Burning Bridges

[brennan-round2]

unbreakable heaven....again

[burningbridges-writes]

brennan-round2‌:

“Sorry I didn’t have some waiting for you,” Brennan lost some of his own humor from his voice, picking up a bit on what she meant. Being in Brennan’s shoes throughout this hadn’t been easy, admittedly. It was a lot of reading into things when the girl on the other end was telling him the exact opposite. It was enough to drive a man mad, and honestly, it had driven him there, but somehow in the best of ways too. He shook his head at her words. “Look at tonight. I think we fit just fine.” And he believed the words. He wasn’t going to toss blame around, but to him it was never that they didn’t fit, always Alex didn’t want them to fit. It wasn’t to say they made sense, they didn’t make a lick of it. Like somehow the universe or God had decided to make this one square peg fit into this one round hole. And maybe the fit wasn’t natural, maybe there were gaps… but it fit nonetheless. He wasn’t sure if the tenderness between them made the conversation easier or harder, whatever the case it was necessary. “You don’t know that.” He wasn’t trying to argue, and the words were spoken softly. He didn’t know either. Maybe she were right. And he should have been rooting for that, he supposed. The problem was, as he sat there with her now, he couldn’t imagine another love like this. That even if the sting, the pain, the hurt, the heartache was turned down. Even if he didn’t wake every day longing for Alex March and all she was; he could never imagine anyone else would make him feel half of what she did. That wasn’t something he could ever get over. “I love you so much,” he let out like he couldn’t hold it in, his voice cracking a bit with the words, head nuzzling further into her. He hated himself for just giving into this. Just giving up. But what else could he do?

“You made up for it with keeping my mouth preoccupied with other things,” she did her best to bring some lightness back into it all. More for him than for herself. All of this was going to inevitably bring a crushing heartbreak. One that she, and she alone was responsible for. She had brought him so many nights of hurt and tears and while she knew that when it came time for them to leave, she’d be doing exactly that once more, she wanted to leave him with other things. A few more smiles. A gentle laugh. Something that wouldn’t make her name just be a painful memory. She wanted to say so many things to his statement. How tonight was an exception. How she wasn’t made to fit with anyone. That it only seemed like it in moments that they did but that eventually, one would slip through. But instead, she kept the arguments to herself. He’d always believe that they did and maybe trying to take that from him now would just be cruel.  Alternatively, she spoke another truth. “I wish that was enough.” Brennan was more than enough but even he could never win against the thoughts in her head and the hardening of her grieving heart. He had the cards stacked against him, but if anyone would have won out she wished it would have been him. “I know,” she agreed with a dejected cadence. “But I want it to. For you.” It was a lie and a truth all at the same time. The words of affection were spoken in such a broken way. It tore at her and her eyes shut hard as tears poured. Alex often wondered what it was like to hear those words and just be happy. To have them warm her heart instead of inflicting pain. The pain that she felt now was different than when he first said it to her. This time she was grieving for them both. Her feelings usually so selfish now focused on the man that held her and hating herself for what she was doing to him. Her head leaned against his once again, holding his hand a little tighter. “Brennan,” she called to him not bothering anymore to hide that she was crying and Alex did what she did best, capturing his lips when he looked at her. Her lips almost felt weak, trembling as emotions overwhelmed her.

[brennan-round2]

unbreakable heaven....again

[burningbridges-writes]

brennan-round2‌:

It wasn’t like him to just relent like this. Take this ending of them as just that, an ending. Because none of the times before had been that. But then they’d never done this. It’d never been like this and it seemed there was no use fighting it. This, finally, was it. And there was no fighting to be done, and so there was some comfort in knowing the struggle wasn’t a lonely one. That what he felt, he wasn’t alone in. Their love wasn’t something he imagined in his head. It wasn’t something he made to be into something it wasn’t. It was something that burned hot, bright, and loud. And something that he had resigned himself to always burn inside him. “You just love chili dogs that much,” he teased with something of amusement in his own voice. He hated hearing it in her voice, the way the sadness had overtaken her, the way this goodbye was hitting her the same as it was hitting him. There was nothing to be done about it but share in her feelings. He nodded into her neck. “I never thought that’s what love was. I mean– not that I sat there and thought about it too much. But I just… the way we fell into all of this, I didn’t really think it was possible. It’s like, I’ve always kind of dated the same way, that basic formula of getting to know someone slowly, finding out how you fit into each other’s worlds and love comes with that. It’s like– it’s like we were just in love and the other parts came after, or you know, not at all.” He wanted to kiss her to shut himself up, but he didn’t want either of them to need to face each other in that moment. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with that. Just with everything I feel for you. Where does it go now?”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” She tried to keep the humor going but there was a hint of more in her voice; That it wasn’t the food item in which the admission was directed to, but the man that she had sat next to while eating it. She rarely ever said the words to him, and when said there was never a joy or tenderness behind them. They had been ugly. They had been a goodbye and if she dared to speak them tonight it would all be the same. They had been on the tip of her tongue throughout their night but she held them back. Yet as he spoke of their love it was harder to ignore how her heart longed to say it. “We never really did fit though, did we?” She brought up the hand that held his and kissed it softly letting his question fall to silence for a moment. “I don’t know,” her eyes fluttered as tears clouded them and she tried to clear them. “Maybe it won’t go anywhere. For a while, it might be just like it is now but over time it will quiet down. At least enough that it allows for something else to be louder.” She wasn’t trying to take away what Brennan felt for her. To make it seem that what he felt was in any way less than what she felt for him. She may have wanted to deny his spoken feelings but she always believed them. This wasn’t her trying to dismiss the depth of the love shared. No, it was her hope for him. For as much as it would break her all over again, she didn’t want him to be stuck in this love with her. She would be jealous, some days she would hate him for it, but in the end she wanted him to find happiness. That was what love was after all, right? What she knew for sure was that it would never quiet down for her. He would be the ringing of her heart always.

