hello ! i've logged in briefly from a friend's phone to check something, and noticed i got a message asking if i'd gotten to watch the new season already.
i promise i'll check on it as soon as i can, but that might take a while for i was robbed of my phone and laptop (problems of sleeping under a bridge) and i can't quite use my work's computers for that u.u
sorry if anyone was expecting me to be active after the season's release. i did want to try getting some stuff out, but alas there's little i can do right now :(
greetings all. it's been a bit since the last time i posted and tonight i'm a bit restless, so i figured i'd briefly log in and provide a small update in case anyone's concerned for my whereabouts.
bad news first: i am homeless as of right now. i already knew it would happen —as i explained last time i came online—, so i had a bit of time to get my affairs in order: i got as healthy as i could be, stockpiled on some medication and basic necessities, packed and gave my belongings to a friend for safekeeping, notified a neighbour so my scarce mail (from the bank or otherwise) could be collected by safe hands, and so on.
i also have safe spaces to sleep in; a bench near a police station (where i have "befriended" some cops) where the subway passing by lulls me to sleep, a vacant lot i (alongside some kitties) "protect" on the weekends when the owners are away, and sometimes the cinema i work at, when my boss is around to grant me such permissions.
because of my job, i get the random perk of a free gym membership so i get to shower and keep myself feeling human every day too. as for food... i never did eat much, so i've been keeping myself fed without much trouble on a semi-daily basis.
so all in all, i'd say i'm doing as well as i could, given the circumstances...
...which are soon to change, thankfully.
the family of a coworker of mine owns some property and they have decided to prepare a little apartment for me to occupy. it's a cute little place, a tad dingy and millenial-grey boring, but it is a home and i couldn't be more relieved to move in...
...in three months, when the renovation they were doing is done at last. which sucks, but the ending is nigh and i will soon be safe once more, so i'm trying to focus on the positive for now :]
and speaking of positive...
thank you so, so much to each and every single one of you who decided to help me. from just sharing my little post to sending me even just a couple dollars, it all really, really helped keep me afloat and i am forever indebted to you. i can never repay your kindness and i've been meaning to send everyone a direct "thank you" over at kofi, but i'm so terribly tired most days i just keep forgetting about it and for that, i'm truly sorry. know that i wouldn't have been able to prepare for my unfair eviction without you, and that by now i would've run out of my medication and would probably be dead had it not been for you.
things are still not great, money's still quite tight (i literally sleep on the streets lol), but i get to survive and that's a small miracle you have created, so thanks.
so yeah, just wanted to send a quick little thanks and update you on my odd situation. as ever, i wrote too much for what was meant to be a small post so i think this should be the end of this. thank you again for everything (sharing, donating, reading) and i hope you have the most wonderful of days/nights. take care, and i'll see you when i see you
greetings everyone, it is i, angel... it's been far too long since i've logged into this account, let alone been active in this (or any) fandom space, and for that, i apologise x.x i know things have changed quite a lot since i was last online and i believe this fandom is not what it used to, but if anyone's been waiting for an update on any of my projects (my fics, my graphics and whatnot), and you happen to be reading this, then i'm deeply, deeply sorry. i assure you, it was never my intention to depart so abruptly from this lovely internet space of ours, but life can be spontaneously hard sometimes, as we all know.
so, what happened, you might wonder?
in short, i got kicked out of the home i shared with my mother and brother, and have been living on my own for a while, with little to no spare time to be faffing around online in between my two (now one) jobs and being homeless for a while (which might become my reality again, but more on that later).
now, for a longer explanation of how this came to be my life, i believe a couple trigger warnings might be in order. if ableism, transphobia, sexual assault (i suppose?), and general abuse are not something you are in the mindset to read about right now (or you don't care for a frankly pathetic sob story), please don't click read more. i won't be too descriptive anyway, but i know how these things can sometimes get us in a funky headspace and i wouldn't want to impose that onto anyone.
