exeunt, pursued by the narrative
pairing: buck/eddie
summary:
Buck scales the fourth wall.
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@buckvalentina
exeunt, pursued by the narrative
pairing: buck/eddie
summary:
Buck scales the fourth wall.
RIP bobby nash, you would’ve had so much fun lovingly tormenting ravi with your father-in-law act
eddie with chris
buck with chris
buck with theo
eddie with theo
eddie with chris
buck with chris
buck and taylor should never have dated because i’ve never seen a man more in need of a bitchy best friend who isn’t also his work partner and life partner and coparent and also a huge disaster
eddie is going to be a total menace to chris now that buck is taking care of theo. like, eddie will get teary eyed watching buck read theo a bedtime story and think how long it’s been since chris let him do that and how fast his baby’s growing up and he’s gonna absolutely go a little crazy and try to do things like Hug His Teenage Son In Public and squish up too close to him on the couch when they play video games and fuss over his hair and his clothes and why are you hanging out with your friends tonight you just saw them all day at school :( why not stay at home and hang out with papa :( sad papa :( and chris will text buck asking if he can borrow a small child to distract eddie so he can study in peace for a couple hours
the funniest thing nate ford ever did was run up like twelve flights of stairs racing an elevator to press every floor button to stall sterling
theo and jee are going to be absolute terrors together and i worry for chim’s physical safety tbh
theo quickly develops the habit of falling asleep on eddie’s couch.
buck can’t blame him, really. the diaz house is warm and safe, and the couch is pretty comfortable if you don’t have legs as long as buck’s. but it still hurts his heart every time, because theo has been having…dreams. not nightmares, per se, but dreams that wake him all hours of the night and make it impossible for him—and by extension buck—to go back to sleep.
“he doesn’t totally grasp death,” buck tells eddie in a hushed tone after chris has gone to bed, theo tucked under a quilt isabel made for eddie’s 18th birthday. “he dreams about them coming back from heaven or wherever it is the social worker told him connor and kameron went, and then cries when he realizes they aren’t there.”
buck cries too, when theo is tucked against his chest bawling his little eyes out. cries for his friends, sure, but more so he cries for theo, for the life that was taken from him, for all the mistakes buck was going to make in raising him.
“i was his age when my grandfather died,” eddie says, dark eyes warm and deep as they meet buck’s gaze. “my mom’s dad. everyone told me he was up in heaven, watching over me, so i assumed that every big cloud i saw was Heaven and that maybe if i stared long enough, i’d see him.” eddie pauses, taking a long pull of his beer. he sets it down on the kitchen table and sighs. “i stopped trying after a few months. i don’t even think i cried until my fifth birthday rolled around and i realized he wasn’t coming to the party.”
buck swallows back a lump in his throat. “all my grandparents had passed by the time i was born. i don’t think i attended a funeral until high school. i still haven’t recovered from bobby. i don’t know how to help him, eddie.”
eddie gives him an disbelieving look. “of course you do. you helped me after shannon. you helped chris when i got shot. it’s not about saying some magic words that’ll cure theo of the trauma he hasn’t processed, it’s about being there for him. and you are.” his face softens. “and so are chris and i.”
buck nods, eyes burning. “i love him so much but i would give up everything to bring his parents back.”
“and that,” eddie says quietly. “is how i know you’re going to help him better than anyone else could.”
for the first time since the boys went to bed, buck smiles. it’s a shaky, watery thing, but eddie looks at him with such loving confidence that buck can’t help himself.
“you should sleep,” eddie says, standing. “you look like shit.”
“don’t make me blush,” buck deadpans, but he follows eddie. he would follow eddie anywhere. “i’ll get theo up and then we’ll be out of your hair.”
“don’t,” eddie says sharply. “it’ll be hell to get him back to sleep. just bunk with me.”
buck’s mouth goes dry. “with you?”
they file into eddie’s bedroom, and eddie tosses a pair of sweatpants at him, old and gray and soft. “your usual spot is taken. my bed’s big enough for two.” if buck was more delusional, he’d say eddie looked pleased. smug, even.
“you can’t kick me out if i snore,” buck mumbles, pulling off his jeans. “can we keep-“
“the door open?” eddie asks. “was already planning on it. in case theo needs us.”
us. not buck. us.
“yeah,” buck whispers, a warm sense of security washing over him. “in case he needs us.”
one day when i get back to the leverage au i want to give the eliot/parker “teach me how to like stuff”/“i didn’t feel anything for a long time…my food makes people feel what i feel” lesson to bobby and buck
chris is hanging out with buck while theo chases eddie around the backyard when chris asks why theo doesn’t call buck Dad.
“he has a dad,” buck tells him. “and a mom. just because they’re gone doesn’t mean i’m trying to replace them.”
chris considers that for a moment and says. “you’re his buck.”
“yeah,” buck agrees. chris tries to ignore the jealousy curdling in his chest.
“like you’re my buck.” he says, trying to sound casual.
“sort of,” buck hedges.
“oh.” chris nods. “because he’s actually your son and i’m…”
“i’m his guardian,” buck says. “you have your dad, so i’ve been able to be your friend. i can’t be his friend like that.”
and. chris wasn’t expecting that. he nods, only sort of understanding.
“i have to parent him, discipline him, make him brush his teeth every day,” buck continues, voice soft. “someone else will have to spoil him, go with him to the zoo, eat too much candy with him.” buck looks intently at chris, mouth crooked in a half smile.
“me?” chris whispers.
“who else?” buck replies. “you and your dad—i hope you’ll be theo’s best friend when i have to be his parent. i want you to be his buck.”
chris nods, throat tight. his dad is in the grass now, theo clambering on top of him in victory. the kid is all sunshine and relentless energy, like buck, and the jealousy in chris’ chest softens into recognition. “okay,” he says, glancing back at buck. “but if he makes a run for it at the zoo, it’s on you.”
buck grins and pulls chris into a hug—the lingering kind chris hasn’t allowed since he entered high school. chris doesn’t pull away.
“deal,” buck says with a bright smile. “besides, it’s your dad’s job to catch theo if he runs. eddie’s the fastest runner, after all.”
if bobby had been alive for the bucknapping, he and maddie would’ve been on a road trip before chim could even protest being made interim captain
i am no better than my best friend buck buckley
let's all go out and buy pink refreshing citrusy fruity sexually arousing drinks
twere i buck buckley i would simply always wear a fanny pack full of snacks to keep eddie Not Hangry
not to be dramatic but buck not getting over feeling like he was too much as a child until late adulthood and multiple therapists and now these people coming into his home and are like our kid is too much and it’s your fault and asking him to fix it and he doesn’t know how because he can’t fix himself. i’m sad