[brennan-round2]

unbreakable heaven....again

[burningbridges-writes]

brennan-round2‌:

What Brennan said was true. He could feel the love between them. It always struck him how palpable the feeling was. How it wasn’t always a good feeling. How sometimes it felt like it was squeezing at his chest until he wasn’t sure he could breathe anymore. And sometimes it felt like putting air back into his lungs. Plugging some hole he didn’t know was open until he knew what it was like to feel like he did with her. And in that moment, it felt closer to the former. It wasn’t just the love that he felt in the room, he felt between them. It was a sadness. A sadness, again, he was struck by. A sadness he’d never really known, it didn’t just ache, it felt like it was weighing him down and all at once he regretted his words. And yet, he knew he’d regret leaving this night without talking about it. About them, about what she meant to him. “No, I’m not looking for apologies or anyone to take blame,” he shook his head, burying his head further into her neck, eyes closing as he felt them starting to well up. “It wasn’t your fault I didn’t appreciate what we had,” he rejected, flipping his hand to take her’s in his to give it a squeeze. “This is going to sound dumb, but I feel like you’re in me. Like– I don’t know, like I can come up with a thousand and one reasons I love you, but they’ll all just fall so short of what it really is. Because there aren’t words for it. I love you because I love you. Because you’re you, and I’m me and it’s like– it’s like I was made to love you. Like it was never a choice, it just happened, because like I said, you’re in me.”

His words disarmed her, making it impossible to hold back the tears. They slid down and she made no movement to wipe them, wanting to bring no attention to them and taking advantage of the fact that he wasn’t looking at her. Her chest felt so tight and she became more aware of her breathing. She felt like she just wanted to let out a cry. Not just from the sadness but how overwhelmed she felt for the love shared between. A love that she fought against. A love that wasn’t meant to be, yet it was because like he said it was never a choice. How could they get rid of something that was essentially a part of them? It was the only explanation that could make sense to her as why they had what they did. Why despite her reluctance they ended up here, hearts intertwined. “It’s not dumb,” her voice was a bit hoarse. “I’ve always tried to rationalize it. How this happened between us. How a few times in bed and a chili dog led to this,” a bittersweet softened chuckle left her lips at the mention of their first date. “I’ve never been able to understand it or fight it. No matter how much I wanted to, and I always wanted to, but now,” a shaky breath slipped past her lips. “I think you’re right. It’s like what I feel for you wasn’t something that was just created. It was lying their dormant waiting for you.” For once she didn’t let herself argue though maybe it would have been better for him if she did. To say it wasn’t true. Argue again that another would take her place, but Alex didn’t have that strength. She would need that strength later to walk out the door.

[brennan-round2]

unbreakable heaven....again

[burningbridges-writes]

brennan-round2‌:

“People will think you’re weird if you’re running around with your hands down your pants. Trust me,” Brennan gave her a teasingly knowing nod. It was no secret their relationship centered around sex from the beginning, and even as things changed and progressed with them, it always seemed to remain their fail safe. How they communicated when everything else sort of failed in that regard. So it was natural for them to bring it up, natural of course when in many ways that’s what this night was about. But it wasn’t about that. Not really. Or not just that. It was about being together. Being their best version of what they were. “I do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you having your way with me either,” Brennan shrugged. “And we both know you’re tougher than me! You could’ve taken control at any time. Stop putting everything on me,” he argued back, jerking a bit at her touch. “Are you thinking about it right now?” He posed with a look of skepticism. He let out a breath at her question, wondering for himself if he should just shut up.Just enjoy the moment without letting his words put any extra emotions out there for either of them. But that wasn’t Brennan. “I wish we had more nights like this. I wish there were more days or nights I woke up and didn’t worry about what I had to do the next day or where we had to be, I could just focus on you. I wish we took more fucking baths. I wish– it’s unrealistic,” he shrugged knowingly. “But I can feel the way–I can just feel our love and I wish I’d appreciated that more, I guess. Just– I don’t regret you know, anything really. But I just– I wish every day I was pissed at you or the situation that I just– just was fucking thankful to know what loving like this feels like.”

