🐟

[bugpitt]

hmm victoria javadi and olivia rodrigo hmm “obsessed” hmm

hmmmm petrified and darting away when yolanda looks her way even though she was the one that was glaring huffing and puffing first because she has beef w the surgeon

hmmm and really doesnt want to go into surgery now

bugs trinity to tell her about her humiliationship w yolanda and gets mad when she hears about it even though shes wouldnt stop asking

@merpinglilac

[bugpitt]

hello gay people i have an idea. @merpinglilac and maybe @santos-dreaming does this count as comfort

trinity’s friend, the one who passed away, maybe not from suicide, but in her arms? maybe it was an overdose missed or.. some freakish heart attack outlier -> which leads her terrified of death (not in the clinical setting…just to those she finds herself accidentally caring for maybe)

so her hands find baran’s wrist sometimes, or she finds her eyes drifting to yolanda’s neck, body slowly nearing the other women’s, hoping to catch a glimpse or a touch of their hearts beating, enough to ensure they were living, breathing, alive

most importantly not dead (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ

i think it would be cute if they found out naturally and just let her eerily take their pulses at night.waking up to press her hand to their chest or placing her face so close to theirs to feel the exhale of breath

[santos-dreaming]

im very nervous about everything so if you could soothe me like the stray creature outside your house that leaves small branches and lure me closer with assurance that would be great.can i have a thought and tag you in the post

like a stray creature 😭😭😭

but yes pls tag away

[bugpitt]

please feel free to refer to the image above

[the-artist-lio]

happy pride month yolanda garcia

[santos-dreaming]

and if i say trinity santos who for the first time truly loves her sex life. she has 2 partners who respect her and listen to her and want her to feel good no matter how difficult she feels like she’s being

but it wasn’t always like that, or well she didn’t realise it wasnt always supposed to be like that

early on when sometimes she just doesn’t want to be touched. or she does. but she doesn’t want sex. doesn’t even want wandering hands, just wants the steady pressure of closeness.

and she feels guilty because she can feel baran’s mouth kissing down her neck, yolanda’s hands squeezing at her waist. and she knows she should put a stop to it, because this right now feels nice, but she doesn’t want any more than this.

but she feels guilty, because she has two beautiful women fawning over her and she feels like she wants to crawl out of her skin. so she tries to withstand it, for as long as she can, goes as soft and pliant as she manage. until she can’t do it anymore, pushes at them to get them away. says quietly, ashamed, i’m sorry, i don’t…i’m not feeling it, but you two can, i can just go hang out in the lounge

and she was expecting disappointment, maybe a bit of annoyance or irritation. after all she’d basically led them on….

okay, do you want to cuddle instead or do you want to actually be alone? baran asks, eyes a little sad in the way that trinity eventually realises means that she’s said or done something that exposes how warped her view of reality can be sometimes

what? because this doesn’t make sense. yes she wants to be cuddled, even wants the way yolanda was gripping her waist gently to continue. that was wonderful until her brain caught up and realised what they thought the end goal should be. i don’t want to have sex right now.

we heard you trin, and we’re telling you that’s okay. we’re asking what you wanna do now, yolanda this time, a crinkle in her brow as she tries to puzzle trinity’s reaction out. and then devastatingly, it’s only fun if we’re all on the same wavelength

that punches the air out of her lungs in a way she doesn’t want to acknowledge. because she’s not stupid, really, she knows what consent is for fucks sake. she just isn’t sure how to react to them taking it so well

goes out on a limb, meekly, can we cuddle? the closeness was nice, just not…anything more

baran’s shuffling towards her, letting trinity tentatively drag her to lay down properly so she can tuck her head into the crook of the attending’s neck. when she’s suitably comfy, waving an arm a little blindly towards yolanda until she shuffles up to cocoon her on the other side

i’m sorry for ruining the mood, she says quietly, half hoping neither of them hear it. can feel the way yolanda’s grip tenses just a fraction, baran’s chin knocking against her head as she shakes her own in denial.

telling us what you want isn’t ruining anything, how you’re feeling is important, you’re important to us, baran tells her, a little stern, and trinity knows they’ll be revisiting this at a later date for sure

but at least right now she can feel the kiss yolanda presses to the back of her neck as she murmurs her agreement with baran against her skin. one of baran’s hands alternating playing with her hair hair and yolanda’s gently.

