Shujaa

semi-private indie Sheva Alomar role-play blog

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elliotxharper‌:

He was about to answer Lucas’ question, but he tensed up too much to get any noise out. He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing but a hoarse “I…” came out. He held his hands together tightly as he tried to respond. However, the longer it took for him to say something, the louder his thoughts got. Thoughts like ‘stop being so weak’ and ‘you’re so pathetic. after Lucas told you all of that stuff about his life, you can’t share this little thing?’ were swarming through his mind and only caused him to close up more. 

When Lucas added his thoughts, Elliot shook his head and blurted out “But it did.” He let out a shaky sigh and looked up at the large oak tree. “My dad was right to get angry… And I knew I shouldn’t have said it even before I said it, but I said it anyway.” Elliot closed his eyes lightly and breathed in the fresh air- hoping that maybe taking a deep breath would stop him from uncontrollably crying again. 

It worked, for a bit… but then he opened his eyes again and dropped his head, gazing at the ground. “I’m an idiot.” He muttered under his breath. “And Dad probably hates me now… But that’s alright. He should.” After all, Elliot believed he was the one who caused all of the disasters and heartache that was brought to his dad. He’s the one that got his mom..—the person his dad loved with all his heart— killed. The next sentence that left his mouth were nothing but a faint whisper, possibly even inaudible. “I hate me too.”

Lucas stopped as Elliot did and he turned to watch the young man as he hesitated. It broke his heart to hear the croak behind Elliot’s voice. But he was patient, taking a seat at a nearby bench as he waited for some answer to come. But what Elliot did say surprised him. He was justifying his father’s actions, much in the same way Lucas had once done. 

Lucas shook his head, glancing at Elliot, “No, Elliot. Even if you said something that set him off, he’s your dad. You’re here, he’s out there. As your father, his job is to be there for you- be strong for you.” He sighed, realizing his own father had failed in that respect. And where had that landed Lucas? To believe he had to take care of himself, to believe he had to take care of his father. That led the man down a dark and difficult path that he certainly didn’t want Elliot to travel. 

The man knew there was possibly nothing he could say to fix this, but he wanted to. Elliot was a good kid- he didn’t deserve to feel this way. “No, he doesn’t hate you. And if he does, he’s the idiot.” Then Elliot spoke again, barely audible at all, but he could see the self-loathing across the boy’s face. He couldn’t help but to stand and move closer to the boy. Putting a hand on his shoulder, Lucas’ voice was sure and steady, “You are an awesome kid. I don’t care what your dad might think or say, I think you’re awesome.” 

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sophiexquinn‌:

Honestly, deep down she had some understanding of the rules and restrictions that were in place. Deep down, she knew that there were many aspects of her habits and day-to-day life that were self destructive. Those habits may not have involved blades or other sharp objects, but she failed to realize that that wasn’t the only way someone could harm themselves. There was always a feeling of denial hanging over her. She denied that her dad meant anything to her. She denied the fact her mom had problems that were too much for Sophie to fix. She denied the possibility that her mom was ever wrong whenever they fought… And most prominently, she denied- almost desperately, that she didn’t have to be at Brielle. Hell, she’d even be unapologetic and confident saying she didn’t need any help at all. 

When he validated her complaints, it was the first time since she got there that she actually felt heard. Actually, Sophie really hadn’t felt heard for many years. Then there was a but… there always had to be a but. “Yes. I did land myself in here… but only because everyone just freaked out and overreacted. The people in the E.R. should have just sent me home after they knew I was fine.” She repeated in her head that she was fine. That being at the institution was a huge waste of time for everyone because she didn’t need it. It was one of those things where she told so many people that she started to fool herself with that lie. 

“Mhm,” Lucas agreed, but there was a hint of wise sarcasm behind his next words, “Just like my neighbors should have known not to worry when they heard me destroying my apartment.” He tilted his head a little to the side, not intending to be harsh with the girl, but to maybe open her eyes a bit. “There’s nothin’ wrong with being here, hon. Nothin’ wrong with needing a little help. We all do- we’re human.” 

And although it may have seemed they were at the bottom of the barrel in these moments, perhaps that was all they needed. Some time at the bottom to recuperate. He hoped that was all it was. Lucas shook his head then, chucking at his own monologue, “I sound like my father.” 

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Lucas hadn’t much cared to celebrate New Years Eve. He didn’t care for parties or music or champagne. He didn’t care to stand around a television, yelling out the countdown as a giant crystal ball descended. Something just didn’t feel right about rolling in this new year. So Lucas had found himself sitting in his bedroom in the dark, his back against the wall. 

