ā” self-love, healing, lifestyle, spirituality, philosophy, fantasy, body positivity posts, mental health, media & entertainment, etc. ā” *dni if nsfw, I block nsfw/pr0n blogs.*
summary: after meeting chloe price in a support group, both of your lifes were completely altered by the other.
content warning: smoking and drugs. emotional dependence if you squint. no use of y/n. good ending tho!!
word count: 7.8k
Fridays werenāt always the worst day of the week.
There was a time, way back, when Fridays meant skipping out early with her dad in his beat-up truck, windows down, music up. Milkshakes at the diner. Stupid jokes. His laugh. That warmth in her chest like she was safe. Like the world, even with its cracks and rust and fuck-ups, still had her in it. And him.
But that was before. Before the crash. Before the coffin. Before Joyce started talking like a ghost in her own home, and before David planted himself in her life like mold that wouldnāt go away. Before Max Caufield vanished from the city. Before Rachel Amber came in like fire, and disappeared like smoke.
Now Fridays meant the opposite of escape. Now, they meant the group.
The ugly little community center just outside Arcadia Bay was exactly what youād expect: beige walls with peeling posters about āwellness,ā fluorescent lights that buzzed too loud, and a faint scent of overbrewed coffee.
And here Chloe sat, legs stretched out in front of her, arms crossed over her chest, hood up even though it was warm inside. Her nails were chewed short again. Sheād smoked half a pack on the drive over and still wanted another.
The metal chair beneath her groaned as she shifted. There were about nine other people in the room. Most sheād seen before. No one looked her in the eye for long anymore.
That was fine. That was preferable. She didnāt come here to connect. She came because she had to. Because Joyce had begged. Because after the overdose, the ambulance, and the silence that followed, Chloe hadnāt been able to look at her motherās face without feeling the weight of her failure. Her mom didnāt even cry when the nurses said āsheās lucky to be alive.ā She just sat. Still. As if crying wouldāve taken more strength than she had left.
āJust one meeting, Chloe. Thatās all Iām asking.ā
She had to say yes. Not because she believed it would help. Not because she wanted it. But because she didnāt know what else to do. There wasnāt much left to break inside her, but the thought of seeing Joyce bury another person was unbearable.Ā
So here she was. Again.
Every week, like clockwork. Pretending to listen to people talk about their lowest points while she mapped escape routes in her head. There were stories of pills, anger, silence, absent fathers, abusive boyfriends, cutting, fear, rehab. All of it bleeding together into a kind of white noise.
Chloe sat in the back. She didnāt speak. Didnāt listen. Just counted down the minutes until she could walk out, light a cigarette, and pretend none of it happened. Thatās, of course, until you showed up.
You walked in, quietly. You didnāt look around like you wanted attention, you just looked tired. Like youād been carrying something so heavy for so long that your body had adapted around it. And Chloe noticed it instantly. You werenāt the kind of girl who got noticed. Your clothes were oversized, your sleeves stretched over your hands like you didnāt want to touch anything, your backpack had one strap nearly torn, and your hair looked like you hadnāt had the energy to brush it that day. You moved like you didnāt expect anyone to see you. You didnāt even bother to introduce yourself.Ā
And Chloe couldnāt stop staring.
She didnāt know why, not at first. Something inside her recognized something inside you, and that terrified her. Because she wasnāt used to seeing reflections anymore. She thought Rachel was the only person left who had cracked through her defenses, who burned through her with that fierce, golden kind of chaos. But you ā you were different. You didnāt come in blazing. You came in quiet, bleeding silently. And Chloe felt it. Felt you. Like your pain was vibrating on the same low, invisible frequency she lived on every damn day.
You didnāt speak. And neither did she.
But she saw the way your hands fidgeted in your lap, trying and failing to hide how bad they were shaking. The way your eyes never stayed anywhere too long. You didnāt lean forward when people spoke, you didnāt nod along or fake empathy or pretend you were engaging.Ā
She didnāt hear a word anyone said in the group. Not that she usually did, but this time, it was different. She couldnāt even pretend to listen because you were there, not saying anything, not doing anything, but pulling her toward you like gravity. And the worst part? You hadnāt even noticed her. It almost made Chloeās chest ache how your eyes didnāt search for her the way hers did.
The session ended earlier that day. The group clapped weakly, as the chairs scraped loudly. Backpacks zipped. People started talking again. A few hugged. Chloe stood slowly, her eyes already searching for you. You hadnāt moved. You were still sitting, like the surrounding noise hadn't been registered.
She took one step. Then another. And then someone cut between you. One of the regulars said something to the group leader that drew her attention. Another girl dropped her water bottle. Someone else reached for their jacket, stepping in Chloeās path. And when she looked again, you were gone.
Gone like smoke. Gone like Rachel. Like her dad. Like Max. Gone like everything else that ever mattered. She pushed through the people, got to the hallway. Empty. The parking lot was fading into dusk. Her truck sat there like it always did, but you werenāt anywhere.Ā
She stood there for a long time, hands in her pockets, feeling like the world had just walked away again, and she hadnāt moved quickly enough to follow.
That night, at dinner, she barely spoke. Joyce had made Chloe's favorite dish, and kept her voice gentle. Not pushing. Not too hopeful. Justā¦ waiting.
āHow was the meeting?ā
Chloe shrugged. Fork in hand. Eyes on her plate.
