Warnings: nothing explicit, but very suggestive; a lot of feels. Background unrequited Kakashi/Obito.
Rating: M
Word count: 14,127
Click HERE to read on AO3
Set after the main story, roughly 8 years after Naruto and Gaara first met.
While Kakashi is visiting Sunagakure on official Hokage business, Naruto tags along with a plan to spend some time with his best friend Gaara. But there's way more to it than just spending time together - after careful consideration, Naruto also wants to finally confess his love to the man who sees him like nobody else does. Now, when is he going to find the right moment?
Tagging: @xeyfuh777, @xoangel-dust
Thanks to @newskyillusion for beta-reading!
When the Sand Siblings said the heat in the Wind territory can be overwhelming, it was no joke. The closer they approached Sunagakure, the more obvious it became - but when Naruto notices how much the sun warms the sand just outside the village, he’s thankful they mostly traveled at night. The heat is already bordering on unbearable and it’s still a few hours before noon.
Shikamaru, however, doesn’t seem affected in the slightest. At least he doesn’t show it.
“Took us long enough,” he exhales as they stand by the entrance. “Darn, I hate this journey. Tedious, hot and underwhelming. I wish you let me stay in Konoha, Kakashi.”
“Well,” the Hokage finally speaks. “You know I couldn’t do that. And it’s Hokage-sama for you, boy.”
Naruto grins at Shikamaru’s discomfort and his half-hearted apology. As Kakashi’s former pupil, he’s probably the only one who doesn’t get scolded if he forgets his new title. Truth be told, he sometimes omits it on purpose to see the funny little twitch of his teacher’s eyebrows.
He stops paying attention to Shikamaru and focuses on the village just as they pass the main entrance, etched between walls of stone. Suna is so different from Konoha - both in terms of architecture and people. Truth be told, everything seems to be different. There’s almost no green, all buildings are similar in color and design and the rocky cliffs surrounding the village give it an ominous vibe akin to a fortress, not a place for people to live. The houses remind Naruto of wasp cocoons stacked together in neat little colonies. He feels a shiver run down his spine at this association. Still, there is some eerie beauty to this design. He can’t help but stare and take it all in, so he almost misses the moment Temari arrives to greet them.
“Hey, Naruto,” her sharp voice brings him back to reality. “It’s good to see you.”
“Likewise,” he puts on the best of his grins. “Hey, I had no idea Suna was so different from Konoha. This entire place looks like it’s made of sand!”
“It’s actually clay, stucco and some other stuff,” he hears Kankurō before he notices the man, turning around to find him already shaking Kakashi’s hand. “To keep the interiors as cool as possible.”
“Kankurō! New face paint?” Naruto can’t help but notice that somehow Kankurō’s features are more… visible than before.
“You bet,” the man proudly points towards his face and sends Naruto a smug smile. “It was about damn time.”
“So it’s like, seasonal? I thought you were just ugly.”
Oh shit. He’s really going to have to learn how to think first, speak later. Why, why did he have to say that out loud?!
The change from friendly to feral is immediate in Kankurō, but luckily Kakashi steps in to save the day.
“Please forgive him,” he says as he smacks the back of Naruto’s neck. “The recovery of his arm is still underway. It’s a huge toll on his mind and body. He’s probably also dehydrated from the journey.”
“And stupid from birth,” Shikamaru adds under his breath and Naruto wants to smack him, but Kakashi’s grip on his shoulder is a warning better than a thousand words. “Let’s not keep the Kazekage waiting, shall we?”
Naruto sends Kankurō an apologetic grin as they keep walking, but the man quickly catches up to him.
“I’d check the cupboards before sleep today if I were you,” he says quietly, so only Naruto can hear, showing the blue chakra strings connected to the fingers of his right hand. “I don’t know how, but Karasu keeps ending up in the weirdest of places recently.”
Okay, that is not the image Naruto wants to keep in his head before sleep that night. Or any night, for that matter.
“Please forgive me, Kankurō,” he puts his hands together in a desperate plea. “I meant no disrespect!”
“You’re lucky my brother likes you,” Kankurō mutters as they approach the central building of Suna.
Now that Naruto has grown a little more accustomed to the views before him, he can see the thoughtfulness behind Suna’s architecture. The buildings are grouped together in a way he’s not used to, yes, but they provide much needed shade. Some of the streets are filled with people flocking in and out of the central part of the village, going about their usual business. There’s kids, elders, grown-ups - and while some of them look tired, Naruto can clearly see a sparkle of hope in their eyes. Some even greet them from afar and he can’t help but think how much the circumstances have changed. Kakashi forced him to learn a lot of history as part of his jōnin training. He knows what kind of place Suna used to be, especially in relation to Konoha. Seeing it the way it is now makes him even more in awe of Gaara as Kazekage.
Ah, yes. Gaara. The main reason he’s here. He’s both excited and anxious to see him. Excited, because he misses his friend. Anxious, because there’s a lot he needs to talk to him about and he needs to make sure he doesn’t miss any single detail.
Temari explains that the Kazekage’s main office building - the central building of Suna - is connected to other office buildings with a network of underground tunnels to allow swift escape if anything dangerous happened and required evacuation of the entire village. Naruto is once again reminded of a wasp nest that he saw once during training. When it fell from a tree and broke, a central piece housing the queen wasp was revealed. Kazekage’s office reminds him of just that - albeit it’s more… aesthetically pleasing.
Now that he knows what Kazekage’s office looks like, he wonders about Gaara’s home. Does he actually call it a home? Does he live with his siblings? He forgot to ask.
He forgot to ask him so many things.
Temari leads them up the stairs and wow, Kankurō was right, it is much cooler inside the building. They meet a lot of people on their way to the Kazekage - Kakashi stops to greet every single one of them and Naruto knows he should be remembering their faces and shaking their hands and possibly engraving their names in his memory, but he can’t focus. All he can think about is the fact he’s going to see Gaara again - the last time they spoke in person was about half a year ago during a Kage meeting in Konoha. It was then Gaara extended a heartfelt invitation for Naruto to come and see Suna as soon as possible as his guest. Considering Naruto didn’t really have much opportunity to travel for leisure, the idea excited him beyond measure. Kakashi promised to let him accompany him during his next visit. All things considered, Naruto never thought he would have to wait this long.
He did exchange letters with Gaara, sure; the problem was, he never liked writing to begin with. Spoken words were his strength as much as written words were his nightmare. He could never find it in himself to write the way he would talk - fast, amicably, with his heart on his sleeve. Gaara, on the other hand, was his polar opposite in this matter - he used careful, thoughtful words in every single sentence and Naruto could hear him speak in his head whenever he read his letters.
They finally enter a spacious room with a round table in the center and Naruto immediately notices Gaara’s red hair. He’s sitting with some people he probably should know but doesn’t remember. He’s sure Kakashi is going to give him an earful for that later.
“Lord Kazekage,” Kakashi bows and takes off his hat. “Thank you for your hospitality. The journey was far less stressful with your instructions.”
“Lord Hokage,” Gaara stands up from his central chair and returns the gesture. “I’m glad you managed to arrive unharmed. The weather can be-”
He doesn’t finish because Naruto is already by his side, wrapping his arms around Gaara’s shoulders in a tight embrace.
“Gaara,” he can’t contain the excitement at seeing his friend alive and well. “I mean, Lord Kazekage,” he corrects himself, earning a snort from Gaara, “I can’t believe I’m finally here! This place is awesome!”
Gaara returns the hug awkwardly, barely placing his hands on Naruto’s sides. Naruto doesn’t care. His hug is all warmth and sunshine and he can feel Gaara leaning into it, even if his friend is reluctant to return it.
“Naruto,” A small smile blooms on Gaara’s lips, softening his eyes. “I’m glad you came.”
“You bet! I’d never reject an invitation from a friend!”
Naruto takes a good look at Gaara’s figure in the Kazekage robes and he has to admit both the role and the entourage suit him. He looks serious, grown up, but most of all - he looks in place. It’s like the role of Kazekage was meant for him. Naruto couldn’t be more happy and more proud.
“Refreshments will be served in a moment,” a tall man sitting by the table announces with a deep voice. “Would you be so kind as to take your seats?”
“Great, I’m starving,” Naruto plops down on a chair next to Gaara. “So, what’s the deal with this meeting?”
“First of all,” Naruto didn’t notice Kakashi appearing next to him, “This is my seat. Second of all, remember, we’re here for business first and foremost.”
Naruto puts on the most apologetic of grins, at least in his mind. Of course the Hokage needs to sit next to the Kazekage. He really needs to adopt proper etiquette. He gets up and takes a seat on the opposite side of the table, deliberately passing by Kankurō (he’s going to give him the creeps forever). He ultimately sits next to Shikamaru and tries his best to focus on what’s being discussed. Shikamaru has to kick his ankle under the table way too many times as he drifts off ever so often.
But he just can’t help it. There’s no way he’s going to focus. Yes, the trade agreement between Suna and Konoha is important. Yes, cooperation on missions is crucial. Yes, Konoha needs to help Suna by sending a few teachers to teach in their Academy. But Gaara is here, right here, and even the food brought to the table can’t take his attention away from him for long. He wants to sit down with his friend, talk about everything and nothing, to spend some time just being in his presence. Who knows how long it’s going to be before they get to see each other again? Another half a year? It sucks. It’s not fair.
And yet he tries his best, because he knows it’s important. He tries to take notes, asks Shikamaru to explain a few things he doesn’t understand, goes out of his way to follow at least most of what is being said. There’s going to come a day when they're both leaders of their villages and he knows this alliance will be unbreakable. He wants to be at least half as good a leader as Gaara is. Saving the world is not enough to be a good protector - he’s learned that much from observing Kakashi. He needs to constantly be the best version of himself for the sake of everyone around him. But also, as Itachi has taught him, to allow others to support him as well.
When the meeting finally comes to an end - Naruto thought it was never going to end - he’s by Gaara’s side in seconds again, desperate for his attention.
“I’m sorry it took so long, Naruto,” there it is, the subtle smile again and Naruto can’t help but smile back. “We will escort you to your quarters. You’ll be able to rest before dinner. I still have some matters to attend to, unfortunately.”
Naruto knows that’s the way it works, and yet he’s still sad they won’t be able to spend every second together.
“Is it something I can help with?” He asks hopefully, but Gaara shakes his head.
“No, but don’t worry. I’m all free tomorrow.”
“Only tomorrow?”
“Maybe the day after as well.”
Okay, he can live with that.
