Maggie wants to try something new.
I love her mouth. And her fingers. And her body. And how she uses all of those things that I love to make me feel like I’ve never felt. To make me feel incredible. Safe. Wanted. Loved. Maggie is so amazing in bed. And out of bed. But in bed… she is incredible. She is attentive and warm. Slow and precise. She checks in at each sound, each movement. Her eyes are always on me. I am in love with everything that is her. How she makes me feel, how she makes me want…need her. More of her. Always more. So when she suggested the next step I did not feel anything other than extreme yes, yes please, anything for you.
“I um… bought something… for you…us… but, you.” She was laying at my side, her fingers lazily playing over the skin of my abdomen as I laid on my back. She stared intently at her hand.
“Are you going to enlighten me, Sawyer, or is this where the conversation ends?”
She smiled shyly, still avoiding my eyes. I raised my left hand and drug my fingers across her cheek, finding her chin with my forefinger and lifting so that I could see her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes that have captivated me for months. She took a shallow breath.
“I don’t want you to think that I want more… or need more… or whatever. I just bought something. And if you’re ready then so am I but if you aren’t then you aren’t and we don’t speak about it until you are, if you ever are. No pressure, ok?”
Her soft voice caused a fluttering in my stomach. A warmth in my soul. She was lightly tapping my rib cage with her thumb and her eyes had dropped from mine again, her teeth running over the skin of her bottom lip. I lifted her chin again and let my thumb ghost over that bottom lip and down her chin.
“I just… I don’t want to push you, I don’t want to be that person who asks you to do something that you don’t love and then you feel like you’re disappointing me or… or whatever… I just wanted you to know that I am ok with whatever. I love… this…” She lifted her hand off of my skin and looked down my torso, gesturing toward the “this” that she was speaking of. “I love holding you, and sleeping next to you, and kissing you, and I love seeing how I make you feel.” She pulled me in even closer with her hand that has now slipped under my rib cage. Her thumb is drawing small circles just under my breast. “You have to know that I love this, right?”
“Ok. Good.” Her teeth drug across her bottom lip again.
“Mags, I’ll do anything for you. Anything that you want. I trust you. You know that, right?” She smiled, nodding almost imperceptibly as her eyes slipped closed.
“Then… don’t be nervous. I’m ready.”
“You just, you… you didn’t like sex with guys and if you don’t like this then we never have to do it again. No pressure. This is about you. Not me. Ok?” I nod. She kisses me quickly but soundly.
Maggie slips out of bed and pads into her bathroom. My stomach flutters again as my gaze drags up her long slender legs as they disappear into a pair of black boy shorts that cover just enough to make me itch to rip them off. I turn my attention to the ceiling as she slips out of view, taking a deep shuttering breath and releasing it slowly. The truth is that I did trust her. And I wanted to try anything, everything, with Maggie. But I didn’t have the highest expectation of toys. I knew that this would be different than sex with men, because everything about Maggie was different. But I still wondered how much of it was them and how much of it was… me. I had been telling myself that I was not made for sex…intimacy for so long. And convincingly so. And everything with her was… what I was made for.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I missed her slipping back into the room. She slid under the covers and up against my side. Her hand finding its familiar place at my side. The warmth returned. The familiar comfort of her bed, her body, her hands. Her voice. Her full lips pressed against my cheek and I turned into the feeling. She then dropped her mouth to my ear.
“You’re so beautiful,” she husked. My hands moved on their own accord and pulled her harshly to me. Her lips crashed into mine with a soft moan. I held her in place as my lips moved over hers. Her tongue was intoxicating. Her lips made my heart race. And when her fingers threaded through my hair and deepened our kiss I could not suppress the moan that rose from my chest. Her tongue softly drug across mine and her teeth drug across my bottom lip just as they had done her own moments earlier. She bit softly and my head fell back as my hips rose and dropped slowly. Methodically. Yearningly. Her hand dropped from my hair and trailed down my torso. She grabbed roughly at my hip and pulled me into her. Her breath was quick and warm. “You’re so beautiful, Alex,” she repeated.
