Writers Write is a writing resource and we have created a series on punctuation for beginners. In today’s post, we answer the question: What is punctuation?
Last year we featured a popular series for beginner writers: All About Parts Of Speech. This year, we’re starting a series called ‘Punctuation For Beginners’.
I am starting with:
What Is Punctuation?
“Punctuation marks are the traffic signals of language: they tell us to slow down, notice this, take a detour, and stop.” ~Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
Punctuation is the name for the marks we use in writing. Punctuation marks are tools that have set functions. We use them to structure and organise our words, and to give sentences meaning and rhythm.
Punctuation marks help readers to understand what the writer is trying to say.
Without proper punctuation, serious sentences become jokes, misunderstandings flourish, and confusion reigns. For example, ‘Let’s eat, children!’ is very different to ‘Let’s eat children.’
Hogwarts was where Remus had spent the best years of his life and it was on these grounds that he would take his last breath.
The fight had been going on for far too long and Remus knew it, he needed to move on, needed to help the others. As he started to push harder he didn't see the green spell beginning to break through his shield, the web-like cracks creeping towards the edges, and then his eyes grew wide as it shattered. For the briefest of instances, he met the gaze of the man he now knew to be his killer, and Dolohov was laughing as he reveled in his triumph.
Time seemed to slow as the spell hit his chest, taking his breath away and making him fly backward. ‘Why now?’ He thought as he turned his gaze skyward. After so many years of pain and inescapable torture, why did he have to die now? Just as he was finally learning to be happy again, finally moving on...
His mind flitted back to that night just before his 5th birthday, the one that would change the course of his life. Since that day the wolf had been hiding in the darkest shadows of his mind, just on the edge of his consciousness as it spewed pure hatred. There were so many times in the past when he would have done anything to rid himself of that monster and now it was finally gone, but at what cost.
He heard his wife scream and a tear rolled down his cheek as he came back to the present. His body was going numb, he couldn’t get to her, couldn’t protect her. It was too late now, he had only one job as a husband and he had failed.
As his vision began to fade he thought of his wife, his friends, his parents. Everyone who had ever been there for him was dead and now he would join them too but despite everything he had been through he wasn't ready to die.
The last thing that went through his mind was the image of a newborn boy, his son, a child who would grow up never knowing his parents. He only hoped that his name, his legacy, his life, would live on through those who survive so that they can one day be passed down to his son.
With thoughts of his family in his mind, the world around him disappeared as he hit the ground, and for the first time in any living person's memory, he seemed to be truly at peace.
The wolf usually hides himself in the back of Remus’ mind but what happens when the teen falls asleep and can no longer protect himself against the torturous thoughts.
It was the morning after a particularly difficult transformation and Remus lay on the couch with his head in Adrians lap, his eyes were closed as he pushed his face into the others stomach.
He was nearly a foot taller than the kid and at least twice as broad but it was at times like this when he felt vulnerable, like any little thing could destroy him but Adrian made him feel safe. Everything hurt, not just where he had scratched or bit himself but also his joints, muscles, and even his bones. The first day after the full moon was always the worst.
Today seemed even worse than usual though and he just wanted to stay still, his tears soaking through Adrians shirt as he thought of how glad he was to have the other their.
Despite the pain he relaxed as Adrian stroked his hair, the boys fingers seemingly magical as they managed to numb his pain, even if it was only a little.
He still didn’t move but at least the flow of tears had calmed as he was covered with a blanket. He relaxed further at that action, knowing that Adrian expected to be there a while.
Remus wasn’t sure how long it had taken but he soon found himself fast asleep, his mind filled with pleasant dreams for once as Adrians scent filled his nose. He dreamt of what they would be doing that summer and imagined picnics or trips to the beach, his face was finally peaceful but that didn’t last as it started to contort and he clung to Adrian.
His dreams were transformed into the usual nightmares as the teens mind remembered his fears and anxieties, they were so deeply ingrained into his psyche that even in sleep he could not escape them.
It started with Adrian gradually losing interest in him, starting to hang out less and not even wanting to touch him anymore. The nightmare grew until it forced Remus to watch Adrian leave him, leave for someone stronger and better looking. He tried calling out to him but his voice was drowned out by another, a voice that was deeper than his own yet it was old and familiar. At first it seemed like it was just in his head but then the voice grew until it seemed to fill all the space around him. He fell to his knees and covered his ears as he shut his eyes tight but it was to no avail, the voice seemed to penetrate right through him.
“Who would ever want to be with someone like you.” The voice growled. Wait, why would it growl? He moved his hands and opened his eyes as they grew wide, standing before him was a large grey wolf. He had never seen it before but knew who it was and why he had recognized the voice, it was the one he had been hearing in the back of his mind for the last 13 years, every month he fought it for control of his body and every month he lost.
He watched as the wolf walked around him as though it was stalking his prey. “W-what do you want with me?” He yelled at it. “Haven’t you tortured me enough?”
“I have been with you since you were a child and even when you’re in control I’m still there, laying dormant as I wait until you’re at you’re weakest. I’ve seen into your soul and read every thought, you’re broken and damaged, no one would want to go through the trouble of putting you back together, not that you could ever be whole again while I am there.” He sat down and Remus heard steps coming from behind him.
Sirius stood there and Remus started to relax until he heard him speak. “You’re a monster.” He practically spat the words at him as though they were something that he had been longing to say for years. “The only reason we were ever friends is because we pitied you.”
He heard another noise and turned to see James. “You’re a danger to everyone around you, even if you’re locked up are we ever really safe?”
He started to sink back onto his knees at the words, tears forming in his eyes as more people appeared around him.
“Someone like you could never have a future in this world, why do you even try?” Lily said as she stood next to James.
“N-No… No, you’re not real, you’re just in my head.” He sobbed, though he couldn’t help but believing them as he covered his ears once more.
“You’re nothing but trouble to everyone around you, you always have been.” He forced himself to look up and saw his father standing there, his mother off to one side.
“I wish we had given you up when you got bit, you ruined our lives, we could have done so much if we hadn’t had you for a son.” The usual kindness was not present in her eyes as she spoke.
Remus doubled over as his frame shook with every sob, more people came and the voices got louder as they all spoke at once, everyone who had ever been kind to him from the neighbor that had gardened with him to the headmaster who had sacrificed everything to teach him.
After what seemed like an eternity the crowd grew quiet and parted to let someone through. His eyes were still misty from the tears but he could make out Adrians frame as the boy stood in front of him.
“I wish we had never met.” He said as he held the hand of a handsome yet faceless man. “You should just die.”
That was when he woke with a start and sat up quickly, his heart beating wildly as he looked around to make sure he was back in the room of requirement. He initially jumped at Adrians gentle touch but soon started to relax as the male stroked his back., his hand searched frantically for the males free one and squeezed it as he just sat there.
He didn’t hear what had been said as his the sound of his heart was deafening but the forehead against his back calmed him and the constant touches were reassuring.
He eventually just leaned against Adrian, completely exhausted despite the nap. He knew that what he herd hadn’t been true but he couldn’t seem to shake the words from his mind. What if everyone secretly thought those things?
Remus turned back towards his boyfriend and curled up as he buried his face in his neck, relaxing as the slender arms wrapped around him. “I-I love you.” He whispered as he gripped the males shirt, needing reassurance.
“I love you too.” Came the reply that eventually lulled him into a dreamless sleep.
The relationship is still new to the werewolf, never having thought that anyone could possibly want him, but now he is forced to change that mindset as he slowly allows himself to fall in love.
Remus held his head in his hands, fingers gripping the graying hair as he tried to sort out his thoughts. He had never been in a relationship, never been in love, he had spent so long trying to keep people out that he was having a hard time letting her in... He was still quite young but the life style he had been forced into living had taken it’s toll, both on his body and mind.
For most of his life he had been beaten down by those who didn’t even try to know him, people just made assumptions based on his condition and his scars. On top of this the werewolf had been alone for so long that he wasn’t sure if he still how to love or trust, not that anyone could ever love him back.
He thought this even as she showered in the next room. Though they now lived and slept together he still couldn’t bring himself to change in front of her, scared to reveal how bad his scars actually were. He didn’t hear her enter the room or even look up when she sat on the bed.
“Is the cycle starting?” She asked gently as she moved some hair from his face and Remus nodded, it wasn’t exactly a lie but mostly he didn’t want to have to talk. Tonks frowned and wrapped her arms around the male and pulled him close.
Remus let himself be held as he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her arms around him as he felt her heartbeat. She always seemed to know how to make him feel better, even when he was trying to keep his distance.
Remus wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep or how long he had been out for but the next thing he remembered was waking up with his head in her lap, her fingers running through his hair as she hummed softly.
Tonks noticed that he was awake and smiled down at him. “Feeling any better?” She asked as she cupped his cheek, receiving a small nod in response.
Remus finally smiled as she pressed a kiss to his forehead and stroked his chest. She had never pushed him to do anything he wasn’t ready for and that was probably what he loved about her the most. He felt her fingers tracing a scar on his neck and reached up to place her hand over his.
“I’m sorry.” She said as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders before kissing his cheek. “I just like the way they look on you.” She told him.
Remus closed his eyes briefly as he took a minute to think, it’s not like the scars were painful, most came from when he had been a child and was locked in a room during the transformations, then why did he hate them being touched? “I-It’s fine.” He said with a small smile.” You didn’t do anything wrong.” He told her, not having noticed the tears that had started to fall.
She leaned down to kiss him.” Are you sure?” She asked in a soft whisper as she wiped away the tears. He nodded and placed his hand over hers again, leaning into the touch this time.
Although she often wished that he trusted her more she also understood why he couldn’t. Years of isolation, pain, and rejection had stolen so much from this man. Though she could do nothing to give him back what he had lost she was determined to at the very least make him happy.
Tonks laid down with him, holding the werewolf close as she stroked his hair. She had hoped that things might have progressed further by now but she didn’t want to bring it up, not wanting him to think that he had to do anything, especially when he wasn’t feeling well. She pulled the covers up when he shivered and nuzzled his cheek reassuringly. “Just rest for now.” She whispered to him, having become his carer even after such a short time. She often had to force him to eat or sleep but it didn’t bother her as long as he was able to recover after having neglected his own health for so long.
-
The full moon was a few days later and Tonks hugged his arm as they approached the forest where he hid during his transformations. “You didn’t have to come.” He told her though he was secretly glad for the company.
Tonks stopped him and turned to face the male before reaching up to cup his cheek. “You’re not alone anymore.” she said softly as she stood on her toes to hiss him. “You don’t have to do everything on your own.”
He smiled and returned the kiss before hugging her. “Thank you.” He said as he watched the sky. “You should head back now though.” He said as he kissed her forehead. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
She closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss before nodding. “I love you.” She told him as she disaparated. Tonks sat in a chair by the window all night, she had never been able to sleep when she knew he would be suffering.
Just before sunrise she heard the familiar loud crack of someone aparating and rushed outside to meet him, quickening her pace to a run when she saw him collapsed on the ground. “Are you okay?” Tonks asked worriedly as she carefully rolled him onto his back and held his head in her lap, taking in his condition as she gently brushed the sweat soaked hair from his face.
He looked up at her and smiled weakly as he gave a slow nod. “Y-yeah.” He breathed wearily. “It’s just difficult to aparate after the full moon, that’s all.” He told her.
Tonks smiled softly and kissed his forehead. “Next time I’m coming to get you, no arguments.” She told him as she stroked his hair and held him, letting him regain some strength before standing. “C’mon, lets get you inside and cleaned up.” She said as she offered him her hands.
Remus looked up at her and took her hands and pulled himself up before walking towards the house, stumbling slightly from the pain and exhaustion. He felt her slender arm wrap around his waist and looked over to the girl before smiling wearily. “You’ll get blood on you.” He told her, though made no effort to pull away.
