A long time ago I was engaged to a dude that thought America would never fall to despotism, wonder what he thinks today?

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@bugdootle
A long time ago I was engaged to a dude that thought America would never fall to despotism, wonder what he thinks today?
Can you do this
Can you do this
You ask
Can I do what
When I cried alone
In school bathrooms
Because being shy is painful
And those butchered haircuts
Didn’t help and the bones
Sticking out from my neck
Made people accuse me of starving
Myself you didn’t as then
Can you do this
Do what
When I had questions
About sex and life
And how things change
And how they stay the same
What I should do with my future
You didn’t care then
Can I do this
When I lost part of myself
And I drowned in liquid sorrows
And strangers hollow words
You didn’t even notice
Can I do this
Can I do what
When I told you I’d be a mother
And it almost cost me my life
And the life I carried
When I went under the knife
And went through heaven and hell
To give him a chance
You only cared what others think
Can I do this
Can I do what
When I got so sick
I left my body and stood behind you
In the hospital I watched you watch me
Why didn’t you cry
I still don’t understand why weren’t you crying
Did the alcohol dry you tears
But you cry at shitty movies
I was dying, but you just stood there
I still wonder if you hoped it was the end
Can I do this
Can I do what
Sit here while you do
What you don’t want to do
While you try to
Avoid your responsibilities
I can do almost anything
Except I still can’t forgive you
Can you do this
There’s no alcohol there
Really, can you do this?
Butterfly Effect
I stood outside my school bus once
It was really cold and my mom had
Rushed me to get dressed and out the door
She hated to be late
She didn’t check to see if I had my jacket
And I was only around five
And it probably wasn’t yet my responsibility to
Make sure my little arms were covered
On the way out the door
I remember standing there shivering
Wondering if forgetting my jean jacket that day
Would ripple through time and affect my life
Some how in the future
She drank every night
Every single night
Starting at around seven
Or whenever the sunset
She drank until she transformed into a nice person
Or a creepy person
Or something in between
She never helped us with our homework
She never read to us
Or tucked us in
She never got up at night when we had nightmares
We had a cat
It was spayed as a kitten
And they sewed her up wrong
She was probably in horrible pain
But she was extremely mean and vicious
We lived for over a decade with this cat
That took pleasure in tearing our heels to shreds
That hissed if we came near
That believed she owned the entire house
And we all walked on eggshells
My mother liked her
She was kinder to her than any of us
We were all of us desperate for her love
She still drinks
Every night, every single night
She watches corny romance movies
And mocks my dads every romantic gesture
She cries when mothers and children
Have feel good moments
But treats all of us like she wishes
We’d never been born
Her sighs sound like hisses
And we all walk arou her on eggshells
She talks to the TV with her glass in hand
Whispering to herself whatever made up
Injustices and injuries we’ve done today
And I realize, sometimes, I’m still
That little girl whose hungover mother
Couldn’t be bothered putting a jacket on her
Sure the butterfly effect is real
There’s a pair of lovely wings laying
Outside the school bus of time at the feet
Of a desperate little girl
Becoming
This tiny red thing
Was laid in my terrified hands
We both looked at each other
The long fragile head frightened me
The bulbous eyes covered in Vaseline
Tiny little fingers that reminded
Me of tree frogs feet
You were me and I was you
For eight months and now
You were you and I was
A foreign word I still couldn’t adapt to
And you were my son
I was a mom and you were my son
And your tiny eyes stared up at me
Your precious fingers grasped mine
And you blew bubbles at me
And I would never
Let anything hurt you if I could
I’d slay dragons for you
Or just stay up all night
rocking you while you cried
Protect you from
Monsters real and dreamt
Love you until the sun
Became a dark husk
And shone no longer -MKL
Reckless
On the wind she floated far away
Glittering, reckless
On a dream, through nightmares
So high she shone
Like a wisp too big,
A giant so small
Even the stars couldn't contain her
Legends
They once were legends
Their names brought down
Brandied and spat out
Sour wine like vinegar
Now people turn their backs
And snicker and whisper
Not to be seen with such poison
The slightest touch could bring a giant down
They once were legend
They wielded power
Like kings
Like Midas they said
If I touch you you’ll turn to gold
But it tarnished fast
A brass replica made to look shiny
And tempting and bright
Once the apple was consumed
The masks came off
And the fools gold flaked off
Like so much glitter in a cruel dream
They once were kings
Silence helped them reign
Fear Kept their throne
Money and power kept their strangle hold
Until the legend became their own undoing
They once were legend
Now they are nothing but loneliness
Wafting in the wind.
Calm
Wild Beasts
Crashing like wild amazing beasts
We stumble on the freedom
The madness lifts us and carries us
Through the pounding drumbeat of youth
Smoke filled rooms and Breathless nights
Dancing to a thrumming hum
A melody that only we can hear
The good die young and the savage
Live fast and hard
And the melody fills the air
Reaching with long taloned claws
For that precious, glorious vibrant life
Until the silence wakes us one day
And the melody has
Been gone so
Long we can’t recall
But the faintest
Whisper, a scent a taste
Of the wildness we once were
And we look at them
Tell them to beware
There are wolves with sharp teeth
But oh how jealous we are
How we long for one night
To dance free under cloudy skies
Smoke wafting from a fire or a drug
Passed by and through
So drunk we fall on each other and
Forget our parents rules
Just one more night to dance
By the smoldering and be
The wild beasts we once were