Gaara walks with them to a guest house located close to the city center. On the way there Naruto gets an answer to one of his questions - Gaara and his siblings live in a, well, basically a mansion on their way and the guest house is a part of the complex. The architecture is the same as all buildings around them, but the finish is somewhat different, with a huge patio and something resembling a garden. Naruto has never seen plants like these before; there’s not too many of them, but they still make the place look more fancy. Gaara tells them how this is his family home and the home of all Kazekage before him, how it was built to resemble old paintings and how the rest of the village actually takes its style from this exact building. He shows them the dining hall and informs them this is where the dinner is going to be served. Naruto doesn’t even try to hide how impressed he is with Gaara’s house. It’s a beautiful place, all beige and creamy in color, with decorations in styles unlike anything that could be found in Konoha. He hopes Gaara gives him a tour after and, on another hand, makes a mental note to try and not break any expensive-looking vases. There’s a lot of expensive looking vases.
Gaara takes them to the guest house and Naruto gets placed in the southern bedroom overlooking the garden and part of the village. It’s a nice spot covered in shade. He’s actually glad to be able to spend some time alone. Gaara pops in before leaving for work and leans against the doorframe.
“I’m really glad you’re here, Naruto,” there’s so much warmth in his voice. “Sorry I can’t spend more time with you. Today is a very important day and I need to…”
“Hey, no worries,” Naruto interrupts him and pats his shoulder. Gaara smiles at the gesture. “I know you’re busy. I’m still happy to be here. Let’s say I’ll ditch you a few times when I become Hokage and we’re gonna be even.”
Gaara chuckles at that and something mellow blooms in Naruto’s heart at the sound.
“Alright. I’ll see you at dinner.”
With that, he leaves and Naruto is finally able to stretch out on the bed. He takes a deep breath and tries to relax. He’s here, in Suna, and he’s finally seeing Gaara. It’s such a shame it’s only for a few days. Still, he’s going to take whatever he can get. There’s so much he needs to talk to him about.
He closes his eyes and remembers the letters. He read them so many times he committed them all to memory. They spoke of solitude, longing, emptiness. But also of hope, newfound joy, responsibility. He believes that through these letters he got to know a much different Gaara - someone vulnerable, open to being known. He knows he’s the only one bestowed with this grace. He’s not going to waste it.
Dinner approaches fast and soon they're all seated at a low table, long rays of orange sunshine laying down on the floor as the sun begins to set. There’s cushions and seats placed directly on the floor, making it easier to fit next to each other. This time, Naruto doesn’t let Kakashi take a spot next to Gaara - but since it’s an unofficial meeting, Kakashi doesn’t seem to mind.
There’s incense burning close by, filling the room with a unique aroma. Gaara smells like that as well - combined with something sweet and fresh, but now Naruto knows where the spicy undertone comes from. The food is served on big trays for everyone to share and Naruto has no idea what to start with. There’s fruit, meat dishes, a lot of vegetables, something that looks like pancakes, small buns, fragrant sauces… how is he supposed to decide what to eat first?!
“Here,” Gaara notices his plight and jumps in to save the day, placing a little bit of everything on his plate. “Use the bread to eat, like this. I hope you like it.”
Oh, he likes it. He actually loves it. He takes a look around and Kakashi is obviously enjoying himself as well, talking to Kankurō and Shikamaru on the other side of the table. Temari is next to them as well, gesturing about something Naruto can’t hear. There’s a few other people sitting with them too, some of them Naruto recognizes from the meeting earlier. But it’s a much smaller crowd and the meal feels more like a family gathering than a business dinner.
“So,” he turns back to Gaara, who’s currently eating steamed baby carrots and suddenly drops his gaze to the food. “How have you been, Gaara? Being Kazekage keeping you busy?”
“Yeah,” he breathes out heavily, shoulders sagging a bit. “I was busy during the war, but now there’s even more to do. Paperwork, negotiations, making sure the village is safe… I rarely have a moment to myself.”
Naruto nods. It’s exactly the same for Kakashi and it will be the same for him. Still, it hurts to see Gaara so tired.
“Do you ever have time to rest? Unwind? I don't know, just do nothing for a second?”
“Not often. But I have time tomorrow. There’s a few places I want to show you. It’s your first proper time here after all.”
“Yeah, I’m so glad it finally worked out! I missed you. It’s a shame we live so far away from each other.”
A brief smile appears on Gaara’s face. Sometimes Naruto still can’t believe how much he’s changed since their first meeting.
“I missed you too. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with Kankurō and Temari. But they’re… not you. They don’t see me like you do.”
“Hehe,” Naruto doesn’t understand why, but Gaara’s words make him a little abashed; yet on the other hand even more at peace with what he needs to tell him. “I guess it’s good. That not everyone had the kind of childhood we did, anyway.”
Gaara is about to eat a pancake filled with date paste, but pauses mid-air.
“You know,” he whispers after a while, eyes somewhere on the horizon. “Sometimes I feel guilty. I feel like my mother’s death was my fault. My… childhood definitely rubbed off on my siblings in more ways than one.”
Naruto’s heart turns so heavy he thinks it might pin him to the ground.
“Why?”
“Well, our mother died during my birth. If it wasn’t for me… she would still be here. Maybe Kankurō and Temari could have had a better childhood. Logically, I understand none of this was my fault. And yet sometimes it weighs me down.”
“Gaara,” Naruto places a hand on his friend’s shoulder to make him look up into his eyes. It takes a while, but Gaara finally turns, his gaze softening upon meeting Naruto’s determined expression. “None of this was your fault. You had no say in the matter. You went through hell and you still found a way to turn it all into a success. You’re a miracle, Gaara. And I admire you so much. I hope I’m at least half the Kage you are.”
The blush on Gaara’s face is immediate; as if someone painted his cheeks red, almost the same shade as his hair. The pancake falls from between his fingers and lands on the table with a soft pat. The scene makes Naruto snort and snatch the pancake.
“I… thank you,” when Gaara speaks, his voice is softer, more relaxed. “I’m really glad you see me that way.”
“I can’t imagine how anyone can see you any different,” chewing the pancake does impair Naruto’s speech a bit, but it still conveys the message.
“It’s all thanks to you. I hated the person I was before I met you. It… it’s not easy living with so much hatred. Living without it isn’t easy either, but I’d rather take this kind of pain any single day.”
Naruto suddenly feels a pinch somewhere around his heart. It’s minor, fleeting, but it’s still there. He knows this pain. He remembers it well. Even though everything has been resolved a long time ago, it still haunts him.
“I wonder,” he says, remembering his resolution to speak to Gaara about all of his feelings; even the bad ones. “You know, how I was able to get to you. To show you compassion. And you took it. And yet… it never worked for Sasuke.”
Naruto expects Gaara to frown, to disapprove of bringing Sasuke up in their conversation, and yet he doesn’t. His expression is soft, calming, friendly. Understanding.
This time, it’s Gaara who places a hand on Naruto’s leg. The touch is delicate and welcome.
“The answer to that is simple, my friend. Sasuke was lost in the darkness. He was blinded by hate, by his desire for vengeance. He didn’t want to be saved; he wanted the darkness to swallow him whole. And me… well, I was desperate to be saved.”
Oh, Naruto knows. Naruto felt that so much it hurt his entire being. Just thinking that nobody was ever able to give Gaara even a shred of comfort… just thinking about that broke his heart when they met all those years ago.
But they are here now. Even after everything they’ve been through, they’re still here.
“I know,” Naruto is surprised at the softness in his own voice. It’s unusual, and yet not entirely unwelcome. “Me too.”
His hand comes to land on top of Gaara’s naturally, almost as if it belongs there. Somehow it makes him feel grounded. Safe. Natural. Like it’s the way it’s meant to be.
Gaara laces their fingers together and Naruto wants to never let go. Gaara’s skin is soft, surprisingly so; but then he should expect it, with his perfect defense not letting any damage as much as touch his skin. Touching him like this feels like coming home. Somewhere you’re welcome, wanted.
Somewhere you’re safe.
They’re suddenly interrupted by a commotion at the other end of the table. Apparently Kakashi and Shikamaru entered a heated debate with one of Kazekage’s advisors and now Shikamaru is challenging the man to a game of shōgi. Gaara laughs and lets go of Naruto’s hand to pour him some tea. Strangely, Naruto doesn’t fall apart; even though panic overwhelmed him for a moment at the loss of Gaara’s touch.
“You’re going to love this,” Gaara says as he pours the drink in a long stream, deliberately putting on a spectacle. “It’s mint tea with honey. My absolute favorite.”
Naruto takes a sip and the tea is nothing like what he expected. The flavor of mint is strong, but it’s also… sweet? Not just because of the honey, but from the mint itself. It’s actually a great combination. Gaara promises that he’s going to give him some mint seeds from his garden. And now that Naruto has heard of Gaara’s garden, he really wants to see it. It’s promised for the next day, so he can sleep without worries.
Except for the Karasu worries. He really needs to check all these cupboards.
The dinner goes on for about an hour more and Gaara is also approached by Kakashi to do some small talk. Naruto stays to listen and chime in here and there, trying to keep up with their conversation. Truth is, he’s extremely tired, so he’s kind of glad for the dinner to be over. Plus, he can’t wait for the next day he’s going to spend entirely with Gaara. No Kakashi, no Shikamaru, no advisors.
Just the two of them, hopefully up for some mischief.
As they get back to the guest house, Naruto takes a shower and he’s about to go to sleep when, just as he’s finishing drying his hair with a towel, someone comes knocking at his door. Kakashi comes in even before Naruto answers
“Oi, sensei,” he says, dropping the wet towel onto the bed. “What if I was naked?!”
“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Kakashi waves his hand dismissingly and sits down on an armchair next to the bed. “I need to talk to you.”
Naruto sighs and sits down. Great. Another lecture.
“Sensei…”
“Shut up. Listen. Then, you can ask questions.”
Kakashi’s stern tone actually makes him shut up. He has no idea what the teacher wants to talk to him about, but it seems very serious.
“O… ok.”
“Right. First of all, I’m here as your teacher, not as the Hokage. Well… more as… your parental figure. I have been observing you today and I feel like I owe you… something. An explanation.”
“Sensei?”
Kakashi takes a deep breath.
“I remember when you came to me, a while ago, to ask me a question. I know my answer wasn’t satisfying. But now I know what you meant, and I want to add something to what I said.”
“Add? But you didn’t say anythi-”
“What did I tell you about the talking?”
“Sorry.”
Kakashi sighs and makes himself a little more comfortable.
“Listen, I was a little taken aback. That day, when you asked me what love meant to me. And not parental love, not love between friends, but romantic, intimate love. I’m not an expert on love. I’m also not an expert at talking about my feelings. But this inability has already cost me too much, so…” Kakashi coughs and closes his eyes. “I admit, I was surprised about both your question and the timing. But now I understand it wasn’t sudden. So if you still want to know what love is, I will tell you what it is to me. And I will also tell you how I lost it.”