āFine.ā Joyce nodded, quiet. She didnāt ask more. Then Chloe looked up. Her voice low. āI think Iāll go again next week.ā
Joyce blinked. She didnāt say anything. Something in her face flickered. Relief, maybe. Or belief. And Chloe looked back down at her food.
After, once she was lying on her bed, music low, smoke curling from the cracked window, the ceiling stared back at her. The rain tapped quietly against the glass. Her hoodie still smelled like nicotine. And in her head, there was only you.
Friday came like a storm that had been building in her chest all week. She told herself she wouldnāt care if you didnāt show up.
She lit a cigarette before she even parked. Walked into group fifteen minutes late. Sat in the same chair, hoodie up, eyes low, listening to the same recycled grief from kids trying their best not to drown. But her chest was doing that thing again. That tight thing. The one that made her fingers dig into her sleeves and her brain scream donāt fucking care, donāt look around, donāt check the door like a lovesick dog.
But, she checked anyway. You werenāt there. And it was like the air got colder the second she realized it. She tried to sit through it. Tried to let the minutes pass like they were supposed to. But her leg wouldnāt stop bouncing, and someone next to her kept sniffling, and the room was too bright and too clean and too fake.
So she left. Didnāt say a word. Just stood up, walked out, lit another cigarette with shaking fingers, and climbed the rusted stairs to the roof like the smoke might stop her from remembering your face.
She hadnāt expected anything. Not really. You were probably just another burnout like her, floating through the system. Maybe you got transferred. Maybe you overdosed. Maybe you finally slipped into that place Chloe always hovered over and never had the guts to fall into.
But then, when she hit the last step, there you were.
Hood up, legs curled underneath you, cigarette dangling lazily from your fingers. Your hair looked different in the wind. Your face pale, haunted, like you hadnāt slept in a week. You didnāt look at her when she opened the door. And for a full three seconds, Chloe forgot how to breathe.
And before she could react, she chose to ignore you. Completely. Because in her head it made sense. So, she lit her cigarette with practiced ease, and leaned back against the low concrete wall. She inhaled hard. Smoke bit the back of her throat. Good.
Before silence could settle, she heard your voice behind her.
āHoly shitā you snorted. āI knew you were stalking me.āĀ
Chloe didnāt look over. Just took a long drag and closed her eyes, like maybe if I donāt react, sheāll think Iām someone else. But the corner of her mouth twitched. Because your voice, tired and dry and amused, hit her right in the gut. Still, Chloe didnāt look. Didnāt trust her face to be casual enough yet.
Then, teasing her, you added, āYouāre the creep from last week. Stared at me the whole time like I was gonna vanish or something.ā
That did it. Chloe let out a choking laugh, exhaling smoke hard through her nose. Her shoulders shook with it. She shook her head, muttered, āJesus,ā and finally turned.
Your eyes ā when they locked on hers ā were so sharp, it made her forget how to sit still. Chloe smirked, but it didnāt reach her eyes. āYeah, well. You did look like you were about to vanish. I was just waiting to see if youād leave your body mid-share circle.ā
āThat wouldāve at least made the session less boring.ā
There was a long pause. The wind picked up again. Your hair blew in your face. You didnāt push it away. And Chloe, who was trying way too hard to look chill, lit another cigarette out of sheer panic. She felt like her mouth might betray her, say something too real, so she defaulted to sarcasm.
āSo what, you just sit on roofs and wait for someone to fall in love with you?ā
You didnāt laugh, not really. More of a breathy, bitter sound. āBold of you to assume anyone falls in love with me.ā
Chloe froze. Just for a second. But something in her chest twisted painfully. The silence settled again, heavier this time. Then your cigarette shifted in your fingers and Chloe caught it ā your sleeve falling back just enough to show a faded hospital bracelet.
Her stomach dropped. Your name was printed on it. What a twisted way to get to know your name, she thought. The paper was creased. The edges dirty, like you hadnāt taken it off. Maybe hadnāt even noticed it was still there.
But Chloe noticed. Of course she did.
āDidnāt feel like joining the circle jerk?ā Chloe said, but her voice faltered, softer this time.
You shrugged, looking out over the parking lot. āGot discharged this morning. Barely made it here in time to hide.ā
āHospital?ā
Another shrug. ā72-hour hold.ā
Chloe swallowed. She didnāt know what to say. Or rather, she didnāt know how to say it without sounding like she cared too much, too fast. She didnāt want you to feel how much her heart was pounding.
āNice bracelet,ā she said instead.
You laughed once, bitter. āYeah. Super on trend.ā Chloe smiled, and then flicked her cigarette over the edge and sighed. You picked at your sleeve, eyes down. āSo, whatās your deal?ā
She hesitated. Then shrugged, reaching for her lighter again. āStill figuring it out. Step one was not dying.ā
You nodded. āSounds familiar.ā
She wanted to ask about you. About what happened. About the bracelet and the hold and the way you didnāt flinch when she looked at you too long.
But she didnāt. You werenāt ready. And neither was she.
Trying to keep a steady voice, she asked, āAre you from Arcadia Bay?ā
āNot really. I just moved here because my dad said it was the best program in all Oregon.ā Chloe nodded. āI'm from Newport, not far, though.ā
āIt is a few hours away. You come here every Friday for an hour?ā
You looked at her, eyes narrowed. Trying to figure something out. āI'm staying with my aunt until I get better.ā You stood up suddenly, brushing ash off your jeans. Chloeās stomach dropped like she was twelve again and watching her dad drive away for the last time.
