By Way of BKLYN

Life as seen through the eyes of a Brooklynite

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

So Saturday morning, I was assaulted for the simple fact that I was gay, and walking out of the club. Although they were initially targeting someone else, I ended up getting the brunt of the aggression. Best believe, I will make sure that this gets justice; I will get justice for all of us who have been target for our decision to live our lives freely.

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

GypjaQ is "Staying Woke"

Let me first start off by saying that I have loved GypjaQ (real name Jack Fuller) since High School. Being two grades behind, I never got to experience his talent intimately, but seeing him at showcases, talent shows and other concerts, it was clear that he was destined for creative greatness! In his debut video "sInnIstIr," GypjaQ uses his mastery of the spoken word to illustrate an abstract but poignant commentary on the state of Blacks in the Americas. This underlying message becomes increasingly clear, as the video depicts dancers with traditional Yoruba face markings emerge from the ground, initially being bound and restricted. Although the intent was to depict the captured spirits of Orisha, I processed it as a literal representation of how Blacks in this country came on the slave ships. It also shows the invisible legal, social, mental and emotional binds that still tie many of us in the Americas down, years after our physical ones were cast away. The video then shows the binds broken, and the now freed dancers run toward the warmth of the fire and the voice of GypjaQ himself, who was calling out to them all the while. The video comes to a close with the group depicting elements of Yoruba rituals with contemporary dance. Overall, GypjaQ is one of the many artists who are creating the space for black art to connect back to our African roots. This video is one of many to come! And I hope to see this man at Afropunk!

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Bottom Shaming and Misogyny

To discuss bottom-shaming, we have to talk about internalized homophobia and its not-so-obvious, but direct connection to misogyny. Many of us have been conditioned to reject femininity. I can bet that most of us have been subjected to many instances of us being corrected by family or friends on what "being a boy" is supposed to do and say. Years of that conditioning has now created to foundation of how we operate in the world. Even in seemingly superficial actions like looking at someone's unlocked pics. But even more so, how we view each other in our own community. Many of us bottoms find it hard to fit into the ideal boxes that many tops put us in. Most seem to want a masculine, muscular bottom, some want a feminine slender bottom, then some want a bottom who has a feminine shape, natural or enhanced. This then leads to us bottoms to devote our time an energy to achieve these, to please them. And because of our numbers, that leads to competition. Now healthy competition is normal, but we bottoms tend to take it up a few notches. We will be the first to post a pic of someone's prolapsed hole, to accuse another of contracting or spreading an STI/STD, to draw attention to another's body count, or to shame or discredit one's claim not to bottom during sex (especially when it comes to other "known" bottoms or verse men). This is inherently internalized homophobia at work. We are policing and vilifying ourselves and others, demonizing on the grounds of a simple preference. It's not the "manly" thing to do, so why not make one feel ashamed of it. It happened to many of us all the time when we were younger, right? Then, thinking even bigger, that internal homophobia is linked to society's general disrespect towards what is perceived to be a woman or "womanly." Femininity is always secondary and inferior to the patriarchy that is our world. With that being said, why do you think bottom shaming happens? How do you think we can turn the tide and uplift one another?

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Moonlight and Masculinity: Why Moonlight is important!

I just watched Moonlight this past Monday. (Yes, I know I’m late). Throughout the movie, I kept thinking “Who gave Barry Jenkins or Tarell Alvin McCraney my childhood diary?”

The whole story in the first two acts hit very close to home (sans drug addicted mother). The being chased by other boys, having my best male friend turn on me because he wanted to fit in (and me allowing it), my first experience with another male, everything. But it wasn’t just calling male sexuality into question; it was touching upon the concept of black masculinity.

Much like the lead, Chiron, I remember getting jumped almost daily, being ridiculed by virtually everyone, dreading going to school, and sometimes not wanting to go outside at all.

And for a while it only seemed to get worse. Because, not only was I getting this from other kids or teens, I was catching it from their parents and other adults. They seem to only enforce the behavior.

It makes you question yourself: “Are they right?” “Am I a faggot?” “Am I really gonna catch AIDS?” “Why can I just man up like every other boy?”

