her business and she wanted to keep it that way.

"I... um... I try to plan for good and bad outcomes and I'm usually within the ballpark of being right, so," she shrugged, "I don't know what I'd do if I was super wrong." Maybe that wasn't helpful enough. "Heli is right though, sometimes you just have to go for it. The practice helps, but you have to be brave too."

She was somewhat relieved that Heli and Niamh had never kissed. But the only kind of show she could picture was some sort of Kardashian esque reality tv show and that didn't seem right. West Ham wasn't the kind of place that did things like that. "Good for her," she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Technically she'd been the one to bring up Fiona, but it soured her mood all the same. She really really didn't like her. "Agreed. She sucks. You shouldn't trust anyone that likes her."

Her heart sank. Heli was being far too serious and she had to fight to keep her rabbiting heart in check. She breathed slowly. Noah. Missing Noah. Trip and Heli knew where missing Noah was. She knew that nothing good happened when the two of them were alone together. "We'll help you figure it out and if it's too big, there's Drew. He would help you."

Heli nodded. “If flowcharts help, do your flowcharts.” She struggled a lot with cause and effect in general, so it certainly wasn’t her style, but she knew sometimes that it was the only thing that could keep Bronte under control at times. Part of what had made Heli realize that Drew clearly liked Bronte was how he picked up on that without asking. It was all very romantic. “But Yuli also doesn’t seem like the type of person to judge you for misspeaking.”

“That just makes Nuala a worse person, Bronnie. She’s a hippogriff. With Fiona at least you know she’s always going to be awful. And Niamh is just like her videos, which is not like other people and is super cool. Their mom is super constituent. Nuala has examples of how to be better, and Mommy says that has to be taken into amount.” She put her hands on her hips. “Really, if she was more like Niamh I would have made out with her. It’s not that hard.”

Heli’s eyes were glued to her shoes as Bronte and Charlie named the problem. They were right. She hated it. But she couldn’t say anything, could she? Not without making things worse. “It’s not fair. You’re right. I don’t… I don’t know how to fix it. He said he’s handling it, so I’m going to be a good girlfriend and believe him.” She paused. “That’s what good girlfriends do, right?”

@charliebeaumonts

Charlie smiled softly at Heli’s observation. Charlie wasn’t great with words, she didn’t know how to turn the way she felt into something she could say out loud. Not like the people who wrote the books she loved so much. But Yuli had given her the space she needed to get there every time so far. “You’re right. But maybe a script would be smart…” Charlie said. “I thought I might ask her today but if I need to practice maybe I should wait. How long should I practice? A week? What if she doesn’t say what I think she might say and it doesn’t work?”

“I really don’t like it Bron but I won’t bring it up unless you want me to.” Did she bring it up with Yuli though? She wasn’t sure. She knew they weren’t ready in general to bring other people into their bubble yet and maybe that applied to this too. Charlie didn’t want to be mean she just wanted to not have to pretend. “Did you make out with Niamh?” She asked Heli casually.

“I don’t know. Maybe it depends what it is.” Charlie wished she had actual answers but she didn’t even have answers for her own problems. “Are you okay?” She eyed her normally sunshiney best friend. It felt like more than just Trip having a problem, but she didn’t know how to ask. “Is it about all the stuff from the dinner the other night?”

@brontefusco

#p: wake me up inside #with: heli #with: charlie #tl: day twelve

Bronte was a little bit relieved that she could actually contribute here. She couldn't make some kind of test like Heli but she could definitely offer tips on how to script things. "You don't have to wait that long. Sometimes I only wait an hour or so but it helps to plan what I think is important to say and some responses." There were certainly times when things didn't go her away but she was at least somewhat prepared for them. "You can't control people's responses but you can prepare for the...um...broad strokes. Like what if she says no, what if she doesn't have an opinion, what if she agrees. That kind of stuff."

Talking about Nuala was a lot more complicated. She gnawed on her bottom lip. "I dunno." Part of her hoped that Yuli would do the right thing but she also saw how Charlie glowed while talking about her and she didn't want to ruin that. "You can't always change who you're best friends with. It's complicated. Look at Trip. But I think you can say to her that Nuala and I don't really get along so hang-outs might be awkward."

Bronte had never considered that Heli had made out with any of the Woolfes. That was a weird thought to her. If she had, they at least knew that the girls didn't have any communicable diseases. That was probably good. "Heli would never make out with Nuala and I hope she wouldn't kiss Fiona considering her weird obsession with Drew but I don't know about Niamh. She doesn't make as much of an impression." That didn't sound nice. "I mean I just don't know much about her."

