thoughts from His eager, owned girl

30s // 18+ only if you send me pictures of your dick, you're getting blocked

[builtforhispleasure]

Let's try this again...

I was part of the original Tumblr exodus back in 2018 after running an 18+ blog here for many years. I eventually set up camp on Bdsmlr where I've kept a popular blog (same username as here) sharing about my real-life explorations of denial, anal training, and submission in my 15+ year D/s relationship. But the site is so buggy and poorly run (I'm not actually sure anyone is running it?), and I really worry that one day I'll go to log in and the whole site will be gone.

I've flirted with coming back to Tumblr over the past few months and as I've been poking around, I've seen how the 2018 ban (and subsequent loosening of that ban in 2022) has created a creative, word-/story-driven culture here — which is exactly how I like to engage with adult content. For me, a photo is a spark of an idea, but it's the reactions, thoughts, and stories that come from that spark that really compel me. On my current blog, every single thing I reblog has a caption that muses on what spoke to me in the image — a memory, a fantasy, a story, etc. For the most part, you could divorce the images from the text entirely and not lose too much.

So, I'm going to experiment with coming back here and see if I can find a corner of Tumblr again that feels like home.

Photos of me under #me More details about our relationship under #about us Send me a gift here

[prettylittlevictim]

Carve your name into my skin to show everybody who I belong to.

[builtforhispleasure]

Years ago, he sliced our initials into my thigh then jerked off on the wound, my blood and his cum mixing together.

The scars stayed persistently visible so (with both of our agreement) I ended up getting a tattoo to disguise them. His initial is hidden in the linework of the tattoo — honoring what it's covering up.

[builtforhispleasure]

Trying to catalog our lingerie collection but we keep getting distracted

[builtforhispleasure]

"So.. do you like, watch porn? When I'm not around?" I asked him the other day. I know he has in the past (he shared a few favorite videos many, many years ago and he's occasionally pulled it up on his phone while I sucked his cock) but I realized that it hadn't come up at all in a long time.

He thought for a minute, then said "Not really. Sometimes I'll watch a video on fetlife, but not that often."

"But do you ever put porn on specifically to jerk off to?" I asked.

"No, never. Not anymore. That's what you're for — you're my porn now."

[builtforhispleasure]

exceptionally grabbable and frequently grabbed

[roughribo]

In 24/7 D/s, who says you have to give up your career to give yourself fully to a dom? You can excel at work, then submit the second you clock out if that's what you need. You can be into free use and still have time to write that book you dream of publishing. Don't let anyone tell you what 24/7 D/s or total power exchange has to look like. You decide what it looks like.

[builtforhispleasure]

As someone in a deeply committed power dynamic who is also extremely motivated in their career, I'll enthusiastically echo this.

For us, it looks like me wearing a discrete, beautiful collar from him every single day. It looks like stockings and garters under my work skirt. It looks like him picking out a pair of slutty little panties for me to wear on a day I give a big presentation. It looks like him sending me filthy, naughty texts in the middle of a meeting and me having to keep my face composed on the video call as I read them.

It looks like me making us lunch every day we work from home together.

It looks like him taunting me as he fucks me about how I think that the successful smart strong person I am at work is the real me but he knows the real me is the one he sees beneath him, wailing, babbling, begging for his cum, willing to do anything to please him.

It looks like me telling him last month how was thinking back to him saying that he was so proud that my ass was opening up for a new, big toy and then, in the same breath, telling him that he would've been so proud of how I handled an important meeting that day.

I've been joking for years that he should hire me as his personal assistant so these two worlds can finally become one (I think I even wrote a fake cover letter/resume at some point?) but until then, he pushes me to be as smart and successful as he knows I can be in my professional life and as pathetic and powerless as he knows I need to be in my service to him.

[builtforhispleasure]

It's really a shame that tumblr doesn't want me to share the pics of his piss streaming into my mouth and across my tits or the pic of my ass gaped and open around my new dilator stretcher plug.

Maybe I'll try for one of the pics of my bruised tits after he beat them black and blue, but I fear even that may be flagged by puritanical tumblr as being just too dang hot. Such a shame.

[builtforhispleasure]

16 months of no touch

Sometimes, when I really miss touching myself, I'll look at porn with women playing with their cunts and think back to how good it used to feel when I could do the same.