But you didnāt leave right away. You looked down at her, voice casual, but not cold. āI like your hair, by the way.ā
Chloe blinked. āā¦What?ā
You turned, walking toward the door. āThe blue. It matches your eyes.ā She stared after you. Frozen. And then, just before the door clicked shut behind you, you looked back. āSee you next Friday, creep.ā
It became a thing.
Not planned. Not talked about. Definitely not agreed upon.
But every Friday, once group started, Chloe would bolt up the back stairwell to the roof, cigarette already halfway to her lips. And youād be there. Every damn time.
Always already there, actually. Legs up on the ledge, hoodie sleeves pulled over your knuckles, face turned toward the sky. You never greeted her with more than a look. A twitch of your mouth. A knowing glance that said hey, creep without needing the words.
And Chloeā¦ sheād sit on the opposite side. At first. Always pretending it wasnāt a big deal. Always smoking like she wasnāt counting every second between your glances, every movement of your fingers as you tapped ash off the edge, every time you spoke ā in that low, dry voice.Ā
Some Fridays you didnāt talk at all. Other Fridays you talked too much. But never about the things that led you both here. That was the unspoken deal. Instead, you gave her pieces. Scattered breadcrumbs you never meant to drop, but Chloe remembered.Ā
āSorry I missed last week,ā you said one day, on your second cigarette, kicking your legs a little like you were trying to feel something. āMy aunt had a meltdown over me sleeping past noon. Said I was āslipping again.āā
Chloe snorted. āIs she, like, your parole officer or just a fun roommate?ā
āSheās the only one who volunteered to take me in. My momāsā¦ā You trailed off. Picked at a loose thread on your jeans. āSheās not in the picture. Not really. I guess she kind of erased the picture.ā
Chloe didnāt say anything, just flicked her ash and nodded once, sharp and understanding in that way that didnāt need language.
You went on. āIāve got a brother, though. Heās older. Lives two states away. Heā¦ He doesn't know I relapsed... Multiple times.ā
āAre you still in touch?ā
You focused your attention to the blue butterfly that rested besides Chloe. āYou could say that.ā
By the fourth Friday, you showed up with an old sticker-covered thermos and handed it to her without looking.
Chloe raised an eyebrow. āYou trying to poison me?ā
āHot chocolate,ā you said. āMy aunt made some, and I wanted to be sure you ate at least something.ā The blue-eyed girl didn't look convinced, so you smiled warmly, and added, ādon't worry, creep. This is the real kind. Not that powdered crap.ā
She took a sip. Burned her tongue. Pretended she didnāt care. āHoly shit, this is actually good.ā
You smirked. āDonāt act so shocked. Iām mentally ill, not talentless.ā
And Chloe choked on her laugh, nearly dropped the thermos, and for a second ā just a second ā she forgot how much she hated everything.
The fifth Friday, she brought up her nerdiness for films.
And as she ranted abou how fucking cool Blade Runner was, you tilted your head. āYou ever seen Corpse Bride?ā
Chloe narrowed her eyes. āNo. But Iāve seen Coraline, though. ā
You breathed in, feigning offense. āDude. Tim Burton has nothing to do with Coraline.ā
āWait, really?ā
You laughed, not even couching from the cigarette. āDo yourself a favor and watch Corpse Bride, will you?ā
Before she could think it twice, Chloe blurted out, āWell, maybe we could watch it together?ā You blinked. The silence that followed was heavy. Like even the wind was waiting. She rubbed the back of her neck. Already feeling the anxiety crawl up her stomach. āOr any movie you like. Could be fun.ā
You looked at her. Really looked. And then you smiled. āThat would be nice.ā
Chloeās heart did something ugly and soft and terrifying all at once. āā¦Cool,ā she said, like it wasnāt the most important fucking āyesā sheād heard in months.
Chloe woke up with her face buried in her pillow, a crust of eyeliner smudged across her cheek. She blinked slowly at the ceiling, trying to remember what day it was, why her sheets felt too hot, and why her phone was buzzing from somewhere under the blankets.
Buzz.
Buzz.
Buzz.
She groaned. Rolled over. Fished it out. 1:47 PM
āShit.ā She bolted upright, nearly launching herself off the bed. Her spine cracked. Her heart absolutely exploded in her chest.
You. You were supposed to come over. Or maybe youād left because she was a lazy, passed-out idiot who couldnāt even get her ass up for the first real thing sheād looked forward to in... what, months? Years?
She practically fell out of bed, dragging on the first hoodie she found, hair sticking out in a thousand directions, socks mismatched. She didnāt even brush her teeth. Just charged out of her room like something was on fire. Which, emotionally, it was.
But she stopped cold on the last step of the stairs. There you were.Ā
In her goddamn living room. Sitting on the couch, casual as hell, talking to Joyce like youād known her for years. One leg tucked under you, a glass of orange juice in your hand, and ā holy shit ā your hair done. Not in that half-assed, shoved-under-a-hoodie way you usually wore it, but actually done. Tamed. Soft.