“Blood washes off.” She said as she helped him. Once inside she ran a bath for him and got out the first aid kit before leaving as he started to undress.
“C-can you stay?” He asked as he pulled off his shirt to reveal the fresh gashes from a fight he had had with an another animal. Nervously twisting the shirt in his hands he avoided looking at her as he waited for a response.
Tonks turned back to face him before smiling gently. “Of course, my love.” She said as she placed a kiss against one of the older scars. “This doesn’t change who you are, nothing ever will.” She said before looking up to him, frowning as she noticed the tears leaking from his eyes.
She reached up to dry the tears and realized for the first time just how deep his fears must run. “Lets get you cleaned up before the water gets cold, then you can rest.”
He nodded and finished undressing before getting into the tub with her support. He started to clean the blood and dirt away but Tonks took the cloth from him and kissed his cheek before gently washing him. After he was dried off she had him sit on the edge of the tub and used dittany on his fresh wounds.
“You should have saved that for something more serious.” Remus said softly as he watched her. “I’ll be fine, my wounds will heal.”
“Nonsense.” She said softly before kissing him. “I know you’re already sore from the transformation, I don’t want you to be in any more pain.”
Remus smiled as he returned the kiss and let her finish. Although he had always been very independent the werewolf did enjoy having someone to take care of him during these times. The condition had always caused him a great amount of pain but it got a lot worse as he aged and was now to the point where the pain didn’t leave him completely, though the dull ache was something he had gotten used to.
Once she had finished Tonks smiled slightly and stroked his cheek. “Let’s go lay down, I’ll clean up in a bit.” She said before kissing her boyfriend and helping him up.
Remus wasn’t exactly sure how it had happened but before he could make it to his closet to get changed he was laying on the bed with her and she was naked as well. It started out simple with them just kissing and caressing each others bodies as though trying to memorize them. As he got more comfortable being like this he relaxed and just let his instincts take over.
While they made love he didn’t feel the pain or exhaustion that usually consumed him so soon after the full moon but once they finished it slowly crept up again as he lay be her side.
Tonks noticed the pained expression as he closed his eyes and grabbed him a joint from the bedside table. “You just relax.” She said as she kissed his cheek and handed it to him. “I’m going to clean up and take a quick shower.” She told him before getting up.
Remus nodded and watched her leave before conjuring a flame to light the joint, sighing as he relaxed against his pillows. He didn’t smoke too often but found that it took the edge off the pain in the early hours and helped him sleep more soundly.
He held a hand behind his head as he stared at the ceiling, deep in thought. Maybe it’s about time he shows some commitment, they had only been together a few weeks but she had stayed by him during his worst hours. She didn’t seem to care that he was poor or old or broken, none of it mattered to her but something about this still made him nervous.
Once again Remus was so deep in thought that again he hadn’t heard her returning several minutes later but this time he looked over as he felt the bed dip down slightly.
Tonks laid down and opened her arms for him, knowing how he liked to cuddle when he wasn’t feeling well. “Come here.” She said softly.
Remus smiled slightly and snuffed out the roach that was left in his hand before rolling towards her. His arm was draped across her as he buried his face in her shoulder, closing his eyes as she stroked his back and placed gentle kisses to his head.
Despite being almost a foot taller that the girl Remus enjoyed being held like this, it helped him to relax and feel safe for the first time in years.
He turned his head to look at her and smiled softly. “I love you too.” He said softly as he drifted off to sleep, finally replying to her words from the night before.
Tonks smiled as she watched him, resting her head against his. She was glad that he had started becoming more comfortable with their relationship but noticed that he was still quite hesitant, almost as though he was scared to form any kind of attachment. It was understandable though after everything he had been through, and everyone he had lost.
“I promise that you’ll never be alone again.” Tonks breathed against his hair as she pulled the blanket to his chest and just hugged him tightly. “I won’t let you lose anyone else.” She closed her eyes as well and quietly drifted off.
Both of them slept soundly that night knowing that the other was safe and by their side, knowing that there was someone who loved them.
Some burnt fish, a trip to the candy store, and a sunset with Hijikata were what made this the perfect day for 10 year old Soji.
“Wow…that looks wonderful… No! Hey don’t cry! Please, it looks wonderful! See I’m eating it right now.” The teen said as he sampled the food.
Soji watched the elder male closely, the childs wide violet eyes tearful as he presented his first attempt at cooking to Hijikata. "D-do you really think so?" He asked as he looked at the blackened fish and overcooked rice.
Hijikata nodded and took another bite of the burnt food before patting the boys head. "It tastes just fine." He told him.
The 10 year old dried his tears before hugging the other. "Are you going to finish it?" He asked him.
Hijikata hesitated before forcing a smile. "How about we save some for Kondo-san?"
Soji smiled and nodded as he carefully carried the plate back to the counter before covering it like he had seen the others do before.
"Kondo-san gave me money for doing chores, can you take me to the candy store?" He asked, though it wasn't really a question as Soji already had a hold of the teens hand and was dragging him to the door.
Hijikata chuckled. "Alright, alright, I'll take you." He said before easily catching up with the boy and lifting him onto his shoulders as they walked to the store.
Soji laughed and gripped the males hair to keep himself steady, he loved going on outings with the elder male and them being so rare just made it more fun.
"H-hey! Be careful up there." He said as he felt his hair being tugged on.
Soji chuckled and leaned forward so he could see the others face. "Sorry, Toshi."
Hijikata just smiled as he lit up a cigarette, never able to truly be mad at the boy.
When they got to the store Soji held onto Hijikatas hand as they looked around, getting the teen to hand him his favourite treats from one of the higher shelves. He liked being able to pay for things with the money he earned, it made him feel like less of a burden.
Soji started eating his candy as soon as he payed for it and hummed happily as they left the store. He rarely asked for much so it wasn't too often that he got anything special.
Hijikata smiled as he watched the child and pat his head before lighting another cigarette.
"Toshi-nii, why do you smoke? It smells yucky." He asked as he waved a hand in front of his face.
"It helps he to deal with you." He teased as he ruffled the boys hair.
Soji chuckled and looked up at the other. "Can we watch the sunset before going home?" He asked as he took ahold of the others hand once more.
Hijikata smiled slightly and nodded. "I don't see why not." He said before taking him to the top of a nearby hill away from the lights of the city. They sat under a tree ass they watched the sun sink behind the horizon. Soji continued to eat his candy, pushing one between the elder mans lips and laughing when he spit it out.
"Soji, you know I don't like that stuff." He said before looking at the boy who was still laughing.
"Awww, but I thought you could use a little more sweetness." Soji said as he feigned a pout.
Hijikata chuckled slightly and shook his head. "You have enough sweetness for the both of us." He said pulling the boy close before tickling him.
Soji laughed more as he squirmed tried to grab the others hands. "T-toshi, S-stop it." He laughed as he managed to wrap his tiny hands around the elders wrists before looking up at him.
Hijikata smiled as the boy leaned against him and held the child close. "Look, the sun is almost down." He said softly.
They watched in silence for several minutes and when the sky darkened Hijikata looked down, about to tell the boy they were going home when he saw that Soji was yawning as he snuggled in his arms. He smiled and picked him up before standing.
When they got back home he put the child to bed, tucking him in as Soji grabbed the stuffed pig that lay beside him. Hijikata chuckled softly and moved some hair from his face. "Goodnight, Soji." He said before starting to leave
"Can you tell me a story?" Soji asked sleepily.
Hijikata looked back at the boy and nodded. "Of course." He said before sitting beside him on the bed and telling Soji some of his favourite stories, the ones about the old samurais.
When Kondo came home later that night he checked on the boy and smiled slightly to see Hijikata still laying with the boy, holding him close as they both slept. He turned off the lamp and Stroked Sojis hair gently before leaving.
It was Christmas Eve, a little over one year since his father died. Soji is performing again as he dedicates the night to Kondos memory.
It was almost Christmas time again and Soji was preparing to perform for the first time in more than a year. He put on the dress he had gotten for his birthday and sighed when he saw it was still a little too big for him.
He had spent these last 5 months trying to get better but gaining weight had never been easy for him and after getting sick it became even harder.
Soji tied the sash around his waist so the dress would fit his thin frame. He looked at himself in the mirror once more before leaving the changing room. "What do you think?" He asked Koko shyly as he spun once.
“You’re as gorgeous as ever.” He said before putting Soji’s hair up in a messy bun and pinning it with a white flower. ”Can you do your own makeup?”
Soji nodded and sat in front of a mirror before using makeup to mask the remnants of illness that still showed on his face.
He smiled softly and examined his work before hearing them call his name.
“How are you feeling?” Koko asked as he fussed over the other.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Soji laughed as he hugged the elder male. “Thank you so much for this last year.” He said before kissing his cheek and walking out onto the stage.
Soji took a deep breath and walked out onto the centre of the stage. As he gave a small bow his mind flashed to the first time he stood on this stage. Looking up he saw the familiar face of someone he never imagined coming to a place like this. In these last several months Hijikata had become more than a friend to him.
Soji sat down on the stool that had been placed in the centre of the stage and closed his eyes for a brief moment before starting to sing ‘you raise me up’.
Usually for performances music was provided for the performer to lip sink too, but he had spent months practicing and tonight Sojis voice filled the club.
As he sang he thought of all the times Kondō had been there for him. He was there to calm every nightmare, to tend to every cut or bruise, any time that Soji needed him he was there. Even now Soji still felt that he was with him.
When it was over Soji wiped a single tear from the corner of his eye as he remembered the man who had been there to raise him during the most important years of his life.
He got up and took a final bow as everyone clapped before leaving out the back of the stage.
Hijikata was waiting for him and Soji smiled as he ran over to hug the elder man. “Toshi!” He said happily as he wrapped his arms around his lovers neck
Hijikata smiled and kissed him gently. "You were wonderful?"
Soji smiled into the kiss. "Careful, you're going to make everyone jealous."
"Maybe I just want them to know that you are mine." He teased.
"You idiot." Soji said softly, blushing as he playfully hit the other chest. "What are you doing here anyways? I thought you didn't like places like this."
The man chuckled before shrugging. “I don't, but I wouldn’t miss you performing for anything.”
Soji blushed more as he smiled softly. “Toshi? Could you take me to the grave?” He asked as he pulled away.
He raised an eyebrow questioningly. “What about your car? Don’t you drive?”
“I do, but not in this.” He laughed.
Hijikata smiled. “Alright.” He said before kissing him again.
Soji beamed as he returned the kiss. “Thank you! I just have to take care of something first, I’ll meet you outside.”
Soji ran off to Koko and kissed his cheek before slipping the car keys into his hand. “Merry Christmas Koko.”
Kokos eyes grew wide. “Soji, this is too much.” He protested and tried to give it back.
Soji shook his head and closed the others hand around the keys. “For everything you’ve done it’s not enough. Besides, what do I need 2 cars for?” He smiled and hugged him. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said before running off.
Soji carefully got out of the others car and found the grave. He crouched down in front of it and traced the name with his fingers.
He was silent as he pulled the white flower from his hair and let it fall to its usual position. He leaned the flower against the stone and placed a small bag of foreign candy beside it before standing and pulling the large jacket tightly around himself as he stood with Hijikata.
“He was a hero.” Soji said, running his fingers through his hair. “I called his Supervisor and he told me everything.” He said softly. “He sacrificed his own life to save many people.”
Soji sighed as he looked towards the setting sun as he gave a small smile. “You know, he taught me how to live my life to the fullest, and he also taught me how I want to die.” He said softly, his voice almost a whisper as he wrapped his arms around himself. "I don't want to lay down and succumb to this illness, even if they can't cure me I'm going to fight my hardest." Soji said with a grin. "And I decided that I'm going to go back to school and become a police officer, I want to help more people like Kai.”