It's been so long now but I can remember exactly the sensation of slipping my hand down between my thighs, finding my cunt already wet and dripping, and stroking my slick fingers up and across my clit. I remember exactly how I would move them to tease myself, to get myself closer to coming, and to push myself over the edge. I remember how it felt to fly over the edge and be able to draw out my orgasm by pressing my fingers a little harder or rubbing my throbbing clit at just the right angle.

Watching other woman enjoying what I don't have doesn't make it any easier. Instead, it just reminds me of the scale of what he's had me give up to him. All that pleasure, all that power, it's all his now — he controls every bit of pleasure that my cunt feels. He hasn't even used any toys on my cunt — no vibrators, no dildos, nothing except his hands, his cock, and his mouth. Every single second of pleasure my cunt has experienced over the past 16 months has been at his discretion and has come from him.

Among many other things, it's created a powerful connection in my head between my pleasure and him. If I want my cunt to feel good, I need him — I can't do it on my own. I can't even squirm and squeeze my thighs together to steal some sensation for myself. It makes me feel even more eager and compliant, because I want to do everything I can to earn his attentions.

It's also strengthened my understanding of my ass as my center of pleasure, as he puts it. When I'm frustrated and pent up and he's not here, I think about how good it would feel to fuck my ass with a big dildo and, if I'm allowed to train my ass that day, I'll spend a long time doing exactly that. Sometimes, instead of reaching down and playing with my clit, I'll reach down and tease and stroke my asshole, focusing on the sensation there, telling myself that the ache in my clit is actually centered on my asshole and that playing with it helps to ease the frustration. My cunt has essentially become something for him to enjoy — my ass is my true source of pleasure.

But then… I see a video or photo of someone playing with themselves the way I used to, and I feel the intensity of what I've sacrificed to him. And, as frustrating as it is at times, it also feels so beautiful to have given him my cunt. I'm very grateful.

[purpleth0tbunny]

if you have an overthinker, you have to pin them and fuck them until their brain shuts off. it's simply the most ethical and moral treatment available. You have to. Pls.

[builtforhispleasure]

It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

[wellbruised]

[builtforhispleasure]

There's no hiding them anymore, and no denying that my nipples showing through every shirt I own is an invitation for him to grope and tease me. Which if course only makes them even harder, swollen, and visible...

[builtforhispleasure]

I'm getting closer to being able to take his cock in my mouth and drink down all of his piss without spilling a drop, a goal I didn't even know I had until he started regularly pissing on or in me at the end of last year.

The other day, I was on my knees in the shower, dutifully swallowing his piss, and when it became clear that I was doing a better job than in the past and was going to drink almost all of it before I pulled away and let it stream across my face, I heard him lovingly say "such a good girl."

I've been thinking about that moment constantly, about how it feels to know my ability to succeed at being his urinal makes me a good girl. It makes me blush and makes my cunt throb all at once.

[builtforhispleasure]

we’re on a trip, and in the past 24 hours since we checked into our hotel, he’s made me come four times, filled my ass with his cum and came all over my ass, pissed in my mouth, fucked my face, and played with my nipples so much that they are beyond tender and sensitive. and he has even more planned for tonight :)

life is good when you get to live out your greatest sex toy and service slave dreams!

[builtforhispleasure]

An appropriate fantasy for Mother's Day

I can imagine the way he'd fuck me furiously, hungrily — feral — as soon as we saw two lines on the test. Growling “you’re mine” as he does — equal parts desperate adoration and powerful ownership.

He'd spend the first few months getting my wardrobe ready. There would be stricter rules than ever before, in place the second I start showing. Deep scoop neck fitted tops — form fitting dresses that show off every curve and swell — sweet empire-waist dresses that emphasize how much my belly is growing — low-slung skirts that sit below my stomach paired with skimpy crop tops pushed up above it. 

The first time I can tell that someone noticed in public, I tell him about it that night, and he reaches between my legs and finds me soaking. He tells me that more and more, the people — men — who see me will notice my belly and immediately think about me naked, getting fucked, getting bred — they’ll wonder what position I was in, what my naked body looked like, what noises I was making, what my cunt looked like after, cum slowly dropping out. Edging me again and again, barely a touch needed, as he tells me that soon everyone will see proof of what I am — his, owned, devoted, a vessel for him now in the most literal sense. He reminds me that whenever we’re out together, people will know that it’s his baby I’m carrying, that he’s the one who made me like this — the one who owns my body utterly.