And the clothes. Gone was the baggy, faded hoodie and the jeans that couldāve belonged to someoneās dad. You had on something still oversized, still comfy, still you ā but there was intention now. A long-sleeved black top layered under a loose band tee, ripped tights, and a pair of boots that had seen better days. You looked like a ghost trying to blend in with the living, and failing beautifully.
Still pale. Still tired. The dark moons under your eyes looked untouched. Chloeās chest did a weird fucking thing when she saw them. Like confirmation that you were real.
But you were smiling. You smiled when you saw her ā sleepy and stunned and slack-jawed at the base of the stairs.
āMorning, sleepyhead,ā you teased, lifting your juice like a toast.
Chloe blinked. She was still paralyzed.
Joyce laughed, warm and delighted. āI was just telling your friend how I was gonna march up there and drag you outta bed if you didnāt show.ā
Chloeās face burned. She didnāt know how to respond to this.Ā You. In her house. Drinking juice. Talking to her mom.
You didnāt even like to eat breakfast. You told her that last week. You said you felt sick in the mornings, that food didnāt feel right in your mouth. And yet here you were, sipping a glass of juice like it was no big deal, like this was normal. Like Chloe hadnāt just come down the stairs ready to have a heart attack over the fact that you might be gone.
āUh,ā she managed, voice dry as hell. āYou... got in.ā
āShe knocked,ā Joyce chirped. āVery politely, by the way. Youāve got a polite one. I like her.ā
Chloe wanted to die. Right there, at the foot of the stairs. Wanted the house to implode, or at least for the floor to eat her whole.
She cleared her throat, shoved her hands in her hoodie pocket, and muttered, āYou... wanna come up or whatever?ā
You raised your eyebrows in amusement. āWow. What an invite.ā
Joyce swatted Chloeās shoulder as she passed. āLet her finish her juice first, lady. Jesus.ā
āShe doesnāt even like breakfast!ā Chloe hissed, like that proved something, like she wasnāt losing her goddamn mind seeing you in her living room.
You grinned over the rim of your glass. āGuess I make exceptions.ā
And fuck, the way you said that. Casual. Teasing. But soft.
Joyce grabbed her purse and keys, already halfway out the door. āIāve gotta head to the diner, but you girls behave, yeah?ā
āSure willā you replied.
The door clicked shut behind her. Silence. Chloe stood frozen for a beat, then finally turned and looked at you. Really looked.
āDude,ā she said. āYouāre, like... terrifying.ā
You snorted. āBecause I talked to your mom?ā
āBecause youāre in my house, charming the one person who still kind of tolerates me. And you even drank juice. Who the hell are you?ā
You shrugged, sipping the last of it. āMaybe I wanted to impress you.ā Chloe choked. On nothing. You laughed, biting your lip. āFuck. Youāre so easy to mess with.ā
She pointed a finger at you like a warning. āYouāre so lucky youāre kind of funny.ā
āKind of?ā you echoed, standing now, stretching again. The hem of your shirt lifted a little, showing a flash of your hipbone, pale and marked faintly by something Chloe didnāt dare ask about. Not yet.
You walked past her on the stairs, glancing over your shoulder as you said, āShow me your room, Price. And try not to faint on the way.ā
Chloe stood there for half a second longer. Heart in her throat. Mind racing. And then she followed, two steps at a time, suddenly seventeen again, suddenly so far from the edge she didnāt know how to breathe without the fall.
Her room hadnāt changed much since she was fifteen. Still smelled like old incense and stale smoke, vinyls stacked like makeshift shelves, posters peeling slightly from the walls. A few crushed soda cans littered the desk, and her bed wasn't made, her blanket thrown half on, half off, pillows wherever.
Still, you flopped down on it without hesitation. No judgment in your eyes. No weird reaction to the mess. You kicked off your boots, curled into the blanket like you belonged there ā like it was normal for you to be here, in her space, lying on her bed like youād done it a hundred times before.
And Chloe? Chloe just stood there, staring like she was trying to memorize the whole scene. And failing.
āAlright, Burton bitch,ā she said, grabbing the stack of dusty DVDs beside her old player. āReady?ā
You tilted your head. āIs that even a question?ā
She smirked, biting her lip, heart thudding so loud it mightāve echoed off the walls. She slid Corpse Bride into the player and hit play.
The screen flickered to life. And god, you looked beautiful in blue light. Like something from the film, half-gothic, half-fantasy, skin washed pale and eyes glowing like youād stepped out of a graveyard ballroom.
She sat down beside you, way too aware of how close her knee was to yours.
Halfway through a song, she blurted, āfuck. Okay. I get it.ā
You turned to her, brows raised. āGet what?ā
āThe Tim Burton thing. I used to think his stuff was, like, try-hard dark. But watching it with you?ā She gestured at the screen. āMakes total sense. You look like you belong in one of his movies.ā
You laughed, dry and warm and so easy. āIāll take that as a compliment.ā
āAs you should,ā Chloe muttered, staring a second too long before pretending to be super interested in a dancing skeleton.
The air shifted. The room got quieter, like it was holding its breath with her.
And then, halfway through the piano duet, you sat up a bit, reached into your pocket, and pulled out a pre-rolled joint. Casual. Like it was part of your standard kit.
Chloe blinked. āDamn. Okay.ā
You gave her that crooked little grin she was starting to obsess over. āYou smoke?ā
āCigs. Nicotine. Nothing... you know.ā She rubbed the back of her neck. āHavenāt really touched weed sinceā¦ A long time.ā Since Rachel, actually.
