I'm too lit to dim down a notch

bryce macguffin. // t w e n t y-t h r e e. heir to clan macguffin, scottish af. some people say i look more like i belong to clan macintosh and to those people i say haud yer wheesht and leave the conspiracy theories to me. // the skeptic.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉️ BRANDY

Tandy: A very Tandy specific one, so if you don't actually want to go, I'd understand. I know loud music and dancing aren't really your specialty :-p

Tandy: Well, better to know than to live a lie, right? Or was it better before? And it really works on some girls! It works on me, I love a good mystery.

Tandy: I haven't, no, I've just seen them around. Cute little family! Are her parents together again or...?

Bryce: Doesn't sound like it'd be a bad time. I hope Damien enjoyed it.

Bryce: I don't know lol it was easier before but I guess that's life, right? Realizing things are always more than what they seem? Interesting :-P I guess I don't really get it because I like to know everything first lol

Bryce: Is this you trying to get at Crannog?

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT || BRYNNY

Ginny: THEN ACCEPT ME THE WAY I AM!

Ginny: I was not jerkish! I'm never jerkish! I'm always diplomatic because that's how I was raised and I know what the bloodily hell diplomacy looks like! Did you want me to LIE to you until you felt better? I'M NOT MEAN TO YOU!

Bryce: WHO YOU ARE IS MEAN RN!

Bryce: Does diplomacy look like describing it as 'the bloodily hell diplomacy?' :-P And not LIE but there's such thing as TACT, Gin-Gin! TACT!

Bryce: Also I blocked Aileen from my phone. Idk why I thought you should know but woot there it is.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉ BRYNOG

Crannog: I also could have meant stroking her cheeks. On her face, of course. Not the other cheeks. Never too late for that, if you're interested for real. I always pictured you as more of a librarian.

Crannog: If you say so, mate. El would have chopped something of yours off if you'd tried, but not dating Gin seems like a mistake to me. If she'd wanted to, I mean. Obviously don't pursue her NOW.

Crannog: Doubt she would have felt that way about the Crannog I was at TIME of Mairi's conception 😂

Bryce: You always need to specify omfg my soul left my body until I read 'face'! I kind of pictured me as a librarian too but that feels kind of off-brand for a MacGuffin.

Bryce: Why don't you date Ginny if you like her so much lol? She's more like an annoying but all too lovable sister to me, and El is like trying to date a wolverine.

Bryce: All versions of Crannog have been worth knowing :-P I like this one though. You're doing good.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT || BRYNNY

Ginny: YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!!

Ginny: Because you were a right dick FIRST for not telling me about it! I was not being jerkish! I was diplomatically trying to understand the situation and be honest with you! It is my SISTER we've been discussing, you know! It's slightly less annoying, BUT NOT ENTIRELY.

Bryce: MAYBE FOR YOU

Bryce: I'm not denying that I was jerkish, but you were too :-P If you were diplomatic, it was just in your head. Besides, there's a time and a place for honesty - when someone's still hurting isn't the time nor the place. I'M SORRY that it annoys you that I'm mad at people who are mean to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whoops

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉️ BRAILEEN

Aileen: Kid, future kid, whatever, same difference! Assuming it wouldn't have affected his life too like he wouldn't want to be there for it or something is shitty of her! It's like she doesn't even know what kind of person he is at all.

Aileen: Sounds like a load of garbage to me. What's even the point of making up fake reasons for me to be uncomfortable with my friend, huh, Bryce? No one's making you respond, you're doing that all on your own. You could have blocked my number by now if you really wanted to.

Bryce: Maybe he hasn't given her a reason to know what kind of person he is. Or maybe she met a worse version of him. You don't know everything, Aileen.

Bryce: I'm not making up anything, especially not for that reason. Not telling you is kind of proof of that, which you'd realize if you took a break from being so bloody thick. And you're tight. This is pointless and so are you.

Bryce: has blocked this number.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉ BRYNOG

Crannog: Must have the world's thickest calluses by now. I can't imagine that's much enjoyable for your ma.

Crannog: Nah, a bloke's got to make his own mistakes. Besides, if you hadn't gotten to 'live the fantasy' you never would have stopped idealizing it. Just glad it wasn't Ginny, she's always been me favorite.