This new side of Heli was one that Bronte was still struggling to deal with. She hated the idea of any part of her sister being dictated by Trip Samuels. And being a good girlfriend didn't mean just going along with things because he wanted them. Then again, Heli was headstrong and didn't always do that. Bronte just wasn't sure where the line was anymore. "We need to know you're safe. And being a good girlfriend shouldn't be your only concern, the three of us have to stick together here. It's just too dangerous."

@helifusco

#with: lord marian #p: wild nights #tl: day eleven

Bronte kissed him in response. It might have been cheating, but she didn’t care. She loved him so much and sometimes it was hard to contain it. Everytime he said something nice about her she melted into a puddle. She didn’t think that would ever stop happening.

“Yeah,” she pulled away from him slowly so she could see him better. “That’s, like, the worse thing to say in that situation.” She’d been there countless times, blaming herself for not being able to let go. “But, there are a lot of different coping strategies we could try. I have a worksheet, really more like three, from group but we could also….” her cheeks were too pink, “y'know, innovate.”

Her smile physically hurt but that wasn’t going to stop her. God she loved him. “You’re great at muscle memory.” Watching him from the sidelines had been so arresting, she’d frequently forget that she had a role to play in the game too. He just understood his body so well and where to put it to make the best play possible. It was hypnotizing. “And there’s not going to be a test or anything. I know how you feel about me. I like hearing it all the time, but I don’t think I could ever forget.”

drewrogersqb

“Innovating sounds nice. I like innovating.” Drew nodded, his already wide grin growing wider even as he pleaded. “Please no worksheets. You know how long it took to get me to agree to a school that actually makes their athletes study. ” He knew it hadn’t been her favorite conversation. She wanted to make sure he had a future if he hurt himself of if something else bad happened. He realized, suddenly, that something bad had happened. Several, actually. But some things remained the same. Futures were slippery things. Scary and powerful and strange. But in this car, in this moment, there were no trees, no potential murder(s), no precious GPA. Yeah. He’d decided. The present was pretty nice.

“It is such a relief to hear you say that, Bron.” He said, his voice husky. “The last part, I mean.” He teased. “I’m not humble enough to say I can’t remember the first. So, uh. Why don’t we… uh, innovate?”

(end)

drewrogersqb

“Well I do, and I’ve been told I know stuff by someone who’s way smarter than me.” Drew smiled at her, not apologizing for using her affirmations against her.

He sighed. “I’m gonna need help with that. My parents’ response to stuff like that was always just ‘well, stop thinking about it then’. It didn’t really work, as well, you know, demonstrates.” It was a bit of a winding route to get where they’d gotten, but they had. He tried to make it sound like a joke but he wasn’t sure he’d succeeded. Bronte knew all his tells. It was usually nice because he was very bad at explaining things but at this moment he wished he could tell her that he was moving past what his dad had done. They had bigger things to worry about.

He tried to not look overcome. He still got tongue tied when Bronte reassured him this way. It made him feel foolish, but somehow in a good way, like a kid who checked under the bed and discovered monsters weren’t real (at least for now.) “I know that.” He said, feeling his face getting hot. “I just took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out so I fall into bad habits. I’ll get the muscle memory. Promise.”

#with: lord marian #p: wild nights #tl: day eleven

Bronte kissed him in response. It might have been cheating, but she didn't care. She loved him so much and sometimes it was hard to contain it. Everytime he said something nice about her she melted into a puddle. She didn't think that would ever stop happening.

"Yeah," she pulled away from him slowly so she could see him better. "That's, like, the worse thing to say in that situation." She'd been there countless times, blaming herself for not being able to let go. "But, there are a lot of different coping strategies we could try. I have a worksheet, really more like three, from group but we could also...." her cheeks were too pink, "y'know, innovate."

Her smile physically hurt but that wasn't going to stop her. God she loved him. "You're great at muscle memory." Watching him from the sidelines had been so arresting, she'd frequently forget that she had a role to play in the game too. He just understood his body so well and where to put it to make the best play possible. It was hypnotizing. "And there's not going to be a test or anything. I know how you feel about me. I like hearing it all the time, but I don't think I could ever forget."

