-fries b4 guys-

sex. weed. meditation. tattoos. art. makeup. 21. bands. pizza. cats.

[ghostyrd]

[brown-eyedshit]

What it's like being at a concert with anxiety

For all of you who don't know what it's like to have a panic attack or don't know how anxiety works, read this. Tonight I attended a concert and something happened that I didn't quite expect. I knew it would get rowdy. I knew there would be mosh pits and so on, but I didn't necessarily realize how bad some concerts can get. While state champs and parkway drive played the crowds were as I expected them to be. People crowd surfed and moshed. I got hit in the face a few times by some people crowd surfing. Almost lost my glasses a few times(thank god i didn't.) but I barely got scratched. Things were good. The vibes were great. I jumped up and down and talked to some people in the crowd. Once a day to remember got on stage it was like a switch went off. The crowd went nuts which didn't surprise me but nothing prepared me for what happened next. The band started playing and everyone went crazy. Like, c r a z y. People jumped up and down while squishing the fuck out of me and everyone around them. They were not only doing that but at the same time they were shoving everyone forward and also crowd surfing and moshing. That's when it hit me. I couldn't breathe. I could not enjoy myself any longer. I tried to breathe and stay cool for a bit but I felt like I was literally not only being suffocated, but I felt like I had no control of myself at all. Everyone around me was moving me left and right and forward. I knew I would loose my boyfriend in the mess because of the hectic and wild actions of everyone around me and that scared me to death. I didn't want to be alone in that mess. This is not a post bashing on anyone. There's nothing wrong with moshing and jumping and having a good time. I just wanted to make a post about how bad anxiety can get. I haven't had an anxiety attack as bad as the one I had tonight in a long while. Anyways, at that point in time when I could no longer breathe, jump up and down because of how squished I was or even have any control of my movements at all, I turned to my boyfriend and said "I can't. I can't do this I'm so sorry I have to leave." He gave me a look of both fear and worry. I didn't even look to see if he followed me out of the crowd because I just needed air at that point. Once I hit the outside I ran to a bathroom port-I-potty. I burst into tears, tried to breathe steadily and noticed I was shaking so bad that it looked forced. My boyfriend did end up following me out and calmed me down. Thank god for that man... I had honestly feared for my life tonight. It may sound dramatic, but how I was feeling made me feel like i was literally going to have a heart attack or something. It was so scary. I am relieved I wasn't the only one who felt like it was as bad as it was though. My boyfriend and his friends were saying that it was way too nuts in there... We did end up going back inside after a quick smoke and my boyfriend stayed with me every moment except maybe 3 minutes for part of a song. We stayed more towards the back and I noticed my anxiety was still bad. I was still shaking. I kept picking at my skin on my fingernails. I would fold my arms and squeeze them lightly. I would rub my hands together and noticed I was sweating bag. But as he night went on I felt better. With the help of my boyfriend and his friend they eased me back into a positive excitement. I jumped up and down and belt out to some of my favorite songs It was an amazing night I'll probably never forget. I was upset with myself at first. I didn't want my boyfriends night to be ruined. I kept thinking, "he came all this way to spend time with his best friend and he spent money on this concert and this is one of his favorite bands and I'm distracting him. He's going to miss out on some of it. I don't want to seem dramatic. I'm ruining it for him. He won't ever want to go to a concert with me again. I don't want him to have to worry about me." My anxiety got the best of me tonight. It sucks when my demons win but I just need to keep fighting. I need to keep moving, Keep going. It's not going to stop me from going to more concerts that's for sure. Hopefully this made some people understand what its like to have a mind with anxiety, what it's like going through an anxiety attack, what it's like to feel like you're dying when you're perfectly fine, and what it's like when the the darkness wins... And what its like to keep pushing on. Don't let it continue to knock you down. If you keep getting back up and fighting back, the bully will eventually leave you alone. And please if you have a significant other or friend or family member who has a panic attack or has really bad anxiety at a concert don't leave them by themselves while they are in a cloudy and scary state of mind. Help calm them down if you can. Get them some water. It's scary fighting it alone. Some days you need to try it on your own but other days like today for example, if your significant other or whoever is in the state if mind I was in, it would be extra helpful if they had someone their helping them calm down. I'm so thankful for my boyfriend and his friends for sticking by my side. Have a good day, friends. I'm going to try to get some rest. It's been a long night/morning. #anxiety #rant #jounraling #writing #latepost #depression #f4f #followme #itgetsbetter

[hardwarning]

[overdose-art]

[baesment]

[hopelesshoping]

Citizen- Yellow Love (x)

[pearlextract-deactivated2014083]

[brown-eyedshit]

Thoughts.

I just don't understand how people can be so fake. Why do you have to be so fucking fake to get a girl to bed? Making her dinner, and texting her acting like you care then to find out you were just a fuck boy the whole time.... It hurts man. When you think you have a genuine connection with someone then find out they weren't real with you the whole time....

[acafethatslove]

cozy cozy cozy ☕️

[wnq-anonymous]

The best revenge is to improve yourself.

(via bled)

[brown-eyedshit]

It's been a while

Since I’ve been on tumblr I’ve gone through quit a few things. As if my life wasn’t already a big pile of shit. One thing in particular that I struggle with is keeping a guy in my life. It’s really hard for me to do that because I get so damn attached so fast… Do any of you have that same problem? I know it’s got something to do with all the neglect in my life. From my birth mother, to my friends, to lovers, my father and step mom. It’s hard when people keep walking out of your life. One thing with the guys that separates from the others is they don’t even tell you why. I’ve been through this quit often, Its sad really. They just stop talking to you all together- No reasoning or a speck of the reason why. Why do you act like you care for me so much if you never wanted to stay with me? I tell them “don’t have sex with me Ill get attached.” What do they do? Have sex with me and then tell me I’m too much. I tell them “I’ve been hurt before so, I have a wall.” He says “you need to open up to me. I wanna know you” I tell him I was raped. He ignores me. My problem is I never look for the bad especially in men I pursue. I put it behind me and I go gaga for them. I’ll know in my mind how it’s going to end up; I’m good at that. But I always have hope… I wish I wasnt like this. It’s honestly just a curse. When good guys come around it’s hard for me to stay focused on them. Right now I’m seeing this amazing guy. He’s just all around a perfect man. Everyday he tells me how gorgeous and beautiful I am. He calls me every day. But yet my mind is on another. Just wondering why he never bothered to give me an explanation… I just one understand my train of thought….

[zptp]

[sheisrecovering]

[attaches]

[brown-eyedshit]

#snapchat #selfie

[brown-eyedshit]

This will be me today. "Shmerkin a berwl" as my fellas blake, adam and ders would say, and eating everything i own lol. #aloneforchristmas #merrychristmasyafilthyanimal #workaholics

[brown-eyedshit]

My christmas eve has consisted of abor mist and binge watching New Girl. #aloneforchristmas #christmaseve #abormist