Crannog: Do I even want to know who you've got in mind?

Bryce: I'm going to assume you mean when they hold hands lol. His hands are crazy tough, for sure, but I always thought it was cool. Maybe I should go into log-breaking.

Bryce: "The fantasy" died when I was young, maybe I just wanted to date somebody that I knew I liked :-P It's not like they were interchangeable. I never would've dated Gin or El nowadays.

Bryce: LOL I don't know anybody who's having trouble conceiving so no, not really. Though Tan made kind of a funny comment about you being a good hypothetical person to have a baby with, but that doesn't really count :-P

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT || BRYNNY

Ginny: I'M SHOWING YOU BY TELLING YOU!

Ginny: Obviously. But why are you mad at ME too a little bit? I've done absolutely nothing wrong! I didn't even KNOW about your relationship until it was over!

Bryce: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Bryce: Because you were a right dick about it when I did tell you! And I get being mad that you didn't know 'the secret' but I was already hurting quite bad enough without you being jerkish, so no, you're not exactly at the top of my favorite list. You're the sister I'm least mad at though if that does it for you :-P

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉️ BRANDY

Tandy: Yoo-hoo, it's summer now! No stress for anyone - at least not until the Bachelorette party, where it's your job to make sure that I don't go for the lowest price of the evening, please and thank you.

Tandy: Sounds kind of like you miss her, huh? That's okay, you can sit in a corner drinking whiskey and acting mysterious until someone comes to you. Everyone's got their own strategy.

Tandy: Their kid's really cute - do you ever babysit for her? Well, then it sounds like it's time to make you!

Bryce: Well, we can't allow that to happen :-P What kind of date would I be bidding for?

Bryce: Not really. I miss who I thought she was though. Does the mysterious thing really work? Because if so I can't believe I never capitalized on it before lol.

Bryce: Mairi's adorable. And not babysit exactly, I see her when she's with her dad. Have you met her? :-P I'm supposing I can't stop you lol.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉️ BRAILEEN

Aileen: And you REALLY don't see a problem with just hiding someone's KID from them??? Just forget it. Good thing we realized we have completely different outlooks on WHETHER A CHILD SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE THE CHANCE TO KNOW BOTH OF THEIR PARENTS now >.>

Aileen: First of all, what the FUCK is with the quotation marks? And second of all, just because YOU don't like him doesn't mean he's a bad guy. She used him, too! Two people mutually used each other here and you're treating it like he's some scary abusive asshole or something. Maybe you should just get her pregnant next time and save everyone a whole lot of trouble.

Bryce: Nobody was hiding anybody's kid from them, and there are no judgements over whether a kid should have the chance to know both of their parents! Tandy was just processing something that would've changed her life more than his and that's entirely her prerogative to take her time with that. Idk how you don't get that, I always thought you were the smart one.

Bryce: "Nothing". I never had any reason not to like the dude, and yes, they did use each other, but there are circumstances surrounding it that you don't know and that you've proved you're too untrustworthy to be told. But if you knew, you wouldn't be so comfortable with him either. And wow, I guess once you start being an asshole you just don't know how to stop. Take a break, you're not even worth the calories I burn typing to you.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT || BRYNNY

Ginny: I MEAN IT.

Ginny: Yeah, but something's just kind of stick and I think that might've been one of them. You've really got to get mad at us more.

Bryce: SHOW, DON'T TELL.

Bryce: I'm plenty mad at Aileen now. El too, a little bit. She wanted this to happen so bad it got in my head. You too, a little bit. So if that counts, I'm golden.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉ BRYNOG

Crannog: Still seems like a surefire way to get splinters to me, but whatever makes your da happy.

Crannog: Interesting. Well, I suppose that's the risk of a small town where everyone seems to have history. With how long it took you two to "find each other" history didn't really seem to be on your side.

Crannog: Maybe yours is some cranky old goat instead, then, since apparently you weren't cursed with supersperm :-p

Bryce: Honestly. I have no idea how that man's hands are still intact. He should at least wear gloves.

Bryce: I'm starting to feel like we should've been less private if that many people felt Aileen and I were doomed from the start lol. It would've been good to end it before it really began.