“Yeah. You want to make sure you have a label before you use a label.” Heli said, the conversation hitting a little closer to home. “Cause, like, what’s a date? If they pay for you? If you makeout during it? What does kissing mean unless you say something?” She shrugged with a slight huff, not allowing her mind to fall through the ice as she skated as quickly as she could across its surface. “Dating is like the least useful word cause again, like, what constitutions a date? Or ‘seeing’ someone. I see lots of people. I’m seeing you right now. Though I guess you do kind of know when someone stops ‘seeing’ you.” She went quiet. It shouldn’t hurt, but it frequently did. “But like, be extra clear about exclusivity because being a girlfriend doesn’t mean you’re exclusive. Cosmo calls it modern.”

She pushed past it to better things. “I kind of want to say you should ask her to be your girlfriend with, like, a promposal type thing because that could be fun, but Yuli does seem a little…” She wasn’t sure what to say. Cooler? “Not into showy things? She’s like… chill.”

Heli watched her sister do the little denial headshake that she also was known to do from time to time. “It can bother you, Bronte. She’s bothersome.”

She tried to not look taken aback. “I’m sorry! I didn’t– Um.” Her face was getting hot. She didn’t like the way they were looking at her. She didn’t like letting people down. But it felt like either way she’d be hurting somebody, not least of all herself. She’d felt better last night, but in the light of day, the darkness of Tony’s weird basement got deeper.

She felt the sudden urge to scream it all out all at once and burst into tears. Noah’s probably dead and it’s probably my fault because Trip keeps saying its not my fault even though if I hadn’t said anything it wouldn’t have happened and that’s how fault works!!! But Trip said he was handling it. So he was handling it. Right? Right. And she could say some things. Just not all things. “Trip is struggling.” She was struggling. “He–” She “…doesn’t really get anxious normally. But I needed to reassure him.” Herself. “So I reassured him.” She studied her smudged nails. “I’m sorry it took so long. And I’m not sure it really helped. But I tried.”

@charliebeaumonts

Charlie watched Heli list what felt like a hundred different things she hadn’t even known were things she needed to think about. She’d gone from thinking she and Yuli were as close to together they could be without saying the word, to not knowing if that was true at all. “Oh. Okay.” She felt a little overwhelmed but grateful at the same time. She was glad she had friends who knew to point it out. Maybe it’d save Charlie from a world of embarrassment.

Charlie chose to focus on the next step instead. “I don’t think she’s that kind of girl,” Charlie agreed. “Maybe I can ask her to go break more stuff with me and I can ask her what she thinks about the idea. Being my girlfriend.” Her cheeks burned.

“Well I’m bothered.” Charlie hated the thought of anyone being mean to her sister. “That’s not cool.”

“It’s okay,” Charlie said. “You’re allowed to do other stuff but maybe text us?” She looked to Bronte to check if that was a good compromise. Charlie didn’t know if the problem was that she hadn’t been there or that they didn’t know where she’d gone. “Is Trip okay now?” Charlie and Trip could bicker like siblings but she care about him.

@brontefusco

#p: wake me up inside #with: heli #with: charlie #tl: day twelve

"I'm sure she'd like that." It did not sound like the kind of thing that she would want to do, but she was very happy for Yuli and Charlie if breaking stuff was something they enjoyed. "And making a script can be really helpful. Anytime I worried about asking Drew something, I'd come up with how to talk about alone first and then practice it. Then you don't have to worry as much if you get nervous."

Bronte didn't want them making a big deal out of this. Charlie was so happy with Yuli. Nuala shouldn't matter on that front. "It's okay. We can't choose our partners' friends. Maybe Nuala is super nice to people that aren't me." She wouldn't have any way of knowing that, but her mother said she needed to try harder to see the good in people. So, she was trying.

She pushed down her own frustration at learning it was Trip. It was always Trip. Sorry, Bron, Heli's off to Disney World for the week. Oh, Heli can't help you because she and Trip are going to New York. Heli's too depressed to hang out with you because of Trip. He was always hogging her. She hated it. But, she understood how desperate you could be to be alone with the guy you loved when they were hurting. She didn't want to be a hypocrite. "I hope he's okay, but I think you need to communicate more. Doing it at the picnic was one thing, but this was different. You could've been hurt and we would have had no idea. That's not fair."

“If he can earn even a sliver of the respect you have for him, he’ll be so far ahead of things. You make people better, Bron. You just do.” He wondered if there was a better way to put it, but that had been his feeling the entire time he’d been at that electricity place. Like he’d been bathed in her protection.