The concept of masculinity in the black community is a very, very narrow standard that doesn’t allow for variation of any kind. This consequently makes anything outside of this stand out. And, with any group of people, those who stand out are severely misunderstood and harshly ridiculed.

But this is not to make homophobia in the black community look anymore harsher than in others. In fact, homophobic sentiments seem to be the same across the board. However, due to propaganda and hundreds of years of colonization, the freedom that is black expression had essentially became catatonic.

Being in this state has allowed for the toxic untrue images and ideas, propagated by white supremacy, to permeate through the fabric of our community and had been allowed to fester and morph into this idea of what being a black man or a black woman mean, and has gone unquestioned for so long that it is thought to be normal.

Moonlight goes where no other Hollywood movie goes. It is holding up a huge mirror to the black community, namely black men, exposing it all. It made many who saw it so uncomfortable, that they left the theater.

Everyone should watch Moonlight, especially black men, if for nothing else, to help unpack and decolonize your mind and soul.

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

We gotta take back the wheel

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Thanksgiving Routine

How Thanksgiving plays out: - Starves self for 24+ hours - helps with cooking while picking off small parts of everything or "taste testing" - waits for last item to come out of oven - makes ginormous plate - eats like a starving animal - realizes that too much is on plate - puts foil over plate - sleeps - wake up - put unfinished plate in microwave - eats some more, this time like you got some damn sense - sees what's up with the cake/pie/pudding/ice cream - pops Tums (Pepto or Imodium as substitutes) - goes back to sleep

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Words cannot express the amount of pride and joy that I feel. My agency, the New York City Department of homeless services is opening its first LGBTQ shelter. As a way to introduce the groundbreaking facility, I created the concept of Being Unites in Love & Diversity (BUILD) and turned it into a breakfast event that my agency hosted. This breakfast brought together community activists, non-profit organizations, and government agencies, in the ways that government has not done before, together to discuss the issue that is LGBTQ homelessness. I am proud to say that this event helped change some perspectives and helped start a very important relationship with the LGBTQ community and New York City government. This event was meant to plant the seed of love and unity in hopes that it will grow into a beautiful, more progressive culture. #LoveBuildsLGBTQ #proudofme

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Dear Non-Voters. . .

Dear Non-Voters:

Hi, you got a second? I won’t take long, I promise.

To all 100+ million of you, but especially the black and brown non-voters who sat this election out: I respect it. Honestly, I do.

But let me just make this one thing clear: This election was more than the presidency. This was about governmental control. As many of us have been taught or have learned, America ain’t here for us colored folk. However, I firmly believe in infiltration.

Simply put, we need more black and brown faces in Congress and in the Senate. THESE two entities are what “we the people” have direct control over.

But because that matters not to many of you, we lost control of who runs for these seats and who gets elected over the past few decades. It has literally  become a free for all.

So many of my brothers and sisters chant about supporting black businesses, investing in black services and goods, and creating our own upward mobility.

But who is going to ensure we get there? Who is going to push legislation to allow for these small black businesses to profit? Who is going to lobby for their communities who are trying to create their own? Who is going to advocate for the financial support of this mobility?

I have a hard time believing that a House and a Senate of a White, Republican majority legislation is going to be able to be connected enough to even care.

So do me a favor? You wanna support black, then represent black where it counts.

Best, D

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

America, The Wrathful: Why is there a President Trump?

Needless to say that the United States has spoken. It pains me to say that, yes, Donald J. Trump is the president elect. The bipolar, Oompa Loompa  has grabbed America by the pussy and isn’t letting go any time soon. These are words that I hoped that I would not have to say, but I am honestly not surprised that I am saying them.

There has been back and forths about why this election turned out the way that it did, especially since folks were banking on Hillary, even though she did win the popular vote, barely. Well, to be blunt, America’s Wrath is to blame. This is America’s last stand and her last attempt to hold on to the whiteness she cares for so dearly and is so terrified of losing.