she’s not much good yet at the whole open communication thing that baran seems so insistent upon, but she’s trying and one day she’ll get there

and it will be so worth it

[bugpitt]

big advocator of physical intimacy that isnt sex <- i am

finger sliding down the way a thigh is heft over a leg, maybe laughter because it tickles, and twitching when the huff of a chuckle encourages hair to fall out of place

something like slow swaying and shuffling together with occasional out of tune and rhythm humming because theres no music but the sound of breathing and cloth shifting

maybe reaching out just to feel or squeeze or let a hand linger out of sudden fear that the other person might disappear

because theyve drawn out and held together so many things, memories, thoughts, words, down to where the very flicker of emotion is invoked from

^ that imagining the very source of it disappearing is something that cant be described

and touch is grounding because its assurance of reality :)

yay i love not making sentences grammatically correct !! now everybody imagine

[bugpitt]

hm thinking about how “santos” was pronounced correctly by both al hashimi and garcia

[perfectimprecision]

you can pry the notion that season 2 is set shortly after a major garsantos fight or miscommunication from my cold, dead hands. those are two people who care a lot and for each other and do show it but are explicitly bad at talking about how they feel.

[bugpitt]

i dont think yolanda is mean toxic lesbian actually 🦭 trinity went to check back up to see if theyre still on and that seems like.something was said 2 me

[bugpitt]

i think itd be nice if yolanda garcia from the pitt was autistic

[bugpitt]

hi idk how tattoos work @santos-dreaming its uhhh cowcat catching a fish

is it okay that i drew this as tribute!!you can kill me

[bugpitt]

is reblogging a normal thing.am i supposed to do that on the internet.can somebody hold my hand

[bugpitt]

I Could Stare at You for Hours

Based off a song by The Happy Fits

Trinity

Stability is a fragile word.

Trinity holds this dear to her heart. Stability, she believes, she knows, is never really constant.

It’s just a word people use to refer to something that’s been the same for a while. Stability can never be something that’s guaranteed, because nothing is ever guaranteed.

It’s a factual statement, she knows.

Yolanda is something unstable.

Trinity knows this, because she knows Yolanda.

Yolanda, who doesn’t have blackout curtains, so the first rays of sun crawl along her cheeks and dance off the curve of her eyelashes in a frustratingly perfect gleam.

Yolanda, who winces in the morning when the beams’ light irritate her eyes, and Trinity, who gets the glance of something she can’t fully remember, but still gets flashes of in the trauma room when their gaze meet.

Yolanda, who twitches when consciousness peaks through to the woman lying at her side, and smacks her face into the pillow to groan; in moments like these, Trinity finds the gap between Garcia and Yolanda.

Those are all stable traits attached to an unstable individual.

Trinity knows this, because she knows Garcia.

She’s started a habit of sorting the little characteristics she finds from the other woman, giddy with more knowledge to hoard.

Immediately after, she wipes it from her mind with anger.

The coffee that appears on the centre console sporadically is stable, surprisingly, because it always comes after Yolanda leaves her text on read for too long.

The protein bars are unstable. Not only because the flavours and the brands keep changing, but the location does as well. Sometimes it’s snuck into her locker—how’d it get there?—sometimes it’s near her desk, sometimes it’s got a sticky note that reads ‘T’, and sometimes it’s handed to her directly.

The sex is stable, but it’s what comes after that confuses her. That’s unstable for obvious reasons.

The longer Trinity Santos spends around Yolanda, the more she grows to hate Garcia.

She thinks the other woman might feel the same.

Trinity’s been staying the night more often.

Trinity’s been dreaming more often.

She dreamt, once, of a warm hand that trailed down the curve of her spine. It hadn’t lingered further down, and moved back up to repeat the notion.

She dreamt of that arm across her waist, heavy and unmoving, and it had laid there enough for her to deem it stable.

She dreamt of curled hair tickling the side of her neck.

She dreamt of the sun rising.

She dreamt of light.

She dreamt that same hand rising, still in the air, providing shadow over her eyes.

She dreamt of a laugh that was really more of a rasp and a wheeze, and she dreamt that the hand fell to rest on the space between her chest and shoulder.

How strange, Trinity finds, as she blinks awake to morning, for the hand to belong to Baran.

@merpinglilac these actually dont connect at all but its annoying me to think about it for too long so it must be set free.i have to run away now i have to leave forever.this took me 41 minutes and 40 minutes too long cause it flashbanged my brain and refused to leave

[bugpitt]

Crossroads

Trinity

Trinity inhales.

She knows how to breathe, first of all, because she’s been doing it all her life. She’s quite the expert.

Trinity exhales.

Yolanda said something about ‘mindfulness’ once, about prolonged exhalation and its impact on the body’s parasympathetic nervous system.

“That’s why people sigh. To relieve stress. And that’s why people do breathing exercises. To… relieve stress.”