Bronte’s group frequently came in clutch for him, and this was no exception. “Okay. I can do that. I mean. I’ll try.” He was pretty good at putting things out of his mind and getting things done. Present company excepted.

“I could tell it didn’t feel that way, Bron. And I’m sorry. I really am. It’s hard to think that I’d ever take you for granted. For so long it felt like…” He struggled for the words. “Like I’d never have you. That I’d miss my window, and Reg would try to date you, any of the other guys on the team. And I’d have to respect what you wanted, even when I’d know, somehow, for the rest of my life, where you were.” He let out a weary laugh that bubbled in his chest. “Or where I wanted you to be.”

#p: wild nights #with: lord marian #tl: day eleven

"I don't know about that." Bronte hid her face slightly, more than a little embarrassed at such a big compliment. "But thank you for saying it." She'd always had people in her corner, she was very lucky that way, but it meant a lot that he believed in her.

She pulled away so she could see him better. "Me too. Between the both of us, I think we'll be able to figure out some ways to not focus so much on what could happen, because we seem to be too good at that."

His words were almost too much for her. She understood so profoundly exactly how he felt. He was her dream. She mooned over him and drank up every second of his time that she could but it had never seemed like it would be her reality. And now it was and she still couldn't always believe it. "I get that, but no one else ever had a chance. You're all I've ever wanted. I really really mean that."

Heli may have been trying to sneak out. But only a little. And not because she didn’t want to see Bronte and Charlie. She just wasn’t sure how she was supposed to keep track of everything. The dangers. The apologies. The lies. She didn’t want to stress anyone out. Really, if she had a purpose on this earth, it was wanting to make people happy. But she’d been worse at it lately. She knew she’d been disappearing a lot, and she could tell that Drew at least was… perplexed. Maybe that was the nicest word for it. She didn’t mean to disappear. There were just… things. Things that her father would say were “above her pay grade.” Which always confused her. He wouldn’t pay her to get good grades. She’d asked. “Hiiiiii,” Heli replied, letting her joy and relief at seeing Bronte and Charlie buoy her through her unease as she enveloped her sister in a side hug. “Yes we hate Nuala. She’s a bully, and she’s rude, and she had the nerve to hit on me after the way she treats Bronnie. It’s cruciferous.”

@charliebeaumonts

Charlie paused. She thought Yuli was her girlfriend. But they hadn’t actually said that word. “I… I think so,” Charlie said. “I mean we really like each other and we kissed and we’re going to keep going on dates but I don’t… does that mean she’s my girlfriend?” Charlie was so bad at this. She didn’t know how it all worked. She’d told Finn and Tony she was her girlfriend, but honestly, that was kind of her hoping for the best. “Maybe we’re just dating? I like her so much though. I want her to be.”

“She what?” Charlie was really sad to hear that. She would not have been as nice to Nuala as she had been if she’d known. The thought that Yuli’s friend didn’t really want to spend time with her had been a downer, but this was a trillion times worse. Maybe she and Yuli were just better as their own pair for now.

“Hey,” Charlie brightened slightly at the sight of Heli. “I’m sorry Bronte, I didn’t know. I would not have offered her the gift of my friendship if I had.”

@brontefusco

#with: charlie #with: heli #p: wake me up inside #tl: day twelve

"Hmmm," Bronte tapped her chin. That did sound like a relationship, but she didn't have a lot of experience. Drew and her had skipped a lot of steps when they first became a couple. And Heli had every type of relationship under her belt know but that didn't mean that Bronte understood them all. "I think if you haven't talked about, you probably should. Otherwise, you might be in a situationship without knowing about it." Heli read about that in Cosmo and then started naming a bunch of people as being in them. Bronte couldn't always follow them. "Then you think you're kind of in a relationship but the other person doesn't fully agree and that makes things really complicated and I don't want you to get hurt."

She hoped that she wasn't crushing Charlie's dreams, but her mom was very clear about open communication being essential in every relationship. It was hardwired into her.

She stepped back slightly to give Heli room to enter things. It was funny because Heli was so used to dealing with the Nuala stuff, that it felt almost strange that Charlie didn't know. "Drew tells me to try and shake it off and I am." She shook her hands out. "See. Doesn't bother me at all. Nope. I'm good."

She turned back towards her sister, "Where do you keep running off to? You totally ditched us last night?"

