heugh feels largely estranged from the lgbtq . he didn't have a lot of access to it despite his mother being largely supportive , and he wasn't very confident in himself yet when he was going through college , which snowballed from there as he worked in largely conservative male dominated spaces , where stealth was almost mandatory for him . i think that's why he invests himself so much in the legislation regarding lgbtq youth, and just queer politics as much as he tries to . but for the culture , i think he appreciates the history more , and the art . he likely has a lot of queer art in his home , some stuff he's bought around town from the locale , places he's been . he's old , or at least middle aged , and he's a dad of four --- he doesn't like to go far when he's home for the next few days .
it's sort of like imposter's syndrome ? not so much that he doesn't think he's queer enough to necessarily " go here " , but almost as though he doesn't " get " to experience queer joy outside flings , and the occasional budding relationship when he has time for it . like he's withholding from himself because of some internalized phobic trauma he's yet to work out . maybe he thinks he's missed his window .