This is America’s revenge. As CNN’s Van Jones so poignantly noted, “This was a whitelash against a changing country. It was whitelash against a black president in part. And that's the part where the pain comes." And for those who don’t know what he meant by “whitelash,” it’s white backlash. I was an aggressive push back from conservative White Americans as a direct response to having to accept that a Black Man, a “nigger”, was the face of the country, and doing what he could to make as much change for the good of the nation as he could.

The covert racism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia and islamophobia were the real driving force. Not millennials, not third party voting (although debatable); it was America being America. For those who believed that we were in a post racial society, please let this be a flag to you that you have underestimated how deep America’s hatred goes. Please let this be a sign for you, for when we say “black lives matter,” “love wins,” or “No DAPL,” this is the place that the cry comes from. And please let this be a wake-up call for you, for your families and friends are not as progressive as you imagined.

The idea that Trump spoke to an unheard and neglected population is outlandish to say the least. Looking at the exit polls, the Majority of white voters in this country voted for Trump. To add insult to injury most of these individuals, according to the polls, make more than $50k a year. This is who we have to thank for Trump. Not so much the third party voters, but privileged middle and upper class white people who have taken a personal offense to these last 8 years and  to Hillary Clinton’s campaign.

America hasn’t made the progress that was imagined. Nowhere near it actually. We have a long way to go. I pray for strength for the next four years.

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Get yo ass out and vote!

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Video footage of my Call to Community speech. It's not all of it but it captures the essence of it!

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Speech: "Call to Community"

Delivered at The Brooklyn NAACP Emergency Town Hall @ Medgar Evers College Brooklyn, NY When I was young, I was taught that I could be anything I wanted to be. But, as I have grown older, i find that I can't be myself. I can't be black. I can't be gay. I can't be a man. I know this to be true because America tells so. America shows me that I could be shot dead either way; just for being. If I protest too much, if I question too much, if I am too loud, if I laugh. All are grounds for me to die. ShoutOut to you America, for showing me that whether I'm in the club, stuck in traffic, or outside of a store promoting/selling stuff, I will always be a walking target. Racism has been, is currently, and will be, in the foreseeable future, my reality. It is also true for every black man, woman, and child who has walked in these United States in for the past 300-400 years. This system was built on generations worth of ensuring the constant undermining of the human rights of black people. In other words, we have not arrived. We haven't even made it to the door yet. But yet I'm still told that I have arrived. That I'm through that door. But I don't see what I am being told to see. This isn't the promise land I heard about. This looks nothing like the dream Rev. Dr. King had. My people are dying, crying, turning on one another, hoping against hope, praying, pleading that the dream eventually comes true. How long must I be forced to wear these rose colored glasses, fractured just enough for the hot rays of reality can burn my eyes? When can I take the headphones off, playing the looped recording telling me I am free, knowing that I am only free on the condition that I am not who I was born as? When can I set my lips free from the nails that keep them shut, that get hammered into over and over again with "all lives matter" "I'll pray" and "loves wins?" To be quite frank, I don’t need any more “love”; loving my people is why I’m hurting. Love also comes from oneness, which is non-existent in this country. I don’t need any more prayers, for they are often empty and without action, especially from those who can’t fully appreciate the pain that is felt. And I for damn sure don’t need to be told that I, or people that look like me, are making something out of nothing. Like the air we breathe, racism is invisible yet very real. We need revolution. We need leaders. We need community. We need solidarity. My eyes have bore witness and shed tears to the atrocities that have happened to my people over the past month. I have seen sides being chosen; like Orlando vs. Charleston even though the same blood has been spilled by the same vessels of hate that some of these police officers are. I have shed tears and broke down for those who I didn’t know or who I barely knew. I have anxiety because I have neither a clue of where to go nor where to be safe or how to I can ensure my safety. Alas, I am done crying. I am sick of living in fear. I am over not being heard. I am tired that my work with my community is being done in vain. My black leaders, straight and gay, transgender and cisgender, present and future, young and old, we must lead our people, together, to the promise land. We need to plan, build and push our own narrative. We may have to become the next MLK, Malcolm X, Huey Newton and Marcus Garvey. It is necessary. We may not like one another, but we don’t have a choice but to stand united. Many of our brothers and sisters don't even know where to start helping themselves, or even how to have a conversation about seeking help. We are in desperate need of leaders who can guide us in facilitating these conversations and in this movement. I have resolved that I will do whatever it takes, in whatever capacity, to make this movement live on. My... our future son and/or daughter are depending on us.