Your expression softened, but you didnāt pry. Didnāt push. Just held the joint out, shrugging. āNo pressure. Just figured. Moodās right.ā
Chloe looked at it, and then at you. You were holding it between two fingers, loose and lazy, hair falling over your cheek like shadows. You didnāt look dangerous, but something about you definitely was. Dangerous to her balance, her grip on herself, her carefully built wall of I-donāt-give-a-shit.
āFuck it,ā she mumbled, and took it.
You lit it for her. And your fingers touched hers ā a soft press, a spark so small it almost felt imagined. She inhaled. And coughed. āJesus.ā
You laughed. āLightweight.ā
āOh, fuck off,ā she rasped, blowing smoke through a grin.
You took a hit and leaned back on your elbows, eyes half-lidded, lashes catching the TV light. āYou know,ā you said slowly, āfor a girl who looks like sheād call me a poser and kick me in the shin, youāre kinda sweet.ā
Chloe barked a laugh. āSweet?ā
You turned to her. āDonāt deny it. You let me invade your room and ruin your day.ā
āYou could never ruin my day.āĀ
That seemed to shut up your pride. Instead of mocking her comment, you stared at her, doe eyes looking right at her blue ones.
Chloeās lungs forgot how to work. āYouāā She pointed at you with the joint. āAre actually evil.ā
You tilted your head, mock-innocent. āYouāre the one blushing.ā
āIām not blushing,ā she lied, eyes wide.
You grinned. āYouāre so blushing.ā
āShut up.ā
You didnāt. Instead, you just scooted a little closer.
Not enough to press against her, but enough that your knee brushed hers again. Light, then intentional.
āDo I make you nervous, Price?ā you asked, voice roughened slightly by the smoke.
Chloeās throat worked around a sudden lump. āYou wish.ā
āOh, I know I do.ā Your smirk was evil, devilish, smug as hell. āBut I think you like it.ā
āI think youāre full of shit.ā
āMaybe,ā you said, taking another slow hit, blowing the smoke toward the ceiling. āBut youāre still staring at my mouth.ā
And fuck. She was. She didnāt even deny it.Ā
The room went silent for a beat. Only the soft hum of the movie, the clink of ash falling into an old soda can. Chloeās voice came out rougher than she meant. āYouāre a fucking menace.ā
You leaned closer again, and this time your lips brushed her ear. Barely. A ghost. āI like how you say that,ā you whispered. āLike you want me to stop.ā
She shivered. The joint burned down between you. Chloe took it with shaking fingers, pulled another hit into her lungs, trying desperately to hold onto whatever cool she had left.
āDo you flirt like this with everyone?ā she asked, but her voice was already breaking at the edges.
You looked at her. Really looked. And said, āNo.ā Then softer, ājust with you.ā
The joint burned to its filter, and Chloeās fingers brushed yours when she passed it back one last time. There was nothing left to inhale, but you held it anyway. Just to keep holding something she touched.
The TV flickered forgotten in the background, pale ghosts dancing across the screen. The air smelled like smoke and whatever cheap cologne Chloe wore.
You didnāt remember who leaned in first. Maybe it was both of you. Maybe it didnāt matter. All you knew was suddenly her mouth was on yours ā rough, fumbling, all teeth and breath and need. Like neither of you had kissed anyone in a long time. Or maybe like you had, but no one like this. No one who tasted like mistakes and nicotine and something real for once.
She made a noise in her throat, half-surprised, half-starved, as you pulled her down onto the bed, mouths crashing again. Chloeās hands were at your waist, under your shirt, not grabbing, just there, grounding herself, like if she didnāt hold onto something solid sheād float away. Your leg hooked around hers. Her hair was in your mouth. Her heart was pounding loud enough you could feel it in her chest.
āYouāreāā she started, panting a little, forehead against yours. āYouāre actually so fucking annoying.ā
You grinned, eyes lidded. āSays the girl making out with me like sheās about to start crying.ā
She shoved your shoulder lightly. āShut up.ā
āYou like me.ā
āNo shit,ā Chloe muttered, just before kissing you again.
It wasnāt sweet. It wasnāt romantic. It was feral, and desperate, and earned. All this built-up static between you, this flammable tension ā it exploded, messy and imperfect and exactly what both of you needed.
āWhat the hell is going on in here?!ā
The door slammed open like a gunshot. You both froze. Chloe whipped around so fast she nearly elbowed you. Her entire body locked up.
David Madsen stood in the doorway, red-faced, fists clenched at his sides, that goddamn paranoia in his eyes like he was a soldier storming a battlefield instead of a stepdad walking into his teenage stepdaughterās bedroom.
The second he smelled the weed, his face darkened.
āAre you fucking serious, Chloe?ā
āHeyāā she sat up, voice already defensive, dragging a blanket over both of you, your clothes rumpled, lips swollen, the room spinning, still under the effect of the weed.
āI knew it!ā he barked, stepping in like he owned the place. āYou think I wouldnāt notice? You think Iām stupid?ā
You didnāt move. Couldnāt. Your heart slammed against your ribs like it wanted to be ripped out. The air felt thin. Wrong. You shrank into her bed, small and still, unsure if you were supposed to be here anymore.
