Wow, I’m writing again about how I’ve hit a depressing bit. It’s almost as if this is my space to vent without irritating anyone in my life.
So it’s been a few days now since I came out to my mum, and frankly yesterday was an excellent day. I got to actually have important conversations with women in my life about the sort of shit I should expect, I got to come out to one of my closest friends who was super chill which really put me at ease, and I had a good discussion late into the evening that left me feeling real fucking good.
Now it is today, and it’s gone way way way downhill.
I woke up to the wonderful news that it’s going to be harder to be trans thanks to the government again, which made me have a big wave of dysphoria I did not like. Then my WiFi on my computer broke completely which is fucking fantastic when it’s your only way to do any fucking work. And finally this evenings happened, which has felt really fucking bad.
My Mum was questioning whether I was sure it was actually being trans or whether it was something else.
Now, as somebody with also social anxiety, I was superbly fucking relieved at her originally positive stance. I’d been stressing like fuck over this and it felt good to finally tell her. This basically undid all of that and told me “she doesn’t believe you”. Which doesn’t feel fucking good.
I am certain that this is what I want from my life. The evidence I have makes me certain this is what I want. This is my Mum thinking I’m lying for attention or some shit and it honestly really hurts, because she’s probably the person I value the opinion of most right now, and for her to doubt me feels like she’s disregarding how I feel. It’s almost betraying to me and just makes me feel super depressed. Like all the stress that I had put aside because I thought it was fine suddenly and unexpectedly came back and it’s overwhelming. It’s like I prepared for the worst case scenario, thought it was confirmed that it wasn’t ever going to happen, and suddenly it did with no warning.
It fucking hurts, and honestly I just wanna curl up and cry.











