Nothing I enjoy more than two main characters who think they are in completely different genre shows. Huaien, in his serious Chinese drama, complete with political intrigue, backstabbing, and more princes than anyone can keep straight, while Xiaobao is in slapstick romcom with sexy hijinks. If either of them spend too long in the same scene, they are shocked SHOCKED by the story developing around them. Murder! Aphrodisiacs! Assassins! Wound tending seduction! Highly competent sidekicks! Wildly incompetent sidekicks! Unexpected feelings! Unexpected feelings with DIMPLES!
Translation of the MDZS Pinsin exclusive extra. Finished like 80% of this in one sitting almost 2 years ago and finally decided it's been gathering dust in my gdrive for long enough. Enjoy!
Feel free to let me know if you see any errors. Screenshots okay with credit. Do not repost.
Rating: E, nsfw 🔞
—————
Haishi had passed a while ago, yet he still hadn’t returned.
The paper lantern on the table hadn’t gone out yet, and Lan Wangji stared at its hazy light, unblinking.
After a while, he rose and walked to the entrance of the Room of Tranquility, opening the wooden door.
He stood there for a bit. He seemed just about to step over the threshold when a strange thump came from behind him.
Lan Wangji spun around, only catching sight of the window, which had opened at some point. Its frame swayed slightly in the night breeze. A large, odd lump rose from beneath the thin blanket on the bed, as if something had broken in, rolled inside, and was now curled up underneath, quivering with a faint rustle.
He stayed silent for a moment, then gently closed the door and went back into the room. Blowing out the candle along the way, Lan Wangji shut the window and got into bed.
He laid down beside that huge lump, silently pulled another blanket over himself, and closed his eyes.
Not long after, something big and ice-cold burrowed under his covers.
It squirmed and wriggled its way on top of him, plastered itself onto his chest, then cheerfully chirped, “Lan Zhan! I’m back~! Quick, give me a warm welcome.”
Lan Wangji wrapped his arms around him. “Why are you so cold?”
“I was in the wind all day. Let me warm up,” Wei Wuxian said.
No wonder he was covered in bits of grass and dirt. He must have taken the juniors of the Hidden Cloud Depths to terrorize the wild fauna and wicked beasts up in the mountains again.
Wei Wuxian had rolled into his bed and burrowed under his covers while covered in dirt, yet Lan Wangji, neat and tidy by nature, didn’t flinch in the slightest. In fact, he only silently squeezed him tighter, holding him even closer.
After warming Wei Wuxian up with his body heat for a while, Lan Wangji said, “Take your shoes off, at least.”
“Okay~” Wei Wuxian replied. He toed off his shoes, then shrunk back into the covers to press his freezing skin against Lan Wangji’s again.
“Don’t mess around,” Lan Wangji said evenly.
“I’m literally in your bed, and you’re telling me not to mess around?” Wei Wuxian said.
“Shufu has returned,” Lan Wangji said.
Lan Qiren’s residence wasn’t far from Lan Wangji’s Room of Tranquility. He didn’t like Wei Wuxian much to begin with, so if he caught wind of any inappropriate activity, he may very well fly into a thunderous rage at Wei Wuxian again the following day.
And yet, Wei Wuxian stuck a knee between Lan Wangji’s legs, covertly and naughtily pressing against him a couple of times, making his stance quite clear on the matter.
After a brief silence, Lan Wangji abruptly flipped them around so that Wei Wuxian was underneath him.
His movements were too big, too forceful, and the two hit the bed with a thud.
“Slow down, slow down, slow down—slow—down!”
Lan Wangji had pinned Wei Wuxian down onto the bed, penetrating him as easily as splitting bamboo, thrusting all the way inside. Only when his lower abdomen pressed against Wei Wuxian’s bare ass, when he couldn’t possibly go any deeper, did his body still.
Wei Wuxian took in a couple of shallow breaths, head thrown back. Trying not to make any unnecessary movements, he only looked around and wriggled his hips slightly in discomfort, trying to get him out a bit. However, Lan Wangji realized what he was trying to do, and holding down his waist, promptly slid right back in.
“Ah!” Wei Wuxian cried out. “Hanguang-jun!”
Lan Wangji bore it patiently for a moment, then said, “You brought this upon yourself.” He paused briefly, then began thrusting, again and again.