Drew wasn’t up to speculating on the Heli front. It was yet another thing he couldn’t control, and the water filled with those was already threatening to drown him.

It was a strange thing to think that he envied Bronte’s optimism. Or that she entirely had any at all. Anxiety generally wasn’t the quickest to jump to the best conclusion. But perhaps that was what made her statement more heartbreaking. He wouldn’t be able to communicate how off Del had seemed, and while he knew very little about Cricket’s moods, he knew when Del wasn’t sure of something. Even when they were upset at him, she’d always been sure of Cricket… up until that point. “I hope you’re right.” he said, swallowing.

How had he completely forgotten about the zombie angle. The ZOMBIE angle! What the fuck was happening anymore? (Sorry Mom.) “I don’t know if that’s better.” Drew sighed. “Or worse. Or what worse could be.” There was some strange sort of symbolism in the idea of Noah Nixon coming back from the dead to make Drew’s life harder, but he didn’t have high enough grades in English class to know the term for it.

They sat like that, an absurdly long creature folded up against a small one. Being close enough to her heartbeat helped, even if he knew it was going faster than it was supposed to. “I’m sorry. It’s not that you didn’t exist, Bron, it’s just…” He struggled to find the words, but they were already slipping away from him. “I’m not gonna explain this right because I never explain stuff right but when I’m about to throw, it’s not the ball doesn’t exist but that I know I can trust it to be where it is. I know where the laces are and how it’s supposed to feel. So knowing that… I look down the field. But that doesn’t mean the ball doesn’t exist, just that I’m trying to figure out the best way to get it safely where it needs to go. And you’re not an object, I’ve gotta be clear on that. You’re not. And I shouldn’t have taken you for granted, because that was what I did, but please don’t ever think I don’t know you’re there. I’ve always known. Even when it would definitely be better for me to be focusing on other things. Like walking. Or breathing. Or homework.” He looked down at her small hand, nestled in his large one. “You know?”

#p: wild nights #with: lord marian #tl: day eleven

"I hope I am too." Bronte knew that her belief in Cricket could be overconfident given the circumstances, but she knew that he could do so much. If anyone could figure things out, he would be the one.

She screwed her lips up, not really happy with either alternative. "I vote that we don't try to think up any more weird scenarios." Her brain was already too good at that. "We don't fully know what we're worried about yet, and as bad as I am it, group says that you need to try and clear those from your mind. I think we should listen to that right now."

She listened closely to his reassurances, trying to commit the words to memory. If she could focus enough on what he was saying, maybe she could be a little less worried other girls or him forgetting her. She moved her head to the side, finding the crevice of his neck and breathing in his scent. It had always comforted her, but with the loss of her parents it felt more necessary these days. "Thank you. For explaining. It didn't really feel like that, but I get what you mean." She smiled against him. "That's how I feel too, like there's some kind of Drew radar in my brain. It's always been there." She liked it that way.

charliebeaumonts:

Charlie frowned, not expecting that response at all. “Why would I be mad at you?” Charlie honestly didn’t think she’d ever been mad at Bronte or Heli the entire time she’d been friends with them. They were sunshine. It wasn’t possible. “Yeah it was good! I just stayed with Yuli. I don’t think her friend was happy I was there, but I talked to her the other day and she seemed nice? We were going to try hang out together with Yuli but maybe she didn’t mean it. I don’t know. She went with her sister anyway so at least it wasn’t awkward I guess.” Charlie shrugged and turned back to finish making her coffee. “What happened anyway? I hope nothing bad? I know you were upset when Drew had to go.”

#with: charlie #with: heli #tl: day twelve #p: wake me up inside

"Because I ditched you, but that was stupid of me to think because we weren't just friends hanging out. Yuli is your..." She frowned, "She is your girlfriend officially, right? Like, I didn't get that wrong."

Bronte needed a minute to work through Yuli having a friend. She just seemed so mysterious. And Bronte didn't see her around much except for...oh. Right. Nuala. "Well, Nuala stinks anyways so what she thinks of you is doesn't matter. Sorry." She blushed. "I...Nuala's on the soccer team. And she bullies me. Constantly." Between her and Violet, it was a miracle that she could focus on the game.

"Well," Bronte was going to start explaining things, she really was, but she saw blonde curls bouncing in her periphery. The rest went out of her head. It absolutely wasn't her own anxiety of this conversation. Not at all. "Heli! Hi!"