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

This right here has been, is currently, and will be, in the foreseeable future, my reality. It is also true for every black man, woman and child who walked in the United States in for the past 300-400 years. This is generations worth of being told that you're lesser than. We have not arrived. We haven't even made it to the door yet. But yet I'm still told that I have arrived. That I'm through the door. But this isn't the promise land I heard about. This looks nothing like the dream I had. And my people are dying, crying and turning on one another, hoping against hope, praying, pleading that the dream eventually comes true. How long must I be forced to wear these rose colored glasses, fractured just enough for the hot rays of reality to burn my eyes? When can I take the headphone off, telling me I am free, but on the condition that I am not who I was born as? When can I see my lips free from the nails that keep them shut? Until I can have those questions answered, don't bother trying to explain my struggle to me.

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Brother, do you care for me as I care for you?

As I write this blog, I am holding back tears. I admit I cried this morning. This is probably going to be one of the most personal pieces I will probably ever write.

When a black boy dies, it’s all hands on deck. We cry, we scream, we fight. But that suddenly evaporates if that boy is found to be gay.

What happened at Pulse in Orlando was one of the largest mass shooting in recent memory and one of the most gut wrenching in history. This is a time where people are to band together in solidarity. To empower one another. But I notice that I can’t get that support in full from my heterosexual brothers and sisters of color. Especially my brothers.

I find it interesting how that every instance, when a black male or female gets killed, we are suddenly one huge family. We stand together. Gays of color tend to be at the forefront of this outrage. But something like Pulse happens, where 50 plus, mostly gay people died at a place where they thought they could be free, there is an eerie silence.

I could count on one hand how many of my heterosexual brothers voiced concern about the events that took place. I can count on one finger how many of my heterosexual brothers advocated for his LGBT brothers who died. This hurts me to my core.

My only question is this: Do you care for me as much as I care for you? Do you really? Because I don’t feel it. I always hear about black unity, coming together and Black Lives Matter, but do I matter to you? What will it take to show that I am you as you are me?

As gay men we walk burning sands, treacherous storms and push through blood, sweat, and tears to live our lives they way they should be lived. We identify with your struggle, my brother, because it is our struggle too. We hear you when you cry, we stand in front of you when you’re down and we will scream for you when your voice can’t take it.

But where are you when we need you? Give me an “I here for you,” “I feel with you,” “I got you.” I thank the men who have expressed support to the masses or to me personally. But as a whole, brother please, I need you.

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Gentrification and the Columbus Syndrome

I have spoken many times about this topic. But I honestly thought it was an issue only experienced in the New York City area. However, after going to both Chicago and DC, I see that we are far from being alone in this phenomenon.

For those of you who STILL don’t know what gentrification is (you must have been under a rock), it is, as defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary, “the process of renewal and rebuilding accompanying the influx of middle-class or affluent people into deteriorating areas that often displaces poorer residents.” In layman’s terms, rich or well off white, and some of color, people, usually not from the city in question, moving into poor, black and brown neighborhoods, after the city does some long overdue construction in the neighborhood.

What does this look like? Well typically, you will see a drastic shift in services and goods in the area. Coffee shops replacing corner stores, barbershops becoming sushi bars, Chinese food restaurants becoming overpriced Thai food spots. The demographics of the neighborhood also change, mainly being recent white college graduates that refuse to go home.

And all of this happens, really fast. Hell, it can change the neighborhood in 5 years. For most natives, it almost seems to happen overnight. But this is probably the least harmful.

What most angers me and most of others who are affected is the blatant disregard of ethos and culture that preside in the very community they settle in. Yes, I used the term settle. For good reason too.

It is something called, as so poignantly coined by Jeffery Almonte a.k.a. Almonte, Columbus Syndrome. Like Columbus himself, the hipsters and yuppies come from foreign lands (like Ohio, Missouri, or some other Midwestern area or one of the barren New England states) to come live in NYC post college, because they don’t want to go home nor do they know what to do with a B.A. in English.

