professional tooth fairy

nico // he/him // nice skin you got there, would be a shame if anything happened to it

[bugb0n3s]

my very serious degree at Cambridge university - pot jigsaw on a Monday 🔥🔥

[halondrus]

[halondrus]

[cutecipher]

can you put that thing on a leash?

[halondrus]

ok

[icantspellthings]

Top 3 things people love insisting they don't have despite it being impossible

Pronouns

An accent

Bias

[midnightcowg1rl-deactivated2020]

We’re always like “we’re gonna dress like sci-fi people in the future” and then the next generation is always like yasss jeans

[vile-things]

[uncertainlys]

MY FINGERS BARELY EVEN TOUCHED YOUR STUPID FUCKING AD STOP REDIRECTING ME TO THE APP STORE

[creature-adjacent]

Carnivorous plants doin this is so funny to me

They don't wanna eat their pollinators :(

[questionablepastries]

[hiramslodge]

so truly genuinely we need to get more funding towards freaks and perverts to make weird horny movies and tv and art i would rather watch someone’s barely disguised fetish with an interesting point of view than another soulless corporate shell with boring beautiful actors and nothing to say

[cuunos]

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

[sm64mario]

Hey! Mario was just wondering. Could you'a put a vending machine here? In the middle of this crowded intersection?

[cannibalchicken]

[politijohn]

Source

Happy Pride Month!

[hellish-undeath]

i love my fans 💚

(for context anon (blank account) is trying to figure out how to misgender me)

[hellish-undeath]

she's been trying to guess my gender for 3+ hours so now we're talking about eels 💚

[tall]

[fairycosmos]

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

[unseelie]

​i wish this was in my cart and not someone else’s

[iam0to3yearsold]

you can just take it from their cart. its not their possession if they haven't bought it yet

[unseelie]

if i were thrift shopping and you put your hands into my cart to take a unique handpicked item i was intending to purchase i would break your legs