#with: lord marian #p: wild nights #tl: day eleven

drewrogersqb:

Drew kept his potential comment about their tendency to be loud in check. Saying it would only prove Bronte’s point. So he just agreed. “Exactly. Better stuff.” God, he didn’t want to think about anything. Just her. Only her. Like the dark would fall away. “She ran off again?” He was getting genuinely upset with Heli at this point, mostly because she was hurting Bronte but also, at this point, because he was starting to worry from the other side of his life. Heli hung out with Trip and Trip hung out with Tony and Tony was trying to kill him. Had killed someone. And he didn’t know how to explain to Bronte or her sister. “No. No. There wasn’t anything to see. I hope. That came out weird. I just.” He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, breathing her in, wishing that the world wouldn’t change because he knew he could trust her to not change with it. “A lot of stuff went wrong tonight, Bron.” He looked back at the still dark rink. “I don’t know a lot about it, but I kinda think Cricket doesn’t know what’s happening with the power. And there was even more bad news. But I want to tell you first that I’m okay. And we’re gonna be okay. I’ll make sure of it.” He ran his finger along her palm, unsure what to say or how to say it. Usually he had Bronte to help him with that. He was used to experiencing the big things in their lives together, and as much as he wanted to protect her, half of him wished he could just carry her everywhere so she could understand. And yet he would never wish this on anyone, let alone the person he loved. He swallowed, voice gone husky and tired. “Leo told the council that he saw Noah on Wednesday. Tony was beating him up and Leo left and no one’s seen him since. That we know of, I mean. And someone burned down Noah’s house tonight.” He felt like his body was collapsing in on itself. “I’m so sorry, Bron. I wanted this to just be a nice night. I’m sorry about what happened with Reg. I just came back, and he was there, and you did everything right. I was out of line. It was just nice to be able to... do something, you know?”

"I don't know what's gotten into her these days," Bronte sighed. It wasn't like Heli to just run off all the time. She could be flighty, but she almost always let Bronte know what was happening.

She was all set to panic, but then he was tucking her hair behind her ear and she found herself leaning into him and calming down naturally. It was so easy when he was in front of her. "Cricket might not know now but I'm sure he'll figure things out. He pretty much always does." She laughed a little, but it wasn't a very funny sound. She didn't like the possibility of more bad news. The whole town was already too full of it.

Bronte blinked. She blinked again. Noah was missing. That felt like it should be good news, but not if Tony was involved. Tony who had a dinner party that made Heli quiet. It felt bad, world ending, heart stopping, never get over bad. "Okay," she squeaked.

His actions made a lot more sense in context. She could feel her heart beating too hard against her bones. Nothing was okay. It hadn't been okay since they'd exhumed Britt's coffin and found nothing. But now it was worse. Unless...."Um, I know this doesn't sound very good but if Tony...." she paused, "you know...um...Noah might not actually be..." she paused again, "you know." God, this was all coming out horribly. "He might not be dead. If he is. Which he probably isn't. Because that would be terrifying and everyone is a little tired of being terrified right now."

She pulled him in close to her, resting her head on top of his. They almost never sat like this, but it was nice. Comforting. She had forgotten everything with Reg for a minute. "It's okay," she stroked his arm softly, "I don't...it's not the being territorial or whatever thing," she liked that but she was never going to say that, "It was that I didn't exist when he was there. I....that's what bothered me."

So the brightest minds in New Ham are bickering about guinea pigs, the government can’t decide how long they should take to read things, and some people want to know where Noah is. Others want to know why the fuck they should care.

But hatchets can be buried, peaces made. Secrets forgotten, people disappeared. Nothing helps like a party.

It’d be a shame if something was to happen to it.

So press play and go.

#with: lord marian #with: charlie #with: heli #with: trip #p: break the ice

Murder on the dance floor, murder on the dance floor, murder in the dark on the dance floor I really hope there isn’t a murder on the dance floor. (continued from here and here)

Keep reading

But hatchets can be buried, peaces made. Secrets forgotten, people disappeared. Nothing helps like a party.

It’d be a shame if something was to happen to it.

So press play and go.

#with: lord marian #with: heli #with: charlie #with: trip #tl: day eleven #p: gimme more

The party begins, but the fun doesn’t last long. Tell me. Where were you when the lights went out in New Ham? (continued from here, continues here)

Keep reading

But hatchets can be buried, peaces made. Secrets forgotten, people disappeared. Nothing helps like a party.

It’d be a shame if something was to happen to it.

So press play and go.