Sleep didn’t come to him, of course, it never did. 

He was staring off into the darkness as a dull, bursting sound could be heard in the distance. Then another. Another. Lucas flinched, trying to remind himself it was only fireworks. Families celebrating, bringing in the new year with fun and laughter and- explosions. Another loud bang sounded and reverberated through his mind. 

Images flashed through his mind vividly. Semi-autos bursting with light and sound as bullets met flesh. Blood everywhere. Violent explosions in the sand and rubble all around them. Lucas stood quickly and rushed toward the window, searching for those fireworks in the skyline. Nothing. Not the sight of one. But another explosion was heard, this time from somewhere off behind him. 

With his heart pounding in his chest and beads of sweat forming at his brow, the man quickly whirled around. This time, his quick steps led him to the bedroom door in a panic. He felt as if he and the others at the institute were in danger, and his mind flung him into action. Lucas found himself marching down the hallway in search for something he could defend himself with. He stopped in his tracks, eyes wide, as someone rounded the corner. 

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willowcarpenter‌:

Willow’s usual pale face erupted in a red blush as Lucas complimented her name. She certainly wasn’t use to that at all, the girl was more use to people jokingly saying her name fit her personality. Hell, even her mother had named her Willow because her eyes were apparently very big and sad looking when she was a baby. To have someone say she just had a pretty name felt nice.

Lucas stood and again Willow found herself admiring his physique. ‘he must really work out,’ she thought. Lucas could snap her tall, gangling body like a twig if he wanted. 

He handed her the black remote, giving her the chance to pick what they watched. Alarms sounded in her head as she quickly panicked over what to pick. what if he hates her choice? would he would think she was weird!?

Willow hesitantly took the remote and clicked through the channels purposely past Law and Order as requested with a giggle, “I guess once you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen them all.” She said.

she watched his face for any signs of wanting to watch whatever sports or game show came up and she was nearing the end of the channel listing until landing on a documentary about Ancient Greece and her eyes lit up. “Do you mind if I see this? I really like history.”

Lucas noticed the slight flush to the pale girl’s face, but hell- it could have been a trick of the light. Who was he to call her out on it. He just allowed a slight smirk to cross his lips as he turned his attention to the channels flicking by on the screen. When Law and Order came up for just a split second before changing and the girl laughed, Lucas looked to her again. 

Quite a change from the expressionless young woman staring out the window just moments ago. But a welcomed change. “You’re so right,” he agreed, shaking his head with a chuckle under his breath. He leaned forward, watching as the channels kept flipping on. Then she stopped. 

Lucas glimpsed at Willow again to see her face lit up with excitement. Nodding his head, Lucas smirked, “Hell yeah.” Like he’d said before, he wasn’t too picky about what he watched. But history had always been a close subject to his heart as well. His mother was a teacher and even outside of that, she was a scholar. “You ever read the Odyssey?” he asked, lounging back into the couch. 

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Since it's new years eve, I thought I'd post a picture of myself and my fiance. Hope you all have a great new years eve! ❤️

[smokey-chthonic]

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charlieswann‌:

Charlie had been thinking the past weeks. How long he had to stay in here. He had made steps. Some pretty big ones to be honest. Had been thinking about just walking out the front door the moment he turned 21 and his parents signature didn’t mean a thing anymore. Wondering if Sebastian might help him stay afloat to help him into getting into college. To get his life together like he was supposed to do…

With a glance to his left one thought shot through his mind. ‘A man of culture as well.’ Drinking the sludge they branded as coffee in the cafeteria. But no matter what drinking it. Charlie had been debating on going to Doctor Seb to get a legit mug filled the black gold. But just couldn’t let the elder male see his face so fucked up and sad right now. He was just so confused about everything right now…

“I have never heard that saying. But I do have to say~ I like it…” He did. Even though he might secretly hope that his life sucks and he would die by the end of tomorrow. 

A low laugh crept through Lucas’ lips, “It’s pretty spot on, isn’t it?” He looked back to the window, narrowing his eyes as his life passed before his eyes. His mother died, Carol fucked him up, war fucked up the parts of him that were left untouched, and now he was here. Brielle. A place he was meant to come to heal, but he couldn’t help feeling these days that there was no healing. There was no coming back from everything he’d been through. 

His sipped his coffee again, hoping the caffeine would kick in and give him some spurt of energy. He hadn’t barely slept in days. Some nights, as he was trying to fall asleep, he was haunted by too many memories - others, he’d fall asleep to be haunted all the same by nightmares. 

