Bucky Is Baby

[btchboybucky]

Thinking about Bucky finding out that Peggy not only let Zola be hired but did to herself and being broken. He knows she probably didn’t have a lot of control over the paper clip stuff, but there’s reports of her actively going to Zola for more than infomation but advice.

It’s yet another trust broken, but it only gets worse when he realises that Steve knew and still went back to her.

[btchboybucky]

Sam is Captain America and his sidekick is… well, he doesn’t really have one. People thought at the start that it would be Bucky Barnes, former Winter Soldier and former Sargent of the US Army. But after a few months, it was just Sam Wilson. He had Redwing and a friend named Torres who assisted him, yet the famed Sargent was nowhere to be seen. Some people thought he was dead, some thought he was still working but kept hidden due to his reputation and some, the smarter of the worlds population, figured he just wanted to retire.

Retiring wasn’t something Bucky ever wanted, he wanted to work till he died and live every day as loudly as he could, but that was before the war. The two had talked and Bucky expressed how tired he was and how all he wanted to do was stay at home with a nice fire and do some writing. Sam agreed, ignoring his disappointment at not being able to fight along side him anymore in favour of knowing he was now able to come home to a domestic Bucky writing books.

Within a year he wrote two, one about his time in war before Hydra and another about the real Howling Commandos. He kept the first for himself and sent copies of the second to the families of his old friends. Sam comes home from missions to find Bucky in sweatpants and a tank top, drinking hot chocolate with his cat at his side and a modern type writer in his lap.

The two never start dating or even kiss, but they hold each other close and talk about their days, calm for each other and share a bed to keep away nightmares. Sam never says anything about what happened to Sargent Barnes to the public. He tells his friends, namely Rhodes and Clint, that Bucky is no longer an Avenger or any other kind of hero, so don’t try contact him and let him rest. He tells Sarah and her kids that Buck is going to keep visiting for birthdays and Christmas, that he’s part of the family now and he’s there if they need but never tells them where to find him.

Bucky is fine to just be James, Sam’s silent soulmate and nothing more.

[btchboybucky]

CW: gender-queer discovery, mentioned/referenced hate crimes

Bucky doesn’t like Sharon and he refuses to tell Sam why.

Obviously she gets on both of their nerves, that’s evident by the fact that their both consciously choosing to work next to Zemo and not her, but for Bucky it’s more than her attitude that nerves him. He tried to trick himself into thinking it was jealousy over Steve, but when you lose yourself and have to find who the new you is, there ain’t much room for denial. He doesn’t like how she dresses, not so much her style but how she doesn’t really try. She’s allowed to wear heels and make up and skirts but doesn’t, always opting for efficiency, which he understands. But he spent the last seventy years wearing the same few uniforms and nothing else, so he wants to change it up every now and again.

He tells himself it’s frustration for not being able to express himself well, but after thinking back to his younger years, he realises he’s always had a sort of longing he could never place.

Both fortunately and unfortunately for Bucky, there is no other person as perceptive as Sam Wilson. Sam buys him eyeliner and tells him he thinks it will make him look cooler and give him more style seen as he doesn’t really have a uniform or anything. Bucky wears it everyday, soon adding mascara.

For his birthday (which he never wanted to celebrate), Sarah bought him some black, grey and subtle sparkling eye shadow and a little book that explained different styles. He tries a few times before getting fed up and asking her for help, both of them giving each other knowing looks when Sam runs into a wall upon seeing his Smokey Eyes.

Bucky finds himself bonding with Sarah a lot after that, her helping him with his make up and even painting his nails a bright blue. He tries lipstick and hates it at first, before Sarah gives him a darker colour that is less a paste and more a dye and he prefers it much more. He likes it subtle and dark, otherwise he gets paranoid of being mocked and abused by public.

It’s two whole years of his make up journey that Sarah brings up clothing. He had thought about it sure, but he also saw a guy get beaten half to death in 1936 for wearing an apron, not even a dress or skirt.

It’s takes him another month before he agrees to try it, get getting a wrap around skirt so it would fit first try. He cries for an hour, Sarah holding him throughout it and telling him he looks handsome. She takes him shopping and they buy two dresses, one long and one short enough that he’ll have to be careful about bending over. She also buys him a skirt that she saw him looking at several times as a surprise, claiming that a skirt that beautiful needs a good pair of shoes.

When Sam comes home the next day he finds Bucky and Sarah discussing price inflation, both wearing summer dresses and light make up. Sam notices the three inch heels on Buckys feet and immediately images him kicking someone in the head hard enough to stab them with the heels. Bucky would later show him exactly that when they get caught in a surprise mission while out in the city, but before then Sarah tells her brother in Bucks behalf that the other would like it if they could trial some other pronouns.

Sam smiles, trying not to think too much about how much happier Buck looks, and nods.

Bucky hates Sharon, because they wishes to have the right to dress as she likes and Sam teaches him that rights aren’t given, their taken.

[btchboybucky]

CW: unhealthy coping mechanisms, extreme nsfw and masochism

Bucky needs pain.