I know I’ll be throbbing. I know I’ll beg. But he won’t let me come until I admit out loud what he already knows, what my body’s already betrayed — that I like knowing that people will think about me fucked, flooded with his seed, owned and used by him, that I want to show off my body, his prized possession, as I grow for him. That it makes me wet to think about men openly staring at my swollen tits when we’re out together, imagining them splattered with his cum or picturing what my engorged nipples look like or imagining how their soft heft feels to grope and grab, jealous of him for not just being able to enjoy my body’s new charms but also because he's the one who got to transform me like this.

Once I admit all of that, finally then he shoves me over the edge and I come, howling and writhing, shameless, for him. As I come down, panting, he'd let his hand drift up from my cunt to rest on the small swell of my lower belly, gently stroking it as he thinks of how much more there is to come. 

[letmeeaseyourburden]

It was Sunday night and time to review your chore chart. You were sitting on your husband's lap as he went through each day. Giving you a grade on cooking, cleaning, being porn, giving head, and other wifely duties.

You were a good little wifey, and got the praise for doing those things well. Wiggling happy as he told you how good your pot roast was. How good the laundry smelled. Or how your head made him cum harder than his ex's did.

"Good girl. Looks like your over all grade is a 97." He puts the appropriate gold star in it's box. "Now you get a reward." He reaches into the box with stickers and takes out a Victoria's Secret gift card.

"This is your prize in addition to your allowance."

[builtforhispleasure]

He's been setting my bedtime for the past six months or so. He always dictates when we go to bed when we're together (although I can usually sweet talk him into staying up at least a little bit later than his first offer) but every night that we're not, he tells me what time he expects me to be in bed and what time he expects the lights turned off. I've generally been very good at following his direction but I started to slip, to stay up an extra five, ten, twenty minutes...

so now I'm facing the inverse of this lovely scene from @letmeeaseyourburden — I have to keep track of what time I turn off the lights every night and report back on it weekly along with all my tasks and training. The cumulative number of minutes I stay up after my bedtime translates into hard, un-warmed-up cane strokes and the knowledge that I disappointed him with my sloppiness.

It does raise the question... if I have a week where I accomplish all of my tasks, do all of my training, and get to bed on time every night, is there a reward? Or is my reward the knowledge that I met his expectations and a reminder that there's no special treatment for obedience?

So far I'm 0/4 on weeks with perfect obedience since he instituted this, so I guess we'll have to wait to find out.

[mastersoverminds-6]

Aww, your tits look great sweetheart. Keep sending them. Your job is to be my porn, remember?

[builtforhispleasure]

He gets so many photos of me that it doesn't even seem like anything unusual to me at this point. Isn't it my job to make sure he sees every time my tits look especially big at work? To make sure he knows what slutty little panties I'm wearing? To make sure he sees how well I'm stretching my ass around the big toy? To make sure he's aware of how obscenely his property's nipples are showing through her shirt?

One of my friends once said that she had never taken a naked picture of herself, and it was startling to realize that not everyone has 3,000 "hidden" photos on their phone (all carefully curated — only the favorites get saved) and half a terabyte more saved in the cloud (let alone the thousands posted across various websites over the past decade and a half). I guess not everyone needs to be porn the way he's taught me to be.

[lottie-24-7]

I might look ok but, mentally, I’m sitting helpless and naked in the shower, gulping down my Dad’s piss straight from the tap 🥺

[builtforhispleasure]

While my Owner was out of town, I confessed how much I was thinking about him having me drink his piss with my lips wrapped around him, swallowing every drop... yesterday, he pulled me into the tub and offered me his cock and told me to hold it in my mouth, then he let go and started flooding my mouth. I did my best to swallow it down as he did, to keep my mouth closed around his cock as I gulped down mouthful after mouthful, but I couldn't quite take it all — I ended up with some dripping down my tits and streamed across my face.

I felt so useful, so pathetic. What kind of girl eagerly drinks down that much piss and regrets spilling any of it? What does it mean that for the rest of the day I constantly thought about having so much of him inside me and that remembering it would make my cunt feel almost painfully achy?

When I had to pull away and some of it spilled out across my tits instead of flowing down my throat, he said "Ah, almost... almost." — I can't wait to hear what he says the first time I don't have to pull away, the first time I'm able to swallow every single drop straight from his cock, the first time I become truly a urinal for him, something he can use, something he not only enjoys pissing in but that is a useful receptacle for him.

And I can't wait to see how eager I become to do it again and again and again for him...

[builtforhispleasure]

I rarely get sassy with him, but when I do...