“...”
“Don’t make that face. It’s not something I’m proud of. But you deserve to know, and you’ve seen more than anyone else. I could have had this kind of love. And I…”
Naruto doesn’t interrupt. He already knows what Kakashi is going to say. All the puzzles suddenly slide into place.
“Sensei…”
“I lost it. I lost it when Obito died. Before I had a chance to tell him. Before I had a chance to understand my feelings and put them into words. And then I had to live all these years wondering what could have been. It was… heartbreaking, to say the least. I thought we had time. I thought I could always… Please don’t make the same mistake.”
Naruto doesn’t know what to say. He saw the bond between Kakashi and Obito. He knows their story. He knows there was something more, something he wasn’t seeing.
He can’t imagine how hard it must have been.
“I’m so sorry, Sensei. I can only imagine…”
“No, Naruto, I don’t want you to imagine. I want you to not make the same mistake. You deserve to be happy. And you have a chance. Tell Gaara how you feel.”
Naruto lowers his gaze. So Kakashi knows. Well, he might as well be honest with him.
“Sensei… why do you think I went around asking all these questions?”
“Huh?”
“I went to more people than you. No offense, but your answer didn’t explain a thing at the time. And I really wanted to understand what love actually is. Because I… I wasn’t able to name these feelings. I could feel them, but I had no idea what it meant. But now I know. And this is why I wanted to come with you. I need… I want to tell Gaara everything. He deserves to know.”
Naruto can’t see Kakashi’s face under the mask, but he can tell the man is smiling. It’s rare, but precisely because of this he knows it’s also genuine.
“Good,” he says after a while. “I see you’re more mature than I gave you credit for.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
Kakashi raises his hand up to calm Naruto down a bit before he goes into one of his word-spitting rages.
“Nothing. I’m glad you’ve grown, Naruto. With all the things you’ve been through… You deserve something good. Both of you do. I just… I know you don’t really have… well, experience. Life experience, I mean. You never went through your teenage years the way you were supposed to. I feel like you need life guidance more than shinobi guidance most of the time.”
Naruto nods. A lot of smart-sounding words. But he thinks he understands.
“So…” Naruto says after a moment of quiet. “You loved Obito, right?”
Kakashi nods before he answers.
“I loved both of them. Obito and Rin. But each of them in a different way. What you were asking about, the romantic kind of love, although I don’t think it’s the correct way to describe it, that was all him. But I didn’t understand it at first. I had no idea what this was. So I tried to push him away, I picked on him a bit, to be honest. But I would have died for him. And I remember one day I realized what these feelings were. It was when I understood that to me his life meant more than my own. Losing him… broke me.”
“Did he… love you too?”
“He did. His love was overbearing, all-encompassing. I was scared. But he still was… the light of my life.”
Naruto lifts his head up to look at Kakashi, but Kakashi is not looking at him. His gaze is on something outside the window, somewhere far, somewhere Naruto can’t reach.
“Sensei,” he says, surprised at the sadness in his own voice. “I’m so sorry. None of you deserved what happened. I… I wish you could have been happy.”
“Me too,” Kakashi smiles again, but this time the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“So if it wasn’t romantic love,” Naruto wonders after a moment. “What do you think it was?”
“It was unparalleled intimacy,” Kakashi answers fast and to the point. “Friendship on a level so deep you could understand the other without words. A kind of calmness that washed over me whenever he was around. A feeling that as long as we had each other, everything was going to be okay. That I would carry him and he would carry me. That he was the only one I could break down in front of and he would have picked up the pieces. I should have said all of that to him. And yet… I never did.”
Naruto feels tears well up in his eyes.
“I…”
“Don’t worry, Naruto. I had a lot of time to come to peace with this. But I know how heavy the burden can be. This is why I don’t want you to make the same mistake. I don’t want you to have to accept such reality. I want you to be happy. Loved. Cherished. As you should be.”
Naruto can’t take it anymore. He jumps from the bed and wraps Kakashi in an embrace that surprises the man, but he doesn’t pull away. He hugs Naruto as well, making the hug a form of a blessing.
“Thank you, sensei,” Naruto whispers into Kakashi’s shoulder, holding him so tightly they can both barely breathe. “I’m so sorry.”
“Now now,” Kakashi pats him on the back. “Don’t be sorry. Just be happy. Okay?”
When Naruto finally pulls away and Kakashi’s robe is soaked with his tears, the man leaves after making another comment about the unavailability of laundry service. Naruto grins and closes the door behind him.
Before he goes to bed, he makes sure to check all the cupboards.
Kakashi’s words stay with him until the morning. He rolls them over in his head, wondering how he should approach the conversation with Gaara. Should he plan it? Choose the right moment? Or just talk to him? He figures he’s going to see what the day brings.
He dreams of Sasuke and Jiraiya - two dreams that plague him the most, sometimes making him wake up drenched in sweat. Not this time though - in his dream, Jiraiya is radiant and Sasuke is accepting, almost making Naruto wish they were by his side when he wakes up. But Sasuke has left and Jiraiya is dead. No amount of dreaming can change these facts.
Naruto wakes up to the sound of the village, loud bells in the distance, more and more commotion in the streets. At first he doesn’t know where he is. Then he remembers - both where he is and his conversation with Kakashi - and he gets out of bed with almost inappropriate vigor.
He meets Shikamaru leaving his room and they get breakfast together, some rice porridge and fruit served in the guest house living room. The porridge is delicious - sweet, soft, like a home-cooked comfort meal. Naruto thinks this might be what a family breakfast would be like. He sits down with Shikamaru.
“I’m so tired,” the man sighs as he fills his bowl with more porridge. “I couldn’t sleep. I ate too much yesterday.”
Ah, Shikamaru, the never changing whiner.
“I slept like a baby,” Naruto beams at him, holding a platter filled with different types of fruit. “Maybe you’re just homesick.”
“I’m not homesick.”
“It’s not a shame to be homesick, Shikamaru.”
“Shut up.”
It was surprising to have this type of camaraderie with Shikamaru, not really being friends before. But they have truly grown closer - especially after Jiraiya’s death, when Shikamaru was the one who managed to help Naruto come to terms with what happened. They might be polar opposites when it comes to energy levels, but they have equally empathetic hearts. They just express themselves very differently.
“Any fun plans for today?” Naruto asks, truly interested.
“Well, we have a few meetings to attend with Kakashi. Nothing serious though, so you don’t need to worry about missing anything. Then I have an afternoon off.”
“I see. So what are you up to?”
Suddenly, Shikamaru blushes and turns away to hide it.
“It’s none of your business.”
“Don’t tell me… you have a date with Temari?!”
“I said it’s none of your business!”
Naruto loves teasing Shikamaru, but he wishes him the best nonetheless.
“Sorry, sorry. I just… I hope you get to be happy. Not just strong.”
Shikamaru’s expression softens at that, a small smile relaxing his features.
“Yeah. I think we all deserve a bit of happiness.”
They finish their breakfasts with just a few more words - but Shikamaru’s attitude changes, he’s more open and relaxed, almost as if an invisible weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Naruto knows it must be hard for him as well - the responsibilities, the workload, everything. Even though Shikamaru is the right man for the job, Naruto believes he sometimes takes too much upon himself. But Naruto will always be there to help.
Gaara comes by just as Shikamaru leaves - they exchange simple pleasantries, but Naruto gets wrapped in an awkward embrace and he can’t help but reciprocate. He knows it’s not easy for Gaara. But he’s obviously trying, so Naruto is doing everything he can not to spook him.
“Good morning,” Gaara smiles softly as they part. “I hope you slept well. The nights can be exhausting in this heat.”
“Honestly, I didn’t even notice,” Naruto sends him his toothiest of grins. “I just dropped dead after all this food. Everything was delicious, by the way. So, what’s the plan?”
Naruto takes a good look at Gaara before they leave the guest house. He’s not wearing his Kazekage robes - why would he, it’s his day off after all - and his simple black clothes with a white sash remind him of the first time they met, when Gaara and his siblings first came to Konoha for the chūnin exam. He can’t believe it’s already been eight years.
First, Gaara takes him for a walk along the market streets. It’s a lively, vibrant day and apparently the perfect time to be visiting - merchants from all around the world come by to sell the most impossible things. They stroll between stalls of fabrics, fragrances, jewelry and woodwork as Gaara tells him all about Suna - about its history, about how unsafe of a place it used to be, how people kept fleeing to find safety elsewhere even during his father’s time as Kazekage. It’s hard for Naruto to believe how quickly the tables have turned. He knows it’s still far from perfect, but danger is the last thing he senses among the people flocking about the town square. They seem content, relaxed - he can tell because of the way they carry their expressions and their shoulders.
He could listen to Gaara talk all day. It surprises him to find out how great of a storyteller he is. When he points that out, Gaara shrugs.
“I used to read a lot as a kid,” he says shyly, almost as if he was ashamed. “And spent a lot of time living in my own head. I guess that helped a bit.”
Once again, Naruto wants to hug him, but doesn’t know how the people around them would react to their beloved Kazekage being squished like that, so he settles on squeezing his wrist. He knows Gaara understands the gesture. He understands everything. They don’t have to use words to communicate.
They end up in a different part just outside the town square, in a place filled with meat, fish, fruit and sweets. Naruto can’t help but stare. It’s very different from Konoha’s market stalls, so of course he would like to try everything. Gaara leads him up to one booth filled with colorful pastries.
“This is my favorite spot,” he whispers into Naruto’s ear. “Good morning, Kago-san. What do you recommend today?”
“Ah, Kazekage! And you brought a friend! Is this the famous hero from Konohagakure?”
Kago-san is a tall, strong man in his late fifties - at least as far as Naruto can tell. His smile seems genuine, so Naruto smiles at him as well.
“My name is Naruto Uzumaki, nice to meet you!”
“Ah, aren’t you polite. Well then, gentlemen, what can I do for you today? Will it be the usual, lord Kazekage?”
“Yes, please. And maybe something local for my friend as well?”
They end up with more sweets than they can carry, because obviously Naruto wants to try everything, and also keeps insisting they should just indulge, live a little. Gaara can’t find it in himself to deny Naruto anything, so he gives in and lets the man choose. After a short confrontation about whether they should pay or not (Naruto insists to pay, Kago-san insists otherwise) they end up paying half of what they should and continue on their journey.
“These are delicious,” Naruto says, his mouth still full of almond cookies with rose water. “I’m not surprised they’re your favorite.”
“I know. I don’t think you’re supposed to eat this many though.”
“Oh, come on. It’s your day off today. We can do whatever we want. Even if it’s eating thirty pastries in half an hour.”