so, where we left off: a little over a year and a half ago, my mother and brother had recently gotten minimum-wage jobs. she still has hers; he has since quit his. we were making due, but even with my sporadic income (no one would formally hire me due to my health issues, but i was doing some jobs around), our economic status was far from stable.
this led to a bunch of resentment from my brother, specifically, since he felt i wasn't doing anything to help our family out (save for cooking and cleaning and doing all the house chores and buying food, but whatever), so he started being verbally and physically abusive to me, always making sure to hurt me in ways that wouldn't be evident to my mother.
but i survived, and i was willing to continue to put up with all this if that meant i could be around to care for my mother... but then i found out something i really couldn't just, ignore. and thus everything fell apart.
see, my brother is an ai afficionando; has been since midjourney (?) was first released. i never paid too much attention to what he was doing with all that, but i was vaguely aware of the fact that he was utilising such tools to produce —forgive the bluntness— anime porn that he would then edit (to make it seem more man-made) and post online in order to get tips and buy himself personal stuff. for better or worse, such illustrations were not... of the normal variety, let's just say. as far as i know, i believe they would be considered decently-heavy fetish art.
which is whatever, we don't kinkshame and all that, but it's still rather gross to know one's brother is doing anything of such nature, i suppose.
alas, rather harmless, seeing as it's just anime girls, right?
except —and here's the more triggering part— to make a little more cash he would sell extra content to certain patrons of his. not more illustrations, though, because that would maybe be the weird-but-logical thing for him to do; no, what he was doing was selling pictures of me sleeping, where he would approach me as i was snoozing and lift my shirt to expose my body to his creepy clientele.
...so uh, yeah. yuck.
i found out by waking up during one of his transgressions, where he then confessed to it all nonchalantly and proceeded to explain to me how it wasn't even that bad since i am (blissfully for a trans man) rather flat-chested and look rather childlike which makes it all so much worse imo
i proceeded to confront him further, tried to live with it for a couple days as i debated if it was right for me to ruin our family over this, then attempted to tell my mother, only for my brother to thwart my attempt by outing me as a trans man and for my nun-raised mother to throw me out basically on the spot.
and so, here we are. almost a year later, i now work at a cinema, worked for a clothing store that's recently closed, have a handful of good friends and live in a very small and shitty one-bedroom apartment —an upgrade from the bench i used to inhabit just five months ago—. it's not the greatest life, but i no longer live with a weirdo abuser so i guess i'm winning a little here, as much as i miss my sometimes-horrible mother and how i yearn having a bed once more.
it's not all that great though, seeing as i will have to vacate my apartment soon since the landlord's niece is moving to town and he wants me out so the lady can have a place...
...which is why i came online for just a little while and typed all this. shameless as it might be, i recognise i need help and i know no other place to ask, so i figured it wouldn't hurt (much) to put together this little post and maybe link my old ko-fi account here, in the event that there's someone out there who can and wants to help me out a little. anything helps, so don't think too much about it if you can't afford to send me much, or anything at all; i'll be okay regardless since i can always go back to the bench (it's a rather lovely place to stargaze, i must say).
and in regards to posting any new creations or updating the ill-fated stories i once started (and think about nearly every day)... i can't promise anything; life's too unpredictable at this point and i suspect that won't change for a while. but who knows, maybe the new season will give me some energy to do something. we'll see about that.
for now, this post has gone on for far too long, so this is it from me. thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read my ramblings, and for everyone who's tried to check in on me throughout the year.
take care and have a lovely day / night. see you when i see you !
