brotilnesse- insecurity, instability, fickleness @brotilnesse - Tumblr Blog

extrasad

I can’t wait for it to be fall so I can rot with the leaves

#I hate fall but same

xomoonlightkissesxo-deactivated

I need to stop eating

(via hated-by-myself)

#starving -#eating stuff -

boys-and-suicide-deactivated201

#gif #flashing gif #I guess

me, every time I cross the street: run me over i fucking dare you

r-endrick

#blood -

blowedd

tw self harm and suicide

These last few days I've been pretty much less sad - more sad and I don't know why every time. Apart from issues with myself, I feel the urge to self harm (which I can't because I'm in another country and I didn't bring any tools with me) or the urge to kms but I can't do either and it stresses me out and since I'm off Olanzapine I can't really sleep well because melatonine doesn't really work for me and I'm on the highest dosage for my age so while I'm not worrying I'm gaining weight I can't sleep and I feel worse in the night unless I'm doing something which I'm not allowed to because I need to sleep it's just a bad circle of emotions and I just... Idk I needed to vent. Also I'm switching institutions again and I'm losing my psychs and my psychologist is great but I'm leaving her too and my new psychologist is terrible bc she laughs and pointed out all my flaws in the first conversation with my parents and said bpd and autism can't coexist in one person which is complete bullshit and ugh I'm just so not looking forward to having my psychologist, the only person who I can really talk to who is a prof (I never really talk with my psychiatrists) and who isn't emotional when I discuss bad stuff with being her so I'm just.... Sorry this is long and not finished since I need to go now but yeah this is a short long update on my mental state.. So... How are you guys?

#suicide -#self harm -#personal

Honestly FUCK Olanzapine.

#if they ever put me on it again or other antipsychotics who do the same thing...#(tw weight stuff) it made me gain a lot of weight and I've been pretty up and down about it in the last three years it made me feel worse #than before and now whenever I look at pictures I just feel v sad because I'm afraid it will stay like this forever #unless I diet or something and everytime I do so I just feel terrible and usually after a dieting period I feel less terrible than while #dieting but now since I'm huge I never feel okay with my weight or food #so yeah fuck it.#personal