Hijikata ruffled the others hair. “And you’re going to ask for help when you need it, right?”
Soji laughed and nodded. “We’ll see.” He said as he smiled up at the other before coughing slightly.
Hijikata smiled and gently rubbed his back. “Let’s get you inside, you’re still recovering and shouldn’t spend too much time out in the cold.” He said softly as he kissed the others head.
Soji nodded and smiled slightly as he leaned into the other. “Thank you…” He said as he took one last look at the grave before going with the older male back to his car.
Soji friends throw him a surprise party that ends better than anyone could have hoped
Soji pulled the jacket tight around his frail body. "Where are we going?" He asked his companion for the millionth time.
"You'll see, just be patient." Koko replied.
Soji sighed and leaned back against the seat. He was tired and just wanted to stay home but the other had insisted on dragging him out of the house.
"Don't be like that, you could use some fresh air, being cooped up all the time isn't good for you."
“Whatever…" He said simply.
Koko just shook his head and pulled into the driveway of his shop. "Come with me, I need your help with something."
Soji didn't know what he could help with but complied as he got out of the vehicle, holding onto it to steady himself before slowly following the other inside. When he switched on the light there were quite a few people there who shouted. "Happy birthday.” Causing him to jump slightly and cling to Koko’s sleeve.
"It's your birthday?" He asked as he looked up at the other.
Hijikata walked over and flicked his temple. "No idiot, it's your birthday." He said with a sigh.
Soji rubbed his temple. "Hey! That hurt!" He protested before registering the others words. "It is?" Soji thought for a minute and realized that he wasn't even sure what month it was. He looked around and noticed regulars that used to talk to him when he was working, there were people from the club and some of Kondos colleagues who had known him since he was a child. "These people are all here for me?" He asked Koko.
He smiled and nodded as he placed a hand on the others shoulder. “You can thank Kai for that. He put all this together.”
Soji looked at the boy who was fiddling nervously at the sudden attention. He smiled slightly and hugged the teen. “Thank you.”
"What do you think about opening some presents? Feeling up to it?" Koko asked.
Soji smiled and nodded before carefully lowering himself into a chair. He opened the presents and thanked everyone.
"Wait, there's one more." Hijikata said as he handed him another present. "Found it at the station a couple days ago."
It was wrapped with Christmas paper and had a card attached to it.
"Soji, I found this among Isami’s belongings and I think he meant to send it to you before he passed. I'm sorry that it took so long. You have my condolences, your father was a great man." He read out loud before tearing the paper off.
On top there was a cassette tape, Soji turned it over before putting it in the boom box beside the chair.
"Hey Soji." Came the familiar voice. "I'm so proud of you for not giving up, even after everything you've been through. I know you'll knock them dead with this, I can't wait to see it." A pause came and there was a second barely audible voice. "I have to go to work now, be good and I'll see you real soon." That’s where the message ended, Soji wiped some tears from his cheeks and pulled off the next layer or paper.
Soji smiled as he pulled out a full length black and silver dress, holding it close as though it were the most precious thing in the world before noticing another package in the box. He reached in and unwrapped it, chuckling slightly as he saw the foreign candies.
Hijikata placed a hand on the males head and smiled. "He always did know how to cheer you up.”
Soji looked up at him and around at everyone else who was gathered there as realization hit.
A few minutes later Soji went outside to think. "I'm not really alone after all, am I?" He asked himself as he sighed and sat on the ground. "This whole time I've been thinking that he was my only family because he raised me, but that’s not how it works, is it?" He reflected as he played with the grass.
He thought about something the man had told him many years before. "Soji, you have to stop pushing people away."He had said. "We just want to help."
“I think I understand now, I was blinded by my own feelings.” He said as he remembered his times at the club and when he would help Koko at his store. All the people there were as much a part of his life as anyone. He had never truly been alone, even when it felt like it.
Soji felt a familiar hand on his head and looked up to see Hijikata. "Hey." He said with a small smile.
"Hey, you okay?" He asked him.
Soji thought for a second before nodding. "Yeah, I'm alright… or at least I'm getting there." He sighed. "I just needed some time to think."
"I'll leave you alone then." Hijikata turned to leave, only to be stopped by a light tug on his sleeve.
Soji shook his head. "Please stay." He said as he looked up at the other.
Hijikata smiled softly and sat beside him. "Of course." He told him, the look in the younger males eyes reminded him of the scared child he had met so many years before.
"I really miss him…" Soji said softly as he hugged his knees to his chest.
"I do too, he was a great man." Hijikata replied. "You know, you could stay with me if you like." He offered after a minute.
Soji thought about this before smiling and shaking his head. "No, I think I'm going to stay where I am."
He pat the others head. "Alright, but you always have an open invitation."
Soji smiled contently and leaned on the other. "You're going to regret saying that."
Hijikata chuckled as he leaned his head back and held the younger male close. "Soji, do you remember the day we first met?" He asked him.
He thought for a minute before shaking his head. "Not really."
Hijikata smiled. "Kondo-san had just been promoted to commander, he invited me over for dinner before asking me to babysit, god you were such a brat." He let out a laugh before looking down at him. "You may be grown up now but some things never change." His voice got softer as their eyes met and he placed a soft kiss to the younger males forehead.
Soji blushed a little and smiled contently as he laid his hand on the others chest. "I was only a brat because you would never play with me." He told him before closing his eyes as he just enjoyed being close to the male.
After a while Koko looked out at them and smiled. "Boy's, there's cake in here." He told them.
Soji moved faster than he had in months as he headed inside.
Koko laughed. "He's a good kid, I’m glad to see that he’s getting better."
Hijikata nodded in agreement and sighed as he stood up. "Thank you for looking out for him." He said as he placed a hand on Kokos shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
That night Soji talked and laughed along with everyone, for the first time in months he wasn’t faking anything as he let himself just be.
With the help of his new friend Soji starts to recover.
It was about a month later when social services finally got back, saying they had nowhere to put him and that he would continue to stay with Koko. Kai immediately went over to tell his friend but frowned when he saw that Soji was still in bed despite it being late afternoon.
"S-soji?" He asked softly from the door. "Ae you okay?"
The male coughed slightly as he rolled over so he was facing the boy. "I'm just tired today." He told him, not exactly lying but not telling him the truth either. He slowly pushed himself into a sitting position before motioning for the teen to come closer.
Kai walked into the room and sat beside Soji before snuggling into him. "Are you sick?" He asked after a minute, having noticed that something was off about his friend.
Soji sighed before nodding. "I have been for a while." he told him.
"Will you get better?" He asked as he looked up at him.
Soji avoided the boys gaze and shrugged. "I-I don’t know…" He told him.
At his response Kai felt tears starting to form. "Do… do you not want to get better?"
Soji didn't answer, staying silent as the piglet crawled from under the blanket to comfort him.
Kai ran downstairs and bumped into Koko, clinging to him as he cried.
Koko frowned and held the teen. "Come sit down and we can talk." He said before making them some tea and sitting at the table. "Is it Soji? "He asked.
Kai stared into his cup and nodded. "Is he going to die?"
Koko crossed one leg over the other as he leaned back. "It's hard to tell." He said as he sipped his tea. "His illness is curable and there was a time I thought he would be fine." He said. "But I think his mind is not letting him heal, he lost his only family a few months ago and it broke him."
Kai looked up at Koko. "He wasn't always like this?" He asked curiously.
Koko shook his head. "I've known Soji for a little less than 2 years but until last winter he was a very cheerful young man." He said before sighing. "Since his fathers funeral he hasn't even left the house, it wasn't until he met you that he started smiling again."
"Me? But I'm nothing special, just a kid." He said, confused.
Koko smiled. "You give him a purpose, seeing you hurt and upset during that first meeting made him feel protective over you, especially since he knows how it feels to be different."
Kai frowned as he looked in the direction of Sojis room. "He's probably lonely, he doesn't have anyone to keep him company all day. "He said softly before looking back to Koko. "What if I stayed here with him?" He asked.
Koko watched him for a moment before answering. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Soji can be hard to deal with at times, I don't want him to accidentally hurt you." He said, worrying about them being alone for so long.
Kai nodded without hesitation. "He's been trying to take care of me, even though he is sick Sou-nii pushes himself so that I won't worry." He said softly. "Now that I know what's wrong I don't like the idea of him being alone all the time. He seems sad and it doesn't look like he eats enough." He told the other.
"Sou-nii?" Koko asked with a chuckle. "Since when did you two get so close?"
Kai blushed. "He was the first person to show me love and actually care about me." He said before sipping his tea. "Of course I feel close to him."
Koko smiled slightly. “Maybe It will be a good thing.” He said before sighing. "I’ve tried helping as much as I can but I’m running out of time. He’s fading away and if something doesn’t click soon he’ll die.” He said honestly before looking at the boy. "Alright, I'll make you two a snack, then you can go tell him the news." He said, ruffling the teens hair before going to the kitchen.
Kai carried the fruit to Sojis room and knocked on the door before entering once more.
"Kai, I don't really feel like playing any games today." He mumbled as he remained curled up under his blanket.
Kai ignored him and walked to the other side of the bed and sat beside him before placing the fruit where he could easily reach it.
When he felt the bed dip down Soji peeked from under his blanket and noticed the fruit, he hadn't eaten since the day before so his stomach growled slightly and his cheeks pinkened as he looked up at the teen.
Kai smiled slightly. “I thought you might be hungry.” He said as he crossed his legs and leaned back against the wall.
Soji gave a small nod before starting o nibble on the fruit. They sat in silence for a while until Soji finished his snack and laid his head in the boys lap.
Kai was surprised but smiled as he stroked the males hair, frowning when he felt the knots. He reached over and grabbed a brush before gently running it through his long locks.
After that Kai stayed with Soji and they started to take care of each other. Their friendship grew to a more brotherly bond and before the boys knew I they had each gained a new family.
Little by little Soji started to improve, he would eat more, get out of bed earlier and Kai was soon able to convince him to spend some time outside, even going for the occasional short walk, something Saizo really appreciated.
Sojis mental state took a lot longer to heal but Kai eventually succeeded in making him laugh when he forgot to put the top on the blender, after that first time he did everything he could to hear it again.
Sojis recovery was still slow and filled with setbacks but with some one here at least it became tolerable. Koko soon felt comfortable leaving the boys alone and started coming by less frequently, sometimes only checking on them once a week.
On the rare occasion that Kai did convince Soji to go on an outing with him they were generally short due to his still frail health, and they only ever went to the teahouse a block away. Today was different though as he felt better than usual. Soji pulled his shawl tightly around his shoulders and walked with the other.
"Sou-nii, can we get ice cream?" Kai asked excitedly as he looked up at the other.
Soji chuckled softly and ruffled the teens hair. "Sure, it's been a while since I've been there." He told him before finding himself being pulled along to the shop. "H-hey, slow down." He said before coughing slightly.
Kai slowed down and looked at him worriedly. "Sorry." He whimpered, scared that he had hurt the other.
"I'm fine." He said as he used the others shoulder to steady himself. "I just have to be careful about moving too quickly." He explained, smiling a little as Kai hugged him gently. He held the boy close for a minute and stroked his hair. "Let's go get that ice cream now."
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked as he looked up at the other.
Soji nodded slowly and moved some hair from the boys face. "I'll be alright, it isn't that much further." He said as he held the other close and continued to walk.
Kai let Soji lean on him as they continued their walk to the ice cream shop and helped him sit down as he went up to the counter to order. Soji thanked him and sighed wearily as he leaned back a little. "Are you really okay?" He asked once more as he returned with the ice cream.
Soji chuckled and nodded. "You worry too much." He said, pointing his spoon at the other before starting to eat.
Kai blushed. "I can't help it, you were the first person to actually care for me and show me love." He said softly. "You're important to me."
Soji smiled and cupped the boys cheek. "Of course I care about you, you're like a brother to me." He told him. "You may not realize it but you've helped me a lot as well."