Gaara doesn’t seem too convinced, but gives in once Naruto bites off half of another cookie and gives him the other half. They finish the remaining sweets and suddenly realize people are not supposed to eat this many for a reason.
“I can’t move,” Naruto moans as they sit outside a small cafe, waiting for coffee.
“It’s all your fault,” Gaara doesn’t look too good either. “I told you.”
“Come on, it was delicious.”
“It was.”
“Maybe next time we only get one each.”
“Yeah.”
The coffee helps a bit, but Naruto is surprised to find out that coffee in Suna is different from what he’s used to as well. It’s stronger, more intense, with no milk, but there’s still some sweet finish. Gaara later tells him they make it sweet and add a pinch of cinnamon for added flavor.
When they are finally able to move again, Gaara takes Naruto to see other parts of the village, namely the residential area and the military area. He shows him their academy and talks about how understaffed it is, forcing them to employ teachers from other villages, mainly Konoha. They walk by multiple people who greet them, obviously knowing who Naruto is as well. Some stop to thank them for saving their lives. A few kids run to Naruto and hug him. He can’t help but tear up a little at the sight.
But then, they finally get away from prying eyes and colorful crowds as Gaara leads him to another secluded part of the village, located behind a gate that he opens using his specific chakra.
“This is where I relax,” the change in Gaara is almost immediate when they pass the gate; he’s no longer tense and upright. “Not many people are allowed to come here. In fact, I think it’s just six people or so.”
“Including me?”
“Including you.”
Naruto knows how big of a deal this must be and he can’t help but feel special. They enter through a patio and Naruto can finally see what Gaara meant when he was talking about his garden. It’s a place unlike anything he’s seen so far - and a place that seems exactly what Gaara’s safe haven would be.
The garden is actually more than just that - the walls house two greenhouses, a small cave and a complex irrigation system to make sure the plants get enough water. There’s also a small house with a swing chair on the porch. It’s peaceful, almost idyllic, especially since the trees that grow there - trees not usually found in Suna - provide much needed shade and make the surrounding area feel a lot cooler. There’s flowers, bushes, different types of grass - Naruto has no idea how to name half of the plants here. And the smell… the fragrance in the air is incredible, heavy, but also soothing.
“It’s beautiful,” Naruto finally says, eyes wide with wonder. “Did you… do all this by yourself?”
“Yes,” Gaara answers and oh, Naruto loves hearing the pride in his voice. “It took me years. I started building all of it when I found these trees after the war. I thought they were dead, like everything else. Turns out I was able to save them.”
“You’re incredible, you know?” Naruto can’t contain his excitement, running around the garden and looking everywhere - all the while making sure he doesn’t accidentally step on anything.
He can see the blush on Gaara’s face even from the other side of the garden.
Gaara tells him about his plants - which of them are edible, which are supposed to be decoration, which store water, which can soothe sunburn - and Naruto once again can’t believe how much knowledge this man contains. He shows him spices, carrots in the greenhouse, sweet, tiny but so juicy. If he wasn’t still full from the unexpected dessert spree a while earlier, he would eat a lot more.
Gaara hands Naruto a watering can and they walk about for a bit, watering some of the plants. Naruto is surprised to find how relaxing this is. Gaara has to make sure they use the right amount of water, so of course Naruto is following his lead. Truth be told, he enjoys being privy to this secluded part of Gaara’s life. Watching his friend enjoy taking care of his plants stirs something in his heart, some warmth he’s not sure he’s ever felt before.
And then Gaara takes him to another section where he grows the most beautiful of flowers. Naruto is fascinated by the hibiscus bloom, but he has to admit roses are certainly the most impressive. Gaara tells him their names, throws in some interesting facts - how for example roses are ancient and have been around for millions of years - and Naruto really wants to focus on the details, but all he can focus on is Gaara. The way he talks, how careful he is, how his eyes light up when he smiles, even if it’s the tiniest of smiles. Naruto knows he’s staring, but he wants to commit every single detail to memory. He knows how much he will be missing Gaara when they leave. It’s almost an unbearable state of longing. So who can blame him for staring a little now?
Suddenly, Gaara picks up on Naruto’s gaze and blushes once again.
“I’m sorry. I know I can get a little carried away sometimes.”
“No no no,” Naruto squeezes his wrist once again to reassure him. This time, Gaara leans into his touch. Maybe because they’re finally alone? “I… I love listening to you talk. I just can’t help but think that we don’t really have much time together. And I… I miss you when we’re not together.”
“Yeah,” Gaara exhales heavily. “I keep thinking about the same thing.”
They sit down by the small house where Naruto gets comfortable in the swing chair while Gaara makes them some sweet mint tea. He hands one of the mugs to Naruto and sits next to him, comfortable on the padding. Naruto shuffles a bit to give him space, but their thighs are still touching.
The atmosphere in the garden is incredible. It’s so quiet - almost as if they got teleported to a completely different place. Hell, Naruto can hear birdsong - apparently some bird species also found home in this beautiful oasis. It’s hard to imagine this is just part of Suna and not an entirely different part of the world.
“You know,” Naruto says after a while. “I talked to Kakashi-sensei yesterday. About Obito.”
“Obito?”
“Tobi. Madara’s… accomplice.”
Gaara looks puzzled.
“The war criminal? What about him?”
“I don’t know how much you know about who he was. Before, I mean.”
“Not much,” Gaara takes a sip of his tea. “Outside of the war stuff, that is.”
Naruto sighs. He doesn’t know how to say this right. But then, it’s Gaara. He’s going to understand.
“He was Kakashi-sensei’s team member,” he says after a while. “I… you know, when he was a kid, he was just like me. Helped the elderly, wanted to become Hokage. He was… he had a good heart. And he was determined. But still… he went through so much pain Madara managed to turn him. And I wonder… you know… I must be not quite right in the head. Because I relate to everyone so deeply. But with Obito…”
He stops. He doesn’t know how to find the right words.
“Naruto?”
“I just wonder… what if it was me? What if I lost so many people close to me that I went mad? It could have been me,” Naruto is no longer able to stop the words from coming. His voice is trembling. “I mean, I could have been him. If I allowed myself to lose hope.”
Gaara doesn’t say anything for a while. But it’s only a second. He puts his mug away, takes Naruto’s as well and sits upright with his legs crossed. Well, as much upright as the soft padding of the swing chair allows.
“You’re not him,” when he speaks, his voice is soft, comforting and deliberate. Just hearing him speak sets Naruto’s heart at ease. “That’s the thing. You didn’t allow yourself to lose hope. You fight to protect the people you love. You might have started in a similar way. But where his life took him to take countless lives, yours took you to save them.”
“I did falter for a moment, you know,” Naruto looks Gaara in the eyes and finds nothing but comfort in them. “After Neji… when he died. It felt like there was no point. For a moment, I was in despair and I had no idea what to do. I felt… it was as if I was falling apart. I never… told anybody about this before.”
Gaara moves a little closer and places his right hand on Naruto’s shoulder.
“But that’s the thing, isn’t it? You fell. You got back up. This is what we do. Right? It’s not about never being in a rough spot. It’s not about never feeling despair. It’s about not letting it control you. It’s only natural to crumble seeing your friend die. But you didn’t let his death be in vain.”
Naruto nods. It’s so simple when Gaara says it, so obvious. But it’s different to know things and different to feel things. With Gaara, it’s so much easier for him to feel them.
“Yeah,” he says, smiling. “You’re right.”
“And Naruto… I feel honored. That you told me.”
Naruto reaches upwards to place his hand on top of Gaara’s. Their fingers entwine again and Gaara smiles softly.
“I knew you would understand.”
“Of course I do. And also, I don’t think you’re, as you said, not quite right in the head. I just think…”
“Think what?”
“That you were very lonely and hurt as a kid and that you never want anyone else to experience what you did. And sure, maybe that’s not right. Maybe your childhood wasn't right. But you, my friend - there’s nothing wrong with you. Just the circumstance.”
Naruto feels tears prickle under his eyelids. How is Gaara always able to put things into words just so? A single tear manages to slide from between his eyelashes and Gaara removes his hand to wipe it off.
“I…”
“It’s okay. I was a total opposite for a while, you know? I wanted everyone to experience the same level of pain. Until I met you.”
There’s some unspeakable warmth between them. Naruto has felt it ever since grandma Chiyo revived Gaara using his chakra. It feels like something sweet, sticky, comfortable. Like molasses in his joints.
Naruto can’t help himself and he reaches towards Gaara as well, brushing a strand of red hair away from his cheek and placing his hand there. It feels so natural, like something he’s just supposed to do. Gaara’s features relax at the gesture and he leans into Naruto’s touch, closing his eyes. There have been many instances when Naruto thought Gaara was beautiful. This is another one of them.
“You know,” Naruto’s voice is soft, quiet; almost as if he’s afraid to scare away this moment with too much sound, for the first time in his life. “I know I’m strong. I know I will be able to take care of everyone in the village if I need to. Hell, I already did it a few times. But you…” he pauses for a moment, scrambling to find the right words. Gaara opens his eyes and looks up at him, suddenly closer. Once again, there’s nothing but warmth in his beautiful eyes, reminding Naruto of teal glass shaped by rough waters. “I feel like you’re the only person in my life who would… if I break, if I stumble… who would take care of me.”
Gaara’s eyes widen in surprise, but it’s the good kind of surprise. He doesn’t say anything; for a while, he’s just looking.
But then he shifts and sits up, moving closer to Naruto. Before Naruto has a chance to react, Gaara wraps him in an embrace and pulls his friend’s head towards his chest, sliding his fingers into Naruto’s hair. With Naruto’s head resting under his chin, Gaara gets them both comfortable in the swing chair. Naruto can’t help but giggle as he involuntarily surrounds Gaara’s waist with his arms. It’s the first time Gaara initiates this much physical contact. He’s never letting go.
“I would,” Gaara says after a moment of beautiful silence. “I will.”
Everything Kakashi-sensei said suddenly makes sense. The intimacy, the calmness, the understanding. In this moment he has no doubt that Gaara loves him too. And truth be told, this is more than enough.
And yet he wants more.
“Me too,” he whispers into Gaara’s chest. “If another Akatsuki or whatever ever come for you again, they’re getting their asses kicked. And when we’re both Kages… I will always have your back.”
Gaara doesn’t say anything to that, he just brings Naruto closer and buries his face in his friend’s hair. At that, Naruto comes to a still. Not because he doesn’t like it, but because he can feel Gaara’s lips against his scalp and his body doesn’t know how to react, so it reacts with everything at once.