“You say that from experience?” A raised brow featured n her face before settling into a smile. “Who is to say I wasn’t actually having my way by letting you have yours?” She twisted the thought, though admittedly she had given control over to him more than she ever had with everyone else. It wasn’t just a physical turn on, though she would have argued it that way. Really it was that she was comfortable with him in a way that let her ease up on the need to control. She just wished it was enough to let go completely but the scheduled goodbye proved she couldn’t. “Not at this exact moment, but things could change,” she laughed a little but it didn’t last as tensions rose with his words. Resting her head back against his chest, Alex let her eyes close as he spoke at first just taking in the rise and fall of his chest, the sound of his voice so gentle in her ear. Then they stayed close as more of a tactic to stop the tears that warning her of their arrival as she felt the pressure in her head. The sentiments he spoke of offset an ache in her chest for she felt the same way. No response came from her at first and she didn’t know if it was because she didn’t know what to say or that she needed a moment to find the ability to speak as her throat felt strained. “You were always waiting for more and I was always looking for less,” she finally spoke up doing everything she could to not let her voice waiver as the sadness settled all over her, like a weight being tied on every limb. “Maybe neither of us took the time to appreciate what was.” Her hand found his in the water, fingers tracing over it in such a delicate manner. “I didn’t let us,” she admitted the words quiet but heavy, eyes opening but staying forward. He could say whatever he wanted to that but they both knew that was the truth. “I’m sorry,” the apology could barely be heard as she swallowed hard. 

[brennan-round2]

unbreakable heaven....again

[burningbridges-writes]

brennan-round2‌:

Brennan knew the answer that was coming, but he still found himself laughing at her words, shaking his head. “And the worst part is it most likely won’t make you touch yourself in public. See we both have our strengths and out weaknesses,” he shrugged. If he let himself think about it, this would frustrate him. How nice this felt. How easily they were themselves. Nothing but. And yet meshing seamlessly and for some reason he couldn’t begin to understand this was all about to be stripped from them both. So he didn’t let his mind go there, not for long anyways. He focused on her. “It’s not as fun if I just let it happen, you’re supposed to take control. I’m a feminist, I was giving you room to take me over and you didn’t,” he shrugged off again and shook his head at her. “Hey Alex, can I ask how many times you’ve envisioned murdering me?” He asked as if it were a throwaway question, just something he’d been wondering about. The hot water was just the jolt to his system he needed, and her sinking down into him was the added calmness he craved. His head rested on her shoulder, burying into the crook of her neck as his arms wrapped around her. “Am I allowed to say some corny things,” he found himself mumbling out, a soft kiss to her shoulder blade following his words.

That laugh. She wanted to listen to it all night. “Whose to say that I need a man to make that happen?” Alex eyed him. She’d miss those playful moments just as much as the rest. She loved pushing him sexual. Loved that there had been things he had done with only her. In some ways, and though she knew that this wasn’t needed from his point of view, but she felt like she needed the sex to make up for things. That pleasing him enough made up for the things she lacked with him. That she could kiss him for the smiles that she didn’t cause. That she could make his body feel good and bring excitement to him for all the ways she was never simple. Sex became an expression to want to make him happy in a way she never cared to with anyone else. It had always been just a selfish act. “Bullshit,” she called him out. “You love having your way with me,” she dug into his side a bit find amusement in his next question. “Gosh, you think I’ve kept track? Multiple times.” She kept a serious tone to hold on to the little act. Between the warmth of the water and his body against her, her body was completely relaxed. The only uneasiness to be had was the flutter she felt at his words, not sure if she wanted to hear them. “I don’t know,” she answered back quietly, head resting gently to the side against his. “I guess.”