Kai smiled and leaned into the touch before starting to eat happily.
On their way home Soji started to have trouble breathing, he stopped walking and leaned against the wall before sitting down. Kai was at his side in an instant and called for an ambulance, not sure what else to do.
He gently stroked the elder mans back to try and comfort him as he let Soji relax against him. Soji coughed as his lungs struggled to take in air and Kais eyes grew wide at the sight of the blood, tears starting to stream down his cheeks.
It wasn't long before Kai found himself in the waiting room, his knees pulled to his chest as he cried. The boy was terrified that this was all his fault, that his selfishness was the reason his best friend was in the hospital.
When the doctor came out to get him he ran into Sojis room but stopped at the door, his eyes wide as he saw him hooked up to the machines with a mask over his face.
Soji looked over at the boy and smiled wearily at him from behind the breathing mask before holding out a hand, motioning for him to come closer. Kai ran over and hugged him, crying into Sojis chest. The elder man smiled and weakly held the boy as he stroked his hair. “The doctor said they want to keep me over night.” He told him. “I’ll probably be able to go home in the morning.”
Kai nodded at the words. “Then rest.” He said as he wiped his eyes. “I’m staying with you.” He told him, curling up against Soji, his head on the mans chest so he could feel him breathing.
Soji continued to stroke the boys hair. “Thank you.” He said softly, glad that someone was there with him.
The next morning Soji was taken home in an ambulance with Kai still at his side. The teen helped him into his bedroom before making sure he was comfortable as the piglet jumped into the bed and nuzzled his masters cheek.
Soji chuckled slightly at how the boy was fretting over him. “I’ll be fine now” he said as he pat his head. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
Kai smiled slightly. “Of course, even though you’re still sick you’ve been taking care of me.” He said softly. “So it’s just natural that I return the favour.”
Kai took care of Soji for a few more days until Koko came to check on them. The male immediately started fussing over him, slightly concerned that he hadn’t been told of his current condition sooner.
To Kokos surprise Soji gave a soft chuckle. "I'm fine, I just pushed myself to hard." He assured the man. "Besides, Kai has been here to help me and we didn't want you to worry."
Koko smiled slightly and cupped Sojis cheek. "I'll always worry about you." He told him. "Rest for today, I'll bring you up some dinner." He continued before leaving.
One night when he couldn’t sleep Soji stood in front of the elder mans room, it hadn’t been opened since he passed, but he felt that today he needed to look inside. Just to make sure that he really existed, that his memories were real.
He slowly pushed open the door and felt his breath get caught in his throat as he saw the room, exactly how it had been nearly a year ago when he left.
He closed his eyes briefly before walking in further. Soji felt tears threatening to fall but willed them to stay away as he approached the bed where the elder mans favourite jacket lay, neatly folded at the foot of the bed. Soji picked it up and held it close, breathing in the mans scent that still lingered.
Soji noticed a leather book laying on the desk and wrapped the jacket around his shoulders before picking it up. He opened the book and immediately recognized his fathers writing, the first page was titled just before he was adopted.
'I met the boy today, he didn't say much but he seems like a good child, bright and happy. I just hope I can raise him well.'
"But why did you do it?" Soji whispered as he continued to read, he had started crying again but just couldn't tear his eyes away. These were his words, the only ones that Soji had left, how he longed to hear his voice one last time.
While he read Soji noticed a pattern, as time passed the entries became fewer until there was nearly a year between them. "He was lonely…" The young man realized, as he had become more comfortable and talkative the entries decreased.
The final entry was from the day he left:
'I don't want to leave, raising Soji for all these years is the best thing I've ever done, but he's an adult now and I have a job to do.
I know he isn't mine by blood but no matter what happens we will always be family.'
He read that last line over and over, wanting to burn it into his brain before closing the book and placing it back on the desk.
He wiped the tears from his eyes and stood before looking around one last time. He soon left the room, closing the door behind him.
After his fathers funeral Soji reminisces to Hijikata about his relationship with the elder male.
The funeral was later that week, Hijikata didn't want Soji to have to worry about anything so he set everything up.
Soji didn't want to go to the funeral, he had barely even left his room all week but after some coaxing he put on some suit and made his way outside to Hijikatas car.
He was silent during the drive and most of the funeral, giving a slow shake of his head when asked if he wanted to say anything. When everyone else left he stood in front of the grave stone as tears formed in his eyes.
"You okay?" Hijikata asked as he walked over to him.
Soji didn't answer right away. "Why did he do it?" He asked finally. "Why did he take in a kid he barely knew? He had no obligation to, he wasn't family yet he still agreed to raise me, why?"
Hijikata sighed as he stood beside the younger male and put his hands in his pockets. "That’s not something that we can answer." He told him. "We might never learn his reason but he did manage to raise a great young man." He continued.
Soji was silent for a while longer before speaking again. "He was the great one." He said as tears rolled down his cheeks. "I'm just the reason he's dead."
Hijikata turned to Soji and made the younger male look at him. "You haven't done anything wrong, none of this is your fault in any way."
Soji looked up at him with dulled eyes, the normal joyfulness gone. "H-he gave me a choice and I told him to go." He choked out tearfully. "If I had told him to stay he would still be here, if it wasn’t for me he might still be alive."
Hijikata frowned as Soji leaned against him. "That doesn't make it your fault, in the end it was still his idea. Kondo-san had a dangerous job, he knew the risks." He said as Soji cried into his chest for a few minutes. "If. It wasn't for him what would have happened to you?" He asked as he stroked the boys back. "You might have ended up with someone mean or in an orphanage or foster home." He continued as he looked over at the headstone of his best friend. "Because of him you were able to grow up in a loving home with a father who was always there for you." He finished as he felt Soji clinging to him.
"He was always there." He repeated softly turning his head so he could see the grave.
He thought about the day of his adoption, when his sister had left him with a virtual stranger. Kondo-san had immediately made him feel at home, always treating him like his own son.
He thought of the time he'd gotten into a fight at school, he was trying to defend a younger student and while he had been successful Soji ended up in the infirmary. When Kondo came to get him he wasn't scolded or punished but instead had been praised and taught how to fight properly.
"Whenever I needed him he would put aside whatever he was doing, no matter how important it might have been."
Soji remembered his first boyfriend and how he was bullied for liking men, Kondo was never anything but supportive. His mind went to his birthday only a year and a half earlier when he had met Koko and performed on stage for the first time. It had been the best day of his life and his father made it all possible, he never would have had the courage to do that on his own.
"He let me make my own mistakes but was always there to help me fix things in the end."
He thought back to when he got sick, Kondo spent so much time making sure that Soji had whatever he needed, even if it meant staying up with him during the worst nights. When there was nothing more to be done he would just sit with Soji and hold him until he passed out from exhaustion.
"He dedicated so much time and effort to taking care of me." He said soflty. "And I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye…" He whispered as he started to cry again.
Hijikata hugged the boy close, Soji leaned into his embrace and closed his eyes but it just wasn't the same. Kondos hugs were special, his heartbeat, the smell of his cologne… There was something familiar though, the scent of smoke that had always lingered on his fathers clothing, he had almost forgotten about that.
No one could ever replace the elder man and Soji just wasn't sure what to do. He had only been a child when his parents died and his sister left him. He hadn't seen his sister since then, wasn’t sure if he wanted to, for a long time he had considered Kondo to be his only family.
Soji eventually started to doze off against the other, exhausted from crying. Hijikata sighed and took one last look at the grave before carrying the young man to his car and driving him home.
Soji slept the entire time as he dreamt once more of happier times, when it was just the two of them The day he graduated from high school, his first performance at the club. That was when the dream turned dark as it went to their last walk on the beach, the last time they spoke, and ended with the news that changed everything. He woke up after that and just sighed as he stared at the ceiling.
Soji spent much of his time after that day thinking. There wasn’t much else he would do as his condition began to worsen once more. Koko tried taking care of the boy but there wasn't much he could do.
Soji spent most of the time in his room, only wanting Saizo for company. It took a couple weeks before Koko was able to get him to come into the living room, even for only a little while.
One day when Koko came to see Soji he had another boy with him.
“Soji, this is Kai, he doesn’t have anywhere to go so I’m watching him until I can get someone from Social Servcies.” He told him.
Soji looked up at the boy and nodded slightly. He couldn’t have been more than 14 and had darkening marks on his arms and a cut on his cheek that had been hastily bandaged.
Koko smiled softly at Sojis worried expression. “Why don’t you two get to know each other while I make some lunch?”
Soji nodded again and sat up so the boy could join him but Kai just stayed where he was. “What happened?” He asked softly after a minute.
Kai didn’t answer as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.
“Let’s deal with that cut properly.” Soji said as he weakly pushed himself up and grabbed the first aid kit before returning to the couch. “You don’t have to be shy, this will be much easier if you sit down.” He told the other as he got out what he would need.
Kai eventually sat with him and Soji immediately started to clean and dress the wound. “Are there any others?” He asked, Kai just shook his head, the boy seemed to be on the verge of tears.
Soji frowned and hugged him. “It’s okay to cry.”
Kai looked up at him in surprise but it wasn’t long before tears filled his eyes and he clung to Soji. He cried for a while against the others shoulder until all his tears had dried, but he didn’t pull away, it had been so long since someone had cared about him enough to comfort him, and yet this perfect stranger was doing something even his parents wouldn’t.
Soji smiled softly and stroked the boys back before turning his head to cough.
“A-are you okay?” Kai asked worriedly as he looked up at the other.
Soji nodded and just continued to hold the teen silently.
“My parents found out I was gay.” Kai said softly after a long while. “They didn’t even want a child in the first place, but me being gay was the last straw.” He gripped the mans clothing. “T-they locked me in my room and would use me to take out their anger.” He choked out as the tears returned. “I finally managed to escape and Koko found me.”
Soji frowned and hugged him a little tighter. “What about the police? Didn’t anyone report it?”
Kai nodded as he sniffled a little. “They came over many times but my parents had their ways of keeping people quiet.”
When Koko came back in he smiled to see the two getting along so well. “Boys, lunch is ready.”
Soji stood up and held onto the wall as he slowly made his way to the kitchen. Kai watched him for a minute before hurrying to the others side. “I’ll help you.” He said softly as he wrapped an arm around Sojis waist.
Soji looked at the boy and smiled a little. “Thank you.” He said as he used the other to support himself as they made their way to the kitchen.
Soji and Kai took to each other almost right away, Kai stayed with Koko at his shop and they would visit the sick male for a few hours every evening after the shop closed for the day. He quickly started opening up to Soji as he kept him company but often worried about his friends health and tried to distract him as much as he could.
Soji tried to stay positive for the teen, usually making his way to the living room before they arrived. He had always hated when people worried about him and Kai had enough problems of his own already.
Soji sighed wearily as he sat on the couch with his legs crossed and forced a small smile when he heard the door open. Kai sat with Soji and hugged him before getting out one of the games they often played. They mostly just did simple things that didn't involve moving like reading or playing games as they talked. They both enjoyed these daily visits but Soji wished they lasted longer, not liking to be alone all day.
After hearing the news of Kondos death Soji doesn’t know how to cope, having lost his only family and becoming an orphan again he feels broken and alone.
Soji woke when he heard his phone ring and it took him a minute to remember what had happened before quickly sitting up as he checked the caller id, hoping it would be his father. Seeing that it was Koko he sighed before turning off the phone and tossing it across his room.
He leaned against the door and heard Saizo scratching but ignored it.
His eyes drifted to the calendar on his wall, most of the dates had been crossed off and there was a big circle around christmas eve. That was the day Kondo was supposed to come home for a visit, he was going to perform for the first time in months.
