letters of my twenties (& thirties probably) @butimamermaid - Tumblr Blog

the hottest summer expected since 1870 and a third trimester feels like karma lmao

it’s just nice to start a strategy conversation already on the same page about imperialism.

he always said he was here to uplift and support my vision, because his was to be a dad. But we’ve been young and naive to think he didn’t have his own kuleana too. One that’s uniquely his in this movement, that I can never touch. his path to walk alone, that none of us chose, that was given. I’m so in love with him

“Protection is not a single act,” she said. “It occurs over time and is driven by people and communities who care, who name places and maintain intergenerational relationships with them.”

On hope: "Lots of people talk about hope as if it will enable solutions and without it, we are doomed. But I don’t think about hope that way. Hope helps me get up in the morning and fight another day but hope alone is not enough. If we merely use hope to distract us while we wait for someone to deliver solutions, then we—and that hope—are part of the problem."

I flew to baja to swim with whales just to get a once in a lifetime experience in my backyard

stop leaving, this has everything you need

trump opened the largest marine protected area in the northern hemisphere last week, and I got to hear from the woman who established it what it means. I figured that was enough, to see her on stage, after being too scared to talk to her nearly every other time I've seen her. but to meet her niece, to be on the same flight home, to talk story at the gate, to have her tell me my baby will be the fifth generation fighting for this place. to have her start thinking out loud about strategy, about peaceful sit-ins at the longline offices and ukulele protests, and how we have to do the unexpected move because this isn't about America its about kuleana. she says "I'm only home for three days this week, but now that they are older, my boys understand. my mission wasn't always just them."

she's in her sixties, with her mind moving that fast, still, for our ocean. she was or is the boss of the two most influential professionals in my career. she is a force.

I am exactly where im supposed to be

life isn’t stopping - I crossed off an ocean bucket list this weekend swimming with sperm whales. And they echolocated my womb in the water with me…

the vibe my entire pregnancy from the world is that being vocal about the reality of what women go through for this is being interpreted as complaints. then Alex Cooper comes on and says the exact same thing - if we women can do this while working we need to be running the fucking country.

it is all concurrent. The opportunities are still coming, we’re just booking them for March. there is nothing to fear. if I need a break, it will be my first trip away from her. if I don’t, she will come and meet our loved ones. motherhood is not mutually exclusive to your impact. Not in this lifetime. Thanks to the women before me that fought for this autonomy.

I remember making cookies for the bake sale on the UA mall every few months to fundraise for the club I was running. it was always so stressful at the height of my eating shit, but it was how we fundraised for a species with only 250 left at the time. now there are 7, functionally extinct. back then, I used to think we just needed to stop the fishermen and raise awareness. I didn’t have the perspective to understand ocean justice, capitalism, the drivers of the illegal wildlife trade, the shared humanity in people just trying to make a living. so much has changed, so much is the same.

my nursery isnʻt the perfect Pinterest aesthetic, but it is exactly the one ive always wanted. a piece of from Marianas island artist given to us in DC as a gift for protecting his island against deep sea mining. a shell shelf full of shells given by uncle kawai that he found across the island, to be replaced with shells we forage together from beaches across the world. a garland we made during baby date nights. a dream catcher Elizabeth made from a root in my backyard, ti leaves, and foraged native plants, dried out forever. a framed cartoon of Taylors Cornelia street apartment. a night light of an endangered species. a changing table handed down from one of my oldest friends who is also our neighbor. it was his daughters too. a bunny stuff animal from my best friends mom. a sculpture of a mother and baby humpback whale. a poster of two penguins holding hands that we got in South Africa. none of it matches, its just colors. none of it is made from plastic, it canʻt be found on amazon. everything made up of the things we love from the people we love.

why would we buy size category cards for her clothes when I can water color them? why do we need black and white plastic contrast cards when we can paint them?

someone tells me over the weekend about how hatch alarms bring light into your room like its the sun and play bird noises. and I realize I am rich. the sun comes through my window every morning and wakes me up as the birds start their day on my tree outside.

I am 32 and I am where I have always wanted to be, but never knew how iʻd arrive there. my husband and his friends bring home fresh fish. the island doesnʻt sell wood, so we share it from the tree we took down in bells yard. its already supported a dozen fire nights spent laughing and staying up way too late. iʻm told to eat animal protein just for the third trimester, and ask around for invasive venison, I find four different hunters willing to share. barter, trade, community resilience is about relationships more than anything else. my pregnant friend wants to host a family event in our town for young kids to connect to ocean conservation, it comes together in 2 meetings, and books out in 12 hours. my best friend sends us the only silly thing we wanted from our registry. I launch a course I always thought was important, we get way too many applicants, then I find out we received funding for 3 more of them. three months of research and iʻm now radicalized for birth sovereignty, because of course I am, and of course this system needs vast reform too, just like the others. every change maker I know is just working on a different system. I go to book club and it's the best part of my week. my physical therapist has dedicated her life to helping pregnant and postpartum women, and iʻm learning so much. we go to the water, and my pregnancy makes me see so many more details in a tidepool than iʻd have ever seen if I was more able/mobile/able to dive.

maybe we can have everything we want. if we are brave enough to ask.

amalia. the woman who showed me, and the world, what unconditional love is. my daughter will be named after her

working with men is like torture

thereʻs nothing to be afraid of. Iʻve been rileys mom for eleven years.

not another pandemic. no no no no no no

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letters of my twenties (& thirties probably)