Do you really think people are going to help you out with your economic issues? People in the Byler fandom don't owe anything to useless people who haven't put out ANY CONTENT out in MONTHS. If you really want to help your family out, make yourself useful and kill yourself so you can stop whinning, taking up space and eating their food. That way they can stop wasting their money on a cripple whos going to die soon to poor health anyways.
should probably just block you, but this is so vile it's somehow funny (?) anyway, no can do, anon; basic funeral expenses are far too much for my family to afford atm so it wouldn't even help.
and i know people don't owe me anything. even if i posted ten graphics a day no one would owe me anything. just thought i'd share stuff in case someone wanted to help, is all. considering there is a risk of us getting evicted, at the very least making a couple posts (in my blog) on the situation has helped me vent a little; please feel free to ignore any and all personal posts i make.
anon came back and left me a nasty little novel in my askbox x.x didn't even read it, just blocked them, but it's a bit disheartening to see how much time some people dedicate to just being nasty online :(
Do you really think people are going to help you out with your economic issues? People in the Byler fandom don't owe anything to useless people who haven't put out ANY CONTENT out in MONTHS. If you really want to help your family out, make yourself useful and kill yourself so you can stop whinning, taking up space and eating their food. That way they can stop wasting their money on a cripple whos going to die soon to poor health anyways.
should probably just block you, but this is so vile it's somehow funny (?) anyway, no can do, anon; basic funeral expenses are far too much for my family to afford atm so it wouldn't even help.
and i know people don't owe me anything. even if i posted ten graphics a day no one would owe me anything. just thought i'd share stuff in case someone wanted to help, is all. considering there is a risk of us getting evicted, at the very least making a couple posts (in my blog) on the situation has helped me vent a little; please feel free to ignore any and all personal posts i make.
hey guys ! sorry for constantly disappearing and not posting; life's been hectic and i haven't got time or the means to do graphics these days. i wish i could say this post is to announce that this inactivity will end soon, but i'm not sure when that'll be so please forgive me for not being able to share your lovely stories just yet. some day, though; i promise.
anyway, i have good news and bad news:
the good news is that both my mom and brother now have jobs. they don't pay too much and it's unclear if they are permanent, but together they should be able to pay for everything we need on a monthly basis so things should be looking up soon.
,,,the bad news is that earlier today our landlord decided to call and let us know that she wants us to pay double rent this month since she wants to go on holidays in a few weeks. because my dad left us with a massive debt to her (roughly 5.8k dollars; a debt we only learnt about after my dad's murder), we kinda have to oblige lest she decides to evict us or raise our normal rent.
while we are finally able to pay for our basic expenses by ourselves, we don't have $300 dollars to spare and fulfil her latest demand (not even with me cancelling my canva account), much less in the two weeks she expects us to get this money in.
so yeah, i guess this post is to inform you of the current situation and why i can't make graphics atm :( once again please forgive me for the inactivity and the delay in all the projects i'd promised; i want nothing more than to get back into the rhythm of things but the situation and my poor health won't allow it.
as always, if you wish to (and can afford to) help, you can send any amount to my ko-fi account. you can also ask for stuff in exchange if you want; i can only offer my writing or help with designing stuff, which is not particularly useful, but feel free to message me if you want to talk about something like that.
take care and have a lovely day / night. see you when i see you !
Hi Angel! How is it going this month? Have you had any luck job-hunting?
hello ! thanks for checking in, you're so kind ;-;
no, no luck with the job hunting :( physical jobs are not an option since my health's only gotten worse and i can't walk a lot, and i'm still on the waiting list for some online stuff but i fear they're just never replying to me.
my mom's been a bit luckier; i helped her get a job so food shan't be an issue anymore. unfortunately, the pressure of paying rent still lies on me and i'm a little under 60 dollars short and i have no idea what i'm going to do :(
so yeah, if anyone's got any ideas (or would like to commission me to do something), please let me know u.u
anyway, again, thanks for checking in. have a lovely day / night !
hi dumb question but would you recall a fanfic where the group essentially doesn’t speak to will anymore after he had a major freakout and accidententally punched mike when he tried to defend will from bullies!!! heavily au. high school. sloooow burn too. im desperate.
hi !! it's been a couple weeks, sorry for only replying until now :(
this sounds vaguely familiar, but i can't think of a title, sorry :\ if anyone could help anon out please feel free to leave a reply to this !!
