CHILD / MONSTER @brutalmade-blog - Tumblr Blog

hephaestuss

gO HARD ON ANGST PLOTS OR GO HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#「 she built up a world of magic 」→ ooc

artsnquotes

From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity.

Edvard Munch (via vitiicsus)

#「 a mask to hide the anger the rage beneath the skin 」→ musings

reallly anxious and frightened rn so rambled tags ignore me

#mood drop so severe ive been rereading my eulogy and plan for the past half hour with shaking hands #which is my biggest tell for anxiety bc im so fucking useless at readin g and understanding my own emotions i have to guess #i wrote the suicide plans and letters and everything a few months ago and #im so tired #of it #or everything #i want to disappear so badly #today my mother told me she wishes i could slip into a coma bc then that's all she'd have to tell people about me and ppl might feel bad for #her and understand the burden of having a daughter in a coma but no one understands the burden of having a daughter like Me #ik i was difficult #im not going to stand high and mighty and say that it isnt hard to raise an autistic child with severe health issues but she abused and #ignored my other abuse my entire life #she locked a child having a meltdown in the agrden in the winter for hours bc she couldnt cope #and she left me in hospital Alone for weeks #and i cant cope anymore #i cant cope with feeling like there's no where for me to turn #ive been applying desperately for help and support #im not sure if my uni will receive my needs assessment in time to assure i get appropriate accomodation and my mum wnt put her name on the #form so they might not accept it any way #bc we are not legally emancipated #i feel so useless and so Angry and i have so much hatred and rage towards myself and towards my useless brain #i would trade my iq and my senses and everything that is a small blessing to feel neurotypical sometimes #i want to be proud of my autism and proud of all i achieve bc of it and through it and despite of it #i am proud of my achievements #but im alone in that #and that's a Hard thing to hold onto #bc im not perfect and m y mum gave up everything to raise me and it was a waste of her time #im in so much pain and i feel very confused and i just want to disappear #i want it to stop and i want to stop idek #mental health mention //

naturaekos

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

Buddha (via awakenedrey)

#「 a mask to hide the anger the rage beneath the skin 」→ musings

brutalmade-blog

OK GUYS IM SORRY FOR MY ABSENCE my life and health has been a little chaotic recently. i adore u all and im excited to be more active on valorie. however , i think i will be absent for a lil BIT longer. my health has been exhausting me and im v v stressed about my application to go back to university which is pending till august. my EDUCATION has always been chaotic but ive never cared about anything so much as this. i haven’t been sleeping or eating properly which is Not Good and i’ve got so much to do. i will obv be around and i’m going to be keeping LYRA and LORNA active. valorie will remain semi - active / mostly plot based and i’ll be on when i have muse but i’m so so tired. my health is rubbish rn and iM struggling to tell u the TRUTH. and my mental health is taking a massive nose dive and ive been back at the doctors with suicidal thoughts and a reemergence of my eating disorder which is Not great with my current immune system. plus diabetes - 1 and anorexia have never mixed well tbh. i hope u can all be PATIENT with me as i work all this out !! i miss u guys and feel free to hmu on those OTHER blogs or when i’m around on here. ily guys sm.

#「 she built up a world of magic 」→ ooc

brutalmade-blog

OK GUYS IM SORRY FOR MY ABSENCE my life and health has been a little chaotic recently. i adore u all and im excited to be more active on valorie. however , i think i will be absent for a lil BIT longer. my health has been exhausting me and im v v stressed about my application to go back to university which is pending till august. my EDUCATION has always been chaotic but ive never cared about anything so much as this. i haven’t been sleeping or eating properly which is Not Good and i’ve got so much to do. i will obv be around and i’m going to be keeping LYRA and LORNA active. valorie will remain semi - active / mostly plot based and i’ll be on when i have muse but i’m so so tired. my health is rubbish rn and iM struggling to tell u the TRUTH. and my mental health is taking a massive nose dive and ive been back at the doctors with suicidal thoughts and a reemergence of my eating disorder which is Not great with my current immune system. plus diabetes - 1 and anorexia have never mixed well tbh. i hope u can all be PATIENT with me as i work all this out !! i miss u guys and feel free to hmu on those OTHER blogs or when i’m around on here. ily guys sm.