“You know what?” Lucas spoke up again, “I would give just about anything for a good night’s sleep.” But sleep was even too much to hope for these days. Lucas wished he could rewind time, go back to his days as a Marine, before everything got so fucked up. 

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petitececily‌:

‘‘ you know. ’’ she continued, fingers fiddling anxiously as a stream of consciousness left her mouth. ‘‘ you really shouldn’t smoke, it’s bad for your lungs and your teeth. and your breath. you really don’t want smelly breath do you? ’’ eyes flick up for a moment as she recounts her age on her fingers. ‘‘ yep, definitely still six. Eh, I’m not tired. ’’

Lucas laughed nodding his head, “I guess you’re right, kiddo.” Of course a six year old girl would never be able to understand the positive effects nicotine could have on an addict’s mind. But he wasn’t about to argue with her- instead, enjoying her innocence. “You don’t think it’s too late for me, do you?” he smiled wide to show her his teeth, speaking through them, “How do my teeth look?” 

When she answered his question, he did a half-shrug, “Me neither.” Lucas sighed and looked off down the hallway, “Where were you headin’?”

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elliotxharper‌:

Elliot nodded, trying to process and understand Lucas’ answer. He was thankful that his dad never turned to alcohol when his mom passed. His dad was great, it was just Elliot who was making this more difficult on him than they should be. That’s what Elliot believed, at least. He usually believed he made things too difficult for everyone. 

When Lucas asked the unavoidable question, Elliot stayed silent as he thought about how to answer it. Before he knew it, he was already outside. The sunlight and fresh air felt incredible. It was like he got a burst of energy just be being outdoors. In fact, he only just fully realized that it had  been over a week since he last was outside. “It feels amazing.” He said with awe in his voice. 

He then realized he never answered Lucas’ question. Part of him wanted to just ignore it again and wait to see if Lucas would bring it up again. Maybe he subconsciously wanted to test Lucas to see if he actually cared enough to ask again. He decided after a moment that it was only fair for him to open up a bit since Lucas told Elliot all of that. “It was my dad.” He started, looking down to the ground. He wasn’t sure what else to say… plus he didn’t want to work himself up again after he just stopped crying. Then he remembered that it was Lucas who helped him compose himself again. It was Lucas who helped him snap out of it and calm down… and Lucas was still right there by Elliot’s side. 

All of the sudden, he felt tears start to form in his eyes once more…. but not because of anything about his family. They were tears of relief and- dare he say happiness? That he had a friend who saw him in a vulnerable state… and instead of scold him or discourage him from feeling what he felt, Lucas accepted Elliot and how he was feeling. He quickly wiped away the tears before the fell. “Anyway, I said something I knew I shouldn’t have, and…–He got kind of angry I guess. It was my fault, though so… it’s alright.” 

The awe in Elliot’s voice was enough to make Lucas’ smile widen a bit. He stepped forward on the path that wound around the garden. On either sides of the trail, there were bushes filled with blue, pink, and yellow flowers. At the center, there was a large oak tree, its branches and leave bristling in the wind. Lucas breathed it in, having always enjoyed the outdoors. That was perhaps one of the hardest parts of being here at Brielle, feeling trapped inside most days. 

He hadn’t really expected the boy to answer his question, but when he did, Lucas found himself relieved. He frowned slightly and nodded his head, brows furrowing slightly as he noticed the tension on Elliot’s face and the glossiness in his eyes. Was he... crying again? Lucas was just about to apologize for asking when Elliot brought a hand up to wipe the tears away. 

“What did you say?” he asked- genuinely curious. Then he shook his head and released a soft sigh, “Listen, kid, whatever you said, I’m sure it didn’t warrant that kind of reaction from your dad.” 

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sophiexquinn‌:

“That’s ridiculous.” She complained as she rolled her eyes. She knew the security was there just to keep herself and everyone else safe, but knowing that didn’t keep her from believing they were a bit too much. When he suggested crayons, Sophie tried to hold back a groan. “Listen, I’ve been using crayons, and they’re all way too dull to get any decent details. And of course I can’t sharpen any of them for obvious reasons.” She let out a sigh as she slouched in her seat. “Whatever doctor checked me in got so excited that I liked art. They were like oh goodie, art’s such a great coping skill, or some mumbo jumbo like that. But if it’s such a great coping skill, why won’t they let me use it? It’s like ‘use those coping skills unless it can, in any way, cause any sort of danger to yourself or others’ well guess what? Everything can be dangerous. Even crayons can be dangerous. I could probably make myself choke on all of them and suffocate or some weird shit like that.” 