[brennan-round2]

unbreakable heaven....again

[burningbridges-writes]

brennan-round2‌:

“Depends on what brand you get. You see those videos of the robots nowadays? Sure they can make you like a ‘boyfriend noise machine,’” Brennan mused and thought through the details a second too long in his head. If it were just a normal day he’d go on, explaining all the details he was making up in his head and how it’d be a million dollar idea and Alex would roll her eyes and tune him out or just plain call him an idiot. And he would love it. He would love the simplicity. He would live to try and catch a little smirk from her. But today was different, he couldn’t waste time bothering her like that. Time was too precious. He gave way to her ‘force,’ gladly laying back on the bed, eyes roaming up, but finding her’s to rest on with a comfortable smile toying up the corners of his lips right into the kiss. Something of a deep whine left him through his smile when she pulled away. “Oh come on, I was just getting into that,” he teased, but took her hand and got up as she asked. “You just wanna drown me to make this easier– oh,” he cut himself off, giving her a questioning look, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to walk close with her toward the bathroom. “Are you going to ask me to eat you out in the bath then just hold me down there? Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t hate going out like that. Always wanna die doing something you love, right?” He went on, taking it on himself to start the water.

The word boyfriend set off a slight pang in her chest. She had never called him that. Refused to let him be it, but she knew in those six months of just them he had been that. “Maybe, and you know what the greatest thing is about it?” She took a pause, giving him a knowing look. “You can shut it off and shut it up whenever you want.” She loved how even the short walk to the bathroom contact was kept. The warmth of his body as she walked with no clothes, being a comfort. “If you liked it should have let me be in charge more often,” she looked back him. In the bathroom, she let out a breathy laugh at his comment, surveying the bottles provided. She chose the body wash to act as a bubble bath if only to give the water a calming scent. “You know,” she turned to him, bottle in hand. “Out of all the times I have imagined being responsible for your death that was never a scenario. Damn. Should have asked for your input sooner. Never knew I could get even more out of your death,” she smirked before moving over to pour some of the contents of the small bottle into the tub that was filling up. The bath had really been an excuse to stay awake. To make another memory with him and she waited for him to get in before she carefully settled in between his legs, laying her back against his chest with ease.

[burningbridges-writes]

wes-maddox‌:

“You including yourself in that?” Wes asked with a flicker of his brow upward. There was so many contradicting emotions in seeing her smile. Her mere presence, it was impossible not to elicit a response and he could feel his heart beating in his chest just by being next to her. It didn’t seem fair how beautiful she was. It didn’t seem fair the way everything about her made the memories of years together rush back to the forefront of his mind. Maybe the scenery added to it, morning, days, nights spent right here together making the change in their relationship seem almost unnatural to him in the moment. His heart sank at her words. How was he supposed to deal with this on a regular basis? “Oh,” he found himself nodding, a loss for words at the news leading to a pause. “Didn’t really expect you to move back after– you just seemed so established there,” he shrugged, keeping his expression straight, or trying to. “Welcome back though.”

“Of course not.” Dakota looked at him with some absurd expression though her eyes shined as if still smiling. “I have impeccable taste. Shame on you for any implication stating otherwise,” she scolded him playfully looking away only to order a cherry coke from the waitress before her attention fell back to Wes. Of course, she had played different likely reactions from him when the time came to share the news. And of course she had let herself get carried away on some of those thoughts. Little fantasies that he would be excited about it. That he’d show some indication of missing her that relief would wash over him in knowing he would see her. Instead, his response was flat. Leaving her with no emotion to question at all. The ‘oh’ and then silence rang in her ears but she tried not to let her expression falter. “I was I guess for the most part. There was just always that actual feeling of home missing from it.” A feeling that she didn’t know if was from the town itself or him. “Thank you, but that reminds me, I’m glad I ran into you.” She said as if it had totally been coincidental. “I’m having a house warming party next week. That way I make myself get unpacked and settled,” she explained with a laugh. “Nothing big. Just family friends and appetizer kind of thing. You should come.”

[parker-kerry]

001

[burningbridges-writes]

parker-kerry‌:

Parker was sat on the table placed in the center of the room. One glass, empty with a bottle of bourbon sat beside him, his own glass half full while he was half drunk sat in his hand. He hated this. Waiting around for someone he wasn’t sure was coming at all. Waiting around at all felt beneath him. But nothing with Amy had gone the way it normally went for Parker. And clearly earlier he’d taken a misstep. This, in his mind, was righting whatever wrong that was. There was a jolt of energy hearing the steps on the staircase, he sat up a little straighter, trying to hide the way his smile poked up, averting it to something of his normal sly smirk. “I was starting to think I was being stood up,” he let out, eyes stealing their look at her first before moving to the empty space beside him, a silent way of telling her to sit. “How much time do we have this time? I like to know what I’m working with.” There was such a pull to push himself off the table, to meet her halfway. He was like moth to a flame to her, even more so after he’d gotten a taste of her. But he sat in place, waiting for her to come to him.