It’s not sexual at first, it’s a simple desire to feel a physical sensation consensually and in a way where he can see it and prepare for it. Sam first only agrees to do anything when Bucky mentions that slapping him across the face actually helps him refocus and after a test in the field, Sam believes him. He doesn’t want to, but after Bucky had such a bad breakdown that he can’t think of anything else to do other than slap him again. The response is immediate, tears stopping and back straightening.

Sam does it again and feels such crushing relief as Bucky sighs out softly that he almost starts to cry himself. After that they have a proper talk about it, Bucky hating every second of it at first but eventually feeling the genuine worry and care coming from Sam and giving in. He explains how grounding it is and how it doesn’t work as well when he does it to himself, but when it’s a wound or injury from someone he doesn’t know it seems to freak him out even more.

It’s Sam who buys a paddle for them to test, first hitting across his thighs as he sits in a chair, then his shoulder blades and eventually his arse. It’s not nearly as much as Buck wants but he’ll take anything, dos silly if it means he doesn’t have to purposefully get hit in the field just to push down on it later. It’s clear Bucky doesn’t get pleasure from it and neither does Sam, but while it’s a comfort for Bucky it starts to get to Sam in a bad way.

Eventually Sam asks if they can make it a trade, Sam gives Bucky as much pain as he wants, if Sam is then allowed to give Bucky a little bit of pleasure. Bucky hates it until they actually try it and he finds himself drifting between the stinging pain in his arse and the soft pressure in his whole body from being so wound tight with pleasure from just a few kisses to his neck. The more extreme the pain, the more Sam will want to pleasure him yet it’s the way Sam always asks that relaly helps Buck the most.

It’s another year before Bucky asks to return the favour and gives Sam an orgasm of his own, the first time he’s been involved in any of the sensation. Then it’s only a few weeks until Sam replaced his fingers and vibrators with his own cock, a new spanking sensation on Buckys arse as he takes him from behind.

Eventually he doesn’t need the pain to be grounded as much, even just the feel of Sam’s lips on his can do wonders, but once it stops being a way to cope, it becomes fun. Sam also becomes more accepting when he sees his now offical partner actually enjoying the experience. He allows for them to go a bit harsher, if only because Bucky will heal and it makes him become so relaxed much quicker than an orgasm can.

[btchboybucky]

Bucky had a lover. He was a sweet and charming guy only a year younger than him with a smile that creased up his face and eyes such a bright green it made his head spin. They would go out on dates in Bucky’s dads old pick up, cuddling in the back while talking about their dream of owning a farm together. They wanted a life far away so they could live each other as openly as they wanted with no fear of people spotting and hurting them.

Bucky never told Steve about him, not knowing where his friend stood on the matter and not wanting to take the chance that he would accept him only to loose him forever.

Bucky went on dates with girls to play up his lover boy persona, always finding himself throwing up after they would have sex and going to his lovers arms to weep and sob about how sorry he was. His lover would always hold him tight and assure him he never hated or blamed him, knowing he was only doing it to keep them safe and that Bucky himself hated it.

Bucky thinks of his lover when Hydra first takes him, hoping he’ll be alright without him and live long enough to be in a world where he’ll be accepted. Maybe he’ll be forced to marry a woman, most of them did, but there was also the chance he would be able to find someone else and marry years in the future with no fear or secrecy.

The next time he gets to see his lover and those endless, forest eyes, he’s being ordered to gut him with his knife. Bucky remembers it all, every action the Winter Soldier took to kill his lover with his own hands.

He remembers the words spoken as his lover looked into his eyes, “You’re not my James… this ain’t his fault.”

Bucky doesn’t believe him until he tells Sam, who tells him to not insult his lovers last words by calling them lies. He tells Bucky to honour him by being James again, by allowing it to not be his fault.

[btchboybucky]

The Winter Soldier had a dog. It was a timber wolf, a soft white that had been contaminated with a small dose of radiation and then experimented on with the Super Soldier Serum. It grew in size and quickly became aggressive and uncontrollable, attacking wildly but unable to be taken down due to how strong it had become. Then it came across the soldier and something new happened. The wolf had slowed down and stared him down before seemingly relaxing and laying down on the floor. They first thought the soldier had made some kind of Alpha impression on it but as the two corniness to interact, they realised it was a mutual understanding between the two. They were both hurt and alone and seemed to make a bond with this pain in mind. The wolf would often go on missions with the soldier but only when it would be possible to keep a low profile or not worry about the two defying orders to save each other. Bucky forgets about the wolf when he comes back but feels the loneliness even after he connects with Steve and Sam again. When he remembers he goes into autopilot and goes to where he had last seen the wolf, receiving her and leaving Sam and Sarah to wake up with faint wolf as tall as them laying down in their backyard. Sam tells Bucky he has to clean up any shits it does in the yard.

[btchboybucky]

Bucky called Ayo something when they are battalions with Walker. It was when she disabled his arm and made it drop, so quiet Sam barely caught it but it was clear what he had said. Bucky was clearly hurt by the feature in his arm that was kept hidden, most likely because h was once again not trusted, but there’s something else in his eyes that Sam sees. He wouldn’t have if he didn’t know him so well. Sam doesn’t ask him, it’s clearly personal in a way he doesn’t understand, so he’s just left to wonder what happened between the two in Wakanda that would make Bucky call Ayo ‘Mama’.