Wei Wuxian was trapped underneath him—toes curled, hair splayed, face flushed, body jostled up and down with Lan Wangji’s movements. With every one of Lan Wangji’s thrusts, Wei Wuxian cried out in response. Though Lan Wangji immersed himself in his efforts for a while, he couldn’t let Wei Wuxian continue on like this. Straining against the breaths threatening to burst out of his chest, he quietly said, “Lower… Lower your voice.”
Wei Wuxian reached up and stroked Lan Wangji’s cheek. This thin skin of Lan Zhan’s is so strange, he thought. His face is clearly scorching hot to the touch, and yet it refuses to turn red, still white as snow. The elegant Lan Zhan will lose himself in his emotions, hardly able to hold himself back, yet only his earlobes will be dusted with the faintest of pink.
Panting, he said, “Er-gege, you don’t want to hear me cry out?”
Lan Wangji: “……”
It was too difficult to speak the truth, yet he couldn’t bring himself to lie. Watching this sentiment flit across Lan Wangji’s face filled Wei Wuxian with an indescribable delight—he wanted to just eat him up.
“Afraid someone will hear me?” Wei Wuxian asked. “Easy. Just Silence me.”
Lan Wangji’s chest heaved, his eyes going slightly bloodshot. “C’mon!” Wei Wuxian taunted. “Cast Silence on me. Then no matter how you fuck me, even if you fuck me senseless, I won’t be able to make a sound—”
Before he could finish, Lan Wangji leaned down and sealed his lips.
After his mouth was stilled into silence, Wei Wuxian’s limbs wound around Lan Wangji. The two of them tumbled around on the bed, tussling together into a heap, blankets already on the ground.
Generally, Lan Wangji didn’t change positions often when they were intimate. After an hour of being pressed down and thrusted into, Wei Wuxian had gone numb from his lower back all the way down to his ass and thighs. He had a high suspicion that they would stay like this for the rest of the night—and considering Lan Wangji’s current state, without the slightest indication that he planned to stop anytime soon, it really could happen. Thus, Wei Wuxian took the initiative and flipped both of them over. Straddling him and wrapping his arms around his neck, he moved up and down on his own. He bit Lan Wangji’s earlobe and whispered, “Is it deep?”
His voice was low beside his ear, breath hot and humid. Lan Wangji held onto his shoulders, then brought him down, hard.
The thrust was incredibly intense. Wei Wuxian cried out in surprise, arms tightening around him. Lan Wangji stroked the small of his back and asked, “Is it deep.”
Wei Wuxian’s lips wobbled, but before he could regain his bearings and respond, his face suddenly scrunched up. “Ah! Wait! P-p-pace yourself!” he cried.
One hand struggled in vain to protect his abdomen, while the fingers of his other hand dug into the firm muscle of Lan Wangji’s shoulder. “Lan Zhan!” he yelled in terror, soul practically flying out of his body. “Do you not understand what pacing yourself means! You—don’t have—to go—so deep—every—every—”
The second half of his perfectly sound sentence was broken by thrusts, hitched and disjointed. Lan Wangji said, “I don’t understand!”
Initially, Wei Wuxian was wailing miserably, willing to say anything to beg for mercy—but after most of the night had passed, after they’d finished going at it twice, Wei Wuxian’s legs stayed locked around Lan Wangji’s waist, refusing to let him go.
Lan Wangji’s body covered Wei Wuxian entirely, and he was careful not to lean his weight onto him. The area where they were pressed against and connected to one another was wet and slick. Lan Wangji seemed like he wanted to get up, but he only got to move a little before Wei Wuxian’s legs tightened around him. The fraction that had just left him slotted seamlessly back in again.
“Stop moving,” Wei Wuxian said languidly. “There’s a draft. Let’s just lie here for a while.”
Lan Wangji acquiesced and didn’t move. After a while, he asked Wei Wuxian, “It’s not too much?”
“It is,” Wei Wuxian pouted. “You’re filling me up so much I could burst. You weren’t even listening to how pitifully I was crying out earlier.”
“…I’m pulling out,” Lan Wangji said.
Wei Wuxian’s expression immediately changed. “I like it when you fill me up like this,” he said without mincing his words. “It feels good.”
He clenched down, hard. Lan Wangji’s expression shifted, and for a moment, even his breathing seemed to hitch. After bearing it for some time, he finally hoarsely said, “…Shameless!”
