listening to Ariana Grande's new single on loop and ughh oh my goodness. last night i had a convo with my hb that ive been liking for about a month now. the first week or two i thought the feelings were mutual but omg i think i was wrong. he would send me videos of character couples, even said to one couple "i could be ___ and you could be ___" like okay thats?? not friendly?? But anywho i asked him to prom and we went to prom together and i had so much fun with him and he said he had sm fun with me too. we even held hands because he offered to help me walk because my heels were being so stubborn. He's genuinely so sweet and gentle ugh. Anywho after prom he sent me paragraphs and so many texts, we stayed up until 3am talking with each other.. i just found it to be a little romantic. after prom night he sent me a video saying how he loved me so much plaonically. that video hit me like a freaking bus and i was kinda messd up for a whole afternoon lol, but thats when i finally accepted that he in fact doesn't have any romantic feelings for me. that happened about a week ago. But yeah, were friends because we call eachother hb and hg so were platonic. And thats completley okay, i just really appriciate his company but i just got mixed signals from the whole situation. but anyway last night, he started texting me about this girl he likes. i had figured he liked another girl because in his reposts he would post about a girl that had beautiful _____ eyes and whatnot. these texts were ss and he was asking me my opinion on the situation. at this point i got over my crush on him, well i thought i did. that was until he was telling me himself about her. talking about how the color of her eyes were beautiful and perfect for her face, pairing well with the undertones of her skin and just how pretty she is to him. then he said that he shouldnt go into detail because he felt bad. why would you feel bad about telling me? because you know i like you? because you know that you would text me like you liked me back? im not a mess over this but i need an outlet. because the way you describe her beauty to me in such a tender way, i can feel the love you have for her seeping through the screen. i didnt even mind that part, but its the fact that you know that i like you, i just cant prove it. i even asked him "how come you feel bad telling me?" and he said its ust a "gut feeling" so you definetley know. now im wondering if i was even an option in the first place? theres no way weve been hanging out and ive been misreading all of it? like not the hangouts themselves but the little moments where we'd talk gently with eachother, the way we'd hold eye contact, or am i nuts? anyway, i had to get this off my chest. im not upset im just wondering if i was even a romantic thouht in his head during any of this.But it's okay if i wasn't, im just curious. I love these moments of us getting closer and hanging out. i just hope he knows i love him as a friend first before me liking him as a crush. okay buh bye thank u for reading cutie, bless up!!