#「 she built up a world of magic 」→ ooc

brutalmade-blog

OK GUYS IM SORRY FOR MY ABSENCE my life and health has been a little chaotic recently. i adore u all and im excited to be more active on valorie. however , i think i will be absent for a lil BIT longer. my health has been exhausting me and im v v stressed about my application to go back to university which is pending till august. my EDUCATION has always been chaotic but ive never cared about anything so much as this. i haven’t been sleeping or eating properly which is Not Good and i’ve got so much to do. i will obv be around and i’m going to be keeping LYRA and LORNA active. valorie will remain semi - active / mostly plot based and i’ll be on when i have muse but i’m so so tired. my health is rubbish rn and iM struggling to tell u the TRUTH. and my mental health is taking a massive nose dive and ive been back at the doctors with suicidal thoughts and a reemergence of my eating disorder which is Not great with my current immune system. plus diabetes - 1 and anorexia have never mixed well tbh. i hope u can all be PATIENT with me as i work all this out !! i miss u guys and feel free to hmu on those OTHER blogs or when i’m around on here. ily guys sm.

#idk i ve been postponing this bc i dont wanna let ppl down and ive been v down on this blog recently #「 she built up a world of magic 」→ ooc #mental health mention //#illness mention //#hope u can understand !#and be patient #ily all sm

OK GUYS IM SORRY FOR MY ABSENCE my life and health has been a little chaotic recently. i adore u all and im excited to be more active on valorie. however , i think i will be absent for a lil BIT longer. my health has been exhausting me and im v v stressed about my application to go back to university which is pending till august. my EDUCATION has always been chaotic but ive never cared about anything so much as this. i haven’t been sleeping or eating properly which is Not Good and i’ve got so much to do. i will obv be around and i’m going to be keeping LYRA and LORNA active. valorie will remain semi - active / mostly plot based and i’ll be on when i have muse but i’m so so tired. my health is rubbish rn and iM struggling to tell u the TRUTH. and my mental health is taking a massive nose dive and ive been back at the doctors with suicidal thoughts and a reemergence of my eating disorder which is Not great with my current immune system. plus diabetes - 1 and anorexia have never mixed well tbh. i hope u can all be PATIENT with me as i work all this out !! i miss u guys and feel free to hmu on those OTHER blogs or when i’m around on here. ily guys sm.

#mental health mention //#illness mention //#「 she built up a world of magic 」→ ooc #idk i ve been postponing this bc i dont wanna let ppl down and ive been v Down on this blog recently #and i Love val sm and i have muse #but i just cant rn #and three blogs is too many to have fully active #ill be on lorna and lyra more #mostly lyra #shes my sunshine child #at least until my health improves #i shoul have a ' nobody cares ' tag #but y eah this is a thing #i appreciate everyone's patience and care #good vibes are appreciated #sm

sometypeofblog

I’ll swallow my blood before I swallow my pride.

Al Capone (via bluelikesmoke)

#「 a mask to hide the anger the rage beneath the skin 」→ musings

marshfire-blog1

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT little girls with wild hair and even wilder stories ?? who dreamt of adventure and the savage north for her entire life ?? whose entire world was revealed to be a lie ( and a massive metaphor for the story of eve ) when she was not yet into her adolescence ?? who earned the respect of friends , enemies , witches , bears , angels and a gruff twelve year old murderer who killed god with a small knife ?? if you feel like tearing down an empire in one day or hearing stories of the north from a fiery heiress of biblical catastrophe and her quieter more cautious daemon then LIKE or REBLOG this post bc LYRA SILVERTONGUE is the girl for you !!