Gaara kisses the top of his head. Just like that, like it’s nothing, a friendly gesture. Like he could brush it off any second and never mention it again. At least that’s what Naruto thinks - but because he knows Gaara so damn well, he can feel his friend is shaking. And he knows it’s anything but not a big deal.
He knows physical affection is not Gaara’s strong suit. He knows an overreaction could possibly make him uncomfortable and it’s the last thing he wants to happen. So he just lays there, his head on Gaara’s chest, trying to force his heart rate down and pretend like this gesture isn’t sending his body into sensory overload.
And for a while, everything is still. Comfortable. Perfect. The soft movement of the swing chair, the tiny gusts of wind and the cool shade, the birds singing in the garden. Gaara’s arms wrapped around Naruto, his strong heartbeat right under Naruto’s cheek. He could lay like this forever. It’s the first time since the end of the war that he truly feels peace.
For a brief moment, he wonders if Gaara fell asleep. Then again, he would have to move to check and he doesn’t want to ruin this moment. Especially since he has to leave soon. And then, who knows… who knows when they will meet again.
Naruto doesn’t want to go.
Almost as if reading his mind, Gaara’s embrace tightens and Naruto lets out a soft moan.
“I wish you could stay longer,” Gaara whispers into the top of Naruto’s head and wait, can he read his mind?!
“Me too,” Naruto sighs and moves a little. He wants to look Gaara in the eyes. “But you’re busy, right? I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You’re never a bother,” Gaara smiles gently and touches Naruto’s face. This time, it feels different; his fingertips ignite fire in their wake. “And we could figure it out. For a few more days.”
He knows what Gaara is trying to say. He’d love to stay. But he also knows that the longer he’s here, the harder it’s going to be to come back.
Still, he’s willing to take that risk.
“Alright,” he fumbles a bit to get his face to the same level as Gaara’s. “I’ll stay. We’ll figure it out.”
And just because he’s feeling bold, and because Gaara doesn’t seem to mind physical intimacy right now, he leans in and kisses his forehead.
He’s a little taken aback when Gaara gasps at the gesture, but he doesn’t pull away, which is a good sign. Naruto’s lips linger for a moment and then he pulls back, pressing his forehead against Gaara’s with a smile. Gaara’s hand moves to the back of Naruto’s head, into the hair above the nape of his neck, and his grip tightens. It does something to Naruto, but he brushes it off quickly. He doesn’t want to push it.
“We need to go get lunch,” Gaara says after a moment, his voice a little raspy. Naruto almost bursts out laughing, but controls himself at the last moment.
“Awesome. I think I just digested all the sweets. And what then?”
“Well, I have a few more ideas. But maybe there’s something you’d like to see?”
Naruto pulls away from Gaara’s face. The tension is gone, but not forever; more like they managed to swipe it under the rug for now.
“Can you give me a house tour? I’d love to see how you guys live.”
“Sure. Although it’s nothing special.”
“Are you kidding me? It’s like a freaking palace!”
They laugh as they fumble to get out of the swing chair and clean up after their tea. They linger for a while so Gaara can pack a few seeds and saplings for Naruto - with detailed instructions on how to take care of them, which he knows Naruto will forget, so he writes them all down - and then they leave the garden to go grab some lunch.
They drop the gifts at Naruto’s room and go to one of Gaara’s favorite spots, a place where they serve delicate and delicious meat cooked with vegetables in some kind of strange pot Naruto has never seen before. It looks like a chimney placed on top of a plate. He trusts Gaara’s judgement though and he’s not disappointed, the food is delicious and he eats way more than he probably should - which with him is almost always the case.
They walk through the village afterwards and suddenly bump into Shikamaru and Temari just as the two come out of one of Suna’s most popular pottery shops.
“Shikamaru!” Naruto shouts and Shikamaru looks like he wants the ground to swallow him whole. “Hey, Temari!”
“Hey yourselves,” Temari answers with a smile. “Been to any fun places?”
“Oh, yes! Gaara told me so many interesting things about Suna. And we went to the garden. And you? How’s your date with this bore?”
Temari raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t let Naruto provoke her. Neither does Shikamaru this time. Apparently Temari’s attitude rubs off on him a bit.
“I want to get something for my mother,” Shikamaru says calmly. “She loves pottery and Suna has incredible craftsmen.”
“That’s true,” Gaara chimes in. “Well, enjoy your shopping then.”
“And how about you two?”
“We're going to the house for a quick tour. After that, we’ll see.”
Naruto doesn’t fail to notice how Gaara never calls his house a home. But then again, it’s not really that surprising.
“There’s a firework show tonight,” Temari says, pointing towards the city center. “As part of the merchant celebration. And a night market. You guys can join us for a picnic if you want.”
Shikamaru’s face shows how thrilled he is with the idea - not very much.
“We’ll see,” Naruto says with a smile, just to annoy Shikamaru.
When they part ways and finally arrive at Gaara’s house, Naruto sees tension return to his friend’s arms. It’s probably because he has to keep up a front as Kazekage where people can see him - but also because he doesn’t seem like he enjoys being in his house as much as he enjoys the garden.
Gaara gives him a very detailed tour - he tells him about all the pieces of art collected and displayed in different rooms, some of which Naruto has to admit look incredible. They pop by Kankurō’s workshop to find him working on the Sasori puppet and shooing them away to give him space to focus. Naruto might be a little intimidated by Gaara’s older brother, but he still admires his strength a lot.
The entire house complex is indeed quite big and beautiful, but Naruto can see that Gaara doesn’t feel too comfortable there. He doesn’t want to ask any questions though - if Gaara wants to talk about it, he will.
“There’s one more place,” Gaara says as he leads him up a flight of stairs. “Namely my room. I think it’s the only place here that feels like… me.”
The room indeed does feel like Gaara. It has big windows, flowy curtains and a lot of cushions on the floor, a desk located just by the window, a lot of shelves filled with scrolls and books. Everything is arranged very neatly, almost too neatly, but that’s probably what’s most similar to Gaara about this room.
It doesn’t feel like Gaara in a good way. It feels like keeping up a front.
“I have an idea,” Naruto says as he approaches one of the windows to look outside. “Gaara, have you ever built a fort?”
“A what? We have a fort. On the east and west…”
“No, that’s not what I mean. A pillow fort. You know, like kids do.”
Gaara seems puzzled as he sits on his bed.
“No,” he says after a while, obviously oblivious to what Naruto is talking about.
“Well, neither have I,” Naruto sits next to him. “I didn’t have friends to build it with. And then I figured I was too old. But I think we should build one. To make up for our childhood. You know, I’m sure we would have built one if we were friends as kids.”
Gaara nods slowly, obviously mulling over the idea.
“Okay,” he says after a while. “So how do we… build this fort?”
“Well, it’s pretty simple.”
The next hour or so is spent on Naruto throwing around pillows, sheets, chairs and comforters, and strategizing with Gaara on what would serve as bedding and what would serve as ceiling. The sun is slowly starting to set outside the window as Naruto places cushions on top of cushions, only for Gaara to disassemble them in order to do it differently. He’s obviously taking the job very seriously and Naruto won’t have that.
“Take this!” he says as he throws one of the pillows at Gaara. It bounces off of him and falls to the floor. “Huh. I thought the sand was going to protect you.”
“Why would it protect me from you? It’s all about intent. I don’t think your intent is to hurt me.”
“You’re right,” there’s suddenly a smug grin on Naruto’s face. “But it is my intent to do this!”
He tackles Gaara to the floor, the pillows breaking his fall, and starts tickling him wherever his arms can reach. Gaara seems to be taken aback at first, but he can’t help but laugh when Naruto finds his weak spot - right under his ribs. They laugh and wrestle as Gaara tries to return the favor, but Naruto is a tough opponent. The sounds he manages to get out of Gaara make his heart melt. The laugh is like music to his ears and he could listen to it forever. This, he believes, is the real Gaara, the one who’s not keeping up any fronts. He feels so privileged to be able to experience this side of him.
They finally arrive at a stalemate and drop to the cushions next to each other, still laughing and panting. Naruto turns towards Gaara and reaches out to touch him. Gaara returns the gesture and their hands meet halfway, fingers intertwining in a sweet gesture.
It suddenly hits Naruto: this is the moment. When Gaara is smiling, when he’s relaxed, when so much has been shown, it’s finally time for it to be said.
“Can I ask you something?” Naruto whispers softly.
“Always,” Gaara answers as he props himself up on his other arm.
“What… what do you think love is?”
Once again, Gaara takes the time to think about his answer. Naruto loves this about him. Another area where they’re complete opposites.
“Depends on the kind of love,” he says after a while, his voice also soft, careful. “But I assume you’re asking about… love between two adults.”
“Yes.”
“Well,” suddenly Gaara averts his eyes from Naruto’s face. “I don’t really have experience with it. But I think… I think it’s something that comes from a deep understanding. From friendship. From closeness. At least… well, that’s what I think.”
A blush paints Gaara’s face and Naruto smiles.
“Yeah. I think so too.”
“Why do you ask?”
Naruto takes a deep breath.
“You know, I also don’t know much about this love stuff. But I wanted to understand what it is. So I went to talk to the Konoha adults about it. I asked them what they thought love was. What it meant to them. Unfortunately, the first person I went to was Kakashi-sensei. He mumbled something along the lines of leave me alone and ran away, at least at first. So I went to Kurenai-sensei. I wasn’t sure if she would want to talk - with the love of her life being killed by Akatsuki and such - but she was so sweet and welcoming. She is Hinata’s teacher, you know.”
Naruto can’t help but notice how the mention of Hinata hurts Gaara. He’s not even trying to hide it.
“I see.”
“Yeah, it was a little awkward. Especially with everyone sure that Hinata and I are going to end up together. They’re saying we should date or even marry. And Kurenai-sensei was sure I was asking her because I wanted to confess my feelings to Hinata. So it was a bit… well, as I said, awkward.”
“Wait. I thought,” Gaara suddenly makes a surprised face. “That you are going to marry Hinata. At least that’s what Temari said.”
This time, it’s Naruto’s turn to make a surprised face.
“Why would I marry Hinata if I don’t love her that way? It would be so unfair.”
A lot changes in Gaara’s expression with these words. It feels like a mask being dropped, like another heavy weight being lifted from his shoulders.
And then, suddenly, everything clicks for Naruto.
All this time, Gaara must have thought he had feelings for Hinata.
“What do you mean when you say, that way?”
Naruto takes a deep breath.
“Kurenai-sensei told me that the best advice she can give is when you know, you know. That someone is your person. That you would give your life to protect them. That you would do whatever it takes to help them, even at your own expense. I told her I’m like that with the entire village, so it can’t be that kind of love. And then she said another thing; that the difference between your love for friends and your love for a certain person, the special kind of love, is when they’re your safe haven too. When it works both ways. When you know you can rely on them when you need someone to pick up the pieces. When you feel calm with them, and even if you feel complete without them, they still give your life a special meaning. And I already knew it’s not the way I love Hinata. I even apologized to Kurenai-sensei, it felt like the right thing to do, but she just told me to go and confess, because it’s important.”