“You almost were,” she spoke quietly but honestly. It was hardly some kind of tactic. She wasn’t playing a game with him, it was just the facts. It was her acknowledging that she shouldn’t be here with him. That them being alone like this could mean nothing good for her. She was sitting down for a match that she was already unprepared for. Everything about her experience with men was the complete opposite of how things were with Parker. While some of his comments were hardly inventive, everything about him was foreign to her. Amy was weak for him and in coming down there she declared that right to him. Taking her time, she sat down across from him. It wasn’t just specifically him that made her nervous now but just the setting as well. Feeling like she was doing something wrong in sitting there, as if she were to be in trouble if caught enjoy the amenities of the house like this. “Will what you do change in the matter of how many minutes you have?” She asked before answering, amusement warming her voice. “My break is an hour, it’s been twenty,” she offered completely unsure how this would all go.

[brennan-round2]

unbreakable heaven....again

[burningbridges-writes]

brennan-round2‌:

He almost hated how easy it felt to be like this with her. Almost hated the way he felt like her body was made to fit into his. Almost hated the way no one’s body heat had been able to warm him the way hers did. Because it was all going to be gone from him. And it was time he gave up, it was time for him to just accept that. Try as hard as he might, he couldn’t force her to be okay with any of this. “I bet you wish you could bottle that noise up,” he teased back with a too-sweet smile at her, a light chuckle escaping him. His hands roamed up her back, fingers dancing on her skin with no destination in mind. A mindless wander of the body he’d grown to know so well. “I’m not gonna deny it,” he shrugged, pulling his head back after the kiss just to get a better look at her. “But then you sit here and watch me sleep. Classic crazy girl. I should’ve seen it. Rock your world in bed, then take your skin to wear for themselves. Is that what this whole night is about? Just be honest with me. I won’t put up a fight.” His words were full of amusement, but his head just slunk down to rest on the pillow, eyes lazily moving over her features.

She did wish she could bottle up. She wished she could bottle up every snore for when she woke up feeling so alone. She wished she could bottle up every laugh that she could play over and over again on the days she’d miss him most. She wanted his sweet morning voice to hold onto, and the loud singing he did in the car. In trying to let him go, she just wanted every piece to keep. “I’ll just buy a noise machine. They don’t hog covers.” The way he looked at her just felt deeper. Every smile somehow more loving than the last. She guessed this was what it meant to cherish something. Alex never really knew that feeling before because she didn’t let things matter so much, and yet he mattered in a way she had promised herself never to let someone again. Brennan had defied everything. All her rules. All the reasons they didn’t fit. Everything that was a sure way as to why they’d never feel something for each other, he just blew past. “Damn. You caught on. Here I thought you were dumb enough I wouldn’t have to worry about that. But since you have,” Alex moved, shifting him on his back so she could straddle him, hands clasping his wrists. “Might as well get this over with,” she smiled down at him leaning down for a slow deep kiss. “Take a bath with me,” she got up not waiting for an answer. She stuck a hand out to help pull him up. “I like my victims clean.”

[brennan-round2]

unbreakable heaven....again

@burningbridges-writes

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, and he hadn’t the slightest clue what time it was when he awoke. All he knew was her eyes on him couldn’t have been more bitter sweet. He gave her a smile, because how could he not? Arm already wrapped around her waist pulled her in tighter to him as he leaned in for a kiss. It was simple, sweet, but tender. So often they spoke without words and he wondered if she could understand what he was saying with this one. That his heart was hurting at the prospect of missed moments. That even if he wasn’t sure if it were the middle of the night or morning before dawn, he could feel their time running out. That waking up to her felt like a dream, felt like everything he’d missed in the last few months, felt like everything he wanted and longed for. But the idea of this being the last time put a palpable hurt to his chest. “It’s annoying how good you look all the time,” he teased with another grin. “How long was I out?”

[burningbridges-writes]

Eyes burned with a cry for some rest, but she ignored it. Alex refused to sleep. To let herself lose a single second of him. She watched him, she studied him. If this was their last night she wanted this memory of him at peace with her to hold on to. She knew that this all didn’t make sense. She understood why he questioned it. She questioned herself. Why the heartbreak that would be coming in a couple hours would be any better now than later. Those thoughts scared her, how she was trying to convince herself out of the decision made. She was almost thankful as he stirred, causing those thoughts to fall away as he kissed her, and she slid an arm over his side. A cocky little smirk pulled at her lips with the compliment. “Long enough to make you snore,” she teased. In truth, she never minded the sound. There was something comforting about hearing the low hum when waking up in the middle of the night. “Maybe forty-five minutes,” she shrugged truthfully not knowing. It could have been ten minutes. It could have been a couple hours. She was too scared to look at a clock, her phone even left untouched since she entered the room. “Guess I’m just that good at wearing you out,’ she stole a quick kiss.

