Inconsistency
Inconsistency? The fact or state of being inconsistent. In other words when you are never predictable and strong willed in your actions. When you get an A in one paper and a D in the other. Your actions are never similar with each other, which could make you appear unreliable and hard to read. Because you just never know your next move. You are never confident in your actions because there is an unbalance and uncertainty within yourself.
This is similarly shown in my relationship with God. Through my journey of seeking God, I have been going in and out. Either fully giving him my life or backsliding and putting that on hold. I’ll temporarily give my life to God for a month and then break that relationship for a couple months. A couple months of worldly actions and worldly thoughts.
Each duration of those couple dangerous months, I feel my life spiraling out of control. With my spirit weakening each second and strong will crumbling before my eyes. I begin to go back to old habits - lying, idolising celebrities, idleness,secular music and swearing - as soon as God no longer has a centre position is my life. The old ways that I once stated that I would leave buried in the ground and a distant stranger, had become very familiar to me to the point I didn’t even recognise the saved me. I knew that with God in my life, it was at peace, it was quieter. But I still chose the world before God - the God Almighty who is even the reason why am I here today. I kept saying “later” or “I will…[go to church]” Knowing very well that those promises I made to myself were constantly broken. But I realised, who knows if later will ever come? I could say I will go to church next week, but that Saturday night, I feel the sudden urge to stay at home and catch some sleep instead. I couldn’t give God just a couple hours of my time but I could give my phone those hours, the hours I could use to strengthen my soul, to repair my relationship with God, to pray. Instead I would choose to lay in bed because “I wasn’t feeling church.” Those thoughts reflected the lack of passion and will I had to pursue God. I knew from right and wrong but I would stubbornly push it to the back of my mind and go on with my day. Not knowing that God knows all. There is no hiding from God. You can keep deceiving yourself but you can’t deceive God.
The way the world is falling apart right before our eyes, I’ve realised there is no time for “later. There is no time for “when I’m older.” There is no time for dependency on the future. There is no time for inconsistency. Because truthfully the future is not guaranteed. You could die (sorry to be bleak) next week, tomorrow or even tonight. What would you say to God? “I was planning on giving my life to You next week.” You don’t love Him if you put others before Him. The way you sacrifice for those you love, you can sacrifice being within this world for God.


