“Important?”
“Yes. It’s important to tell people you love them. The second time I spoke to Kakashi-sensei, he said the same thing. He said… he said love is intimacy, a friendship so deep you understand each other without words. But I still believe it needs to be said. He said he didn’t get to say this to the person he loved, and I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want anything to be left unsaid.”
Gaara’s face is still puzzled and Naruto knows he’s rambling. But it doesn’t matter. He just needs to say it.
“Unsaid? So you…”
“What I mean to say,” Naruto interjects, because he feels like he has to. He squeezes Gaara’s hand tighter. “Is that I love you, Gaara. Because you’re all of this to me. And I need you to know this. Because I love you so much. And even if you don’t feel the same way, the same kind of love… I still think you deserve to know.”
Gaara opens his mouth, almost as if he wants to say something, but no words come out. He just stares at Naruto, eyes wide open, body completely frozen. And then something softens. First in his gaze, then in his face.
“Why would you think I don’t feel the same way?”
Naruto feels strange, unknown warmth travelling through his entire body.
“Do you?”
Gaara moves closer, as close as possible. Naruto feels his body pressed against his, Gaara’s hand now on his waist, tentative, but firm. He feels like he’s going to suffocate.
“I do,” Naruto lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “I love you, Naruto. I love you,” Gaara nuzzles Naruto’s nose with his and Naruto is sure he’s going to explode. “I love you.”
That’s it. That’s enough. Naruto grabs the back of Gaara’s head and pulls, capturing his mouth in a sweet, delicate kiss.
Kissing Gaara is like coming up for air. Like a dam breaking, stripping away all his worries. It’s a soft, careful kiss, barely there, lips pressed against lips. But for now it’s enough, and Naruto feels like his heart might jump out of his chest. He’s never kissed anyone that way before. Once again, intent makes all the difference in the world.
Gaara pulls away after a few seconds that feel like eternity, looking at Naruto with so much adoration he almost feels like he’s going to start crying. Nobody’s ever looked at him like this before. Nobody’s ever seen and accepted him so fully.
Naruto moves his hand to Gaara’s cheek and strokes the skin there with his thumb. Hovering above him, Gaara smiles as his hair gets bathed in the golden sunset light. The same light ignites Gaara’s eyes for a second and Naruto has never seen beauty like this. It almost takes his breath away.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, their lips almost touching.
Gaara laughs. Oh, this laugh is something else.
“And you’re… radiant,” he says, planting kisses over Naruto’s face and eliciting giggles from Naruto’s mouth. “Like the sun. Even the feel of your chakra… is like sunshine.”
“Yours is like…” Naruto wonders, kissing the tip of Gaara’s nose. “A soft breeze. Calming.”
Naruto allows himself to bask in Gaara’s aura for a bit, closing his eyes. He can feel Gaara doing the same. It’s an entirely different level of intimacy - their chakras synchronized so perfectly they seem to be one and the same energy. When he moves his hand, Gaara’s moves in unison, landing on his heart. The feeling of belonging is so intense a gasp escapes Naruto’s lips.
“Naruto,” Gaara whispers into Naruto’s mouth, his eyes closed as well. His voice sounds both like a warning and a promise.
“Yeah,” it’s hard for Naruto to form coherent thoughts, especially with Gaara’s fingers on his chest, but he tries nonetheless. “I feel it too.”
He could lose himself in this. This closeness, this resonance. In fact, why shouldn’t he? He’s safe. He’s wanted. He’s loved.
The least he can do now is trust.
Gaara pushes down on him with another kiss, this time one that takes Naruto’s breath away. It’s so different from the first one, so much more - so much more everything. It’s hungry, it’s desperate, it’s messy. But Naruto doesn’t care, because it feels so right.
He stops thinking for a moment and just does. He pushes Gaara to maneuver him onto his back, thankful for all the pillows still on the floor. He has to part from his lips for a second, but not for a moment too long. Then, he climbs on top of him, slides between his legs and oh, this is something he didn’t expect. This feeling. Sweet, intoxicating. But he keeps sliding upwards, because he wants that kiss back, immediately.
And Gaara pulls on Naruto’s shirt, urging him to move upwards, because he obviously wants it back as well.
“Hey,” Naruto whispers into his mouth when they’re finally face to face again. “Impatient, are we?”
“Yes,” Gaara’s voice is deep and raspy and Naruto feels it deep in his stomach. “I’ve been patient enough.”
They both laugh as they give in to another kiss, lazy, slow and sweet. Gaara is still tugging on Naruto’s shirt and Naruto breaks the kiss just long enough to sit up for a moment, straddle Gaara’s hips and remove the very unnecessary article of clothing. He wants to dive back down, but stops as he notices the way Gaara is looking at him. This look alone sends a shiver down his spine, the intensity of it making him feel light-headed.
Gaara reaches upwards and places his hands on Naruto’s hips, exploring his body inch by inch to finally rest at Naruto’s chest. The feeling of Gaara’s hands on his bare skin is unbearable. Every single spot Gaara touches feels like a trail of fire, burning in a way he never wants to stop.
He’s desperate to return the favor. With a little bit of fumbling he manages to pull Gaara’s shirt up together with the sash and take them off, throwing them away. When he looks down at Gaara his heart skips a beat. He’s never seen beauty like this and he has no idea how to describe it.
Gaara’s body is toned, seasoned, but in a way also delicate. There’s a few scars here and there and Naruto remembers how most of them happened. He touches them softly and Gaara’s breath hitches at the contact, but Naruto knows it’s not from pain or discomfort.
“I love you,” he says again, knowing Gaara will understand everything he wants to say with these words. “I…”
“I know,” he says, of course he says, “I love you too.”
Naruto dives down and kisses every single scar, every single discolored spot on Gaara’s body. Gaara throws his head back and doesn’t even try to suppress the gasps that leave his lips. His hands move on their own account and end up buried in Naruto’s hair, holding it firmly for some leverage. But Naruto is slow and careful; he starts with Gaara’s stomach and slowly moves upwards, leaving burning spots in the wake of his tongue and lips.
Somehow Gaara’s hands move to the small of Naruto’s back in the process and when Naruto reaches Gaara’s neck, he feels nails digging into his skin. Not too hard, no. Just… encouraging. He can’t help but smile to himself.
The open-mouthed kisses he places on Gaara’s neck leave his friend moaning, and Naruto is so torn. On one hand, he wants to continue where he is. On another, he really wants to swallow these moans. But Gaara makes the decision for him - he pulls his hair and forces Naruto to finally come back to his lips.
He’s not used to this, but somehow it feels so right. Whenever Jiraiya-sensei used to joke about Naruto’s romantic prospects, he made sure to sneak in a tip or two; now Naruto understands what he was trying to prepare him for. He couldn’t wrap his head around half of what Jiraiya-sensei has been talking about simply because he never had the experience. But now he understands everything.
And Jiraiya-sensei was right about every single thing he said, that old pervy bastard.
Naruto wants to get rid of the bandage around his arm to be able to feel more, but he knows he shouldn’t. He knows Gaara knows it too. He’s so careful it freaks Naruto out once again about Gaara possibly reading his mind.
Neither of them has much experience with kissing - more like both of them have almost none - but Naruto is surprised to find it doesn’t matter in the slightest.
It doesn’t matter, because it’s them and they have nothing but love for each other.
“You feel so good,” Naruto whispers into Gaara’s mouth in between kisses. “You smell so good.”
Gaara places a hand on Naruto’s cheek and presses his thumb to Naruto’s lower lip. The smile and look of pure bliss on his face is unmatched.
“Naruto,” Gaara is suddenly very serious. “I…”
“Yes?”
“I want you to touch me.”
Naruto’s eyes widen with surprise.
“But I am touching you.”
Gaara rolls his eyes and Naruto would laugh - it’s so cute - except he doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable.
“I swear, you’re so dense sometimes.”
“Dense is my middle name, Gaara. Explain.”
Gaara snorts and now Naruto is allowed to laugh as well, using this opportunity to pepper Gaara’s face with kisses the way his friend did before.
“Have you ever… touched yourself?”
Oh. Oh.
So that’s what he means.
“You want me to…”
“Only if you want to.”
“Gaara, I want everything.”
He can feel a shudder run through Gaara’s body at his words, and possibly at his eagerness too. But it’s true. He wants the kisses, the touches, the warmth, the intimacy. But he also wants so much more.
He wants all of it. And from the looks of it, Gaara wants it too.
He would be shy, with anyone else. At least that’s what he thinks. But with Gaara, someone who already knows him so well and sees him so fully, there’s no walls to break, no masks to drop, no obstacles to overcome. They’ve both already been to hell and back, and they came back victorious.
There’s a lot of additional fumbling to get them both naked - they don’t want to break physical contact and Naruto really wants to sneak in more kisses. But after what feels like eternity they’re finally naked and this… this is an entirely new level of closeness.
When Naruto dives back down to kiss Gaara, he slides back between his legs and can’t believe the onslaught of pleasure on his senses as their hips move together in an uncontrolled but beautiful rhythm. He doesn’t understand all the feelings because it’s simply too much. But he knows one thing - it’s absolutely intoxicating.
The resonance of their chakra shifts a bit, suddenly way more intense than before. But it’s not a push and pull - it’s harmony, softness and comfort. Naruto had no idea chakra could feel like that. But then again, it’s only like that because it’s Gaara.
Gaara’s name is in his mind and on his tongue as he does exactly what his friend asked for, reaching between their bodies to touch them both. It’s messy, it’s uncoordinated, he slips quite a few times, but he doesn’t stop. He’s never going to stop. It feels too fucking good.
Naruto doesn’t want his mouth to leave Gaara’s. It’s hard to keep it up, but he feels like the kisses are essential, like something terrible would happen if Gaara’s lips were no longer on his. Gaara is mumbling something - Naruto can recognize his name and something resembling a please - and this is too much, it’s entirely too much and he already knows he can’t keep this up for long. In fact, he can’t keep this up at all.
When Gaara lets out a particularly loud and beautiful gasp, he knows it’s over for both of them.
He collapses on top of Gaara, exhausted beyond measure, but not physically. Emotionally. He feels like he laid bare his entire being in front of someone else, and with anyone else it would be scary. But with Gaara it’s only natural, because he knows, he feels it’s just the same for him and they would never do anything but invite each other in.
