I feel like writing, and I feel as though this is the safest place to do it. (spoiler alert: this will be long, uncoordinated, probably full of self pity, and I will most likely ramble)
Currently, it is 4:30 am, and I just sat in my bathtub for 3 hours. Normally, that would be awesome, but I feel at my current state, itâs just sad, mostly. Anyways, over the last 9 months (8+May) I have been in school. In the last month, however, I have been fighting the school to let me continue my education.Â
Anyways, thatâs mostly what Iâve been doing. I got a job now, and on paper, things are looking pretty good. Unfortunately, under the surface is the sad, depressed sack inside the shell of a human being. I have been living paycheck to paycheck, barely scraping by. My room is littered with garbage I canât be bothered to throw away. Half-eaten pizza boxes line my floor, only separated by dirty laundry and pop cans. Every day has been a struggle to wake up. My life has fallen into a sick routine: sleep in, get up in the late afternoon, struggle to get myself showered, dressed, and overall prepared for the day, then proceed to sit in my room, eat yesterpizza and do pretty much nothing. Now, before anyone comes after me, yes, I do try to get out, but itâs a struggle.
I remember the day when I moved away from home to go to school. I was so excited to be finally able to pursue what I really wanted, in a decent college. I had dreams. Over the course of the first year I wanted to accomplish a few things. First, was streaming. I wanted to be able to stream, so that I could make people laugh, and smile. That is 100% my favourite thing to do, and streaming seemed like a way to help me accomplish that. The other was that I wanted to start making youtube videos. About what? Who cares! I just wanted to make something for people.Â
What happened? Well, nothing too out of the ordinary, I suppose. I moved away, got an apartment (which is expensive for what it is), took out OSAP (student loans) which didnât cover everything I needed, and eventually had to get a job. Now, I think I have one of the best jobs in the world, and I canât complain about the work I do, but all of that, plus just trying to survive, just kind of killed my dreams, but thatâs life. (at least, thatâs what the older adults tell me)
Anyways, my dreams are still my dreams, and I hope one day I can make you, reading this right now, smile and laugh. Thatâs all I want.
As for this blog, Iâm not promising anything. Things may speed up, slow down , both, or neither. My laptop is kind of a piece of junk, and I tend to avoid using it at all costs, which means most of what I do on this blog will be on mobile, at least until I get a new laptop. When that will be? Probably never. But yeah, Iâm not shutting this blog down or anything, I want to make that clear. Although, this probably should have been on the top of this post. Oh well.Â
I donât think anyone will actually read this far, but if you do, I love you, and I hope youâre doing well. Talk to me sometime. If weâre friends, I miss you. If weâre not, I want to miss you. So give me that chance and talk to me!
Iâm probably going to delete this at some point, but I wanted to make one last thing known. As much as this post was a lot of me complaining, I wanted to take a moment to say that even though Iâm struggling, my friends and my beautiful girlfriend have kept me going this last little while. Amanda, I love you if you read this. Youâre a nerd, but yeah.
To all my friends: Cheers, I love you. Iâll prove it to you someday, hopefully.
Goodnight my loves,
BruceGreenesFarts (SweetBabyJacob)
discoholicmusic
stormborns
dailybridgerton
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
titsay
romaincrisis