Seeing that he was nearly at his limit, Wei Wuxian laughed and placed a kiss on his lips. “Er-gege,” he said. “What haven’t we done? What’s there to be ashamed of?”
Lan Wangji shook his head a little in defeat. “Let me go,” he said softly. “You should bathe.”
“It’s fine, I’ll just wash up tomorrow,” Wei Wuxian said sleepily, already starting to tire a bit. “I’m exhausted from today.”
Lan Wangji placed a kiss on his forehead. “Bathe. Take care not to fall ill.”
Wei Wuxian was so tired that he couldn’t lock him in place anymore, his limbs finally going soft and letting go. Lan Wangji got off the bed, picking up the blanket that had fallen to the ground and covering Wei Wuxian’s body, tucking him in. Afterwards, he hung the clothes that had been thrown all over the place over the folding screen one by one, and draped his own robes over his shoulders. He dressed swiftly and neatly, and left to draw water for the bath.
After an incense stick’s time, Wei Wuxian, who had nearly fallen asleep, was picked up and placed into the bath basin. The basin was placed beside Lan Wangji’s writing desk, and after Wei Wuxian submerged himself in the water and waded around a little, he grew energized again. Patting the side of the basin, he said, “Aren’t you going to come in with me, Hanguang-jun!”
“In a moment,” Lan Wangji said.
“Why in a moment? Just come in now~” Wei Wuxian said.
Lan Wangji glanced at him, as if he were contemplating something. After a moment, he said, “We returned four days ago, and four of the Room of Tranquility’s bath basins are broken.”
With the look Lan Wangji was giving him, Wei Wuxian felt like he had to defend himself. “It wasn’t my fault last time.”
Lan Wangji placed the honeylocust soapbox where Wei Wuxian could reach it. “It was mine,” he said neutrally.
Wei Wuxian poured a cup of water down his neck with a splash. It was covered in love bites, and the more he washed, the brighter they glistened. “Exactly,” he said. “Last last time wasn’t my fault either. To be honest, you’re technically the one who breaks them every time. This bad habit of yours hasn’t changed since the first time you did it.”
Lan Wangji rose. When he returned, he placed a jug of Emperor’s Smile beside Wei Wuxian’s hand, then sat back down at his desk. “Indeed.”
If he stretched his arm out just a little farther, Wei Wuxian could scratch under Lan Wangji’s chin—and that’s exactly what he did. Lan Wangji took out some papers, covered densely with characters, and began to read, making brief comments in the margins. As Wei Wuxian sat in the bath, he opened his Emperor’s Smile, tilting his head back to drink. “What are you reading?” he asked casually.
“Night-hunt notes,” Lan Wangji replied.
“The kiddos wrote these?” Wei Wuxian said. “You’re not in charge of correcting notes and such, are you? From what I remember, that’s your uncle’s job.”
“Every once in a while, Shufu doesn’t have the capacity,” Lan Wangji said.
Lan Qiren was likely busy with more urgent matters, causing this work to temporarily fall upon Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian took two of them to read. “Back then, your uncle would write hundreds of words for every other line, and then summarize with almost another thousand words at the end. I have no idea where he found the time to write so much. Your comments are very sparing.”
“Is being sparing a bad thing?” Lan Wangji asked.
“It’s good!” Wei Wuxian said. “Clear and simple.”
It wasn’t because he was cutting corners. He managed even the simplest of tasks with the utmost diligence. Rather, he was just used to it—regardless of whether he was speaking or writing, he treated ink like gold, omitting any unnecessary details.
Wei Wuxian submerged his head underwater. After some time, he finally re-emerged, wet and dripping. He picked up the honeylocust soap and ran it down his hair with one hand, and took an assignment off the desk with the other. He’d hardly skimmed it before he let out a snort. “Who wrote this? So many characters are wrong, hahahahahahahaha. I just know it’s Jingyi. You gave him an yi.”
“Yes,” Lan Wangji said.
“You have so many assignments here, but his is the only one I saw that didn’t get top marks,” Wei Wuxian said. “Poor kiddo.”
“Too many characters are wrong, and the analysis is redundant,” Lan Wangji said.
“What happens if you get an yi?” Wei Wuxian asked.
“Not much,” Lan Wangji said. “A rewrite.”
