things in sonic the hedgehog canon i am NOT joking about:
sonic killed the time god back in 2006 and is the only one who remembers this incident
amy and sonic are not actually dating due to the fact that amy is twelve years old and sonic is fifteen and she keeps chasing him with a hammer
amy is also an avid tarot card user
and in the anime they canonize that she can pull endless giant hammers out of thin air i am in awe of her power
tails, sonic’s 8yo fox little brother, has a kill count
blaze the cat is a magical fire princess from another dimension who is roughly equivalent to being that dimension’s sonic. she has her own tails who is a 7yo australian raccoon who waterbended once and never again and nobody ever asked about it or explained it ever
shadow and rouge hang out with a five-foot-tall murder robot whose ONLY goal in life is to kill and destroy things but he’s mainly killing and maiming eggman’s robots so he counts as a hero
we all know the “WHOA HE’S BISEXUAL I DIDN’T KNOW THAT” but in a canon(?) “twitter takeover” all the sonic characters used gender-neutral pronouns when talking about eggman’s love life implying that he might actually be bisexual
metal sonic and shadow actually get along decently. in the same game we discover this, silver mugs tails
the infamous “human girl romance” was not specific to 2006. the original sonic pitch bible gave him a human girlfriend (“madonna”), satam’s sally acorn was originally designed as a human, there was this human/catgirl who had a crush on him in the ova… i desperately want to know WHO at sega kept pushing for a sonic/human romance until 06 happened
at the same time, rouge has a human girlfriend in the anime
sonic has dimension-hopped to both the arabian nights and the king arthur myths. in the former he killed a genie’s abusive boyfriend and in the latter he became king arthur
one time in sonic boom tails called eggman’s dick small. possibly unintentionally but it’s tails he knew what he was doing
also in sonic boom they did an entire parody of “the telephone hour” from bye-bye birdy. the episode was not a bye-bye birdy parody nor was it 50s themed. it was about eggman not having a doctorate. the song was changed to be about eggman not having a doctorate. when the song ended, nobody ever mentioned it or did anything similar to that again.
sonic is canonically black (specifically egyptian)
the characters of “team chaotix” are detectives whose only goal in anything they ever do is to get money to pay rent
shadow the hedgehog is edgy because everyone he knew, including his sister, was murdered by the military in front of him
shadow is also half-demon alien
also he was made in a lab by robotnik’s grandfather
there was a point where shadow was convinced he was an android clone of himself. not only was this not true it is so easily disproven shadow just put a hand on your heartbeat you idiot
honestly so much about shadow is SO wild i love him
sonic has a dead robot son
tails has a dead plant girlfriend
which reminds me: MULTIPLE genocides. there is one in each sonic adventure game (unless you count the ark incident as a “massacre” instead of “genocide”, but that’s just semantics) and one in practically every other episode of sonic x season three
well, sonic x season three in every language but english because the english dub was done by 4kidz who censored it heavily. examples of their censorship include: replacing alcohol with cheeseburgers, cutting out a robot being gay, and completely gutting the scene where knuckles accidentally walks into a strip club
sonic’s dead robot son has a clone who bodyguards cream the rabbit
literally anything ken penders put into the archie comics, aka we all hate him
like straight up no joke if i saw ken penders on the street i would kill him without hesitation and no court would find me guilty
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