It was then that realization truly started to sink in for the young man. Kondo wouldn’t be home for Christmas, nor would he be able to watch him perform. He would never again greet the elder man with a cup of tea after a long day of work, he wouldn’t feel the way his guardian used to ruffle his hair, or hear the mans deep laughter.
Soji felt tears forming in his eyes as he got up, ripping the calendar from the wall before tearing it to pieces.
He made his way downstairs, tearing decorations from the walls on his way to the living room where he had set up the christmas tree.
That was when Koko had arrived, finally having been able to close down his shop for the day. He tried to get Soji to stop but it was like the boy couldn't hear him.
Soji soon started to pull decorations from the tree, letting the glass balls just smash at his feet. He had spent an entire day on that tree, making sure it was just perfect for when his father came home.
Koko didn't know what to do, he had never seen Soji like this, the boy rarely even raised his voice. He decided to call the number that he had been given earlier and told Hijikata what was happening.
Hijikata sighed. "He'll be fine." He assured the male. "I won't be able to leave work for a while, just let him burn himself out, it shouldn't take too long."
Koko thanked him and hung up before watching as Soji toppled what remained of the tree and fell to his knees among the debris as he cried. Koko frowned and knelt beside him with the first aid kit, noticing he had cut himself on the glass. "Show me your hands." He said softly.
Soji didn't move, his mind was too full of other thoughts at the moment so Koko took the boys hands and gently bandaged his wounds before holding him close.
Soji looked up after a minute of silence and saw a picture among the glass. He sniffled and reached out a shaking hand to pick it up but that only made him tear up more, it was a picture of him and Kondo on the day he had been adopted, Kondo had given him the ornament on their first christmas together. He sat down and held it to his chest.
Soji didn’t know how long he sat there, he didn’t know what else to do, he just felt so lost. The only family he had was gone, he was all alone now. Could he stay in his house? Could he work and go to school? He didn't know hoe to be on his own.
Not hearing any more noise Saizo slowly came out from where he had been hiding and walked over to Soji as he nuzzled him and licked his fingers.
It took a long while for Soji to calm down completely with his fathers death still so fresh in his mind. He didn't speak for a long while, laying there in silence as he pressed his face against the back of the couch, hugging the image close to his chest as though it was the only link he had to his former life.
Koko started to clean up, sweeping the glass and righting the tree before Soji finally said something. "Don't bother, It's getting thrown out anyways."
"But you worked so hard on it."
"It was all for nothing." He said before coughing a little.
"I thought you wanted to make your father proud."
"What does it matter?" He choked out. "He won't be able to see it anyways." He started to tear up again. "He's not going to come home for Christmas… He's never coming back."
"Oh hun…" Koko said as he sat on the couch and hugged the other close. "How about I make some tea and snacks?" He asked as he stroked the boys back.
"Don't want any." Soji replied after another couple minutes. Right now he didn't feel like doing much of anything. He was exhausted and his body felt weak but he didn't want to fall asleep, didn't want to risk dreaming of his guardian again only to wake up and find him still gone.
Koko frowned as he rubbed the boys back in an attempt to comfort him but the normally touch-starved young man pulled away as he buried himself deeper into the couch. "You need to eat."
Soji didn't answer for a long moment before Koko sighed and went to get up, thinking the boy had fallen asleep.
Soji curled up more as though trying to protect himself from the world. “W-what’s going to happen to me…?” He asked softly, he was scared… no, he was terrified, he felt completely alone and didn't know what he was going to do or where he was going to go.
Soji's health may be improving but after a visit from an old friend his life is turned upside down.
About a month later Soji went to surprise Koko at his shop, taking the bus since even he didn’t trust himself to drive, or walk that far.
Koko smiled when he saw the boy enter and hugged him.
He hugged the other back and smiled. "I've missed you guys.” He said softly.
Koko held the boy at arms length and frowned. "You're so thin." He observed, noticing haw the usually fitting shirt hung loosely off his body. "So when are you going to come perform for us again?"
Soji tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and, shrugged. “Hopefully later in the summer.” he said softly. "Kondo-san won't let me yet." He admitted as he coughed and pulled his shawl more tightly around himself, swaying slightly as he got dizzy.
Koko touched his shoulder worriedly. “Are you okay? Do you want to sit down?"
Soji closed his eyes and nodded slightly.
Koko took hold of the boy and guieded him towards a small couch before getting him a glass of water.
"Sorry…” Soji mumbled as he held his head in his hands. “'I still get dizzy when I’m up for a while.”
“It’s okay hun.” Koko said softy as he gently rubbed the boys back.
Soji started to cough and Koko handed him the water. “When is your father going to pick you up?"
Soji shook his head and relaxed back against the couch slightly. "He’s at work, I took the bus." He told the other.
He frowned. "I'm not letting you go home alone in this condition, why don’t you relax and i'll take you home in a bit." He suggested.
Soji nodded slightly and smiled up at the other. "Thank you."
"Anytime hun." He said softly as he went back to work.
Soji eventually dozed off and woke when he felt Koko shaking him gently. “I made dinner let's eat before I take you home.”
Soji smiled slightly and nodded before joining the other at the small table. He sat down and nibbled on the food he was given.
Koko watched and smiled softly, glad to see the boy after so long, but he was still worried. Koko frowned as he noticed for the first time the hollow cheeks and sunken eyes that had been cleverly disguised under a layer of makeup.
Soji turned his head and coughed into a cloth before sighing shakily.
"Why don't we sit on the couch.” Koko suggested as he cleared the table.
Soji nodded slightly. “That would be nice.” He said with a soft-smile.
"Can you handle the tea while I go get changed?”
He nodded again and slowly stood before starting to make the tea. Soji carefully brought it over to the sitting area and placed it on the coffee table before sitting on the couch with his legs folded under him.
When Koko came out several minutes later he sported the same long brown hair which was now tied in the back while wearing plain jeans and a long sleeve shirt.
“Koko?” Soji asked as he sipped his tea. “Why did you start this store?”
Koko smiled as he crossed one leg over the other. “I started it so people like us would have someplace to go.” He answered. “I came out as gay when I was 14 I think, my dad kicked me out for a month, it was my mom who convince him to let me come back. Then when I was 16 he caught me wearing makeup and kicked me out for good.” He continued. “I wanted to be able to help people in the same situation, so I went to school to become a social worker. I didn’t like the way they made us do things so 20 years ago I dropped everything and opened this place.”
Koko soon heard his phone go off and answered it. "Yes, he's here with me, he's fine, okay, I’ll bring him home in a bit.” He hung up the phone and looked at the other. “That was your father, he wants you to come home.”
Soji nodded slightly but he hesitated to leave. He liked it here it was cozy and one of the few places he felt comfortable with just being himself, and he liked Koko. Of course he liked Kondo a lot as well, but this was different, Koko understood him in away his guardian never could.
“Soji?” Koko asked softly. "Are you okay?”
He snapped out of his thoughts and nodded. “You know he’s not my father, right? My father died before I was born.”
Koko smiled and rubbed the boys arm gently. “I know, and I also know that Kondo-san has been taking care of you since you were a kid, he may not be you’re your father by blood, but he has always been there as a father would have and he loves you.” He told the boy. “You’re lucky to have him you know? He’s accepted every thing about you, even though you’re not related, many people don’t have that.”
He smiled slightly and nodded before getting up, holding onto the wall until the dizziness abated.
Koko watched the male, concerned as he followed him outside before escorting him home.
Soji stumbled a little getting off the bus and Koko was immediately at his side "Lets get you to bed." He said before helping the other inside.
Kondō looked up from his work and smiled softly "Go get changed I'll be in soon.” He said as he watched him walk towards his room. “Thank you for looking out for him,” He said as he sighed wearily and ran his fingers through his hair. “I should have guessed he'd visit you, he's definitely better but he's still very sick." He paused for a moment. “I worry leaving him home alone so much with his health like this, but I can’t afford to take any more time off.”
Koko thought for a minute. "If you brought him by the shop in the mornings I could watch him." He suggested. "He seems to like it there, and I have a bed in the back he could use.”
Kondō relaxed and gave the other a small smile. “Thank you, that would be great.” He said before standing. "How about I give you a ride home?"
The next morning on his way to work Kondo dropped Soji off at the shop and the young man went to greet Koko happily.
"Hey, how are you feeling today hun?” He asked softly. "You don't seem as tired.”
Soji smiled slightly. “I'm feeling a little better." He said before coughing.
Koko gently rubbed the boys back. "Just take it easy okay? You're not here to work so you can rest as much as you like, I have a bed in the back.”
Soji nodded and went to the back room before laying down.
Soji would go to the store every day Kondo worked and after he started getting better he would even go on the days his guardian was home.
He eventually started helping out with the customers and it became almost like a second home to him.
-
One day at the end of June Kondō picked him up after work. “Soji, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” He told the younger male as he drove.
Sojilooked over at him. “What is it?” He asked nervously, worried that he was in trouble, or that something was wrong.
Kondo took a breath and looked at the boy before answering. “They want to transfer me, to America.” He told him.
Sojis eyes grew wide. “But why? For how long?”
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s because I’m the most qualified, I have the experience and the skills they’re looking for, it’ll be a year, at least.” He said. “But I’m not going to accept if you’re not okay with it, understand?”
Soji just nodded slightly and was silent for the remainder of the ride. “I just need some time to think about it.” He said, heading up to his room as soon as they got home.
Kondo didn’t see him until after work the next day when Soji greeted him with a cup of tea like he had done so many times before. “I want you to take the job.” He told him.
Kondo looked up at the boy. “Soji, are you sure? I could turn it down.” He said, still worried about the young mans health.
Soji shook his head and smiled softly. “You’ve already given up so much for me, I want you to go, and bring back lots of foreign sweets.” He added.
Kondo laughed and ruffled his hair. “Alright then, I’ll tell them in the morning.”
-
“Soji, you still haven’t told me what you’d like for your birthday.” Kondō said a couple weeks later.
Soji looked up at him and smiled softly. “I don’t really want anything, maybe we can just do something together?” He suggested.
The elder man smiled and nodded. “Anything you want.”
“I just want to hang out for a day, like we used to, with just us.” He told him, he had missed those times in the last few years and before his guardian went away he wanted nothing more than to just spend time with him.
And that’s just what they did, Kondō made sure he was off on Sojis birthday and they spent the day together. They went shopping, had dinner out and went for a walk on the beach before heading home.
On their way home they passed an animal shelter and Kondo chuckled as the younger male stopped to watch the animals through the glass.
When he saw how happy the other seemed he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you pick one out?" He suggested, knowing that a companion to keep him company in the empty house would help him cope with being alone for so long.
Soji looked up at him, his eyes wide. "Really?" He asked, but before the other could answer however he had already hurried inside. Kondo laughed and followed him.
Soji sped from animal to animal for a while until he noticed a small, sad looking pig who was all by himself in his cage. He looked at the paper taped to the cage a frowned, noticing that he had been there longer than most of the animals. "Saizo, huh?" He smiled and looked up to Kondo. "Can I have this one?"
Kondo nodded and one of the workers opened the cage. The pig looked up at Soji with wide, fearful eyes and backed up as far as he could in the cage. Soji sat down in front of open cage and smiled gently. "Hey there little guy, do you want to come home with me?" He asked softly as he held out his hand. The pig slowly approached and sniffed his fingers for several minutes before hesitantly nuzzling him, sensing that the young man wasn't going to hurt him.
Soji scratched the pigs head as Kondo went to fill out the paperwork. He returned after a few minutes and smiled to see the pig sleeping in Sojis arms. He stood up and walked to where his guardian was before they headed home.
They finished with a movie at home, the perfect ending to a perfect day.
He watched the young man who had fallen asleep against him with the pig curled up in his arms and Kondō couldn’t stop the feeling of dread that knotted in his stomach at the thought of leaving.
He hadn’t told Soji that his departure had been moved, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. After bringing the other to his room he packed his things.
