Brown Girl Utahn

Trying to blend in while being unique and so far failing miserably

[browngirlutahn]

On Mom Guilt

It has been a while since I baked a cake.

I was making a cake today. As I was dividing the batter into two nine-inch pans, I realized that I didn't break and incorporate one of the yolks into the batter. What's sad is that I was making a boxed cake. What's even sadder is that it's for my baby's birthday tomorrow.

While some moms toil to make their children's birthdays super awesome with homemade birthday cakes and fantastic decorations and Pinterest-caliber parties, here I am, writing a blog post, in between studying for three more tests and finishing a school project. And as if the guilt has not wrenched my heart enough, I've found that whenever someone asks my baby where I am, she replies "Doing homework."

*Sigh*

Sometimes, I wonder if what I'm doing is worth missing some things about my baby. Then I realize that I'm kind of at a point where I can't turn back. I need to finish college for me, but also to show my daughter that 1. having a college education is important and 2. her mother is determined to achieve something, regardless of how difficult it is.

So, yeah.

At least I didn't forget to buy her a present.

[browngirlutahn]

On Michael Kinsley's Abolish Marriage

I've come to decide that SCOTUS judges are smarter than I give them credit for. Take for instance, Scalia's dissent on Lawrence v. Texas. While this does not entirely represent my position on the gay marriage debate, I think that this article was prophetic when it was written because it pretty much sums up how the debate on gay marriage has taken shape.

[browngirlutahn]

They look better worn. I'm super excited.

[browngirlutahn]

School got in the way of my knitting. This took three months to finish.

[browngirlutahn]

[browngirlutahn]

On Actually Listening to a Song

Why is it that when we like a song, the lyrics are usually what clinches whether that song is worth listening to or not?

I've been obsessed with Alt-J's Breezeblocks. I'm so obsessed that I have played this song on repeat for 30 minutes. Yeah, I'm that obsessed. I can't say obsessed enough, can't I? It's just a good song. It has great beats, great rhythm, and a great melody. Not to mention that Joe Newman's voice is intoxicating in this song.

Well, damn my curiosity, because I decided to ask Matt what Breezeblock's lyrics meant. He thought it was about a serial killer. No way, I said. So he pulled up the lyrics while we listened to the song. Lo and behold, the lyrics were, um, darker than its melody lead me to believe. And then I saw the music video. Poetic, but it looks like it was inspired by a Criminal Minds episode. And now, I don't know what to think of the song. I have so many questions, like what do the lines "Please don't go/ I'll eat you whole/ I love you so" mean? Also, why does he need to hold the girl down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks?

This recent development doesn't make me like Alt-J any less because I think they're a cool band. However, it made me think about songs that I loved until I heard their lyrics. Take Dave Matthews' Crash. I knew it was a love song, but I didn't realize it was also a sex song when I actually heard him sing "Hike up your skirt a little more." Not that I don't like sex songs (I do like Barry White), but I just thought that Crash was more innocent than it really was (Eventually, Dave Matthews fell out of my good graces when I saw him in Don't Mess with the Zohan as a racist bigot). 

Anyway, I guess I thought wrong. My song obsession which I thought to be a cute and innocent love song turned out to be a disturbed person's ode. And I kind of want closure, to know what the song means. But Matt tells me that that's the beauty of art and poetry, sometimes the audience is led to wonder what happens.

Maybe that's why I want to be an accountant when I grow up.

[browngirlutahn]

On Dumb Facebook Quizzes

So this morning, I took a quiz that's supposed to tell me what type of Utahn I am. Pretty cool, I thought. It asked, "What neighborhood is your dream neighborhood?" or something to that effect. That's easy. Sugarhouse. Or the Avenues. I can't choose. Sugarhouse it is.

Pick my constant craving. Lone Star Taqueria. Duh.

How many kids do I have or want to have. One or two. Really can't do anything about it.

If I had to wear one thing everyday, it would be a BEANIE.

So, blah, blah. And suddenly, the quiz says that I am the typical ex-Mormon. Just like Ryan Gosling. I'm pretty sure it's because I answered the "What's your favorite local brew" question. Well, not that I've ever had Squatters beer, but I love going to the restaurant.