[burningbridges-writes]

wes-maddox‌:

Simple pleasures. That’s what Wes’ life had become about. Rather, had more or less always been about, but maybe he’d put more of a focus on them in recent years. It was the simplicity of it all he’d claim to love. The familiar conversation, perfectly orchestrated smiles and small talk he could rely on most days when he stopped in for a coffee and a dessert before he picked up Emily from soccer. But hearing Dakota’s voice was far from familiar anymore. It was far from his orchestrated routines and it had been a long time since just the sound of her voice was a simple pleasure that got him through a day. In fact, her voice had never been a simple pleasure. It’d gone from everything he lived for to the embodiment of pain. But most of what he felt hearing it now was surprise, which shown on his features as he turned to confirm it was her. “Cause they were out of everything else,” the simple tease came out without emotion behind it, fumbled and distracted as he brought the napkin up to the corner of his mouth. “What’s got you in town?”

“People in this town always did have poor taste.” Her smile was bright, yet nervous as she leaned her arms against the countertop. They spent so many days at this diner. Extended lunch breaks or late night dinners wrapped up together in a booth. Saturday afternoons taking his sister for a shake. How simple it all seemed then, yet she had it completely figured out. Well, at least the element that mattered most. Wes Maddox was her forever. Now she sat a seat apart from him, having no clue if she knew this man or not. Dakota knew though the way her heart ached merely at the sight of him. “As of today, I’m officially moved back.” Her words didn’t waiver as she shared the news but eyes stayed on him to see any kind of reaction. Good or bad. “Guess you could say I missed it here.” She missed him.

[parker-kerry]

001

[burningbridges-writes]

parker-kerry‌:

There was a draw for Parker to reach out and touch her again. Innocently even. It wasn’t all that common for him to have so many interactions with a girl he was interested in without a hand on her in some way. It was the small touches, that was his game. The way he drew girls in to encourage them closer. And he liked that. He liked one small touch turning into another, and another until bodies became intertwined. In fact, that was where his mind had drifted in this moment. To wrapping arms around her. To being free to kiss her again. To pushing her on a bed. To hearing what noises she’d make. If she’d giggle or if she had more fire in her than that. He was so engrossed in his own thoughts he barely even heard her, but he shook his head nonetheless once he’d processed what she said. “If you want to let’s find a way then,” he said with a shrug. When most of the staff is taking lunch meet me in the wine cellar?” He suggested, all but cancelling whatever other plans he’d had for his own day. At the moment he didn’t quite know what those were, but it was rare for him to stick around the house all day. “I’m afraid you’re too good of a kisser, I’m addicted to your lips,” he whispered, leaning into her ear with amusement laced into his words, a gentle laugh escaping when he pulled back, the smile not quick to fade.

For as quickly as it all had turned off with the way he was acting it was all back on again with the way her heart raced just at the mere suggestion of being alone again. They had been alone so many times but always in open places. Nowhere so secluded from everyone. Amy knew that the right thing to do was simply say no. To nip what was happening before it carried on to something that wasn’t so harmless. Yet the no that her brain was screaming at her never came, so she stood there like a doe in headlights because that was how she felt with his advances. He pulled back, she felt like she could finally breathe in, not realizing she was holding her breath. God, he made her nervous in a way that excited her like she never felt before. “I’ll think about it,” she left it open-ended not giving him a chance to persuade as she moved away and out of the kitchen.

Her eyes were on her watch all morning. Watching as time dwindled down to the afternoon. Some of the staff went out for break, while others ate in the back. It was a little into the break and she still was debating. She would pass the stairs to the downstairs only to come by and pass them again. She wasted twenty minutes playing the game with herself almost wishing she’d get called away for something because the truth was Amy wanted to go down there. She wanted the drink with him. She wanted the taste of his mouth. To feel his lips glide over hers again. She was hungry for him in a way she never experienced before. It was those desires that led her downstairs, while everything else begged her to stay upstairs but as she made her way to the cellar and saw him, her decision had been made. “Hey,” she tried to speak confidently but the distance she was keeping spoke otherwise.

[parker-kerry]

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Parker didn’t offer a response. He didn’t get it. He didn’t even begin to get it and he wasn’t really concerned with understanding it more, really only worried about making her less concerned about the whole thing. Which he was clearly failing at in the moment. Amy was different than girls he interacted with and while he’d known that all along, it seemed this was the first taste he was getting at just how different. It wasn’t just that she’d be slow to give in to the attraction. It was that even with the attraction, she still had her qualms. And frankly, the more time he spent around anyone the more fed up with him they became. So none of this should have been surprising, yet it was. So he let her get her words out without arguing. What was there to argue? He was entitled. He didn’t pretend otherwise. Following into the house behind her, he again caught up to stand in front of her, this time bringing his hands up to catch her arms to stop her, taking a glance around them to ensure they were alone. “I’m not trying to anything other than earnest when I tell you I can’t just forget about it,” he shook his head. It was the truth, perhaps the way his tone came across sincere was a bit of a put on, but he wasn’t lying. “Whatever you were drawn to hasn’t just disappeared because you think I’m being an ass now. So– so how about I let you get back to work. But you have a drink with me before you leave tonight.”

