[stars-pdf]

i wasn't meant to live this long and that's why i don't know what to do when i feel this awful

[cucurb]

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

[butterfly-melt]

i understand it was hard for them to top this masterpiece with this years birthday art but im still dissapointed

[flyingpurplepeopleprogrammer]

[butterfly-melt]

wow. really

[butterfly-melt]

like what am i supposed to do. im in counseling but what am i supposed to do with that. no one will believe me or take me seriously if i talk about it because its "just a show" hell i cant even mention wanting to die around a medical professional. its so useless but if i dont go ill be stuck inside with my family forever and that might just kill me faster. im tired. im tired of whining about it all the time but what am i supposed to do. just ignore everything? is that really better? even other fictives we know dont. like. get it. i dont hold it against anyone for experiencing it differently (frankly im happy for them this sucks) but its just so isolating even other fictives just dont. like. it doesnt even occur to most people that it could ever be this bad. i cant ever really talk about it im still holding so much back. i really mean it when i say things are just the same.

[butterfly-melt]

wait this wasnt meant as like a vague i meant people in the tags. i dont know all of your individual relationships with your source and do not presume to

[butterfly-melt]

like what am i supposed to do. im in counseling but what am i supposed to do with that. no one will believe me or take me seriously if i talk about it because its "just a show" hell i cant even mention wanting to die around a medical professional. its so useless but if i dont go ill be stuck inside with my family forever and that might just kill me faster. im tired. im tired of whining about it all the time but what am i supposed to do. just ignore everything? is that really better? even other fictives we know dont. like. get it. i dont hold it against anyone for experiencing it differently (frankly im happy for them this sucks) but its just so isolating even other fictives just dont. like. it doesnt even occur to most people that it could ever be this bad. i cant ever really talk about it im still holding so much back. i really mean it when i say things are just the same.

[butterfly-melt]

whooo. ahem. aaaaaaaa. okay. ill get off ivans blog now sorryyyy

[butterfly-melt]

i lied

[butterfly-melt]

i guess this is why i hate source separation being seen as the only option. like changing who i am wont fix the actual problems going through all that caused. ill just be more lost than i was before. i dont say it wouldnt help because we dont need the help. if it worked id do it in a heartbeat honestly. if there were really this one simple trick to not having to be this way anymore id do it. it just doesnt work like that.

[butterfly-melt]

whooo. ahem. aaaaaaaa. okay. ill get off ivans blog now sorryyyy

[butterfly-melt]

the worst part of all this is that none of us got better none of us know how to handle any relationships or the world we're in now but none of what came before is "real" so it doesnt matter so we'll never get help for it. i cant fix everything on my own but i cant even tell people about these problems.

[butterfly-melt]

like im so tired. sure i want to get better i want some kind of help how can you possibly expect us to overcome this on our own. but there just is no help. source trauma isnt "real" so the best youll ever get is someone poking around to find where its analogous to "real" trauma. at this point i dont care if its real i dont care if it really happened i just want it to stop being like this. im a terrible person and no one says anything anymore because not a single one of us has any room to talk. we're all perfect for each other in that we're just as bad as each other. im not joking and im not exaggerating, all that changed was now we need to stumble into getting better on our own, instead of just waiting to die. i guess we're all still just waiting to die. all still grieving. the others have tried to help too but it never amounts to anything because what more can they do that we cant? we're trying our best to be good and to do this right and to live but how, after everything, are we expected to just move on like it never happened?

[butterfly-melt]

the worst part of all this is that none of us got better none of us know how to handle any relationships or the world we're in now but none of what came before is "real" so it doesnt matter so we'll never get help for it. i cant fix everything on my own but i cant even tell people about these problems.

[butterfly-melt]

till blushing moodboard

[butterfly-melt]

blowing everyone up with my mind. unlearn pluralphobia now

[butterfly-melt]

"too many people i know have said they have did they cant all have it some of them must be faking" i am so tired i am sooooo tired like wow these systems trusted you and this is what you have to say to them.

[butterfly-melt]

its so frustrating. like they say "oh we're protecting real systems the people we're calling out are fakers so they deserve it because theyre the one hurting mentally ill people not us" but then they like, ignore every experience that doesnt line up with their view of how did should look (even if the person(s) literally isnt(/arent) claiming to have did) and talk about how you must follow the science and the medical papers and the experts but they dont even actually read those and when they do they just twist them to say what they want. doesnt it just bother you

[butterfly-melt]

one thing that always gets me about fakeclaimers is that they just make shit up. like its not (exclusively) that they take medical texts at complete face value and treat them as infallible and more important than anyones experiences while simultaneously warping them to fit their own viewpoints, but they also just fully make shit up in ways that prove they havent even read the dsm-5. still not over "you cant get headaches from switches" like ok so you havent even read the dsm-5. you havent even read the damn thing. you think doctors are infallible and you havent even read their big fancy book on how to diagnose this disorder youre claiming to be an expert on.

[butterfly-melt]

i mean its RIGHT THERE. you can google dsm five pdf and ctrl f dissociative identity disorder read a couple pages and there it is. the dsm isnt some infallible perfect bible of disorders and considering not all plurality even is a diagnosible disorder or a disorder at all, it definitely isnt the end-all be-all of plurality. but like, they dont know or care. i mean im sure some do. but nobody even like, questioned this. like it goes against the dsm-5. wouldnt you think these people who are obsessed with taking those sorts of things at face value would be all over such an obvious error. yet. no. because it doesnt matter as long as its in service to hurting more plurals