They then briefly mingle with natives, only to eventually seize land out from under them either rendering those homeless or forced to relocate. But it isn’t as violent or as blatant as it was in the 1490s.

Unlike Columbus, these settlers bring a different kind a disease. A disease that eats away at the cultural center of a community, eventually eating it away until nothing but the memory is left. Prime examples of this are Williamsburg Bushwick, and Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn, Astoria and Long Island City in Queens, Harlem and the Lower East Side in Manhattan, Some of the South Bronx, Pilsen in Chicago, almost everywhere in DC, and many, many other places that would take another post.

Symptoms of this silent and deadly killer are coffee shops (i.e. Starbucks),  vegan restaurants, sushi bars, rent spikes, graffiti and other art being painted over, condominium construction, rise in noise complaints, loitering complaints and the disappearance of everything, every place and everyone that you knew (if you grew up in the affected neighborhood).

And to visit the “hoods” not yet affected by gentrification are still not being tended to nor heard. Wages aren’t going up so it’s getting harder and harder to afford the rent. But instead of trying to work with the existing community, gentrifiers would rather eliminate it and re-create the community in their own image.

To say that I don’t want to see my neighborhood improve would be false, but I would rather it be the way it is than to have it eradicated. We as communities must protect whats ours. Our local businesses. Our markets. Our businesses. Our memories. Our homes. And for those not from these communities, we simply ask for the respect of letting us preserve our culture and invite you to share it, not destroy it.

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

Black Beauty vs. Standard Beauty: Self hate in the Black Community

It took me a while to come up with the right angle to this, but a few memes put things into a perspective.

Simply put, Black is beautiful. But we are often times not made to feel that way. Especially growing up in America. Many are made to feel subpar and ugly because of how they look.

Over the years, Lil’ Kim facial structure has changed dramatically from the cute, around the way, black girl from Brooklyn (and could spit fire with the best rappers), to some completely different.

Kim has been known to admit to altering her looks, whether by makeup or plastic surgery. However, in many people’s opinion, even her dearest fans, she took it a bit too far in recent years.

Lil’ Kim recently posted a video and a collage of selfies a couple of days ago. She looks about 5 shades lighter than what she was in other recent pictures, her face was unrecognizable, and her wig was nowhere near her natural texture or color.

At first I could not understand why she did it to herself, sans makeup, as I have seen in person; her face does not look all that bad, although, the surgical alterations made are obvious.

Now circulating on the internet is a quote from Kim, explaining how her own father and multiple exes made her feel or told her that she was ugly. If someone were to tell her she was beautiful, she would not believe it. She felt that “[b]eing a regular black girl wasn’t good enough.”

The standard of beauty that she was often subject to was the European one that America uses as a default. Worldwide, media teaches society that lighter is better, and to aspire to it, whether the fit into that mold or not. For black people, and other people of color, this leads to deep self hatred, among other psychological issues

Kim isn’t the only one that experiences this. There are plenty of women of color across the world that had similar experiences and fell the same way. There are too many products that can bleach skin. The scary part is how readily they are available, especially in areas where the melanin is rich, if you catch my drift. Even on a subtle level, the narrative is pushed on to women, forcing them to believe it.

The documentaries Dark Girls and Light Girls show how far the spectrum of self hate extends. Respectively it shows how darker skinned women, black or not, struggle to make themselves lighter to appear and feel beautiful and how lighter skinned women, of color, struggle to express their blackness because they are seen as not being a part of the struggle.

 It wasn’t until in recent years that we as black people started to embrace ourselves for who we are: our features, our hair, and our skin. The #TeamNatural and #Melanin movements have found a new breath of life and is sweeping black and brown communities worldwide. However it is too late for some, like Lil’ Kim, where the damage has been done.

Kim is the one of the worst case scenarios of the manifestation of self hate.  And what makes it sad is that she knows it. It is on us as a community to push our own narrative, celebrating all of us, not matter how we came into the world.

[brooklynlonewolf-blog]

#RestInParadisePrince #realfansonly #musician #legend