#my all time Fav #i will be on her #shes the only muse i feel safe on rn #even tho i have hardly any mutuals over there #「 forgive me / i am a violent faulty thing 」→ self promotion

brutalmade-blog

STARTER CALL.

OK SO I WILL GO THROUGH my own ask box meme tag and use memes for starters bc i have muse but my fatigue is v much getting to me and i dont have motivation for drafts or coming up with starters rn !!

#「 i make bad life decisions 」→ starter call #if im staying on this blog then ill do these tomorrow !

IDK WHY BUT I HAVE A BUNCH of anon Shit in my inbox that i wont be answering but i feel v Stressed after everything that has happened on this site recently and i wasnt sure about staying and now i might really leave idk. i feel v tired. and idk how to cope with all the negativity rn.

#「 she built up a world of magic 」→ ooc #idk how to even tag this #im just so tired #i cant believe i logged on to that #especially after seeing all that shit about child abuse that triggers me so deeply #and now this and idk #im tired #just ignore me

nottobecrossed:

Your “guardian angel” is actually a demon that protects you and hurts people that are mean to you.

#「 i am living in separate universes and i have no idea where i actually belong 」→ wishlist #best au #bye

i tried to log onto this blog to distract myself but it hasnt worked. i feel sick. i didnt need flashbacks and memories of the abuse rn. obv NOT the fault of ppl bringing it to light and onto the dash but the fault of the ppl writing and defending it. i feel sick and lonely rn. this was a bad time for this. but ill probably still be around bc there’s nothing and no one here for me to distract myself with. everyone stay safe and positive.

#good vibes would be lovely but #im Trying #ill be between here / lorna / lyra #bc im Struggling to focus #i have struggled with the impact of horrific child abuse my entire life and how can ppl trivialise it like that #and im so sorry for everyone else hurting #especially the poc who are hurt by some of the terrible themes they were writing it is Not okay #「 she built up a world of magic 」→ ooc #drama mention //

acertainfemininemystique:

@brutalmade♥’d this

she’s running out, the transport of successfully freed mutants already on its way out. she, of course, is providing the distraction. she’s doing a pretty good job at it too and is confident in her escape until she runs into an actual child and it throws a wrench into all of her plans. her running stutters to a stop in front of her and she looks down at her.

❝ what the hell are you doing out here, kid? were you supposed to be on the transport? ❞

HANDS ATTEMPT TO STILL THE tremors that racked her thin frame. she is power ; she is divine. the terrors that hid in dark corners , the demons that sought to pounce , whatever they fear -- she WILL become that. an embodiment of horror. there was no hiding from a gift that would enter another’s mind ; a GOD - GIVEN savagery , a manifestation of barbarity. ❝ oh , ❞ she started , words stolen from frozen lungs. panic IMMOBILISED her , rising around her , crushing her chest. gaze flickering nervously around. this was what she was raised for. a monster only good for destroying HER own kind. ❝ i - i don’t know. what transport ? ❞

#「 some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences 」→ mutant au verse #oK but like in her mutant au ( that i never finished typing up whoops )#raoul who she works for discovers her gift and teaches her to hate it and other mutants and uses her to kill others like her #so maybe she's been sent after her #acertainfemininemystique

I AM TORN ABOUT which muses to keep or bring back so these are who i kinda have muse for or some i have active. help a girl out maybe !

#poll !#「 she built up a world of magic 」→ ooc #「 mun things 」#h elp me ?#or suggest ppl #especially if ive written them before ?#i want to expandddd #bc it's summer now ?

brutalmade-blog

PLOTTING CALL.

I KNOW IT’S LATE AND there’s basically no one online but if you LIKE this i’ll slide into ur ims or maybe discord idk and PLOT things idk.

#「 down the rabbit hole 」→ plotting call #once more before bed !

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