“It wasn’t your fault, Beth.”
She left her. She LEFT her. She’s to blame.
His hands were restless; rubbing and twirling on and around each other, fingers pinching random patches of skin whenever he managed to keep them still. Those first days after his sister’s disappearance were the hardest. He didn’t feel like his medication was helping him anymore. Talking to his psychiatrist didn’t work either. The man infuriated him with his fake sympathy. He didn’t care for what Josh was going trough. He sure as hell didn’t understand what any of this even felt like. Not to mention the nightmares. And then there was the silence in a house that was never meant to be so quiet. The world had seemed like it was against him.
When Beth came back to them he hoped things would get better. That he would get better.
It didn’t.
Josh wanted so much to be there for her, knowing better than anyone who was close to either of them what it was like to deal with the shit she now had to deal with. All that fear and anxiety had been half his life. It wasn’t the same,Thank whatever God was out there for that, but no one else here was any closer to understanding. He was her older brother, meant to protect her. Who had already fucked up on looking after her once before. A mistake he could not repeat again. So he sat next to her when she looked like she could handle holding a conversation, pushing away his own feelings in order to try and help her through this.
“I don’t blame you for what happened.” I should have saved them. I should have helped.
“No one does.” I blame you. I blame you. I blame you.
“Why don’t I believe that?”
It’s always your fault. No one was there that night. You’re to blame.
Her gaze was trained out the window, she was sat upon the window seat of
her bedroom. She hadn’t expected her brother to even come out of his room
on such a notice but yet, here he was. Her chocolate haze watch the clouds
in the sky, shifting shape to shape. Moving slowly and lazily across it’s blue
background and in that moment, she longed to be a cloud. To be free of the
guilt that had found solace inside of her. That had decided her mind would be
it’s new home. Josh hadn’t been the same. She hadn’t been the same. No
more fun loving, sports enthusiast Beth Washington covering everyone’s social
media pages during sports season. No more Beth Washington gushing over
her love for horror movies and for the season of Fall. It was as if the
excitement had been drained from the house that was once so vibrant and
filled with color from the siblings that had once brought so much joy and
happiness to their family.
When she came back things had changed. Josh had become different.
There was no one that she thought she could trust. Not in this world. Not
anymore. The police didn’t believe her story. The rescue crew didn’t believe
her story. What made her think that the friends who left them would? That the
brother that was meant to protect them would? She was told that time would
heal everything she was feeling, yet she was still waiting. The nightmares
never left her. Each time she closed her eyes she could still hear the growling.
She could still see the beasts that chased her and she wonders, even now
if Hannah was still out there, wondering through those woods, surviving. A
sigh escapes her as she feels the small shift of weight upon the padded bench,
pulled her legs upwards, arms wrapping around knees as she finally breaks
her gaze from the sky to rest upon her brother. The only person she has
found herself trusting once again.
“You might be the only one that doesn’t. “ Mom and dad do. Our friends do.
“What if I blame myself?” You didn’t come for us. You didn’t save us.
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