“Mhm?” She softly took my chin between her thumb and forefinger and turned my face away from her so that her lips could drag across my throat, my neck, my pulse point. Her thumb slipped across my bottom lip.
“I want you inside of me.” She stilled. Lips still on my neck. Thumb still on my chin. I allowed her several seconds to register. “Mags?”
“I…uh… I heard you, baby.” She met my eyes. They were dark. Wild. More beautiful than I remembered. “Are you sure?” I nodded my head. She kissed me softly. “I’ll stop any time you want. Ok? Just give me a sign. I’ll be paying attention. I promise.” My heart broke at her sincerity.
“I know, babe.” I captured her mouth in a deep kiss again, sparing myself the intensity of her stare, the sincerity of her words, the sting of the tears in my eyes as her words spoke straight to my heart. She pulled me to my side facing her. We had fallen asleep this way so many times, hands intertwined, legs entangled, breath mingling, foreheads pressed together. I found my comfort. She trailed her right hand from my face down my side. Down my hip. Behind my knee. She lifted my left leg over her right hip, using the back of her nails to drag softly up and down my thigh.
“I’ll be paying attention, ok?” She repeated. “To you.” I nodded my head. Her hand slowly fell from my thigh and I missed the warmth of her fingers terribly. I felt her hand between our bodies. Her eyes trained on mine. The intensity of her stare caused a familiar tightening in the back of my throat. And when Maggie shifted her weight again I felt the pressure of her fingers on me, slipping inside of me, so slowly and gently that I almost missed the presence of the silicone. It only registered when her hand ghosted over my thigh and up to my hip while I felt growing warmth inside of me. My mouth fell open with a slow inhale. “Baby?” A question. A question that I could not answer so I grabbed at her neck to pull her into me. Her lips were cold from the air, soft. Her lips held me in familiarity while my body adjusted to the novelty of her being inside of me. She rocked her hips forward and upward slowly. She used her right hand to steady my hips, to allow herself to slip deeper. I fell away from her kiss as she pushed into me. “Alex, baby. Talk to me.” Her words sounded far away but the need in her voice pulled me back to her.
“Don’t… don’t stop.” I was breathless. She grinned softly before capturing my mouth with hers again. Her left hand snaked between my neck and the pillow, holding me to her and her right arm held my hip for leverage, scratched up my back, ghosted over my cheek. She moved in and out of me so slowly. So gently. Her name fell from my mouth. Followed with no instructions. No requests. Just the need for her name to be on my lips. “Oh my god, Maggie… baby”. I wrapped both of my arms around her, needing to be closer. She pulled me into her, both of us on our sides, hugging tightly. Her fingers found my shoulders and pulled down as her hips pushed upward. My breath left my body in short bursts as she found a rhythm.
Her breath shallowed. Her teeth drug across my ear. She moved deeper inside of me. And harder. Her nails scratched down my back. I tried and failed to hold onto reality. To be present with her sounds and her lips and her hands. But the feeling of her surrounding me, being inside of me, moving within me…
And then in one fluid movement, Maggie pushed my hip away from her, effectively placing me on my back, and she was on top of me, both of my hands in her, fingers laced, above my head. Her eyes were on me. Her eyes glistened. A tear threatening the corner. I was sobered.
“Mags, sweetheart… Maggie.” I tried to meet her eyes. “What is it?” I tried to pull my hand from hers to check in physically. She held tighter.
“Sshhh. Sshhh.” She shook her head, leaning down to my ear. “I just… I love you, Alex.” My heart stopped. And then began its pounding again when she trailed her tongue from my collar bone to my ear. “I’m so in love with you.” She breathed. With no expectation. With no agenda. With only words that I felt in my bones. She dropped to her elbows, still holding my hands above my head, our bodies flush. I wrapped my legs around her hips as she pushed into me. A small moan escaping her lips with the exertion. She wrapped her arms around my back and held me tightly. Her hips moved quick and hard. My desire allowing her to slide in and out of me with ease. And when I recognized the pressure in my core, when I recognized my body’s response to Maggie moving within me, when I recognized how long I had waited for this feeling, for this person, for this unbelievable woman… when I recognized all of that, I also recognized the burn in my eyes and the cloudiness accompanied by tears. I closed my eyes and turned into Maggie’s neck, a tear slipping from the corner of my eye. I tangled my fingers in her hair, my breath ragged and shallow. The warmth of her body surrounded me, held me down.