Early the next morning he looked at the sleeping male and left a note beside his bed before taking a taxi to the airport.
Over the next few months Sojis health continued to fluctuate. When he could he helped out in Kokos shop, but it was a long time before he was able to think about performing again.
He kept in touch with Kondō as much as possible but the elder man was almost always busy so the conversations were rare and usually quite short.
On the nights he had nightmares or just couldn’t sleep he would go into Kondō’s room and curl up on the bed as he fell asleep to the elder mans scent.
-
One day in December while working at the shop Soji got an unexpected visitor at the shop, one of his fathers co-workers. "Toshi? What are you doing here?" He asked.
"Is there someplace we can talk?" The elder man rarely showed much emotion but today Soji could see the sadness in his eyes.
"Yeah, of course." He said before leading his to a couch away from most of the customers. "What's up? It isn't like you to come check on me." He said as he sat down.
It took a minute for the other to answer as he gathered his thoughts. "We got a call from America this morning." He said finally before taking a deep breath. "Kondo-san got shot while on duty…"
Soji froze as he waited for the other to continue, for him to say that the elder man would becoming home early, but those words were never said.
"I'm sorry." He continued. "He was important to all of us, he died a hero-"
Soji didn’t let the other finish before he silently stood up, his mind tried to process what had happened but he felt as if he was going to explode. He didn’t hear Koko ask about the visitor, nor did he realize that he nearly plowed people over as he ran to the door. ‘No, it must be a mistake.’ He thought as he ran. ‘Kondo-san wouldn’t leave me all alone.’
Hijikata watched the other leave before sighing as he stood up. "What happened?" Koko asked.
"Just some bad news." He told the other. "I have to get back to work, this isn't going to be easy for him so call me if you need help." He said, giving Koko his number before leaving.
Soji ignored the frigid December air as he ran home. Once there he locked himself in his room and took his phone out before desperately dialling the elder mans number, only to get the familiar message of “you’ve reached Isami, sorry I missed your call, leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” He leaned against his door and slid down until he was sitting on the ground.
He tried again and again before texting him, he knew it couldn’t be real, a mistake must have been made.
‘Maybe it was a mistake and they just called the wrong number, Isami is a common name…’
“Isn’t it?” He asked himself out loud as he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in them.
Soji fell asleep curled up on the ground and dreamt of his father. He dreamt of the day he had been adopted, how the man would always ruffle his hair when he was proud of him, how they would go out for ice cream whenever something good happened.
His dreams that day were filled with every good memory he had with the man. Even though the tears still fell Soji was happy as he slept.
Since his parents died when he was a child Soji has been raised by Kondo Isami, and although he was never considered an outcast the young male had always felt different. With the help of his adoptive father and a new friend he finally starts to fit in and feel normal.
Soji was by no means unpopular, he was well liked by most people and had plenty of friends, but this didn’t mean he was any less lonely. Everyday he felt that he was acting as someone else, wearing a fake smile just to make others happy, not wanting them to know his true self, scared that everyone would leave if he let the façade fade away.
As high school neared its end his fears came true, everyone was going somewhere different, some left for college, some traveled to find work, and Soji was left alone to start all over. He knew that it had nothing to do with him but deep down he couldn’t help but think that everyone else had also been faking it.
He strengthened the barriers he put up around himself, Careful not to let even the smallest thing show through. He tried to focus on his studies and on work to distract himself from any negative thoughts but it was nearly impossible to keep them at bay.
Soji soon stopped going out as often and didn’t even try to make new friends as he spent all his free time in his room.
It was Sojis 19th birthday and his guardian, the man who had raised him since he was 9, wanted to do something special. Soji wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere but played along and let Kondō drive him, not telling the young male where they were going until they pulled up to a club.
Soji frowned in confusion until they entered and sat down, his eyes were instantly glued to the stage and for the first time he didn’t feel so alone. There were people like him, men who wanted to wear dresses, it wasn’t just something that he had made up for himself.
Kondo smiled as he saw how Soji was so fixated to the performers the entire time and after it finished he bombarded his guardian with questions.
"Those were all guys? They look so pretty." He said, the barriers he had spent so long putting up were slowly fading as he let the other see his true passion for the first time in his memory.
Kondo smiled and pat the boys head. "There's someone I'd like you to meet." He said before flagging down someone Soji remembered seeing when they entered the club. He was tall and stout with long dark hair and wore a frilly dress. “Soji, this is Koko.” He barely got to finish when the other squealed with excitement.
"So this Soji!" He said as he looked at the teen. "You're a lot cuter in person'" He cooed.
Soji blushed at the compliment "What do you mean?"
Koko giggled softly. “Your father and I have been corresponding for a few months now and he sent me your picture," He told him. "Oh! That reminds me today’s your birthday.”
Soji nodded, causing the other to squeal once more.
"Come, come darling. " He said as he pulled the other to his feet. “We’ve prepared a little surprise for you.”
Soji found himself being practically dragged to the back room. "You're father told me you've been working on something. " He said as he looked through the dresses. "Strip!!"
Soji blushed and removed his clothing before a dress was thrown over his thin frame. He was confused at what was happening.
‘What does he mean that I’m working on something?’ He asked himself. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stuttered slightly, clearly confused. “Do you mean the dance?”
“Of course that’s what I mean.”
Over the next half hour Soji found himself not only being dressed but also having his hair and makeup done. When he was finally finished he looked in a mirror and smiled shyly. It was the first time he’d actually dressed up properly, and he loved it, for once he didn’t turn away from the mirror right away.
A few minutes later he was being pushed onto the stage as he heard someone announce him and his eyes grew wide. Was he going to have to perform? He’d never imagined dancing in front of anybody, especially not a room full of strangers while wearing a dress.
Soji looked back as Koko gave him a thumbs up and the teen swallowed hard before slowly walking onto the stage. He was terrified and trembled as he stood on the stage. What if he tripped? What if they laughed and made fun of him?
He heard the music playing but found himself unable to move, he was tempted to just turn around and run. Spotting Kondō in the audience helped to relax and he focused on him as he took another deep breath before closing his eyes.
He focused on the music and his body as he opened his eyes, imagining that he was practicing alone in his room like he had done so many times before. When it was over the crowd came into focus once more. He smiled sheepishly as a light blush dusted his cheeks and was surprised when everyone stood up and clapped.
Soji beamed and bowed awkwardly before running back stage to hug Koko "Thank you.”
The elder laughed and shook his head. As he ruffled the teens hair: "Go thank your father, he set all this up.”
Soji looked up at him with his eyes wide "Kondo-san did?"
Koko nodded and Soji hurried back to his guardian and hugged him tightly. "thank you, this is the best present ever." He mumbled into his chest.
Kondo laughed and pat the boys head "I’m glad you like it."
After getting changed and taking his makeup off Soji went to return the dress to Koko.
“Keep it, as a birthday present from me." He told him "But on one condition.”
"What is it?"
"You have to come perform for us again.”
Soji laughed and nodded. “It’s a deal.” He said before hugging him once more.
Koko kissed the teens cheek before pulling away and handing him a small piece of paper. “This is my number.” He told him. "Don't be afraid to call it you ever need something, okay?"
Soji nodded and bowed before returning to Kondō as they left the club.
“Kondo-san? How did you know I would like that?” Soji asked during the, car ride home as he held his new dress close, positive that he had been so careful to hide anything remotely feminine.
Kondō smiled and reached over to ruffle the teens hair. "I’ve known since You were a kid, the way you used to play dress up and dance around the house.” He told him.
Soji blushed slightly. "I don't remember that..."
From then on Soji started performing at the club whenever he could, it became the first place he felt that could just be himself without worrying about what others thought.
He performed there at least a couple times a week, more if his schedule allowed it.
On the days he wasn’t performing Soji could often be found helping out at Kokos shop. It was an old run down building from the outside but once you entered it seemed to get a new life. There was anything a drag queen or king could need to get started, all of which had been donated. To one side there was a small sitting area where people could make a warm drink and just hang out. No one there was ever judged, and Soji loved it.
Not long after the new year Sojis already fragile health took a turn for the worst. But It didn't stop him from performing, at least not yet.
He slowly staggered his performances, making them farther apart until he would go an entire month without performing at all.
"Are you sure you’re okay, Soji?" Koko asked as he helped the male prepare for a show at the beginning of April. "You look quite pale, and you’ve lost weight." He said worriedly.
"Don’t worry, I’ll be fine." He assured him with a forced smile before heading onto the stage. He had started to feel dizzy but held onto the wall as he took a few deep breaths.
When he didn’t come onto the stage after his name had been called a couple times Koko hurried back stage only to find the younger male on his knees as he coughed.
Koko sighed as he knelt beside Soji and gently rubbed his back, his eyes growing wide in fear as he saw the red specks on the others hand. “Soji…” He said worriedly before calling for someone to get Kondō.
Kondō ran to join them and cursed under his breath as he held a bottle of water to the others lips. When the coughing finally stopped Soji collapsed against his guardian and trembled.
Kondō’s eyes softened and he wrapped his jacket around the others shoulders. “Let’s get you home.” He said as he picked up the other and carried him outside.
Soji shivered in his guardians arms before feeling himself being laid across the back seat of the car. "Just get some rest ,Soji." The elder male said gently as he covered the teen with a blanket and carefully drove him home.
Soji slept until the next afternoon and looked around, frowning when he saw Kondo asleep on the chair beside his bed. "Kondo-san?" He asked weakly as he reached over to hold his hand.
The elder man woke up and smiled softly. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked as he stroked the others cheek.
Soji shrugged and slowly pushed himself up. "Okay I guess." He said before looking at the other. "Have you been here the whole time? You should have gone to your own bed." He attempted to scold him.
Kondo chuckled as he helped the other to sit before propping him up with some pillows. "I'm fine, I needed to make sure that you were okay." He said as he got a damp cloth and wiped some sweat from the boys face. "You gave us quite a scare yesterday." He continued.
Soji frowned slightly as he looked at his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make anyone worry." He said as tears formed in his eyes.
Kondo sighed and sat on the bed beside his adopted son. "You don't have to apologize." He said as he held the other close. "We worry because we care."
Kondo smiled as he saw the younger male fall asleep against him and carefully laid him down before covering him up and going to call Koko.
When Koko saw the familiar number he frowned and answered with a sigh "How’s he doing?" The male asked hopefully.
"He's still not feeling well, I'm not sure when he'll be able to return." Came the reply. “He has an appointment tomorrow, I’ll call you with any news.”
"Thank you, tell him that everyone here misses him." Koko said before hanging up.
Kondō sighed and leaned against the doorframe as he looked at the young male who slept fretfully.
Walking over to his bed he sat on it and gently stroked his hair to calm him down.
They had already gotten a diagnosis but Kondō just couldn’t bring himself to tell the other, not until they knew for sure.
Koko would not learn the true nature of Sojis illness for quite a while but he still tried to visit at least a couple times a week. These visits always lifted Sojis mood, even when he was feeling his worst.
On the days he could sit up Koko would teach the teen different ways do his hair and makeup. When he was feeling weak they would just talk.
As Sojis condition worsened he would eat less, causing him to get thinner and weaker until he was barely able to stay awake for more than a couple hours at a time. Some days Koko would stay while the other slept and talked with his guardian, imagining that the elder man also needed some sort of distraction.
"Has he seen the doctor lately?" Koko asked as he served them some tea.
Kondo nodded and thanked him. "I took him a couple days ago because he wasn't drinking anything." He told the other as he stared into his cup of tea. "They gave him some stronger medicine, it seems to be working, for now, at least he's sleeping soundly."
Koko sat across from him. "If you don't mind me asking, what is it that he has?" He asked gently.
Kondo knew that this question was coming and he didn't look up at the other as he answered. "He has tuberculosis." He said simply, Koko went deathly quiet as he processed what he had just heard.
