I just realized I feel conflicted about Jasper. She's a bully and she feels better upholding harmful systems, and I can't stand people like that. Granted, she was "made for" being a literal killing machine, so causing harm will inevitably be part of her. But there's always a part of me thinking "... Unless...!"
She's a layered character, and I love her, but I also really don't. I hate that she tried to manipulate Lapis to fuse again. I hate that she wants hierarchies. I hate that she still views physical power has a virtue that she thirsts for. I hate that she WANTS to hate others and view them as lesser than her. She looks for reasons to hate and be harmful. And I can't STAND people like that. 'Cause I know that, no matter what, that person won't change. And I know it's a fictional character and I'm allowed to like shitty characters, but I just can't with her for some reason. I realised that one of the reasons I like her is because I want her to change. I want her to change (for the better) so bad. But I'm ignoring the fact that some people just never do. That's why she wasn't redeemed. Some people just never change. And that's hard to accept.
I like her, because I relate to parts of her. I relate to the disgust and hate that she feels for being born on Earth. I don't hate being born on Earth, but I hate being born on my country. I hate that I don't have enough money to move to another country. Since I was a child that I just despised living here. I never related to my country. I've always wanted to hide where I was from. Like it was an embarrassing fact about me. I still feel that way. That's why I wanted her to change so bad. I understood parts of her and wanted to see her "healed". But that's condescending of me cause she doesn't feel like she needs to be "healed".
I don't usually feel conflicted about these things. For example, I absolutely ADORE Gamzee from homestuck and I accept his "evilness" fully. It's what makes him a fun character. But I guess Jasper is just too close to home.
Idk