āRelax,ā Chloe snapped, trying to sound calm but clearly trembling. āItās notāit's justāfuck, itās not what it looks like.ā
āIt looks like youāre getting high again, after everything thatās happened. After what you put your mom through. After your overdose.ā
The room dropped ten degrees. You looked at Chloe, shocked. But she was staring at the floor.
āNo,ā she muttered. āDonātādonāt bring that up nowā!ā
David turned on you. āAnd you.ā His voice lashed like a whip. āWhat the fuck is a junkie doing in my house? What are you filling her head with? Huh?ā
Your breath caught.
āNo,ā Chloe snapped, voice louder, firmer. āDonāt you talk to her like thatāā
āI want her out!ā David shouted. āLeave right now before I call the cops!ā
You were already up. Boots back on. Your jacket in your arms, clutched like a shield. You couldnāt breathe. You couldnāt move fast enough. You moved past him, head down, heart pounding so hard it felt like blood was dripping from your ears.
āWaitāā Chloe reached for you.
You didnāt stop.
āIāIām sorry,ā she called out, her voice cracking, raw with shame. āPlease, donāt goāā
But you were already out the door. Gone before she could say another word. The door slammed behind you like the end of a chapter. And Chloe just stood there. In the middle of her room. Eyes burning, fists shaking. The echo of her shame and her failure and everything sheād started to hope for crashing down around her like shattered glass.
āYou ruin everything,ā David muttered under his breath.
That did it.
āGet the fuck out of my room!ā she screamed, voice high and broken, shoving him back with everything she had. āGet the fuck away from me!ā
āYouāre acting like a goddamn childāā
āI donāt care! I donāt care if I never grow up, if it means I donāt have to be like you!ā
Chloe sank to the floor, breath hitching in her throat, shaking so hard she couldnāt hold herself up. The blanket still smelled like you. The taste of you was still on her lips. And all she could do was cry. Just ugly, wrenching sobs into her hands, wishing she could tear her skin off to escape the guilt.
[11:43 AM]
hey
im so fucking sorry
pls just text me back
i didnāt know heād be home i swear
you okay?
No response.
Monday Night.
[2:02 AM]
canāt sleep
i keep thinking about your face when he started yelling
you looked so scared
i hate him i hate him i hate him
iām sorry. again. god iām so fucking sorry.
Tuesday.
[7:26 PM]
are you even getting these
you didnāt deserve any of that
youāre not a bad influence. heās just a fucking moron
i liked seeing you. i liked having you here. i like you
please talk to me
please
Wednesday.
[3:14 AM]
iām going insane
do you hate me
do you wish you never met me
i wouldnāt blame you if you did
Sheād sent at least fifty texts by now. Some deleted before they were sent. Some half-written and abandoned in her notes app, buried. Chloe wasnāt used to begging. Or waiting. Or feeling this fucking raw. But every time her phone stayed silent, something inside her cracked wider.
Now it was Friday.
The sky was gray. Not raining, just that kind of thick, pressing cloud that made the whole town feel like it was holding its breath. Chloe didnāt even pretend to go to the meeting, she just went straight to the roof.
Two cigarettes deep. Boot scuffing the gravel like maybe if she stomped hard enough, her guilt would fall through the building.
Every second dragged like maybe the clock was broken. Like maybe time wanted to make her suffer. And still, you were nowhere to be found. The spot where you usually sat was empty. Like youād never been there at all. She pulled her phone out of her pocket. Hands trembling.
[5:27 PM]
are you coming?
please. iām on the roof
itās friday
you never miss a friday without telling me
She waited. Waited until her lungs hurt. Until the sun started to dip. Until the group meeting ended and people filtered out into the parking lot below, laughing like nothing had collapsed. Until her phone buzzed, and your name popped in her screen.
She answered so fast she nearly dropped the phone.
āHello?ā
For a beat, it was silent. Then, your voice ā low. Distant. Not angry, justā¦ tired. Hollow in a way that made her blood run cold. āI think itās better if you stop trying to see me.ā
Chloeās stomach dropped. āWhat?ā
You sounded like you were reading from a script. Like youād rehearsed this. āYour dad was right.ā
āHeās not my fucking dad,ā she snapped, voice sharp with panic. āJesusāno, no, please donāt do this. Donāt say that.ā
āI mess things up,ā you said quietly, like it was just a fact. Like you were reciting your own obituary. āI donāt want to ruin you, too.ā
āYouāre notāwhat the fuck are you talking about? You didnāt ruin anything. I want to see you, okay? Justālet me talk to you. Let me see you. Please.ā
āChloeā¦ā And the way you said her name, soft and broken, like it hurt to even speak it ā it shattered her. āI canāt.ā
Click. The line went dead. For a second, Chloe just stared at her screen. Then her breath caught. Froze. Cracked. And she screamed.
A guttural, awful sound ā half-animal, half-child. Rage and grief in one. She hurled her phone across the roof, watched it hit the edge and bounce dangerously close to tumbling off. She didnāt even care.
āFuck!ā she yelled into the air.
She paced. Kicked gravel. Nearly twisted her ankle. Sat down hard and pressed her fists into her eyes, like maybe she could erase the world that way.
Because what did she expect? Of course you would leave. Of course the first good thing she wanted in years would vanish the second it touched something real.
She knew she was losing it the second she left the roof. Like, really fucking losing it.