“I know,” she all but whispered back; it being a confession that there was no way she could forget that kiss either. “No it didn’t disappear, I just...” She cut herself off not knowing what else to say that wouldn’t just be a repeat of what she had already said. Anything else that she could add he would just dismantle with small comments. “I can’t,” she replied to his request. “Not because I don’t want to.” It was a confession that would have been smarter not to make but she went on. “I need to get back as soon as I’m done.” If he wanted more of an explanation than that, she wasn’t going to give it to him. It was the seven-year-old girl waiting at her grandma’s as to why she couldn’t stay. Amy often felt guilty enough the couple hours spent away when her daughter was home from school and she knew a drink with Parker wouldn’t be a rushed moment. Not telling him about her daughter at first had been non-intentional. Talking about her personal life was just something that she never did with employers then as time went on and the flirtations lasted longer than a passing comment the absence of the subject became purposeful. She tried to convince herself that it was just a matter of privacy as to why she made the choice but it was nothing like that. It was that if Parker gained knowledge of her being a mother there seemed to be a high chance that the flirtations would be put to a stop. She loved being a mom but with him, it felt so nice just to feel like a desired woman to someone.

[burningbridges-writes]

The Parsons’ name used to be a welcomed one, but on her last visit home, it was more like wearing the scarlet letter the way people looked at her, hushed voices saying things that she didn’t need to use much imagination to figure out what was being said. Five years had passed now and she wasn’t sure how a return would fair for her. If anyone would still care, but even if they did nothing compared to the nerves she felt in seeing him again. She hadn’t called or messaged him about being back, but she’d never admit how she went to the diner on the first day, knowing that it was a place that he loved. It was funny how she could even deceive herself as sure enough, he was there making her heart stop and then beat faster all at the same time. Swallowing her nerves, Dakota went up trying to dim her smile so it didn’t speak of the excitement to see him. “Did you get the mixed berry because you know it’s my favorite,” she nodded to the pie, sitting down at the counter but leaving a stool between them.

[parker-kerry]

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Parker’s brows tugged together. Not that he ever really concerned himself with the ins and outs of the social dynamics of the house staff, but he didn’t suspect they’d have issue with anything she did. “Then I’ll be more discreet,” he let out, in reference to everything, their interactions on a day to day, not just what he was asking of her. Of course his promise was mostly empty. He had no real intentions on changing much behavior, but perhaps it’d be in the back of his mind when others were around. There was no negative side to all of this for him, he understood that, but he failed to see really where the negative side for her came in. A few angry old women hardly constituted a problem for him. When she began walking away from him he gave her a beat. In part just to let himself blink, conjuring up a patience he didn’t normally practice. Usually it didn’t matter if Parker was in the right or wrong, he didn’t deal with these kinds of things. He’d have walked away from the situation as soon as it began if it were under any circumstances. Hands shoved into his pockets as he twisted his hips to take a few steps, almost catching up, but staying a pace behind her. “I can wait,” he let out, which left a sour taste in his mouth. It felt like the vocal version of tucking his tail between his legs. “I’m an arrogant prick though, Amy. That can’t possibly be news to you,” he tacked on. He didn’t do things to appeal to others, not generally. He acted on what he felt. “You seemed perfectly drawn to it and me a minute ago.”

“God, you really don’t get it,” there was slight frustration in her voice, but in her mind she had known he wouldn’t so why the answer bothered her she wasn’t sure. Amy could have told him more to understand. That even being discreet mistakes could be made. That this job didn’t just help her but it gave her daughter food on the table every week. An apartment to live in to call home. As much as she wanted Parker, and she did, a moment of lust risked security for her and another human life. Hand falling on the doorknob, Amy stopped turning to look at him before going inside. “What I was drawn to back there was your confidence. Not your entitlement.” She wasn’t really judging him, even if her words seemed as such. Her standards for the way Parker acted were much different than the average man in her life, which gave her an understanding of him, but she wouldn’t excuse everything either which was what had caused the shift between them. Maybe he didn’t see the differences she did in the two things she pointed out. Maybe she couldn’t explain it, but she could feel the difference in the way that he spoke to her. Yes, of course, she knew he was arrogant and she in no way had any delusions of what was shared between them because what she wanted from him was exactly what he wanted from her. Just sex. She was never pining for his attention. She just enjoyed the attraction, but she liked the glimpses of his personality that she’d see in the flirting to know that he wasn’t just what he said. “We should just forget about that,” she concluded of the kiss going inside.

