A/N: So I never named this character, it should work as the reader being her but if it doesn’t please let me know, I just never ended up naming her. Enjoy the story!
“Buck, I know you don’t like the subway but it’s the only option right now, I’m here, I’ll check in with you every few minutes and if you need to get off, let me know and we will walk the rest-“
“Of the way, I know, but I need to learn how to take the subway.” He finishes for me.
We take our seats on the Subway. I take his metal hand in mine to comfort him, but shiver at how cold his hand is.
An elderly lady leans across the aisle, “why aren’t you two Just the cutest young couple I’ve ever seen.”
I stifle a laugh at her calling us young, “thank you!” I smile softly.
“How long have you two been together?” She asks.
“Oh goodness…Buck, darling, how long would you say we’ve been together?” I turn to Bucky.
“I think about five years,” he struggles to say quietly while trying to keep calm.
“Yeah, about five years ma’am,” I lie.
“Oh well isn’t that just lovely,” she smiles.
“Yeah,” I turn to Bucky to check in on him, “how are you doing Buck?”
“I don’t…know how much…longer.”
“You want to get off?” I furrow my eyebrows in question.
“Not now,” he gulps, “soon though.”
“Okay, whatever you need, just tell me-”
Squeeaakk. I feel Bucky’s metal hand rip from my hand and see it go straight to his ears. He is all of the sudden on the ground, his knees to his chest.
I hop off my seat and kneel in front of him, “Buck? Buck, can you look at me?”
He doesn’t look at me. I can hear him mumble, “please no! No! Stop! Stop! I love her! I won’t hurt her! I don’t want to!”
“Hey Bucky, you’re safe now, they won’t get you! I’m here, I’m safe! You haven’t hurt me!” I try to stay calm for him.
He continues to freak out and have a panic attack. The lady who was talking to us interjects, “excuse me, if it isn’t too much trouble, what is going on?”
“He’s a veteran, Ma’am, the squeak of the brakes triggers his panic attacks so we are working towards overcoming that right now,” I gulp. I turn back to Bucky, “can you take deep breaths for me babe?”
“Oh what war did he serve in? My husband served in World War II, had PTSD, I had to help him sometimes, maybe I could help.”
“Actually what he needs is very specific, I’ve been dealing with this for a while, thank you though.” I huff a breath. I turn my attention back to Bucky. “Buck, breathe in…breathe out,” on instinct I put my hand on his shoulder forgetting the one thing I have learned about his panic attacks, don’t touch Bucky.
He swats my hand away aggressively. His metal arm sticks out and he wraps his fingers around my neck as he starts choking me.
“Oh goodness!” The older lady yells.
“Bu-Bu-Bucky…please,” I try to breathe. I swat at his arm trying to get him to let me go.
A random guy steps on the train and sees this. He sets his stuff down and comes over, “let her go man!” He yells.
“You’re…Not…helping!” I yell at the guy as best as I can. I push my hand out and hit him in the chest, throwing myself out of my body and into my astral projection. I watch everything that’s happening and the second I’m out of my body it goes limp in Bucky’s grasp. He drops it realizing what he was doing and backs away. My body lays flat on the ground. I see the other guy check my pulse really quick. Not like it’ll help at all.
“Oh my god! I think you killed her!” He yells.
I sigh, he didn’t kill me dumbass, I think.
He stands up and gets up in Bucky’s face who is still freaking out a little bit, “who the hell do you think you are man?!” The guy yells.
I decide I have to get back in my body and do my thing. As soon as I’m back in my body I stand up and rush over to them. I step between the man and Bucky, “excuse me sir, thank you for the help but I can handle it from here.”
“You got it from here?!” The guy turns to me, “honey he almost just killed you! What do you mean you got it from here?!” He yells.
“That…what Just happened is my fault buddy, okay?!”
“Domestic abuse is not your fault!”
“Domestic abuse?!” I gulp and go wide eyed, “sir, you have it all wrong, it wasn’t what it looked like!”
“Then what was it? And don’t make some bullshit excuse because I’ve dealt with this type of thing before!”
“Panic attack, which he is still having so I need to help him with it. He’s a veteran, and when he has panic attacks I’m not supposed to touch him because it triggers him and he goes into fight or flight mode.”
“Oh, what war?”
“You won’t believe me if I tell you,” I say seriously.
“Okay try me.”
“World War II, I served in it too actually, but I didn't see much action.”
“Have you looked in a mirror? You’re no older than thirty.” He laughs.