Because instead of going home, or lighting another cigarette, or laying in her bed until time stopped mattering, Chloe sat in her truck with the engine running and your voice ringing in her head.Ā āI think itās better if you stop trying to see me.ā
Bullshit. You didnāt believe that, not really.
Not with the way you looked at her last week. Not with how your fingers had curled against her arm like you didnāt want her to leave, not with how you let her kiss you like thatālike you needed it just as much as she did.
That wasnāt nothing. It couldn't be nothing. And yeah, maybe she was selfish. Maybe she was being a fucking psycho.
But Chloe couldnāt shake it. Couldnāt sit still. Couldnāt sleep or breathe or do anything except replay every single thing youād told her. Every detail. Every little comment of your life, you dropped without even knowing how much she was catching. āMy auntās house is pretty close to the shore, you can hear the waved crushing when you canāt sleep.ā
Your aunt. The coast. The waves. It was all she had. So she took it.
It started with driving along the cliffside. The radio off. Just the sound of the wind pushing against her windows and her teeth grinding in frustration.
She scanned every house facing the beach. After the fifth turn-off and the third dead end, Chloe nearly gave up. She slapped the steering wheel, cursed out loud, nearly turned aroundā
Until she saw it. A small, wooden house. White paint chipped in places. Porch light buzzing. Plants along the railing that looked like they hadnāt completely given up yet.
And standing in the yard, watering something in a dusty pot, was a woman.Ā
And Chloe knew. Donāt ask her how. She just knew.
She pulled up too fast and nearly stalled the truck. Stepped out before she could even think of what the hell sheād say. The woman looked up, cautious but not cold. āCan I help you?ā
Chloe shoved her hands in her hoodie, heart racing.
āUhā¦ Iām looking forāā she said your name, and immediately felt her throat tighten. āIāmāfuck. Iām a friend.ā
The woman tilted her head. Blinked slowly. Her mouth pressed into a thin line. Like she was trying to figure Chloe out.
āYou must be Chloe.ā
Chloeās stomach flipped. Tried not to think too hard how your aunt knew her name.Ā āIs she home?ā
The woman sighed gently, then shook her head. āShe left half an hour ago. Didnāt say where. I'm sorry.ā
Of course you didnāt. Chloe nodded. Bit the inside of her cheek. āOkay. Uhāthanks. Sorry for just showing up. Iām not a creep or anything, I justāā she paused.Ā
āI know,ā the woman said softly.
And then Chloe was back in her truck. Nothing left but that tight, desperate buzz under her skin.
So she drove. There was only one other place in Arcadia Bay that ever made her feel remotely okay. One place that had been constant, no matter who left or died or got replaced by screaming stepdads and hospital bills.
The lighthouse.
She didnāt even realize how fast she was going. She just needed to be there. To sit on the ledge and pretend like the world couldnāt reach her for a minute. The sun was already low by the time she parked. The air had that salty chill that bit through her hoodie. But she didnāt care.
She climbed the hill. Boots crunching the dirt. And before she arrived, she saw smoke. Not from a cigarette, it was something thicker. Like weed. And there you were.
Sitting on the stone ledge with your knees pulled up, a half-lit joint in your hand and your hair pulled back, eyes set on the ocean like you were waiting for it to swallow you whole.
You didnāt even look surprised to see her. Just tired. Like you had expected this. Like maybe you had hoped sheād find you, but didnāt want to be the one to ask. Chloe didnāt say anything. Not yet. She just stood there, a few feet away, fists shoved deep into her pockets.
You looked up. Met her eyes. Silent for a beat. āTook you long enough, you creep.ā
Chloeās mouth twitched. āDidnāt exactly leave me a map, you idiot.ā
You held out the joint without looking. āWant some?ā
āFuck it,ā Chloe muttered, walking over.
She sat beside you, legs dangling. Took a drag. Let it hit hard in her chest before she passed it back. You both stared at the waves for a long time.
āYou didnāt answer,ā Chloe said. Voice low.
āI know.ā
āYou said some really fucked-up shit.ā
āI know.ā
Chloe laughed once, bitter. āCool. So weāre doing the whole emotionally unavailable thing, huh?ā
You shrugged. āDidnāt think youād want to see me.ā
āJesus, why?ā
You didnāt answer. Chloeās jaw clenched. āYou really think what he said matters to me? David is a joke. Heās a fucking joke.ā
āYeah, well. Iām not.ā That shut her up. You took another hit. Then said, āHe wasnāt wrong, Chloe. Youāre already dealing with your own shit. You donāt need mine.ā
āI want your shit,ā Chloe snapped, then groaned. āOkay, that sounded better in my head.ā
You snorted. Looked at her for the first time in what felt like forever.
Her heart almost stopped. You looked like hell. Worse than before. Your eyes were sunken, pale skin glowing under the moonlight, but godāshe wanted to touch your face so bad it hurt.
Then, you exhaled slow. āSorry I disappeared.ā
āYou broke my fucking heart,ā Chloe said, blunt and tired. āI donāt even know what this is yet,ā she continued. āI just know that when Iām not around you, it feels like shit. And when Iām with you, it feels likeālike maybe everythingās not doomed.ā
You looked down at your shoes. āThatās a lot of pressure.ā
āI donāt care.ā
āChloeāā
āShut up,ā she said, but her voice cracked. āJustācan we sit here? For a while? You donāt have to say anything. Justā¦ donāt make me leave without you again.ā
āOkay.ā
You didnāt say anything as you and Chloe walked down from the lighthouse, just your arms brushing sometimes, your footsteps falling in rhythm, your hoodie sleeves tugged over your hands like you were trying to disappear back into them.
