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@bumble-bitchh
Someone told my ex-dad (not a sex thing; he just disowned me) that I’m trans and now he’s threatening to come to work and make a scene, and I know I should be upset, but like. What’s he gonna say exactly? And to whom? Because imagining a haggard and likely shitfaced Pennsylvania construction worker barging through the grocery store like, “HEY!!! THAT BROAD-HIPPED 5'3” EFFEMINATE KID WITH THE CONSPICUOUSLY BIZARRE NAME WHO SPEAKS IN A CARTOONISHLY AFFECTED CARICATURE OF MASCULINITY AIN’T GOT NO DICK!!! YOU GONNA BUY SCRATCH OFF TICKETS FROM SOME KINDA DICKLESS ABOMINATION??“ is wild. What’s it going to accomplish? Or is he gonna call my manager? “HELLO, I’D LIKE TO REPORT A FRAUD IN YOUR DELI DEPARTMENT. THERE IS NOT SAUSAGE AS ADVERTISED.” What the fuck.
Odds are he’s more embarrassed of having a trans ex-kid than I am of being outed at work, so what if I go to his job and tell everyone I’m trans first? What then, coward?
Dick or no dick, this post has some of the biggest dick energy I have ever seen.
i’m sorry to say this, but it has come to my attention that in disney’s descendants, dopey the dwarf has a son named doug — which means that canonically, dopey has fucked
and he will continue to fuck unless we find a way to stop him
I’ll get over it I just gotta be dramatic first
do you ever just sit around and think I’m in my twenties.
i think the gazebos kicked in
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk
Originally posted by disneyasastrology
BWAHAHAHAHAH.
the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And you’d do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material. ‘behind the foam door is a door made of spinach’ that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.
A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre.
Omg so I’m at the cafe by campus and this guy came in and went to hug this chick but she went in for a fist bump
OK OMG SHE SAT HIM DOWN AND SAID “I think we should break up”
I’m legit 3 feet away from them pretending to be invested in my science book
She said “it’s not you it’s me” and before he could respond the barista called his name. It’s Bob. Poor Bob
The move was effective. The lady looks defensive
Bob has come back.
It was a few minutes of awkward silence as he took a sip of his drink. It’s the same kind as mine. Meaning he ordered Hot Chocolate
He started out with “You know, I think.” And I could hear this lady’s eyes roll. No one cares what you think Robert
FINGERS ARE FLYING. SHE POINTING AT HIM. SHIT IS GETTING REAL.
she calmed down and he legit did that thing where you steppe you fingers together in front of your mouth and take a huge breath. Bro. Leave it. It’s done. She’s too pretty for you.
He freaking snapped his fingers like he’s got this grand plan to make up for things.
She Said she still wants to be friends. She starts this by asking about his day
Apparently something bob said made her laugh.
She has not been able to say a word since she got him talking. It’s too loud in the cafe for me to make out anything even tho I’m legit behind this chick
He talking about his struggles now and how much he needs her. Run lady. Run. Run far away.
She tried to get up and his hAND SHOT OUT TO GRAB HERS
She’s literally folded in herself. Hands not going out further than the table. Limited hand movements.
Now she’s talking about her self. He doesn’t look that invested.
“well some people are bitchy” -bob
Lady does not have a drink. I don’t think she planned on being here this long.
Bob is again talking about himself 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 no one cares bob.
Well he said something that made her laugh again. It sounded fake tho.
He’s talking about school. APPARENTLY HE IS A PROFESSOR
“Promiscuousness leads to disease” -Bob again.
I’m done with my hot chocolate and I don’t know if the bitter taste in my mouth is from the chocolate residue I drank or my disdain for Professor Bob.
She adjusted her chair so she’s further away
SHE GOT UP! She went to take her purse but bob said to leave and he would watch it. I think she’s headed to the bathroom.
I can’t leave! But he’s doing that voice to text thing for his phone. Talking to someone about this? Idk?
I’m trying to figure out what he’s saying by looking at his lips but I suck as this. Also where are his lips?? Bob is lipless. Further proof that lizard people exist.
I just noticed the lady left her phone in her purse.
Ok she’s coming back. She is pretty. Too pretty for Bob. But probs old enough to be my mom.
He’s talking about his students again.
She was talking and he interrupted her and she was like “I was talking” and he like flinched and he apologized. Yes queen.
“but this is why this democracy is at its purest.” Wtf Bob that doesn’t make sense
They’re talking so quietly now I can’t hear them.
“I should have said this a long time ago. But I can’t get anyone to love me” -Bob what the fuck.
“I feel like I’m projecting my self onto you” -bob once again
She’s leaving! She said something about picking up her son, Kevin, from school. Good job lady!
HOLY SHIT HES REACHING INTO HIS PANTS WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF
*pocket. But still.
HE PULLED OUT A RING BUT THE CHICK IS ALREADY OUT THE DOOR. OMG
OMG OMG OMG ITS A MENS RING!! HE PUT IT ON HIS HAND HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. HES PICKING UP HIS PHONE
“Hey babe, nah sorry about not answering your call. I was in a meeting with a student. I’m leaving my office now. Yeah I can pick up dinner. Is Tanner home from school yet?”
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
Fuck you bobert
this was a JOURNEY from start to finish
I walked to a deli and got a sandwich to go and a coffee and while I was waiting these two teenage girls ran up and were like OH MY GOD JESSICA HOW ARE YOU and then hugged me and the one whispered “that guy was following you and taking pictures of you” and then they walked home with me and that one guy stopped following me and hONESTLY THIS IS WHAT I AM HERE FOR
*gets penalty* “that’s bullshit” *watches replay* “.. yeah okay”
This is flawless. I can’t stop watching.
Every hockey player ever sent to the penalty box
Pretty simple solutions.
How much you wanna bet these are college kids
Lets talk about how hard it is to open up to someone about being sad for no reason. Lets talk about how hard it is to explain to your friends and family that you have this heavy feeling in your chest for no reason. Lets talk about how hard it is to understand why you’re having a panic attack while just taking a walk back home. Lets talk about how hard it is to understand your own self and how scary it is to feel like the whole world is falling on your shoulders and you have no idea why .
This.
As a kid, carnival rides are scary because they’re fast. As an adult, carnival rides are scary because you’re worried about their maintenance.
my life has been so weird and disconnected for the past while …… I feel like im floating through and life is just happening around me without my permission