Bryce: A lot of people would pay top dollar for that supersperm curse, I'm just saying :-P

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉️ BRANDY

Tandy: All people suck sometimes. Except Dolly :-p But she's one of a kind. It's okay. I would have told him eventually, you know? I probably should have told him when I hooked up with him on Valentine's Day but I wasn't sure the best way to mention it as a power move. It's over now at least, I guess. I can just... have peace, sort of.

Tandy: What was your one fun night? You should see if the frat guys will let independents in for one night only for this Mai Tais and Zip TIes party, you deserve end of the year fun too! It doesn't have to be a cohesive squad. Like, five separate friends in different activities or something, they don't need to be friends with each other.

Tandy: Oh, the baby daddy? He would have been a good person to get pregnant with. Sorry, that was a weird comment lol. You should try skiing! What's stopping you?

Bryce: Yeah, but you expect better from your friends I guess. Idk. I don't think you wouldn't have told him ever, but even if you didn't, that's entirely your business and your choice. I'm glad that's not something you have to think about at least though. You don't deserve that stress.

Bryce: The night before Aileen and I broke up lol. But Mai Tais and Zip Ties was never my thing. I'm not really good at parties? Never had much practice and I'm not much of a people person in case you haven't noticed lol.

Bryce: That was a very weird comment lol but I can't disagree? He's great at being a dad like he's great at everything. And I don't know - I don't venture out and do much unless people make me usually.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉️ BRANDY

Tandy: It's fine, I'm over it getting out, I guess. And if I'm over it, why aren't you?

Tandy: Apparently you didn't have enough fun in college, then :-p Is it? Because I always assumed most people had like, an average of five good friends.

Tandy: Definitely! Who doesn't love a good visit to a sauna when they're stuck in the middle of a cold ski slope? It's a great way to warm up and wash away the pain of unfamiliar movements like that. Most people don't ski all the time, their bodies aren't used to it. Do you have one of those friends? I don't really know who you hang around with, besides apparently the triplets.

Bryce: Idk. I guess I just really thought she was better than that. And I just feel guilty, I guess? I trusted her with a secret that wasn't mine and that's why you got harassed by that arsehole when you already had so much to deal with and I'm never going to be able to fix that. Lol.

Bryce: I had fun in college exactly once by those parameters :-P LOL If that's the average, I'm more behind than I thought, yikes. I assume most squads that large are just for show tbh

Bryce: Tbh a sauna sounds better than skiing to me but lol that's just one boy's opinion. Also I haven't skiied at all so that may be why. Hmm. I have Crannog? He's my Dolly, I think.

[brycemacguffin]

Have you ever had an orgasm with a partner?

Wish I hadn’t.

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT ✉️ BRAILEEN

Aileen: Once it was born, he could have fought for custody of it, too. His DNA, he has a right to at least say whether he wants to be involved or not!

Aileen: Whatever! It's not like you were trustworthy about the whole thing, either. I don't even know Tandy, why should my loyalty have been to her over one of my oldest friends?

Bryce: Yes he could've, IF Tandy decided to tell him which, despite what you think, is a decision that should have been hers, utterly and completely. It was her choice, her moment, and you robbed her of that! We both did, but at least mine was on accident.

Bryce: Because it's her body and her life? How the fuck is that hard to understand? It wasn't like she was keeping it a secret FOR THE TIME BEING to be mean, she had a lot to figure out and potentially it was stuff she'd need to figure out on her own, because Ajax isn't as nice as you think he is. He used her and humiliated her and if I were her I wouldn't have even entertained the thought of telling him OR having his baby, she went through a lot more than you could ever imagine, and a person she deserved more compassion even if the other guy involved was your "friend".

[brycemacguffin]

How often do you masturbate?

As often as I feel like it?

[brycemacguffin]

TEXT || BRYNNY

Ginny: It's not a kick. I SWEAR.

Ginny: Romantically? Of course not. Brybry, I know you love and care about us as someone who's known us for as long as you have and still thinks we're awesome. But you and Aileen were always just the product of your childhood obsession and Aileen's hoeishness combining to confuse the shit out of you both.

Bryce: Hmm.

Bryce: But that's exactly what it was, a CHILDHOOD obsession. I've been a grownup for a while, I'm not exactly just doing things that would retroactively make 10 year old me happy.