SeamSTRESS

Let us all try to relax together

[bunnyasylum]

My views on my body have evolved over the years. I no longer care as much about looking skinny, it's more like looking like I could kick your ass if I needed to.

[bunnyasylum]

This is was a while ago but okay listen. I was terrified of this stupid box. Jumping on it and though of falling, instant fear. My workouts were either step ups or using plates I could easily clear. But I did it. And recently I've been clearing it at 24in (its 20in here). So yay!

[bunnyasylum]

Had so much fun at the Watch City in Massachusetts with my friends. Always good to have a reason to break out an old costume. #steampunk #seamstress #redhead #model #sewing #fashion #steampunkfashion #costume (at Massachusetts) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxXLkJnJshB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mt5aoyontcvx

[bunnyasylum]

Perspective

I cried middle of my workout and just wanted to throw my barbell down and walk away. Barbell snatches were one of the first movements I had learned and felt comfortable with but today they made me feel like I had made no progress. I had to do snatches on the training bar instead of a “normal” bar like the rest of class. I didn’t even do all the movements and lost track of what I was suppose to do while I was crying and putting myself down. 

After I talked to the coach I felt better.  My shoulders  were already hurting before we started and the coach told me to look at all that I did yesterday: 300 jump ropes, 150 Wallballs, 30 dumbbell snatches on each arm, 1k meter run, 1k meter row, 500 meter ski... that’s a lot. So now I want to be throwing around 50lbs+? My body doesn’t agree.  Rest days are important. Also light days are important. So it is important to ask yourself beforehand, not if you can do it but if you should do it. Going lighter doesn’t diminish progress made and or the effectiveness of the workout. 

Self care is important. 

[bunnyasylum]

Keep Going

There is such an exhilarating feeling when you look at an intimating working out and finish before the time cap. I did a really intense workout that was long and just looking at it I wanted to go home. Throughout I kept thinking “I hate this”, “I wanna pass out”, “I wan’t to give up”. I did every last rep. Every last meter of cardio. With a time cap of 34 minutes I finished in 31:45. And I have never felt better after that. 

[bunnyasylum]

Yum, Tacos :)

[wumbreon]

Be proud of who you’ve evolved into! Happy Pride!!!

[bunnyasylum]

Might not mean much to other people but means that world to me. I can’t see progress in myself and to have numbers in front of me to show me I have improved is a big deal. 

I joined this new gym when they opened in January 2019 and have never touched a barbell in my life. They never forced me to use one and just let me work at my own comfort level. I started with just a PVC working on form and now, an extra 60lbs later from my first deadlift, I am able to safely do deadlift at 135lbs. 

[bunnyasylum]

I Don’t Want It

When looking at food I am trying a new thought method. Instead of thinking of something unhealthy as something I “shouldn’t” have or “can’t” have I will be trying this new approach.  Acknowledge that it is something I could have. But “I don’t want it”.  Doesn’t work under stress that well but good at other times. 

[bunnyasylum]

Trying to Recover A little background:  I have been overweight my whole life it feels like. In college, it was my goal to work out and not be another victim of the “Freshman Fifteen”. With a gym down the hall, I had little excuse to not go and started working out. It was just walking on the treadmill to start but it was a start. I wanted to run from my problems but with childhood asthma, it was a slow walk away from them instead and with the assistance of Netflix or a book to keep me entertained I pushed on. I hated it so much and loved it at the same time. I had workout buddies but no one ever stuck around. The time it took and the amount patience I had did not mix well but I love the feeling of getting sweaty and sore. It felt like I did something good. The numbers on the scale were the enemy I faced every day but by the end college I went from 230lbs to 180lbs. Sounds great on paper, doesn’t it? 50lbs lost. Apoximently three dress size down. People noticed but the only person I wanted to notice the change was myself. I would look in the mirror and see that old version of myself, sometimes even bigger. I saw how little my body improved. 

Food is another enemy. I eat when I get bored, procrastinate, am stressed, sad or to punish myself. I hate food. I never choose the right food and just see eating as another way that I am failing myself. I try to wait till certain times to eat and when I can’t hold out I get down on myself and overdo it. If I manage to avoid food all day then I binge at night. I don’t enjoy my food. The process of eating is one I just want to get over with or will eat in the car so it doesn’t take time from my day (not that I do anything important). I eat too much too quickly and then feel sick after. It became an addiction to purge as if that would make me feel better. People would never know something was wrong or what I was doing because I was fat. “How could a fat girl have bulimia or anorexia, that's for skinny people?” I use to envy the people that could eat nothing or everything and look like “perfect”. 

Now I work my ass off. I still have a lot of work to do but I am trying. Food is still the enemy but I am trying to conquer it. It is a daily struggle but that is what therapy is for. I work out almost every day when I am not traveling for work. I still make excuses for some nights I don’t do something active but I am trying to let myself learn that that is OK. I took the advice of my coach to not count calories and focus on eating when hungry and eating nutritious food. Small improvements every day. I let myself hold onto a lot of small stress factors and let them pile but food shouldn’t be one of them. 

That photos are from March 20th to help me see the progress I have made over time. It will take some time to work up the courage to do another set but hopefully I will finally be able to see the progress I have made. 

Have a great day, I know I will.  

[bunnyasylum]

[bunnyasylum]

[bunnyasylum]

Con puppies are good puppies! #pets #convention #servicedog #anime (at Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwXwJF8g_wk/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=12fdi4ywaxt5l

[bunnyasylum]

#redhead #curvygirl #waisttraining #waisttrainer #girlwithglasses #glasses #tallgirl #dolledup #modeling #date #kadona https://www.instagram.com/abonniebunny/p/BvOWho7HJ15/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=l2lsonlirosf

[bunnyasylum]

Chest burster!!!! #pets #ferrets #redhead #ferret #instapet #playdate #glasses https://www.instagram.com/abonniebunny/p/BvCUZbbB7zM/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=n5p5qbglmn73

[bunnyasylum]

Idk what I'm doing self tying adventure with new friend @xjohnxdemonx !!! #ropebunny #shibaribunny #ropebunnylifestyle #shibaribondage #selftie #ropebunnyforlife #shibarilove #shibari #ropes #shibariartist #rope #shibariart #shibarilover #shibarimodel #ropebondage #ropebunnytyingrope #curvygirl #redhead https://www.instagram.com/abonniebunny/p/Bu6WN69BsF_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14qohzuu8ae42

[bunnyasylum]

"Thanks for tying me up" she said My response: "you can untie yourself now right?" #bratforlife #ropebunny #dom #shibaribunny #ropebunnylifestyle #shibaribondage #ropebunnyforlife #shibarilove #shibari #ropes #shibariartist #rope #shibariart #shibarilover #shibarimodel #ropebondage #ropebunnytyingrope https://www.instagram.com/abonniebunny/p/ButneyIh1ud/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=g6ms73d9txjj