[parker-kerry]

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“No, so anyone who would see would be more likely to be on your side and keep it hush than anything,” he reasoned right back to her. This felt beneath him. Like he was begging for sex. In a way he was and if he spent too long thinking about it he’d only be disgusted with himself for looking so pathetic, but it was hard to look at the bigger picture in the moment. When all he cared about was this. “You’ll be saying that name tonight too,” he spoke in a whisper, leaning in just slightly. “Over and over, but it won’t be enough. You can make yourself cum, and I’m sure you will, but you won’t be able to make yourself feel an ounce of what I make you feel. You’ll be satisfied for a second and then just be craving me again,” he let out in a breathy voice. He leaned his head back again, teeth catching his bottom lip as he looked at her. It was clear as day he wasn’t used to not getting exactly what he wanted when he wanted it, but even when he didn’t, he normally did a better job hiding it. He didn’t like people to know when he did and didn’t care about things. Spoiled, entitled, everyone saw it in him. He expected the world, but that didn’t mean he had some deep desire for all of it. Maybe he’d just gotten caught up in the moment, maybe it was just his dick driving him mad, but his desire for Amy was deep. “In my experiences, deprivation of this sort only leads to desperation.” His teeth sank further in. “I would love to see what desperate looks like on you.”

For as nervous as she had been she was starting to lose that feeling and it was replaced with more confidence at his naive answer. Amy laughed, crossing her arms. “You honestly have no idea how this place works do you? You think those people are on my side?” She gestured towards the house. “They’re not. I get looks just from the way that we talk to each other. If they even thought that you and I were... I may not be fired but they wouldn’t make it easy for me to be here.” He really didn’t get it, but why would he? He grew up having to work for nothing and now he lived having to work for nothing. He didn’t know the value of things, hell he didn’t even know the value of her time which was apparent now. Parker lived a life of privilege that she never had a taste of, and she didn’t begrudge him for it but put things in perspective of the difference between them. Even now she felt a mixture of things at his words. In part, it did exactly what he intended it to do. It aroused her and made her yearn for the things he was promising if she gave in. Yet there was more to what she felt. Putting the physical wants aside the way he talked to her left her the exact opposite. Almost turned off by it and that was the side that spoke up. “Well you are going to have to wait to see it because this isn’t what I want,” she gestured to him. “There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance. And I promise you one is less appealing than the other,” she commented before making her way towards the back door. Behind the shed he had been confident, but this little spoiled act wasn’t what had drawn her to him.

[parker-kerry]

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Parker had no real desire to sit here and argue with her. Rarely did he have the patience for real arguments. He found himself in plenty of back and forth spats, trading insult for insult was almost just as entertaining as he and Amy’s flirtatious banter. But this type of arguing was tiresome to him. And yet, he didn’t want to just give it up, so he obliged. Even if it wasn’t even what the girl wanted from him. “No one is going to see,” he began, taking a step to catch up with her, but he kept his distance to make their appearance no different than it normally was. Or what their new sense of normal was. It wouldn’t be entirely out of place to anyone to see Parker following her around the house of late. His voice was low and he tried to keep it in check, arguing without a tone or appearance of doing that. “And if they do, they’re not going to go to my parents about it. Do you think everyone on staff here hasn’t seen me doing something my parents wouldn’t approve of?” He asked and took a step forward to stand in front of her, stopping in place there, but keeping his hands to himself. “I’m going to think of you every second I’m alone, Amy. I’m going to think of that kiss and everything I wanted to follow it. I’d be hard pressed to believe you won’t be thinking the same tonight. In the shower. In your bed. In your dreams. Why deprive ourselves?”

“And did any of those things involve an employee of the house?” She questioned while already knowing the answer so she didn’t wait for it. “What you do by yourself or with your guests is your business. But I don’t get that same privilege.” Amy tried to reason with him while also reasoning with herself. Everything she said it him she was trying to convince herself to stick by. It was clear cut that kiss shouldn’t have happened, and probably the flirting before it, but at least she could come back from it. What he spoke of, what she desired she wouldn’t be able to take back. “Parker...” his name left her lips softly, trying to interrupt him from saying the truth. He was right.  She would be thinking of him the rest of the day and all night. Thoughts of pleasuring herself to him already didn’t seem like enough. Every day that she saw him now she would be thinking of the way it felt to kiss him and have his body against hers. If they weren’t so in the open now she would have been tempted to kiss him instead of answering his question. Except now they were all back windows would leave a view open so it forced her to keep to logic. “Because sometimes you have to deprive yourself from the things that you want.” It was her way of acknowledging that he was right while not succumbing.