feels

bad feels, sad feels, and everything in between

[burningflowertree]

manic depression

It feels like riding a rollercoaster.

We can't see what will come next; all we know is that feeling in our stomach tells us the ride isn't over yet.

We can't control the next curve or the next loop in the ride. We're just trying to hold on with the thin straps that are too loose and not strong enough.

We can feel like we're on top of the world one minute, and then suddenly, we're falling and screaming and wishing we could go back and everything would just stop. No one hears our wishing, though, and even if someone did, they can't stop it.

[burningflowertree]

panic

It feels like being suffocated.

The walls are closing in, and we just stand there. What else could we do? The roof is collapsing down on us, but we don't run. Where would we go?

We have to know about everything that's happening; we need at least a little control. But the universe is significant, and we are specks, so why would we matter, and how would we have control? How could we control anything?

We can't. We panic. But we don't move. We stay in place and worry about everything our minds come up with.

We try to breathe, and suddenly we forget how, or there's no air left in the room, or our lungs are so empty all the air in the world could never fill them. We still try to breathe, though.

[burningflowertree]

anxiety

It feels like being electrocuted.

Our senses are dialled to eleven, and nothing can stop the overwhelming noise that seems to be coming from everywhere.

We can't sit still, can't stop how fast our hearts are beating, can't stop how much we want to scream without drawing attention to ourselves.

It's a never-ending rant in our minds about nonsensical things, yet we still listen.

We still believe that little voice telling us everything wrong with us, telling us about how much everyone must hate us, telling us about what we're doing wrong, how loud we're being, how stupid we sound, how-

[burningflowertree]

depression

It feels like drowning.

Everything is fuzzy, noise is muffled, and the only thing that can be heard loud and clear is the voice in your head. And that voice? It's like a line of people passing buckets of water to an overflowing pool. Never-ending.

People say it's all in our head, that we're just stressed and imagining it. As if we don't already know, it's just in our minds. As if we have control over what our brains think and how we feel. We can't stop it, no matter how much we want to. Because we’re drowning, and we never learned how to swim.