Koko continued to just stare at the other for a moment, he had paled at the news. "But that's curable, isn't it?"
Kondo nodded. "Most of the time, yes, and they're pretty sure we caught it in time." He told the other. "But it will be a long and painful recovery."
Koko nodded and placed his hand over Kondos, squeezing it gently to comfort him. "He is going to be fine, Soji is strong."
Kondo finally looked up and smiled wearily as he nodded. "Yeah, he is." He agreed, thankful for the others continued presence.
Things continued this way for nearly 4 months, the boy only seemed to be getting worse and almost everyone was about to give up on him when his fever finally started to subside. One day he slowly made his way downstairs to where Kondo was working, holding onto the wall for support as he approached the elder man.
Kondo looked up from his work when he heard the shuffling feet and quickly rushed to Sojis side before helping him to the couch. "You shouldn't be up, I thought I told you to text me if you needed anything." He scolded gently as he wrapped a blanket around him.
Soji chuckled weakly as the male fussed over him and leaned back against the couch. "I'm feeling better than I have in a while." He said before coughing into his cloth. "I just wanted to do something on my own.
Kondo smiled and pat the boys head affectionately. "But you still need rest, just relax and I'll get you something to eat. Since you're feeling better maybe we'll try some rice today?" He suggested before going into the kitchen.
Soji started to slowly recover as he tried to get back into some kind or routine, eating regularly, sleeping at the same time everyday, and eventually starting to help out with simple chores that didn't require much stamina.
Kokos visits still continued and now when Soji felt well enough they would work in the garden or somedays even bake. Despite their difference in age they had become fast friends, he was the first person other than Kondo that Soji felt completely comfortable around. As he got better he started to reveal things that he hadn't even told his guardian. He became bolder in his clothing choices everyday, fully embracing the feminine side that he had tried to keep hidden for so long.
Soji had always been close to Kondo and was able to go to him for anything, but how did it all start?
“How could you not tell me?” Kondo demanded of the boy as he slammed the door open, having only just found out that the boy had been sick for the last week.
The child peeked out from under his blanket and whimpered slightly, scared that he had done something really wrong. "You were really busy, I didn't want to bother you." He said before coughing.
Kondo sighed and knelt beside the others bed. "Sojiro, you couldn't bother me if you tried." He said with a soft smile as he pat the boys head.
Soji looked up at him and leaned into his touch before smiling slightly. "He hadn't lived here for very long, not even a full year yet, but he had already grown to like this man.
Kondo smiled as Soji moved closer to him, searching for comfort. "Sleep, I'll stay right here." He said as he stroked the childs hair before pulling the blanket up to his neck. The boy soon fell asleep as he gripped his sleeve tightly in his small fist.
The next time Soji opened his eyes he sat up quickly, noticing that the elder man no longer sat beside him. He looked at his calloused hands and sighed. "A dream…" He said softly before running his fingers through his hair.
He knew that he had another fever and looked outside to see that it was still dark. He slowly stood and wrapped the blanket around his thin frame before making his way to the commanders room. He smiled softly when he saw the flickering light and knocked.
Kondo looked up as his door opened and sighed. "Can't sleep either?" He asked before motioning for the other to sit with him. He knew that the captain had trouble sleeping, it had always been that way and in the many years they had known each other he had never once turned him away, no matter how late it might be.
Soji nodded and blushed slightly at how well the elder male knew him. Even after all these years he would still seek the familiar presence when he wanted comfort. The captain sat down and leaned against him as he relaxed. "Sorry for bothering you, Kondo-san" He said softly.
Kondo chuckled. "Soji, you could never be a bother to me." He said as he pat the others head before reaching into his drawer and pulled out a familiar paper bag. "I've been told that yours got taken again."
Soji smiled at the sight of his favourite treat and reached into the bag, Kondo always knew how to make him feel better. He fell asleep with his head on the mans lap and curled up under the blanket, staying like that for the rest of the night.
He woke once more from the dream but this time didn't sit up, his body having grown to weak to even do that much. He sighed and looked to the door, again it was night but this time he had nowhere to go, everyone he cared about was so far away.
Soji coughed weakly and curled up under his blanket, clutching it tightly as he tried to fall back asleep. He attempted imagining that the man who had always been there to comfort him still sat at his side, before long he was able to feel his presence. He knew that the other couldn't physically be there but still peeked out from under his blanket.
Staring down at the male were the kind eyes and smile that had always given him comfort. To the captains surprise he found himself sitting up as he practically threw himself into the others arms, something he hadn't been able to do in weeks.
He soon felt the familiar hand on his head. "Sojiro." A ghostly voice said. "Why didn't you tell me? I might have come sooner."
"I didn't want to bother you…"
The ghostly voice chuckled. "You have never been a bother to me." He said, repeating the words from so long ago for a final time
“Toshi.” The elder man whined. “Why do you have to be so mean? He’s just a child.” Kondo said as he got up and went over to the boy who was practically in tears. “I don’t mind if you interrupt us.” He wiped the boys tears and chuckled slightly when the 9 year old hugged him. “Did you have another nightmare, Sōjirō?” He asked, receiving a nod in response.
Hijikata scoffed. “You coddle him too much, how is he supposed to toughen up if he doesn’t learn to deal with these things on his own?” He asked, siping his sake.
Kondo stroked he boys hair. “Don’t listen to him, you don’t have to be strong if you don’t want to.” He said softly. “You can come to me anytime you’re scared.”
- 14 years later
It was the night before Kondo and the others were going to leave when he opened the door to reveal the first division captain, a blanket draped over his thin frame. “Another nightmare?” He asked softly.
Soji nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on the ground. He was no longer a child but a man of 23, yet he still found himself going to the commanders room when a nightmare scared him more than usual.
Kondo gave him a small smile and pat the young mans head. “You can stay here for tonight, I’ll set up an extra futon.” He said before rolling one out beside his own.
“Thank you, Kondo-san.” Soji said softly before coughing.
Kondo supported the man while he coughed, gently stroking his back. “You don’t have to thank me, you know that you’re always welcome in my room.” He said once the coughs calmed. He helped Soji over to the futon and carefully lowered him onto it. “Just get some rest, Sōjirō.” He said softly as he stroked the mans hair.
Soji nodded and curled up as he leaned into the males familiar touch, quickly falling asleep as the commanders presence calmed him.
Hijikata watched them and sighed. “You still coddle the boy.” He chuckled. “Some things never change.” He continued before taking a sip of sake.
Kondo nodded and covered Soji with the thick comforter. “And yet he was still able to become strong.” He said softly. “Though at times like this I still get a glimpse of the boy we trained with all those years ago.”
- May 17 1868
That was the final memory to go through the mans mind as he knelt on the ground, his hands tied behind his back. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered to himself as a tear flowed down his cheek. He hadn’t known then that that would be the last night they spent together.
His two best friends, the men that had practically become family to him, he would never see them again, at least not in this life.
Kondo closed his eyes as he pictured them once more, sitting on the roof, happy and healthy, the way he hoped they would remember him. ‘I’ll meet you on the other side.’ As he thought that final thought, with the picture still in his mind, he felt the sharp pain and the coldness of the steel. The pain only lasted a second, it was sharp and quick, then it was over, and there was nothing…
Soji had known for a long time that he wouldn’t grow old, but 34? This was when most people’s lives began, and his was about to end…
It had been nearly a year since Soji had received what he knew to be his death sentence and a little over 15 since his initial diagnosis.
Sighing, he looked over at the clock. It was just past midnight on July 1st.
“July already?” He asked himself softly, cringing at how weak and hoarse his voice sounded. If only he could last 8 more days, then he would have beat the doctors original prediction by 10 years. “8 days, huh?” He sighed once more, his body and mind were both on the verge of giving up.
Soji had never slept well, and despite constantly being tired it was getting worse. If he was lucky he might get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, but he would inevitably be woken by a nightmare or a coughing fit.
Tonight it was the former, and as he looked over at his wife he was glad. She would wake up to every cough, and as a result, barely got any sleep herself.
During these rare times when he was awake and alone, Soji would find himself lost in thought. There wasn’t much else he could do. He would think about everything. How Kondō made his childhood bearable after the death of his parents. How Hijikata had always been there when he needed him the most. How his wife had made him happy during his darkest times. How his children gave him a reason to live, even when he didn’t want to.
He also thought about what hasn’t happened yet, and how he would soon leave his loved ones without a son, friend, husband, and father. These were the thoughts he couldn’t stand.
Death itself didn’t scare him, it was nothing more than falling asleep, a moment he often found himself longing for as the pain got worse. The thought of his family standing over his still body, that terrified him. The knowledge that he would be the reason they were sad, that was something he couldn’t stand.
He sighed and rolled towards his wife before draping a skeletal arm around her. Soji kissed her head and held her as he drifted back into a light sleep.
Over the next few days Sojis condition began to stabilize, he even regained some of his strength, but they knew that it would be short-lived and that his time was drawing nearer.
On his birthday Soji awoke to a soft kiss and smiled weakly as he saw his wife leaning over him. “Afternoon, handsome.” She said softly as she brushed his bangs out of his face. “You’re fevers gone down, that’s good.”
Soji closed his eyes and leaned into her touch as he nodded faintly.
She smiled a little and gently stroked his hollow cheek. “I’ll give you your medicine now, then I have a treat for you.” Nanami said as she helped him to take his medicine and sip his tea.
“Can I have it downstairs with you guys?” He asked softly. “I want to feel like a regular family again.”
Nanami smiled and nodded. “Alright, Let’s get you into something warmer first.” She helped him to get changed before supporting him as they slowly walked downstairs.
Once they got to the living room she sat him down on the couch, rubbing his back as he coughed and caught his breath.
“Let’s wait until the kids get home.” She said after a minute as she stroked his chest. “Get some rest.”
He laid down with his head on her lap and slept until the children arrived home from school a little over an hour later.
Seeing their father downstairs for the first time in months the children ran over to him. At 12 Sakura and Toshi had moved on to middle school earlier that year. The younger twins, Haruka and Kaoru, were now 6 and had just started elementary school.
Nanami smiled and gently woke Soji before helping him to sit back up.
“Is papa better?” Kaoru asked as he climbed up beside his father.
“For now.” Soji said softly as he gave the boy a tired smile, he would tell the truth later, right now he just wanted his family to be together and happy.
He ran his fingers through the boys hair as Nanami went to the kitchen before bringing out ice cream for all of them. “Happy Birthday, love.” She said as she sat down and kissed Sojis cheek.
Soji smiled as she fed him the ice cream and watched happily as the children ate theirs.
Hijikata or Kondo usually stay over to help out but for now, the family was alone.
That afternoon the 6 of them ate their fill of ice cream, ordered pizza, and watched movies until they all fell asleep. The most important thing was that for one night they forgot all about the illness that was consuming one of their own and had the best night in months, during that last good day.
It was 9 days later, on the 18th, when Soji called the children into his room. He had grown weaker, to the point that talking for too long left him breathless.
Soji forced a faint smile as he watched all 4 of his children climb onto the bed. He didn’t know what he was going to do, how do you tell your kids that their father is dying?
Soji felt tears on his cheeks and his eyes grew wide. He tried to be strong for them and had managed so far, but as he thought about leaving behind everything that was so precious he found himself unable to hold it in any longer.
He tried to hide his face when Sakura held his hand. “It’s okay to cry, dad,” She said as she gave him a soft smile. “You don’t have to be strong.” The other children nodded in agreement and hugged him.
“We already know what you’re going to tell us.” Kaoru said against his father's chest.
“It’s alright papa, we don’t want you to stay if it’s causing you pain.” Haruka told him.
Soji hugged his children weakly as he let the tears flow freely. “I love you all so much.” He told them as he wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry that this has to happen…”
Toshi met his father's sunken eyes as he finally spoke up. “Don’t worry about us.” He said before smiling. “I’ll take care of everyone."