She probably shouldn’t have been talking so loudly, especially since she didn’t want the doctors or guards to think that she’d actually do such a thing… “Sorry. I didn’t mean to go off like that.” It was true, she didn’t. She was just so tired and frustrated about everything that was happening.”It’s just annoying.” 

Lucas couldn’t blame the girl for her annoyance. In a place like this, where so many people were out to harm themselves or even kill themselves, the staff made every measure to prevent that- including stopping those not interested in harming themselves from well pretty much anything. He just watched the girl as she went on her tangent, her voice rising a bit. And Lucas didn’t want her to draw any unwanted attention to herself, so all he did was gesture with his hands silently for her to lower her volume. 

When she apologized, Lucas simply shrugged his shoulders, “Don’t be sorry. You’ve got a point. Anything in this world could be dangerous under different circumstances, it seems futile to try to guard people from something as simple as a pen.” He chuckled, “But we did land ourselves here, yeah? Now we’ve gotta deal with the terms of our stay- ride it out.” 

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willowcarpenter‌:

Willow gave a little sigh of relief this person hadn’t caught her spacing out or at at the very least, polite enough to not point it out. She bit her bottom lip then and wondered how else to contribute to the conversation something about a show she didn’t know about.

Luckily, the man introduced himself as Lucas and Willow smiled. “I’m Willow. nice to meet you, sir.” Willow said bowing her head awkwardly. She wasn’t the best at small talk. Hell, half her Elementary class just barely knew her name as a kid.

“What else is there to watch?” Willow asked, shifting her weight from foot to foot anxiously.

“Nice to meet you, too, Willow,” Lucas smiled back at the young woman, “That’s a pretty name.” At her question, though, he shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t really know. I usually just watch whatever someone else puts on.” 

He glanced over at the other couch to see the remote was abandoned there among the cushions. Standing, the man walked over to take it and held it out to the redhead, “Care to choose for the both of us? Just, please- no reruns of Law and Order.” Lucas chuckled softly. 

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sophiexquinn‌:

“Why is it so hard to get a pen in this place? I need it to draw. It’s not like I’m gonna fucking stab myself with the pen or anything.”

Lucas glimpsed over at the girl with a grin, “My guess is that’s exactly what they were thinking you’d do with it.” Maybe not her specifically, but they were in a psychiatric institute after all. “Maybe try to draw with some crayons?”

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charlieswann‌:

With Demi gone. His best friend vanishing like it was fucking nothing. Charlie was spending less and less time in his room. Rather being in busy hallways than seeing the end of his bed empty, hoping the brunette would waltz in there and sit down claiming his duvet as her own. It hurt. Hurt knowing the brunette queen of Brielle was gone. And probably forgetting about him already. She might have his phone number, and she might know how to write, but if she would? He doubted it.

With the mug of coffee in his hands, and his eyes on the garden behind the windows. He noticed he person approaching him. “Life sucks am I right?” He muttered without looking at the person that stood beside him. 

Lucas finally had the chance to finish his book and once he was done reading, he made his way to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee. He carried the Styrofoam cup in his hand through the hallways, not having a planned course of action. It seemed in this place Lucas had far too much time on his hands and not nearly enough to do. 

He’d yet to even have a therapy session, so he wondered whether being here at Brielle was even worth the stay. Stopping by the large windows that overlooked the garden, Lucas was pondering whether he should just call his father. He could go home, get away from this place, move on with his life... But something still tethered him to this place, and he couldn’t figure out just what that was. 

A young man’s voice broke him out of his thoughts and his brows scrunched together at the comment. Lucas looked over at the boy and shrugged his broad shoulders, taking a sip from his coffee before responding, “That’s the saying, isn’t it? Life sucks and then you die.” 

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elliotxharper‌:

“But…” Eliot furrowed his brows as he thought more about what Lucas said. “How could your dad be happy with someone who hurt you?” Even though Lucas told Elliot his dad never found out about what happened, he was still puzzled. If Carol hurt Lucas, didn’t that make her a bad person? How could anyone be happy or love a bad person? Maybe he was thinking too much in black and white, but he just couldn’t understand. 

He smiled when Lucas offered to go outside to the garden. He hadn’t been out there yet, and he always loved the fresh air. For once he believed someone when they said ‘it could really help’ “I’m feeling better, yeah… And that sounds nice.” He wiped away the last tear before putting his hands on the wheels of his wheelchair, ready to push forward. 