“He should know how lucky he is,” Wei Wuxian said. “That’s much better than being punished to copy lines while doing a handstand.”
Lan Wangji silently collected the essays that Wei Wuxian had scattered all over the place. He straightened them out then set the neatly arranged stack to the side. Wei Wuxian watched his movements, a smile automatically tugging at the corner of his lips. “How’d you grade Sizhui?”
Lan Wangji pulled out two sheets and handed them to him. “Jia.”
Wei Wuxian took and read them. “These characters are beautiful,” he said.
“The argument is clear and logical, and the content is focused and precise.”
When Wei Wuxian finished flipping through the pile in his hand, he saw another stack on the table that hadn’t been graded yet. “You need to go through all of these? How about I help you look through some?”
“Alright,” Lan Wangji said.
“All I have to do is mark any errors and give comments, right?” Wei Wuxian asked.
He took more than half the stack. Lan Wangji tried to take the papers back, but Wei Wuxian pulled away. “What are you doing.”
“That’s too many,” Lan Wangji said. “You’re bathing.”
Wei Wuxian took another drink from his Emperor’s Smile, and snatched a brush over. “I have nothing better to do while I bathe anyway. Reading the kiddos’ notes and essays will be rather fun.”
“You must rest after bathing,” Lan Wangji said.
“Does it look like I’ll be able to fall asleep? I feel like we could even go another couple of rounds,” Wei Wuxian bragged unabashedly.
As he watched Wei Wuxian lean against the bath basin—carefully reading through the notes, sometimes resting an elbow on the desk to write—the fire reflected in Lan Wangji’s eyes seemed to flicker with warmth.
Though Wei Wuxian’s words were bold, he had led a bunch of teenagers through the deep mountains to stir up a ruckus all day, then came back to mess around in bed for half the night, then graded a stack of notes. It was hard not to get sleepy. After standing firm and meticulously going through his pile, Wei Wuxian tossed them onto the desk and began slipping into the water. Eyes sharp, Lan Wangji quickly and gently lifted him up, toweled him dry, and carried him to bed.
The quick bath was over, and after Lan Wangji got into the bed and wrapped him in his arms, Wei Wuxian woke up for a little while again. He drowsily said against his collarbone, “Your family’s kiddos’ essays were written quite well. They just come a little short when night hunting.”
“Mn,” Lan Wangji said.
“That’s okay, though…” Wei Wuxian said. “While we’re in the Hidden Cloud Depths, I’ll help them cram. Tomorrow… I’ll bring them to make a mess of the shanxiao’s den again.”
One-legged shanxiao’s strength was second to none. Covered in black fur, it ate humans as easily as munching on a melon or slicing vegetables. To anyone else, though, it would’ve sounded like he was just bringing a group of snot-nosed kids up onto a rooftop to steal bird eggs.
The corner of Lan Wangji’s lips twitched, as if it wanted to go up. “You went to catch shanxiao again today?” he asked.
“Yeah, which is why I said they still have to keep training,” Wei Wuxian said. “Those mountain spirits only have one leg. If you can’t even outrun something with only a single leg, when you run into a lizard, a spider, or a centipede, aren’t you basically lying down and asking to die… ah right, Hanguang-jun, I’m out of money, you should grant me some more.”
“Simply withdraw some using the jade pendant,” Lan Wangji said.
Wei Wuxian blearily laughed a little, saying, “The jade pendant you gave me doesn’t just let you go through the barrier… but lets you withdraw money?”
“Yes,” Lan Wangji said. “Did you destroy someone’s street stall?”
“No… how could that happen… I spent all my money because… after the night hunt, I brought them to that Hunan restaurant in Caiyi Town… the one that you refused to go to before, even when I tried my hardest to drag you there… I’m so tired… Lan Zhan, stop talking to me…”
“Alright,” Lan Zhan said.
“…I told you to stop talking… you only have to say one word, and I can’t keep myself from replying… okay Lan Zhan, go to sleep soon alright, I… can’t hold on anymore… I’m really falling asleep… Lan Zhan, see you tomorrow…”
He kissed Lan Wangji’s Adam’s apple, and as promised, quickly fell into a deep sleep.
The Room of Tranquility grew still, cloaked in darkness.
After a while, Lan Wangji placed a soft kiss at the center of Wei Wuxian’s forehead.