Soji smiled a little and ruffled his eldest sons hair. “Just know that I am so proud of you all.” He said before coughing.
Sakura kissed his cheek. “Rest now, papa, we love you very much.” The children hugged him again before leaving.
Soji sighed before seeing his wife come in.
“How did it go?” She asked as she sat beside him and ran her fingers through his hair.
“Better than I thought it would.” He said before coughing. “They did all the talking.”
Nanami helped him lay down a little more as she held her dying husband close.
“Can you open the blinds?” He asked weakly. “I want to see the sunset with you one last time.”
His words made her heart sink. Was this really the end? Did she only have one more night to be with her husband, the love of her life, the father of her children?
“O-of course love.” She choked out through the tears. Nanami got up and opened the blinds before laying back down and burying her face in his chest. “I love you...”
“I love you too.” Soji said softly as he held her and kissed her head.
Soji fell asleep soon after the sun set and didn’t wake up until it entered the room the next morning. Looking down at his wife he felt a few tears escape down his cheeks as he remembered the night before.
Nanami woke up soon after but didn’t move for a long time. When she finally pulled away she frowned and looked up at her husband, noticing how tired he seemed. “Did you not sleep well?”
He smiled weakly. “I slept all night.” He said before coughing.
She gently stroked his hollow cheek worriedly. “I’ll get you your medicine.” She said as she got up, only for him to tug on her sleeve.
“Ask Hijikata-san to do it.” He said hoarsely. “I want you to take care of the children.”
“But...Soji.” She tried to protest.
“There are some things that you shouldn’t see.” He told her. “I won’t be able to protect you anymore, but I can at least save you from watching.”
Tears filled Nanami's eyes as she hugged him. She didn’t know what else to do, the most important person in her life was about to die.
“Please...” He said softly. “I couldn’t rest knowing I let you watch.”
She nodded after a long minute and kissed him. “I love you so much.” She said, her voice barely audible.
Soji kissed back and smiled faintly. “I love you too.”
She remained in his embrace until the children could be heard waking up and kissed his nose one last time before pulling away.
Neither said anything else, for both, wanted those to be the last words between them.
Hijikata soon found himself entering the younger males room, cringing as he heard the painful coughs.
“Nee... Hijikata-san.” Came a weak voice that barely even sounded like him anymore. “10 years and 10 days... I think that's a nice number.”
“Soji, what are you talking about?” He asked as he approached the bed and set down his tray.
Soji turned his head to look at him. “I was told I wouldn’t see my 25th birthday.” He told him before coughing, his voice was so soft that Hijikata had to sit down to hear him. “It’s been 10 years and 10 days since then.”
Hijikata listened carefully. “Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked.
Soji nodded. “I can’t be a burden any longer.” He said softly. “I-It already feels like I’m drowning, and it will only get worse, I don’t want any of you to see me like that..” He coughed before continuing. “I want to die while I am still able to make the choice.”
The elder man nodded simply and began preparing the needle.
Soji watched him. “Thank you, for everything.” He said softly. “I know this can’t be easy but I couldn’t ask anyone else.”
Hijikata looked at him. “Soji...” He sighed. “You’re still an annoying brat.” He said before smiling slightly and placing a hand on his head. “But I would do anything for you.”
Soji looked up at the man and smiled faintly. “Can I have a piece of candy before you do it?”
Hijikata nodded and took a candy out of the drawer before putting it in the male's mouth. He smiled slightly as Soji closed his eyes contently and let the sugary treat slowly dissolve in his mouth.
It was then that Kondo opened the door, his eyes growing wide at the males still form and he slowly made his way towards the other, gently taking his hand.
Upon feeling the elder mans touch Soji opened his eyes and turned his head to look at him “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
Kondo smiled slightly and relaxed. “Thank goodness, I thought you were already gone.” He said softly. “I was but Toshi called me.”
Hijikata watched them and smiled softly as he took the mans other hand in his own. “Are you ready?”
Soji nodded as he weakly squeezed both hands weakly. “Thank you.” He was still terrified, but with these two men by his side, he knew that everything would be okay.
“It will take a minute or 2 to work, so how about one more for the road?” Hijikata asked as he pulled out another candy. Both men smiled when they saw that Soji already had his mouth open before he finished the question. Hijikata placed it on his tongue once more.
Hijikata took a deep breath before sticking the needle into the IV tube that had remained on his hand for most of the last year.
He looked up at Soji once more as he hit the plunger, sending the medicine through him.
The two men watched as the man's eyes closed and his breathing slowly stopped. They remained by his side for several more minutes before pulling the blanket over their fallen comrade.
Kondo was heading downstairs to tell the others when he heard a loud thump. Both he and Nanami rushed back to see what had happened. Hijikata was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. His knuckles were bleeding and above him, there was a fresh hole in the wall.
“I’ll fix that later.” He said quietly as Nanami knelt down and hugged him.
The memorial service was held 2 weeks later. Hijikata walked in before it started and hesitated before approaching the open casket. Soji lay there in his uniform, he looked more peaceful than he had in months. He could tell that makeup had been used to make him look less sick and his hair had been done up in the ponytail that he only wore for work.
“Idiot.” Hijikata said as he reached up to remove the tie. “You don’t have to fight anymore...”
Soji lay on the floor of his bedroom as he stared up at the ceiling and sighed. “Why did this have to happen?” He asked himself as he looked over to his mirror. It was covered in pictures, mostly of him with a girl, his best friend.
They had met on the first day of high school when both were lost and heading towards the same place, they have been nearly inseparable ever since.
Now they were going to the senior prom together, it had been innocent enough, Neither was seeing anyone so Soji had asked her as a friend. At least that’s what he thought, but now, as he stared at those photos he thought that maybe they could be more.
These thoughts came at a price as he remembered his past relationships, none of which had ended well. His most recent relationship came to mind, it was his first boyfriend, though before long Soji found out that the male thought he was a woman. Upon realizing this he beat Soji so bad he had to spend a few days in the hospital.
His mind then went through the handful of women he had dated, the ones who called him disgusting for wearing dresses and makeup. The ones who would hit or yell at him if he did something wrong. One of them even tried to keep him away from his best friend.
That’s when he thought of her again, she knew all of his secrets, even some that he wouldn’t tell his guardian. He knew that nothing could tear them apart, but he was still terrified as he felt the tears staining his cheeks.
2. Tuberculosis
Sojis eyes grew wide as he sat on the bed in the doctor’s office. “Tuberculosis?” He asked, hoping that he had just heard him wrong, but the doctor simply nodded.
He dreaded the answer to his next question. “Can it be cured?” It seemed like a lifetime before the doctor responded.
“We think we caught it in time.” He replied, though this did little to reassure the male as one word bothered him.
“Think?” He asked softly as he gripped the edge of the bed. “Does that mean there’s a chance it can’t be cured?” The doctor nodded again.
Soji had so many questions, but he couldn’t take it anymore, at least not right now. He thanked the other before leaving the office.
Soji walked slowly down the halls as he thought. He thought about how he would be finishing college in the spring, and the plans they had to move in with each other after school ended.
Suddenly his entire future was falling apart, he was barely an adult and death was already hunting him down. He didn’t know what to do now.
How much longer would he live? 1 year or 50? Would he be able to finish school? Have a family? How would he tell her?
His final question was answered soon as Nanami was waiting for him just outside.
He walked over to the girl and buried his face in her shoulder as he clung to her.
“I’m not ready to die… I’m not ready to leave you…” He whispered as tears began to soak through her shirt.
3. Wedding
It was nearly 5 years to the day since Soji had gotten the diagnosis that put his life on hold, and nearly ended it completely.
He had not been completely cured but his health had improved enough for him to finish school and get a job as a police officer.
As he stood at the altar he silently thanked everyone who had helped him get this far. He looked up when he heard the music and smiled happily as he watched his best friend walking down the aisle, her arm linked through Hijikata’s. With his health, and future so uncertain this was a moment that nobody saw coming, not even the bride and groom. When she reached him he took her hands in his and barely listened as the man standing before them made his speech.
Instead he thought of everything that had happened since they met and how his life changed for the better after that moment.
When they were told to kiss he did so passionately as all his emotions from the last few years were let out in the form of tears that the other wiped away as he rested his forehead against hers.
4. Child
Soji stayed by his wife's side in the delivery room as he held her hand, letting her squeeze as hard as she wanted. Her uncle sat on the other side. Soji tried to comfort Nanami as best he could, though he knew it wouldn't help much.
A baby's cry soon filled the room and Soji smiled widely as they handed him the tiny girl. His heart sank when he turned to show the child to her mother, something was wrong.
Soji soon felt himself being forced away from his wife. "No…" He said softly as he watched them trying to save her. "This can't be happening." Soji backed himself against the wall before they were ushered into the waiting room while she was taken to surgery.
Soji waited with his baby girl in his arms, refusing to let anyone take her from him. Hijikata stayed with him the entire time, worried for the younger male and scared for his niece.
After what seemed like hours the doctor returned but stayed silent, he didn't need to say anything, at the solemn shake of his head Soji's entire world was shattered.
He didn't hear the doctors words of condolence, nor did he notice Hijikatas hand on his shoulder. "I-I want to see her…" He said finally, his voice shaky.
The doctor simply nodded in understanding and lead them to the morgue. He uncovered the body and as Soji looked at her pale face it started to sink in, he would have to raise their child on his own. He started to tremble as the tears streamed down his cheeks.
Soji turned and buried his face in the elder mans chest as he cried until there were no more tears.
He stayed in the hospital until the baby girl, which he had named Nanami after her mother, was allowed to be taken home. He focused all his time and energy on the child, trying to avoid thinking about what had happened, but as he lay alone at night he couldn't think of anything else and more than once cried himself to sleep.
Hijikata checked in on Soji most days to make sure he was taking care of himself, which was something he rarely bothered to do properly these days.
The funeral was held 2 weeks later and during it Soji stayed at the back with his child, not approaching the grave until everyone else had left.
He lay a flower in front of the stone and ran his fingers over her name. "I promise that I'll try to be strong and take good care of her." He said softly as he lowered his head so his bangs covered his face and no one would notice him crying.
She was his best friend, his wife, the mother of his child, and now she was gone…
5. Sacrifice
Soji was dropping his daughter off on her first day of school. Kneeling down he kissed her head and smiled. "Be good, I'll come pick you up this afternoon." He said as he moved the bangs from her face, at 4 years old she was already the spitting image of her mother. "I love you, sweetheart." He said as he stood and pat her head before watching her follow the rest of her classmates into the school.
Once she was out of sight he sighed and headed to work.
Halfway through his shift Soji went on patrol and stopped when he noticed a couple teens beating up someone on the ground. He called for backup and got out of his car before approaching them.
One of the teens ran but the other scowled and turned to face Soji. "Damn pigs always ruining our fun." He pulled a knife out and lunged.
Soji was able to dodge and with only a few small cuts got the knife away before pinning the boy to the ground. He handcuffed the teen and was about to take him to the station when he felt a searing pain in his back. He brought a hand to his abdomen and paled when he saw the sticky red substance that coated his fingers.
He stumbled slightly before falling to his knees and looking up to see the teen who had ran. He hadn't been running away in fear, he had gone to get a gun.
Soji could feel himself losing blood quickly and as his vision began to blur he saw the teens running away before his backup arrived.
Soji managed to drag himself over to a wall and leaned against it. He tasted the saltiness on his tears mixing with his blood as he thought of his child who he might never see again. Then he pictured his wife. "I-I'm sorry…" He choked out. "I tried so hard to keep my promise, but in the end, I couldn't."
Soji soon passed out from blood loss and although the paramedics arrived soon after they were already too late.
That day Soji cried for the last time as he joined his wife in whatever might come after death.