Holaa wanted to tell you that I really like the recommendations of your account with respect to the fic :3 sometimes I despair for not finding but you save me
hello ! this is from a few weeks ago, apologies for the late reply :( thank you so much ~! glad you've found some stuff through my account :]
hello ! apologies as ever for the inactivity; eye problems kept me away from screens for a bit, but it's apparently all calmed down now ~
so,,, happy friday the 13th !!! may your evening be spooky and amazing !!!!! please treat yourself to a lovely scary film and some candy, or perhaps a warm drink and a nice horror novel to pass some time 🎃
moving on, i have a fun fact to share :O on this very date exactly a year ago, i posted my first graphic on twitter :D since then, i've posted 222 in total and while that number should ideally be a bit higher (cursed be my health and terrible luck), i think that's a rather decent amount of graphics made for quite a lot of wonderful fics over the course of a year :]
so that's fun ~ here's to a bunch more !! i'll try my best to post some stuff throughout the next couple weeks and on halloween, and hopefully we can get to 300 before the end of the year.
i think that'd be rather nice ^-^
anyway, i think that's all i wanted to share for now. thank you to everyone who's ever sent an ask, message, submission or support ! it's been a fun time and i can never thank you all enough for keeping me company and giving me so many nice memories at a time that's not really been too great altogether <3
once again, i wish you the merriest and gnarliest of days, and i shall see you soon with more graphics and fun recs to enjoy :]
take care, and have the most terrific of nights ~
- angel 🧸
personal blog || my stories || send me a message || support me on ko-fi 🦇
So what are we working with right now? How much short are you? What would you say the cut off date to get money in for rent would be? Or is that covered and it's just other stuff now? Has your brother had any luck with reddit or job hunting lately? I know things are stressful now but we persevere! It's a slog, but I hope you can still enjoy the spooky season a bit through all the chaos!
hello ! first of all, thank you so much for this lovely message !! you're so very kind and i really appreciate you checking in ;-; <3
right now i think we're fine for the month :O food for at least two or three weeks has been acquired, most bills have been paid, and my brother did a one-off programming gig and got what we were missing for rent ~ we're only missing gas and maybe some more food, but that shouldn't be a problem for at least a couple weeks.
so, asides from that, we're now at the stage of getting stuff for next month ! which is still source for stress, but it seems my mom's on the brink of finally getting a job, my brother keeps pursuing freelancing jobs, and i'm on the waiting list for some options, so while i'm not sure we'll be getting a fridge anytime soon, hopefully things will be much better in the next couple months !! :]
thanks again for asking !! and thanks to everyone who sent any amount of help !!!! you have no idea how much it helped ;-;
so uh, almost four weeks later, i'm finally figuring out why i got fired from my digital, four-dollars-an-hour, work-at-home job -_-
turns out they think i was impersonating someone else based on the fact that my personal email (which was requested once for a specific, not-work-related thing) did not match with the main email i use for work-related stuff, or my legal identification, or my bank information and all that. all because that /personal/ mail is under /my name/ and not my deadname.
(which, btw, has a three letter difference so it's not even a huge variation,,,)
so they cut me off and refuse to pay me for the work i'd already done instead of simply letting me explain anything :\
i'm,,, tired and very much over it atp, but it's still upsetting and me and my family are still trying to get back from this massive setback and nothing seems to be working out so i'm sad and overwhelmed :(
if anyone can and wants to help it'd be massively appreciated ;-; i've never liked asking for help and i can't offer anything other than graphics and some writing in my main blog, but things are rather grim and we're around $200 short of being able to afford rent, bills and food for the month so everything helps.
thank you so much for reading and to anyone who is able to send anything :( just spreading this around would be of massive help so thank you
ko-fi || if anyone would prefer to use paypal you can send me a dm
Happy spooky season, bylers. One month from today, October 26, is the first day of Byler Halloween Week. This is our masterpost of all of our links, mod posts and tagging system. Note: This post will be updated and added to as necessary!
jbbartram-illu
kaledo-art
gummygunk
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
stormborns