Naruto slides to the cushions and brings Gaara into an embrace just as Gaara’s arms wrap around his shoulders. They lay like that, pressing soft kisses to necks, faces and lips, anywhere they can reach. Naruto feels like there’s nothing, absolutely nothing in his head. No worries, no fears, no stress. Just Gaara and his weight pressed against his chest.
He has no idea how long they spend like that. Maybe hours, maybe minutes. The sun has already set and the room is getting dimmer by the second. But there’s no hurry. They’ve got time.
“I love you,” Gaara’s voice is barely a whisper, his breath warm and moist against Naruto’s collarbone. Naruto knows there’s so much behind those words.
“I love you,” he answers into Gaara’s hair, overwhelmed by his smell. “And I’m not going anywhere.”
Gaara pulls away at that, looking Naruto in the eyes.
“But you have to, right? You have to go back. And I have to stay here. And we…”
Naruto kisses him softly to shut him up.
“We’ll figure this out,” he says, forehead pressed against Gaara’s. “You’ll see. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily. Even Kaguya couldn’t do it.”
Gaara laughs at that a little, wrapping Naruto in an even stronger embrace. Naruto wants to never let go. Now that he knows what it’s like to have Gaara so close, he never wants to be apart.
But Gaara is right. He will have to go back to Konoha, to become the Hokage, to take care of his people. This will not be easy. He won’t be able to just come and go as he pleases. But then again, they figured out how to save the world. He’s sure they’ll figure out how to date.
Date. He never thought he would, to be honest. But he believes it’s because he didn’t really understand what love was and what it could be. Now that he has it, he finally knows what all the fuss is about.
And he’s never going to trade it for anything else.
“You know,” Gaara’s soft voice stops his train of thought. “We probably have to get up and take a shower or something.”
Yeah, he’s probably right. Naruto feels sweaty and sticky. But honestly, he couldn’t care less.
“Five more minutes?”
“Ten is also fine.”
A few lazy kisses later they hear fireworks setting off in the distance. So that much time has passed already? Naruto turns his head towards the window and lo and behold, blooming flowers of fire are visible right outside. Not a perfect view, but still.
“I guess we’re going to miss the fireworks,” Naruto says with a soft laugh.
“I’d say we had our own fireworks,” Gaara retorts and Naruto can’t believe it.
“Since when are you so cheesy?” he teases, kissing Gaara’s temple.
“I’d say it’s since I started hanging out with you.”
“Fair point. Do you think your cool Kazekage vibe will rub off on me in return?”
“No.”
“Hey!”
They bicker back and forth for a while longer, Naruto ending up straddling Gaara’s hips again, holding his wrists above his head and kissing him until Gaara is breathless with laughter. Then, they finally get up and sneak past the corridor to get a shower. When they get back to the room to pick up their discarded clothes, Gaara looks at the fort - or what was supposed to be a fort - and smiles.
“You can stay here for the night if you want,” he says, fluffing up some of the pillows. “After all, I believe it’s imperative to sleep in the fort once you build it.”
“You’re right,” Naruto can’t contain his excitement; truth be told, he has no idea how he would sleep without Gaara after everything that happened that day. Honestly, he has no idea how he’s going to sleep without him ever. “We can’t disrespect decades of tradition.”
“Definitely,” Gaara pulls at Naruto’s hand and they both collapse to the mattress, among the pillows and under a comforter stretched over two chairs.
They settle into a tight hug, foreheads next to each other, almost touching. Naruto can’t stand the almost, so he pushes for a short kiss and wraps one leg around Gaara’s.
“Are you comfortable?” Gaara asks, his voice muffled by Naruto’s closeness.
“No,” Naruto answers and hugs him even tighter. “But I don’t care.”
Gaara giggles - oh, that giggle is going to be the death of him - and Naruto is about to let himself drift off to sleep, but then he suddenly remembers.
“Gaara,” he says loudly. “Do you have any cupboards here?!”
“What?”
“Cupboards.”
“No. I have a dressing room next door. Although I do have drawers in my desk. Why do you ask?”
Naruto sighs a sigh of relief. There’s no way Karasu would fit into a drawer.
Right?!
“No reason,” he kisses Gaara again. “Let’s go to sleep.”
Gaara is obviously too tired to prod, so he just relaxes in Naruto’s arms and drifts off pretty quickly. Naruto watches his even breaths for a while, overcome by a wave of affection. He loves this man so much. He’s so, so glad he decided to tell him everything.
That night Naruto dreams of still water, cool and refreshing, like a forest stream on a hot sunny day. He lays in the grass, his mind calm, his body relaxed. He’s finally safe and he knows there’s nothing to be worried about. He’ll manage everything, he’s going to be alright. In the dream he thinks he’s at some kind of sanctuary, laying in a place protected by ancient magic, in a forest so secluded it’s going to shield him from all possible danger.
But as the dream pans out to show him more of the scene, he realizes he’s actually sleeping in the palm of Gaara’s hand.
So, I spent the last three months (!) re-reading the "Naruto" manga. I'm not going to go into the details as to why, what I am going to say however is that I absolutely loved it. In fact, I think I loved it more now than when I was a kid. And it got me back into a fanfiction-writing spree. I went through a very rough two years and coming back to writing for fun (and for the sheer love of the characters I write about) was extremely liberating.
So, I have just finished my first Naruto fanfiction after almost 20 years. It's 14,253 words of pure Naruto/Gaara fluff, hurt/comfort and FEELS. It's currently being beta'd by my beloved friend, but you can be sure I'm going to post it as soon as we make it the best version it can be.
I don't know what else to say guys. Writing this healed something in me. I hope it brings you at least some fun and giggles.
Håvard hates this. He hates the cold wind somehow making its way under his clothes, hates the fact that he has to walk in the snow, hates the fact that he lost some of his gear, hates the fact that the extraction team will only be able to pick them up in six hours because the storm needs to calm down. He also hates the fact that the hideout Kali pointed them towards most likely has no heating. He’s already been through enough ever since they dropped them off on this godforsaken mountain. He’s tired, he’s sore, he hasn’t eaten in more than ten hours. And to top it all off, Wamai doesn’t seem to be affected by the cold in the slightest. He’s walking quietly right next to Håvard, no sign of distress on his face, not a single muscle spasm signaling any discomfort at all. He has to be cold, right? Does he even feel cold like all other human beings?
„We’re almost there,” Wamai’s quiet voice suddenly brings the man’s attention to the fact that the hideout is less than a hundred meters away. And of course, lo and behold, it’s a run down cabin that looks like an ancient tool shed.
„You have got to be kidding me,” Håvard sighs, his breath forming a small white cloud. „Seriously. How is that supposed to keep us safe?”
Wamai pretends not to hear him as he climbs into the cabin, door opening easily under the push of his gloved hand. Just as Håvard suspected, the walls barely stop the cold wind howling outside, but to be honest - they do provide some cover. And as he already managed to learn from his own experience in multiple life-threatening situations, some cover is better than none.
He sees an old iron furnace in the middle of the room and silently thanks whatever entity chose to watch over him today for a pile of wood nearby. He looks around carefully, places his gear on the ground and proceeds to examine the wood and possibly light the furnace. Unfortunately, the same entity that chose to watch over him apparently also wanted to have a laugh at his expense. The wood is soaked and completely unusable. He sits on the floor and, for a brief moment, actually considers just staying there forever.
„Haugland, help me with this,” Wamai’s voice comes from the other side of the room. Håvard sighs and does his best to stand up, seeing the other man busy with something. Wamai already left his gear on the floor next to his, but kept his main firearm close - they seem to be safe in the hideout, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. And when it comes to calculating and sometimes even overly cautious, it’s generally Wamai’s thing.
Håvard would be lying if he said that he didn’t admire the man. Of course he would never say it out loud, especially considering that Wamai is younger than him and certainly not even half the rockstar he is. Nevertheless, they work together like a well-oiled machine - it’s almost like muscle memory at that point. And yet Håvard still doesn’t know what’s going on in Wamai’s head. He still doesn’t understand how it can be possible for a human being to stay under the water that long and how is it possible to visualize so much in one’s head during mission planning. He just can’t wrap his head around it, so at some point he decided to just accept the fact that that’s the way it is. It didn’t make him admire Wamai any less, but it made his racing brain shut up.
At least until it decided to notice the color of Wamai’s eyes and the length of his eyelashes.
Uh, no. He’s not going there. Not now, not ever.
He makes his way towards Wamai quickly and notices the man standing over a gas stove, holding two mugs and a packet of something that looks like coffee. It makes him feel so happy his eyes almost water at the sight. Wamai notices his dumbfounded expression and a shadow of a smile crosses his face - it’s barely there and anyone else would have missed it, but not Håvard. He collects those rare moments when Wamai shows his true colors and files them away in his head for later.
„You have coffee? Honestly, man, I could kiss you right now,” Håvard says before he even thinks and god, why does he have to be so stupid? Why does he always have to speak as soon as a random thought goes through his mind? With any other operator, he wouldn’t care. But it’s different with Wamai - not because of the man, but because of him. Because of the way he can’t stop thinking about those eyes and those eyelashes.
No, he’s still not going there. But he would really want the ground to open up and swallow him whole right now, thank you very much.
„I also have some rations left,” Wamai speaks softly, almost as if he didn’t hear what Håvard just said - well, maybe he didn’t? Or maybe he didn’t notice how flustered Håvard was now? No, he had to. They both knew each other far too well for that. „I know you lost yours during the hike, so we can share before our transport arrives.”
Håvard nods - nods, because he doesn’t trust himself enough to speak again, but he’s still touched with the gesture - and helps Wamai make coffee. It’s some instant shit Rainbow puts in their rations together with energy bars, but honestly, he doesn’t care. He’s never had better coffee in his life. There’s just enough gas in the bottle to boil some water, so they sit down on the floor and drink for a long and peaceful while, eating some leftover biscuits and energy bars. It’s not enough to feel full, but just about enough to be able to help the exhaustion a bit. Håvard takes another sip of his coffee and glances to his right where Wamai is relaxing, eyes closed, sitting cross-legged on an old cushion. How exactly does he look so peaceful under those obviously awful circumstances?
Almost as if on cue Wamai opens his eyes and looks at Håvard, smiling softly. Håvard is sure that he’s blushing now. He has to be. Well, damn. He can always blame it on the hot coffee if Wamai asks, right?
Right?!
„Do I have something on my face?” Wamai says smugly, amusement still present on his usually relaxed features. Håvard scoffs.
„No,” he answers fast, crossing his arms against his chest and turning away from his colleague.
„Then why are you staring?”
Okay, that’s it, Håvard thinks. How exactly does one escape an impossible situation including their colleague who they most definitely have a crush on?
Uh, no. He didn’t just think that. He did not just think that.