“Actually I am 99 years old, Sir.” I say sternly.
“Yeah right, once again look in a mirror.”
“If it can happen to Captain America, why is it so unbelievable that it happened to us too?”
“That was a one in a Million Chance!”
“Don’t believe me? Get off at the next stop. Go look at that Captain America museum, you will see his face up there, and mine too, standing right next to Captain America, there will be videos of us three. Now can you please leave me and my boyfriend alone?!”
I turn back to Bucky, “Buck, I’m fine, look at me, I’m completely fine, breathe in…breathe out.”
For the first time he makes eye contact with me, “in…out,” he does as I say and eventually calms down, “you okay?” I go to put my hand in his.
He pulls his hand away before I can make contact, “don’t…I don’t want to hurt you!”
“You won’t hurt me,” I furrow my eyebrows with sadness.
“I just did!” He clenched his jaw and gulps.
“Buck you won’t hurt me, I touched you when I wasn’t supposed to, that was on me, not you! And now that you’re not having a panic attack, you're fine, please!” I plead with him.
“O-okay, but if I ever scare you, please just get away, I don’t want to hurt you!”
“I know, we’ve been over this before, I know how to help you though and not only am I your girlfriend, but I am the Agent that was assigned to you because they knew I would be able to help you, Buck. Only me and Steve can.”
“I know,” he sighs.
“So are we good?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I hold your hand?” I ask. He responds by taking my hand. We sit back down and I sigh, putting my head on his shoulder, “we’ll get off at the next stop.”
“Okay,” he kisses my head.
“I love you Buck, I hope you know that.”
“I know, and I love you too, I hope you know that!” I feel him smile.
This is a well needed appreciation post for an incredible actress named Shoshannah Stern. Don’t recognize the name? Yeah this is her:
Shoshannah played Eileen Leahy on Supernatural. I believe that she deserves a lot more recognition than she gets. It was recently that I realized a lot of people in the Supernatural fandom do not know that Shoshannah Stern is deaf herself. So I decided to make this post to educate you all about her.
Shoshannah Stern comes from a deaf family. She is 4th generation deaf on her fathers side and 3rd generation deaf on her mothers side. She went to California School for the Deaf, Fremont; While she was at that school, she performed in the theatre program as the lead in the shows Romeo and Juliet and Anne of Green Gables. She then attended the only liberal arts college for the deaf in the world, Gallaudet University in Washington D.C.
Her first language is American Sign Language but she can also read lips and speak English without an interpreter. Shoshannah Stern has given Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, and Rob Benedict sign names. In Deaf culture and sign language, a sign name (or a name sign) is a special sign that is used to uniquely identify a person (a name); so to get a sign name you must know someone who is deaf/hard-of-hearing and that person will give you your sign name, if you don’t know a deaf/hard-of-hearing person, you are not able to have a sign name. Here is a video of Shoshannah going over sign names with Jared, Jensen, Misha and lastly Rob:
She was in greys anatomy in 2020 and was the first deaf doctor role in the show. She is the only deaf actor in history to have regular roles on two prime-time television shows. She was also in a film that is a true story: Hammer is a film about the first deaf wrestler to win a National Collegiate Wrestling Championship.
So as you can see, that is a photo from the first episode of Supernatural...now look at what they are wearing in this...ya know, nothing special right? Until you look closer. Now after looking at the picture from “Pilot” aka the very first episode of Supernatural ever, look at the picture from the ending of “Carry On” aka the very last episode of Supernatural ever...you will notice some similarities...here’s the picture from “Carry On”:
Do you see what they are wearing here? They are essentially the same clothes as in the first episode, now obviously they are a little different because they are different costumes but they are basically the same things, only differences are:
the color of Sammys shirt is more purple in the first episode and more blue in the last episode
The color of Sammys hoodie is more green than grey in the first episode
Then there is deans shirt, more of a pigmented black in the last episode and closer to grey in the first episode
Let’s not forget to mention that they are both cute in both photos
So overall, they are basically wearing the same outfit in the first and last episode of Supernatural...here are the pics together:
I have this theory...there are a few of Thomas Brodie-Sangster’s characters are related. Okay so, Whitey Winn is Benny Watts ancestor and Benny Watts is Newt’s great-great grandpa. I say this because they all have a thing for their weapons. Whitey loves his guns, Benny carry’s a knife around with him everywhere, and newt, well that one is both his machete and his gun, I would go into detail on Newt but that one is quite painful. But all of these characters are related and that’s it.
