#momlife #lifeofanursingstudent

Single mama of boys,nursing school, and working full time! What could go wrong?

[bsnmomlife]

Do you know?

Do you know how embarrassing anxiety is? How humiliating it can be when it happens at work or school or in front of people you dont know?

Do you know how hard it is to control your anxiety when your adhd is also joining in on your brain space? When you are trying to hold on to everything and people start laughing at you? When you are so full of anxiety you feel nauseous and hot and sweaty and you are shaking with no escape from it all because you are in public, you are at work, and you are being watched and judged?

Do you know how it feels when you finally start to come back down, to feel anxious all over again because of what those around you might think or report? Who they might tell? Or you dont recall what you said so you are worried about getting into trouble?

Do you know how it feels to have people look at you and they are looking through you?

Do you know how it feels to be looked at like a failure? Or to be made to feel like you are a burden?

Do you know how it feels to think that nothing you do is right? Or that your opinions or thoughts on things do not matter unless they are verified by others?

Do you know how it feels to be anxious at every moment of everyday no matter what medicine you are taking or calming methods you use?

Do you know what it feels like to have a brain that races faster than what you are saying? Or even faster than what others are saying so you can't comprehend?

Do you know what it feels like to even write this post knowing that people will read it and think it's about them or I'm dramatic or what is wrong or what happened or what or why or when or, or, or, or... Do you know? No? Oh...

- E

[bsnmomlife]

EPIC FAIL

WTF! I mean I study, I know my stuff, and then bam test time and it all goes away. It’s like I forgot everything I have learned. Everything I have known. I have been in the medical field since I was 18. I have been a Paramedic, A Research Coordinator For Renal, Diabetes, Anemia, And Respiratory Studies, A Medical Assistant, A Phlebotomy Preceptor, Enjoyed The Company Of Psych Patients, AND A PCT On A Cardiac Unit!!!!! Let’s just say that I have experience, I have knowledge. SO WTF IS MY PROBLEM?????

I have ADHD and Generalized Anxiety, but I do take medication and for the most part I am controlled. And no I was not panicking, I was not racing, but I knew from the second I walked in that I had gone blank and so I reviewed until test time. I also work night shift, but I have for over a year now and no that did not affect it either. I do the study guides every time. I do the work. There seems to be 1, 1 fucking testing that this happens to every semester, but this makes 2 and that is not my norm AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know where else to push. I am not giving up anymore time with my kids. I have to work (Single mama here with no assistance at ALL just in case you or someone is mumbling about mom benefits and blah blah. I get nothing, nada). I either need to set a specific schedule, monitor my time more, or something. 

FML right now. Just Fuck My Sucky Test Taking Skills Fucking Life!!!!!!!!

Love, E

#thatisall #lifeofanursingstudent #momlife #ineedabeer #gottago #needtostudy

[bsnmomlife]

3/7/20

Waking up at 5 am every Saturday is exhausting. I mean when clinicals are canceled most people would have gone back to bed right?!?! Nope not me. I actually remembered to take my medicine this morning and well falling back asleep would not have happened. So my brain was like lets study! Going to my fave local coffee shop is great. WiFi is obviously available, pretty decent crowd, amazing food and coffee, and well its a cute, artsy local coffee shop that doesn’t mind people hanging around studying. 

RANDOMNESS AT IT’S FINEST!!!! (See below)

Do you ever find yourself wondering? What I mean is that as I am studying for my classes, I causally look around and people watch, wondering who they are, trying to figure them out, their conversations, and such. I think about random life occurrences, decisions, changes, or should have changes. I always go right back to my book or whatever I am working on, but I just find my brain taking random breaks. 

AND BREAK!

Oh this wonderful thing called life ------> 

Love, E

[bsnmomlife]

#noclinicals #riseandstudy #healthybreakfast #smartnfit #lifeofanursingstudent #meandmyboysfuture #bsnmomlife (at The Buzz) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9b1ad4jGKN1OeuRoEKKvAHBnefUhx2s0a5AKc0/?igshid=s378dwsxemmn

[bsnmomlife]

Did I mention I write?

My mom always said that my little brother and I have something in common, when we are done, we're done. This applied to relationships mostly, but I have noticed that it just implies in general. Whether they cheated, lied, became too clingy, did something to intentionally or not, hurt us, etc. We just cut ties. (Snip, snip)

As we have aged, just cutting people out has been a little more difficult, well at least for me as I cannot speak for him. I find myself forgiving these same things I would not have tolerated when I was younger. I have found new things that are worse, or realized that some things were petty and other things, well you can't change people who don't want to change themselves.

Sometimes I feel that this is a lonely road. Those who you thought were your friends, your ride or die, family, significant other, or whoever, prove to be something or someone else. Do you turn s blind eye? Do you explode? Cry? Talk to them, about them, to someone else? None of these are right or wrong. You have to do what is best for you.

So, here's to you and here's to me, good friends we will always be. If by chance we disagree, F*@% you and here's to me!

Love, E

#realtalk

[bsnmomlife]

It Only Took 34 Years

I have wanted to write for as long as I could remember. I have written songs, poems, stories, a partial book that is scattered on different devices.Yet, I have never had the drive to start a blog. Well, here it is! ...cricket, cricket... What, no fireworks? Did you at least jump up and down? No? Well, (insert multiple inappropriate words here, because I am a F bomb type mom)! 

On to the real talk though, or whatever you want to call it. I am, obviously by the title, a 34 years old single mama of 2 amazing boys. I am in nursing school in my 5th semester out of 9 working toward my Bachelors. I work full time at a hospital as a patient care tech. I am a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and I am sure an enemy in some sense to others. I bust my butt to do all of these things and sleep comes somewhere in between. I could not raise my boys without the help of family! My boys are lucky to be loved and cared for by so many amazing people that have stepped up not out of obligation, but out of pure love to help my little family of three. 

So where am I going to find time to write on this bloggy thingy mah bobby????? Well, that’s the best part! Somewhere in between this crazy life of mine, I plan to tell you the stories, the tales, the ever so exciting parts of my life as a mama, a mom of boys, a nursing student, and well anything else that may be funny, sad, or... you know what, I am going to just write whatever. Maybe about a horse in a bar, or maybe about how I am Ariel and I just want to be apart of your world! 

Rant over. 

Read when you kick back and relax, or in the car AS A PASSENGER, on a plane, in a train, or where ever you eat your green eggs and....you get the picture. 

Love, E