OK. So I may have skipped a few a lot of Sundays at church since the beginning of the year I gave birth 18 months ago. But I don't consider myself an ex-Mormon. Lazy, maybe. But ex? Um, no.

I know they're all for fun and games. But it still bothers me when the quiz gives me a result that I don't want. Even when it's a stupid one. Maybe this is a reflection on how my life has been going this semester. In a few weeks, my first semester back in college will be defined by a grade. More precisely five grades, and one semester GPA. I know my grades are fine, but they're not just as stellar as I wanted them to be.

I guess I'll just bask in the knowledge that I could be peers with Ryan.

[browngirlutahn]

Snooty McSnooterson

I used to not mind the hobo smell that overpower the Salt Lake City Library during the winter. But I almost retched the last time I went there. Living in South Jordan may have turned me into a library snob. Gosh, I hope the snobbery stops at library preferences. Because I think my heart will break if I suddenly realize that I have lost empathy for the poor.

[browngirlutahn]

People who can’t give empathy shouldn’t expect empathy.

[browngirlutahn]

On Martha Speaks

Matt: This show doesn't make sense.

Me: Why not?

Matt: Well, that cannot be Helen's mom. If Helen's mom is Latina, Helen can't have red hair.

Me: Well, her dad is Irish.

Matt: Could she have been adopted?

Me: I don't think so...

Matt: It's just genetically implausible. Being that white and having red hair while having a brown mom is not possible.

Me: Sweetie, you are trying to find logic in a show about a talking dog.

Matt: Touché.

[browngirlutahn]

The Train Wreck I've Gotten Myself Into

I started watching Bridezilla last week. I was browsing through new TV shows on Netflix and saw that it had new episodes of the show. My curiosity lit because the only time I’ve seen clips of the show was when Joel McHale made fun of the crazies on The Soup. I shouldn’t have entertained that thought. Now, I’m on my eighth episode and I can’t seem to pull away from it. Everything about this show is asinine and aggravating. I hate the brides for acting like immature bitches, I hate the people around them for encouraging the brides’ bad behavior, and I especially hate the producers for concocting this successful formula so that I won’t be able to turn my head away from this awful train wreck. Ack. I think the thing that boggles my mind the most is how much these brides want their wedding day to be perfect that they come to a point where they ruin the relationships they have. I mean, these women are HORRIBLE! One of the brides was so particular about how her bridesmaids fit into their dresses that she measured them. WHO THE HELL DOES THAT? Moreover, what makes this more irritating is that the bride herself can barely fit into her own wedding dress. Yes, I realize that it is a ploy to make the show more exciting, but I am having a hard time suspending my disbelief. If they really are putting on a show, then why are they wiling to make themselves look like total bitches? So yes, I am watching a TV show that I truly despise. I can blame society for the this kind of crap on TV. But really, no one is to blame but myself. So now, I’ll do my best to unhook myself from this awful show and cleanse by watching a PBS cartoon.

[browngirlutahn]

Popularity in junior high and high school doesn’t buy you anything in later life.

Rachel Maddow

[browngirlutahn]

Dear High School Kids

High school is not where you exercise your right to be subversive. There is an appropriate time and place for that, and it is called COLLEGE. So, while you are under the care of your parents and responsibility of teachers, please do not piss in the well you are drinking from. Act responsibly and focus on studying. Hard. Then when you are out of the nest, you will have all the freedom to be dumbasses. Thank you.

From, Parent of a future teenager

[browngirlutahn]

Untitled

A new beginning started, As something growing inside departed. If this is a new beginning, Why is the void in me shouting? Nothing to do but start from zero, And start anew again tomorrow.

[browngirlutahn]

You define what’s important to you by what you dedicate your time to.

Ben Affleck

[browngirlutahn]

Inspiration

I got yelled at by my sister-in-law on Facebook last weekend. I've got so much rage inside that I need an outlet besides punching her in the face. I guess this is a good way to let out steam. Someday, when I'm more rational, I'll probably confess what that was about. So, yeah. Welcome to my thoughts.