The Race to Date
I want to take back the global narrative about women. We are not created in your image, for your consumption and our bodies do not come with expiration dates. My best years are not my fertile years.
At an early age, the cultivation for men begins. The mass production of teen-flicks, where our main character (who often doesnât resemble us brown/black girls) obsesses over the most popular guy in school. These girls are usually 15-18. Those are developmental years for everyone. We are battling puberty, acceptance, friendships - letâs not discuss the looming pressure of higher education. But these teen films are crammed down our throats. In comparison, to films about young girls actively enjoying their teens WITHOUT the aspiration to date - that image is rare. Also in comparison to the âComing-of-Ageâ movies for male teensâŠ
It doesnât get better. The narrative doesnât change. As we age, mass media shows us what a successful women looks like. Thin, long hair, career and in a relationship. Whether its the perfume commercials with the naked model being caressed by her male counterpart, or the movies about self-discovery that always end up with the woman dating an unlikely figure - trust me when I say there is no escaping these messages. Lets even analyze social mediaâs role. We THINK we have control over our feed, but raise your hand if relationship posts find their way to your feed? Your eyes are always being met with what you should be doing. What you should look like. What you life should consist of. You should be proposed to in your early 20s. Everyone is having babies, when are you having yours? Your man didnât take you on an all expense paid trip to Mars - leave him sis! Itâs really harmful to internalize all of these factors and think independently.
This is why there is an overwhelmingly amount of weight on women to âhave their shit together.â The alternative to these ideals are not fed to us as heavy. The alternative is not on the menu. And when you analyze these messages, think of how single women are perceived in the media. Hoe. Bitter. Lonely. There must be something wrong if she is pretty and single. The decision to be single AND happy is bizarre and borderline grotesque. She could not have made that decision on her own. Again, something must be wrong for no man to not accompany her. You must be paired in this world. Healthy or not, no one cares if youâre in a toxic relationship - JUST F****** PAIR UP ALREADY. Pro-creation and male consumption is what matters most, truthfully signed Society.
But why is the single life so taboo? Why is independence in your 20, 30s, 40s, 50s and whenever you choose, so ludicrous? Why does something have to be wrong or off for you to be single? Why isnât the idea of self-discovery looked at as joyful, captivating and DESIRABLE? These are the same adjectives that would be used to describe a relationship. But why not used for a relationship with yourself?
Love is this amazing, boundless entity that deserves truth and preparation. Love is not to be rushed. Their should not be a âbest timeâ period to fall in love. It should come naturally. It should be mutual. It should be outstandingly intimate and sought to seek depths that no one has ever reached. The narrative must change. The narrative must reflect prepared people, engaging in relationships to share hearts. Not for popularity, not for likes, not solely for pro-creation, not to be added on a list of bodies, not because they are their most fertile early on, not because its tradition - but because we want to.
The narrative must also be a mix of women happy in relationships and women happy without relationships. The two can exist. I can find love at 45 and still be as infatuated had I been in love at 23. I can give myself years of self-love, traveling and career changes before sharing my life with a significant other. I can give myself the love no man is prepared to give me in his 20s and still succeed with my true soulmate in my 30s. There is no age limit to love. If its true, it will find you on whatever path youâre on and however old you are. You donât have to hitchhike with a sign that says âI am young and fertile, please consider.â I can still be as sexy and desirable with wrinkles and wisdom. Love is not to be rushed. It is to be found.