Except he did. And he would be lying if he said that it was the first time.
„Trying to understand how in the fuck you are not cold in this inhuman weather,” okay, that could have been a good save.
Except it wasn’t.
„I am cold,” Wamai answers, still amused. „I just choose not to let it control me.”
Excuse me, he does what?
„As much as I enjoy your spiritualistic bullshit, my friend, this is not something that I can believe,” Håvard laughs a little, trying to mask his own nervousness. „You either are cold or you aren’t. There’s not much you can do if your body temperature drops below a certain point.”
„Of course you can,” Wamai’s expression is still unreadable and Håvard hates it. Another thing to add to his hate list. „That’s why we just had coffee.”
„And the coffee was enough for you?”
„You’re saying it wasn’t enough for you?”
„No, it wasn’t. And since we can’t get the fire started we’re most likely going to die of hypothermia. Unless that’s also something we can choose not to let control us.”
Something happens then, something that Håvard sees for the first time in his life and god, he certainly hopes that it won’t be the last. Wamai laughs; he laughs, and both the sound and the expression on his face make Håvard’s breath hitch in his throat.
„You’re going to be the death of me one day, Haugland,” Wamai sighs and honestly, the way he says Håvard’s name does things to him. „Get over here. We’ll keep each other warm.”
Wait, did he just hear the man right? Does he honestly want him to sit next to him, close enough to share his body heat? No, that has to be a joke.
Except Wamai looks dead serious, as always.
„Excuse me?” It’s the only thing that comes to his mind. Honestly, his brain is about to short-circuit if he doesn’t get an explanation.
„Didn’t you just say you could kiss me?” There, the amused grin is back. God, Wamai is not going to let him live this one down, is he? „That would be okay with you, but a simple hug is too much?”
„Furaha, it was just a figure of speech,” Håvard hates how desperate he sounds. He must sound desperate, because he fucking is.
„Was it?”
Okay, that was enough. He wasn’t going to let Wamai have his way, he wasn’t going to let the man mock him. He groans audibly to show his disdain for the situation and stands up, moving closer to Wamai and sitting next to him. The younger man smiles and moves too, moving behind Håvard and surrounding him with his legs, pressing his chest flush agains Håvard’s back. Håvard thanks the mysterious entity once again because at least Wamai isn’t able to see his face now. He knows he’s blushing. He fucking must be.
„How is it possible that you smell like sea water all the way out here in the mountains?” Håvard asks because he has to say something, has to distract himself from Wamai’s warmth, because hell, the man’s really warm.
He hates and loves the feeling at the same time.
„Do you want me to tell you what you smell like?” Wamai asks after a second and oh my god, Håvard can feel his breath ghosting his neck.
He’s really, really grateful that the man can’t see his face right now.
„No,” Håvard breathes out and hates the way it sounds like a question.
„Thought so. Now shut up.”
He does shut up. He does, because if he tried to say anything else it would probably come out in a moan because Wamai is wrapping his arms around his chest, holding him even closer and placing his head on his shoulder. He also unzips his jacket and surrounds Håvard’s sides with it, keeping him even warmer.
Now it’s not just his own face Håvard has to be mindful of, it’s also the sudden stir between his legs.
How much time before extraction? Four hours? He’s going to die. Not of hypothermia, but of embarrassment.
He’s really trying his best not to think about the warm body pressing against his even though he can feel it so clearly. Wamai is breathing through his nose and every single time he lets out a breath, it tickles the side of Håvard’s neck. It would be too much to handle under any circumstances; it’s definitely too much in his current situation. And with the situation between his legs, which is getting more alarming with every passing second.
The amount of self-control that he has to muster feels superhuman. Seriously, how is Wamai always so controlled? How is he always so collected? Especially now, with Håvard between his legs like that?
Okay, that didn’t sound good even in his head.
„Are you warm enough?” He decides to ask after what feels like eternity, squirming a little; Wamai flinches at that, surprised with Håvard’s sudden movement. Wait, did he doze off?
„Y… yes,” Wamai answers, trying to adjust the hold he has on Håvard’s chest; unfortunately, his hands accidentally move a little lower and please, god, don’t let him notice. „Are you?”
„Yeah,” Håvard answers fast, trying to angle his body so that Wamai’s hands don’t move any lower. „Yeah.”
He tries, he really tries, but the odds are definitely against him that day and of course, of course Wamai has to brush the tips of his fingers against his crotch. He feels an electric current running through his body, desperately trying to not let it control him, but it’s already too late. He really wishes he was able to just will his erection away, but that’s not the way things work. And Wamai? He’s frozen in place, not moving; Håvard is waiting for the man to shove him forward, repulsed or worse, offended, but nothing like that happens. A few seconds pass and Wamai is pressing against him again, his lips brushing Håvard’s ear. Wait. What?
„You should have told me,” he whispers into his ear, his breath hot and moist. „That it was not just a figure of speech.”
Okay, that’s it. He has no idea what’s going on and he’s just about giving up.
„Okay, Furaha, this is not funny. I swear to god…”
„Shh,” Wamai silences him by pressing his lips to Håvard’s neck and this is really happening oh my god don’t ever let him stop, „Let me take care of you.”
Håvard is positive that he must be dreaming at that point because Wamai’s hands slide lower, accompanied by tiny kisses still being pressed to the side of his neck, and to hell with it, he’s not going to pretend he doesn’t want this. In fact, there’s probably nothing he wants more.
„Ngũgĩ,” he breathes out with a moan, resting his head against Wamai’s shoulder. „You… you don’t have to do this.”
„I want to,” a soft whisper directly into his ear sends a shiver down his spine. „I have wanted to for a while. If you let me, that is.”
Okay. There’s no way he’s saying no when he hears that this is actually what Wamai wants. Not what he expected, definitely. But that’s a turn of events he’s gladly going to accept.
„Okay,” he whispers, reaching up with his arm to run his hand through Wamai’s hair. „Okay. Yes. Please.”
Wamai takes a deep breath and Håvard pulls the man’s head closer before he manages to answer, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss just as Wamai’s hands open the buckle of his pants and slide inside, pushing his boxers down. Håvard moans into Wamai’s mouth, shameless and uninhibited, no longer forcing himself to hide what he wants. It’s a liberating feeling, really; almost as if a huge weight has just been lifted from his chest and shoulders. He can suddenly breathe and it feels so good.
Wamai’s hand wraps around Håvard’s cock, stroking it to full hardness in a matter of seconds. Håvard knows he’s not going to last long; he wants this too much, he had been waiting far too long. But the most surprising thing he barely notices through the haze in his brain is the fact that Wamai is moaning too; the usually calm and collected man is slowly coming undone under the kiss and Håvard can’t wait to see how fast he can take down all of Wamai’s defenses and make him lose it to pleasure. He’s going to try; oh man, is he going to try.
„Håvard,” Wamai breathes into his mouth with a broken moan and bites his lower lip, speeding up the movement of his hand and fuck, he’s already so gone.
„Ngũgĩ,” he answers, barely coherent, and there’s something wonderful about being able to say his name like that; to feel if roll off his tongue right into the other man’s mouth with all the feelings he wants to pour into it.
Wamai lets go of his lips after a while and slides his mouth down his jaw, only biting down at the crook of his neck and that’s it, that’s what sends Håvard over the edge; he comes with a moan that would normally make him feel embarrassed, but not that day. That day it’s a moan of victory and completion, one that Wamai swallows down with another kiss as Håvard comes back from the high, licking into the other man’s mouth lazily. He couldn’t remember the last time he came so hard. Hell, maybe he never did.
Wamai uses a tissue to clean his hand and Håvard’s cock, tucking him back into his pants afterwards and securing the buckle again. Håvard wants to say something, but it’s impossible in his current state; he just stays silent, resting against Wamai’s chest. He still can’t believe what just happened, but damn. This is definitely not how he expected the mission to end.
„If I knew this was a way to finally shut you up,” Wamai whispers into his ear after a few long minutes, tracing the side of his face with his fingertips, „I would have done it a long time ago.”
„Very funny,” Håvard groans, unable to form a witty response, but then he suddenly thinks of something. „So hey, does it mean that you’re actually going to talk to me if I return the favor?”
„I guess we’ll have to wait and see, don’t we?”
„I guess. So, two hours to extraction?”
„Yeah, something like that.”
He turns around in Wamai’s arms to finally look the man in the eyes; mostly because he needs the final confirmation that this was real, that it really happened. That it was really Wamai, not just his sad and bored mind making up stories to make him feel better. But Wamai is right there. Warm, a little flustered, but still there.
And he’s smiling.
And Håvard thinks that two hours is an awfully long time to wait for extraction, so he doesn’t hesitate before capturing Wamai’s mouth in another searing kiss.
When the man whimpers and laughs under the onslaught of his lips, it’s honestly the greatest reward he could have hoped for.
A brief question, because I wasn't able to find the answer by myself: is Higgs alive or did Fragile kill him or did he kill himself back on the beach?
Hello! I believe that the game leaves it open for interpretation but I believe that Fragile didn't kill Higgs. I think he was left to wander the Beach for eternity. But I have seen other ideas for what happened to him that are also very convincing :) besides, there is indication as to Higgs surviving in his journals. At least that's the way I read them.
(2/2) you don't feel comfortable of course! I hope you stay safe through this messy situation the world found itself in 💓 With love -anon
Something tells me my answer to the previous ask has not been posted correctly, so once again - thank you kind Anon, I would love to explore this idea! I'll get on it as soon as I take a break from the Heartman piece I'm currently writing 💙
How are you guys? I hope you're all safe and feeling well!
I'm currently working from home and even though I have been overwhelmed with work recently (I got a promotion and an Employee of the Year award, yay!) I finally managed to organize my stuff and I'm planning to get back to some writing. I'm going to catch up on some of the Heartman requests I got a while ago and I'd be glad to accept some new ones if you have any ideas! Please let me know if you'd like me to write about something specific to make you feel a little better during this hard time.
Stay safe and take care of yourselves! 💖 If you feel overwhelmed or stressed during self isolation, you can always talk to me!
As it’s a pretty long story I’m not going to upload it here to spare you the tedious act of scrolling to the bottom :D but guys, I’m so happy with the way it is now. It finally feels complete and like I wanted it to read from the very beginning.
I edited the final paragraph and added a few scenes, so everything that’s changed is fitted into chapter 2.
I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I honestly liked your ending just the way it was! So to me it doesn't matter if you do rewrite it or not, because I'm sure it'll be great anyway!! But if you really want to you should do it, this is your blog after all!!
Thank you so much kind anon! I used to be happy with the ending too but I also thought it was a bit rushed, so I think I might try and give it a go :)
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