Baran’s hand swipes across the outside of her thigh again.

Trinity swallows.

She must be disgusting, right?

She’s must be some kind of wicked, disgusting thing.

She’s thinking of Yolanda—Garcia, Garcia, Garcia—in Baran’s arms.

Curled on her chest, arms loose against each others, and legs tangled. She’s thinking about Yolanda.

“Oh. Uh, cool, I guess? Nice fun fact?”

“I’m asking you to breathe with me, Trinity.”

“Oh! No yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah.”

Trinity can hear the beating of Baran’s heart, that’s how close her ear is to the other woman’s neck. She can smell her. She can see her. Shit, what were the other senses?

“You’re not breathing right.”

“Sorry. S’kinda hard to copy you. I’ve got nothing to go off of.”

“Here.”

“What?”

“Here. Put your… head on my chest.”

“Um,”

“Seriously, we don’t have to do this.”

“What? No, you’re the one who brought it up, just let me- okay okay, I got it. I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

“You with me?”

“Wha—t?”

Funny thing. Trinity actually speaks while she’s inhaling, and the one drop of saliva in the wrong pipe may not be in the right position. She’s spluttering on the side of Baran’s face as the other woman laughs, cheeks warm with what must be embarrassment and lack of oxygen.

So much for expert.

The thumb that wipes away the little dribble of drool is soft, and the eyes that crinkle at the edge that stare into her own are somehow softer.

Trinity can only blink.

How long has it been? A glance to the clock reveals nothing. She forgot the batteries were still dead. Whitaker needs to change them.

“Forty,” Baran offers, smile teetering on her lips.

“Huh?”, because Trinity still hasn’t found her bearings, and she’s quite sure she just passed out in her date-not-really-girlfriend-not-really-situationship’s arms and woke up without control of her face.

“You fell asleep,” she hums, adjusting herself slightly, curling her body toward Trinity’s, “it’s only been forty minutes.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right.”

Trinity hadn’t fallen asleep with Yolanda.

Her hand had rested on the surgeon’s hip, squeezing gently, because she had complained about leaning on it weirdly at work.

Then Yolanda’s hand was on her waist, scratching lightly, and then her hands were on Trinity’s breast, and then something, something, something. They had laid together for about 8 minutes, because Trinity counted, because Yolanda’s clock actually works, and spent the rest of the afternoon panting into each other’s mouths.

Trinity had left the apartment with her own sore hip.

“Sorry, I… uh, I didn’t mean to. You’re just really warm-?”

“Trinity,” Baran laughs.

She’s always liked the way Baran said her name. Baran says it lightly. Baran says it like it’s a cloud or something equally cheesy and dramatic. Trinity likes Baran’s name too. Baran. Baran. Baran.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad. I think it’s cute.” Trinity likes the way Baran says that too, the way the older woman’s face still remains soft and malleable and full of an expression that’s ready to change.

It’s not like Yolanda—Garcia—at all.

“Oh.” With half a smile, Trinity allows her head to fall back to Baran’s shoulder. “Okay. Right.”

She must be disgusting.

She must be, really.

Really, seriously, genuinely.

Trinity must be disgusting.

Garcia, Garcia, Garcia.

Not Yolanda.

@merpinglilac @blueeyesshyskies

[bugpitt]

imagining the character feeling anger and frustration and annoyance and loathing in every direction hurting and confused and feeling stupid for not being able to name something.and then the something is friendship btw theyre experiencing friendship

“what the fuck is happening” joy

“whats wrong with me” youre experiencing joy

“something is wrong” nothing is wrong and youre feeling a positive experience.its called joy btw

[bugpitt]

better yet. what if baran and trinity are trying to go on nice dates and talk and be nice to each other and yolanda is still freaking it evil style with trinity

[bugpitt]

what if trinity wanted to tell baran she loves her and then baran gets a seizure and doesnt react and trinity.thinks well fuck she doesnt feel the same, and after its over, baran, who hasnt disclosed it <- first thing she thinks about is trinity who is right in front of her and staring and not knowing so she asks if everything is okay like she didn’t just ‘ignore’ trinity’s confession and thinks if she can just pretend everything is okay then maybe it can be okay and surely trinity would notice because theyre closer and surely trinity would ask because she asks and surely trinity would know because she wants trinity to know her like how she >wants< to know trinity

i cant put all the thinking into words but just come into my mind and put your forehead against mine @merpinglilac

[bugpitt]

im shaking the consider garsanshimi person just liked my post and ivebeen following her for months im really scared can someone say a nice thing to me how did she findit so quickly