Chloe kept glancing sideways. Not to stare. Just to make sure you were still there. Still real.
There was something about you in the dark ā how quiet you got, how soft your face looked when no one was watching, how the wind picked up your hair just enough for her to want to brush it behind your ear.
She didnāt. She just shoved her hands in her pockets and walked.
Your auntās house was dim when you got there ā porch light on, screen door open just a crack. Chloe saw a shadow move behind the curtains and braced herself for the awkward meeting. But when the door creaked open, the woman just let out a heavy breath and crossed her arms, relief softening the worry in her shoulders.
āThere you are,ā she said gently, then gave Chloe a nod. āAh, hello again, Chloe.ā
āUh. Hi.ā Chloe lifted a hand in some awkward salute that made her want to walk straight into traffic.Ā
Your aunt sighed again, like she was exhausted from caring too much. āCome in. I made pizza.ā
Chloe was about to mumble some excuse ā truckās running, late night, whatever ā but then you spoke. You didnāt look at her when you said it, just brushed past her up the steps and muttered, āYou should stay the night, though. Itās pretty dark out there.ā
And she froze. Because she knew. You werenāt talking about the dark.
She didnāt say anything. Just swallowed hard and nodded.
Inside, the house smelled like vanilla and sea. Chloeās stomach growled embarrassingly loud as your aunt served you both like it was the most normal thing in the world.
And Chloe hated how much it felt like home. After dinner, your aunt gave Chloe a folded-up blanket ājust in caseā and then said goodnight with a little wink.
You pulled her by the sleeve up to your room. It was small. Barely enough space for a dresser and a twin bed. Not much on the walls. A half-open suitcase shoved in the corner. A mug on the windowsill with dried flowers in it.
It didnāt look like you. And somehow that made sense.
āSorry,ā you muttered. āHavenāt exactly unpacked my personality yet.ā
Chloe just stepped in, dropped her jacket over the chair, and sat down on your bed like it would disappear if she touched it too hard.
Then you crawled in beside her. Your body folding into hers like youād done this a thousand times, like she was some place safe.
You didnāt kiss her right away. You just laid there. Listening to your aunt moving around below. The fridge humming. A branch scratching the window.
Then you whispered, āI didnāt know you overdosed.ā
Your voice was soft. Fragile. Like you werenāt sure you were allowed to ask.
Chloe closed her eyes. āYeah.ā
āIām sorry.ā
Chloe turned her head toward you. āI meanā¦ you had to know I was fucked up. Thatās literally why I went to that stupid group. My life wasāā she sighed. āIt was shit.ā
You smiled faintly. āMine was too.ā
Silence again. Then you reached out and gently lifted her arm. Your fingers ghosted across the scars there. She stiffened, just slightly, but you didnāt flinch. And neither did she.
Your hands kept moving ā tracing old bruises, healed burns, little reminders of everything sheād survived.
Then you shifted and pulled up the hem of your shirt, just enough to show her your own.
And Chloe leaned in, and kissed each one softly. One at a time. Like they were words in a language only she could read. She didnāt ask what they were from. Didnāt need to. Then, as she laid her head against your shoulder, you whispered, āI hated my lifeā¦ until I met you.ā
And it broke her. It broke something open. Because for the first time in years, someone said the thing sheād been trying to scream at the sky since her dad died, since Rachel vanished, since everything started falling apart:
That maybe, just maybe, love could be a reason to stay. She didnāt say anything back. She just held you tighter.Ā
You fell asleep like that. Entangled and exhausted. A little high, a little broken, but whole in a way neither of you understood yet. And Chloe, as she drifted off to the sound of your breath, finally let herself hope for another morning.
Itās fitting that the MC here reminds me so much of myself as a teenager (Chloe & I are close to the same age), it really makes me imagine a version of my younger self. I keep thinking about this story.
Kazu sits up. The muscles at his jawline tense and shudder, like a small animal stirring under his skin. I wait for something. Behind his stare, I think I can see decisions being made. Options run through.
āCutting finger is for apology.ā
āLikeā¦Iām sorry. Hereās my finger?ā
āYes.ā
I offer up my hand to him. Run it across his forehead, down his cheek. When I go to touch his mouth, he snatches up my fingers. Holds them tight in a little bundle.
The wind comes up. Cherry blossom petals rain down on me.
I tell myself there is no happy ending. All the pieces do not fit together perfectly. Things are ragged and messy. We are torn apart by events. Put back together differently by others. And somehow everything is beautiful.
I undo the string. Take the top off the box and pull out a cloud of tissue. Nestled on a bed of satin is Kazuās finger. Unsullied by blood. A compass showing me the way.
ā āLost Girls & Love Hotelsā by Catherine Hanrahan.
Seong Gi-Hun protecting Junheeās baby is forever etched in my heart | Squid Game finale edit
The paradox is that sacrificing himself for Junheeās baby just proves that much more the goodness in his heart and that he deserves so much better. He should have been able to survive with the baby that he had protected so much.
(Note: I just wish that they had put the baby more in the center of the platform, because contrary to some beliefs, infant babies can partially roll and move around. But even if they couldnāt, it would still be better to have put her in the center.)
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