“Maggie.” It was all I could get out. She immediately scanned my face. Seeing nothing of concern, she continued. Hard and fast. Pulling almost out of me only to push back into me harshly, intensely, amazingly.
I nodded. “Maggie… Mags… please… baby…”
“Please what, beautiful?” She breathed… as out of breath as I. As spent as I felt.
“You feel so good, Maggie. Inside of me. It feels so good.” She dropped her head to mine, our foreheads together. Her body moving furiously, mine moving just as furiously in response. My brow pulled together as the pressure rose in my core. My legs tightened around her. My nails dug into her back. My breath nearly stopped.
“Let go, babygirl. I got you.”
“Maggie…Maggie…” It was a plea.
“I got you, baby.” Her breathless response sent shivers through me. The pressure in my core becoming unbearable.
“Stay…” She pulled back to search my face. “I’m almost there… stay… inside… please. Oh god, Maggie…” I felt her smile. With understanding. With pride. With love. Her eyes remained on my face and then they were locked with mine. The cloudiness of my tears mixed with the cloudiness of desire. The warmth spread through my body sharply and my head fell back to her pillow, my back arching. Her hands under me, cradling me as my orgasm ripped through my body. She did not slow her movements, she pushed inside of me harder and faster, until a scream fell from my lips and my shoulders lifted off of the bed toward her. I clawed at her back, she pushed inside of me deeply, and she stilled. With Maggie anchored inside of me, I pulsed around her, I pulled her to me, her name spilling irreverently from my mouth. “Maggie… Maggie… fuck… Maggie… baby…”
“I got you, baby.” I took a shuddering breath and clung to her body. Moans still leaving my body without my permission. She held me with her arms, with her eyes, with her voice until I regained my breath, my composure. Her mouth found my ear again. “Oh my god, Alex…” Her husk sent shocks through me again. I felt myself tense around the silicone extension of her. I rocked my hips, seeking more shudders, more spasms, more shocks.
A breathless “what?” was all I could get out. She regarded me, looking from my right eye to my left and then back.
“Baby… that was… oh m… that was so amazing. You… you were so amazing.” I had a witty comeback about her doing all the work, a sincere remark about her being amazing, a new admission that I love her more now than I ever did before. But the connection between my brain and lips was still numbed by the shock waves coursing through me. My subtle move of the hips reminding me that Maggie was still deep inside of me. She slowly put distance between our bodies and I felt her slipping further out of me. Until my hand found her hip and pulled her closer. I heard her grin.
“Yea?… you want me to stay?” My only response was a subtle tug at her hip again. Another moan spilled from my lips as she pushed so slowly inside of me. She kneeled between my legs, I frowned at the loss of her body on mine. She splayed my knees to each side, and she positioned herself so that she could see her extension up to its base inside of me. I bit my lip and regarded her face as she watched. She pulled out slowly, checked in with me with her eyes, and then slipped inside of me again. Slowly. Deeply. Lovingly. Her hands roamed my abdomen. My ribs. My sides. Her view of my body unabated. She pulled her hips away from me again. My teeth sunk in to my bottom lip. She held my hips and pushed inside of me. Her gentleness overwhelming. I felt the familiar sting in my eye and tried to pull her down flush to my body again. But she resisted. Because she knew. She saw. She always saw.
“Alex… baby…” Her hand is on my face, wiping at the tear as it trailed down my temple. “What is it?” Her gaze soft, unworried, knowing.
“That’s how it is supposed to feel… how it’s supposed to be… isn’t it?” She nodded. She smiled. “Come here.” I motioned for her to come closer. She moved slowly to her side, careful to keep us connected. She kissed me softly and pressed out foreheads together. My thumb ran over her bottom lip before lifting her chin so that her eyes met mine. “I love you, Maggie.” She closed her eyes. “So much.”