Lucas swallowed, not knowing how to respond to the next question Elliot shot his way. He’d battled for many years with the idea of telling his father about the things Carol had done. But every time, he’d come to this same conclusion- his father was better off not knowing. With a deep sigh, Lucas shook his head, “My dad could either drink himself to an early grave or be in love with a woman I hate. Some decisions in life seem a little more complicated than they really are, kid.” 

Standing as Elliot agreed to go outside for a walk, Lucas regained his bearings on his false leg before stepping out of the way. Once Elliot had rolled out into the hallway, Lucas caught up to his side quickly. “So, who was on the phone?” he asked casually, hoping he wasn’t pushing things too far or getting too personal. 

Once they neared the door to the garden, Lucas pushed it open to allow Elliot to pass through first. Outside, the fresh air hit his lungs sweetly and the sun overhead warmed his skin. He smiled, not having noticed how much he longed to be outdoors until now. “See? Feels so good.” 

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@jasperxhills

Lucas was laying in his bed, using the sunlight creeping through the window for perfect reading light. At that moment, he was perfectly content, having decided to use the rest of the day to finish his read through of Angela’s Ashes. He hadn’t had the chance to pick it up again since the day he’d found Elliot crying after a phone call from home. 

But now was the perfect time. It was quite, the rays of sun were perfectly positioned on the pages of the old book. Pillows were propped up behind his back in a comfortable manner. He was gliding on through the novel, close to finishing before the door to his bedroom opened. 

Lucas looked up over the pages of his book to see his roommate walk in. The man seemed a little bit younger than him and had mostly kept to himself. Lucas didn’t mind that, following suit and staying quiet around him. But now it had come to the point of awkwardness- to live in a room with someone and never even been introduced. 

So he put his best foot forward and paused his reading long enough to smile and say, “Afternoon. How was your day?”

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elliotxharper‌:

Elliot listened closely to Lucas’ words. He already had a lot of respect for Lucas, but hearing him have the courage to tell Elliot all of that only made his respect and admiration increase. He was still young, though, and he didn’t have the knowledge or experience to be able to fill in the gaps of Lucas’ story. Either way, he could see the pain in Lucas’ eyes just thinking about whatever happened… so he imagined whatever the ‘bad things’ were, it brought Lucas the kind of pain that no one should have to go through. 

Part of him wanted to ask ‘what kind of bad stuff,’ but he managed to refrain from that and chose another question to ask. “Did your dad ever find out?” 

Elliot saw Lucas’ fist and a genuine smile slowly crept onto the boy’s face. He pumped Lucas’s fist gently and listened to the declaration his new friend made. He normally would feel guilty for ‘burdening’ others who were looking out for him… but this time, he just felt thankful. Thankful that he made a true friend in the scary environment he was in- physically and mentally. “Right back at you.” Of course, he knew he wouldn’t really be able to put up much of a fight if anyone actually wanted to mess with Lucas… but he wanted his new friend to know that he would be there for him regardless. 

There it was, all out on the table. After all these years and Lucas had now revealed those stories to only one person, Elliot. Clearly this boy had earned a special place in Lucas’ heart in a short time. A friend. It didn’t matter that the kid was 13 years old, he was a friend among all the dark and dreadful. 

He shook his head at the next question, “Nah. To this day, he still doesn’t know. He and Carol are still living their happily ever after.” Lucas let out a dry laugh and lifted one of his shoulders in a half-shrug. Why tell his father? Why ruin the man’s happiness and send him back down the rabbit hole of alcoholism again? Carol may have been a shit human being, but from what he could tell, she never mistreated his father in any way. 

When Elliot’s small fist bumped with Lucas’, Lucas smiled. He put his hands on the boy’s shoulders again, “You feeling better now? Maybe we should go outside to the garden for a while, some fresh air could really help.” He wanted to know what had happened, what had he boy crying so hard, but he figured it would come out when Elliot was ready. 

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jeanhartfords‌:

Jean turned around and glared at the man in the doorway. “There’s a fucking limit to the noise level. Whatever’s going on in there is excessive.” And fucking annoying.

A limit to noise level? Lucas shook his head. Here it was, the middle of the afternoon and this woman was complaining about the noise level so she could sleep. In his military days, he’d woken up at 5 AM every single day, sometimes not even sleeping for days at all. 

“Maybe they’re being a bit rowdy,” Lucas sighed, “But your yelling and pounding on walls doesn’t really fix the problem, does it?”